Feelings of guilt can make you feel gloomy and prevent you from moving on with your life. Understanding how to stop having negative feelings and dealing with your past actions can be difficult, but this article will guide you through the process and help you continue to reach for a positive future.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Understanding Guilt Feelings
Step 1. Understand the purpose of guilt
Usually, we feel guilty because we did or said something that hurt another person. This type of guilt helps you understand when you may have done something wrong, which is healthy and natural.
For example, if you forget your friend's birthday, you may feel guilty that someone is expected to remember and celebrate their friend's birthday. This is healthy guilt because it makes you aware of something you failed to do that could damage your relationship with the person
Step 2. Recognize unproductive guilt
Sometimes we can feel guilty when we don't really need to. This type of guilt is known as guilt that is neither healthy nor productive because it does nothing. It only makes us feel bad.
For example, if you feel guilty about having to work on a friend's birthday and not being able to attend the party, this is an example of unhealthy guilt. If according to your schedule, you really have to work and can't take time off to go to his birthday party, this is beyond your control. Your friend must understand that you have to miss her birthday party to keep your job
Step 3. Identify what makes you feel guilty
If you feel guilty about something, it's important to identify what makes you feel guilty and why. Identifying the source of your guilt and why it makes you feel guilty can help you determine whether your guilt feelings are healthy or not. However, you need to work on these feelings to get through them.
Step 4. Write about how you feel
Keeping a journal about your feelings of guilt can help you understand and deal with them. Start by writing down the reasons for your guilt feelings. If this is something you did or said to someone, explain what happened in as much detail as possible. Include your explanation, how you feel about this situation and why. What do you think you need to feel guilty about?
For example, you could write about a number of reasons why you forgot a friend's birthday. What is going on that bothers you? How did your friends react? How do you feel about that?
Step 5. Apologize if necessary
After concluding that your guilt is healthy or not, you can decide whether you need to apologize for what you did. When it comes to forgetting your friend's birthday, apologize that you failed to do something a friend should have done.
Make sure you apologize sincerely and don't make excuses for your actions. It's important to take full responsibility for your actions to show your friends that you do feel guilty. Say something simple like, "I'm really sorry about _."
Step 6. Reflect on the situation to prevent something similar from happening again
After thinking through your guilt, identifying its source, and apologizing if necessary, take a moment to reflect on your actions so that a similar situation doesn't happen again in the future. Reflecting after doing something wrong can help you grow from the experience and not make the same mistakes over and over again.
For example, after thinking about forgetting your friend's birthday, you may decide that in the future you need to be more careful about remembering important dates and take steps to prevent similar situations from happening in the future
Part 2 of 2: Abandoning Guilt
Step 1. Turn guilt into gratitude
Guilt can make you think about things that are full of mistakes, which are not productive and do not provide any benefits that can be applied to your behavior in the future. Instead, try turning your guilty thoughts into grateful thoughts.
- For example, if you forgot your friend's birthday, you might say to yourself "I should have remembered yesterday was his birthday!". These thoughts don't allow you to grow out of the situation at hand. This will only make you feel worse about forgetting your friend's birthday.
- Change the guilt statement to something positive, such as "I'm grateful that I was reminded that my friends are very important to me and given the opportunity to show it to them in the future."
Step 2. Forgive yourself
Forgiving yourself, like forgiving a friend, is an important part of learning how to deal with guilt. If you are facing guilt over things that have made you ask for forgiveness or that are beyond your control, you must learn how to forgive yourself. One way to start letting go of guilt is to forgive yourself whenever you make a mistake, just as you would forgive a close friend.
The next time you feel guilty about something, take a deep breath and stop blaming yourself. Instead, say something like "I made mistakes, but that doesn't make me a bad person."
Step 3. Learn from the fictional character Scarlett O'Hara
Think of this quote, "After all… tomorrow is a new day." Realize that every day is a new beginning and full of promise, hope, and opportunities to start over. Understand that what you do may be wrong, but it does not determine your future. While your actions may have consequences, they do not control the rest of your life.
Step 4. Do good deeds
Reaching out to others can often benefit the person offering help as much as the benefit to the person receiving it. While you need to understand that good things won't reverse your actions, it can help you move on towards a positive future. In fact, a number of studies have shown that by helping others, we provide a wide range of benefits to our own mental and physical health.
Ask hospitals, charities, and other organizations about volunteer opportunities. Even volunteering for a few hours each week can help you deal with guilt
Step 5. Incorporate spiritual activities into your life
Some beliefs have a way of atonement for sin, which can help you deal with guilt. Consider attending a service or worship at a house of worship of your choice or developing your own spiritual activity. Spiritual benefits go beyond just eliminating guilt. Research shows that spirituality and prayer can even help reduce stress and shorten healing time during illness.
- Consider visiting a place of worship to pray with others.
- Take up meditation or yoga.
- Spend your time in nature and admire the beauty of nature.
Step 6. Consider seeking help from a therapist if you can't leave feeling guilty alone
For some, feelings of guilt can interfere with daily life and happiness. Without help, understanding guilt and deciding how best to deal with those feelings can be difficult. A licensed mental health professional can help you understand these feelings and help you get past feelings of guilt.
Remember that excessive guilt can be part of an underlying mental health condition that requires treatment. Talking to a therapist can help you understand what's going on and determine the best course of action to take
Tips
- If you prefer to keep your situation a secret but need comforting, tell a trusted person about it, such as a family member or close friend.
- Feelings of guilt and overthinking can be caused by depression or other psychological conditions. Seek medical attention if needed.
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