Guilt is an emotion that drives humans to make amends with others, correct mistakes, or change bad behavior. Usually, feelings of guilt help us maintain happiness in life. However, if feelings of guilt persist for no apparent reason, this condition becomes a problem. Find out why you're feeling guilty and take steps to stop those feelings.
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Part 1 of 3: Assessing Existing Guilt
Step 1. Think about whether you're not doing something you really want to do
Sometimes, you feel guilty about being tempted to do something that might violate personal morals. Even if you don't, you feel guilty for thinking about it. If you're feeling guilty for no apparent reason, you may have wanted to do something that felt wrong earlier, but immediately pushed it out of your mind. Unfortunately, this feeling of guilt is left behind, even though the desire to do so has disappeared.
- You may have forgotten the immoral act you wanted to do, such as having an affair or stealing a friend's belongings. Sit down and think about it to see if you really wanted to do it beforehand.
- If you previously had the urge to do these things, take some time to forgive yourself. After that, ask someone who was close to being a “victim” to forgive you.
- After making up or making peace, forget the guilt by not blaming yourself and focusing on what is in the moment.
Step 2. Evaluate yourself when you feel like you've made a mistake
Sometimes, we feel guilty because we feel we did something wrong, even though we didn't. For example, maybe you expect bad things to happen to your ex's new partner, and he ends up in a traffic accident. Even though you didn't actually do anything, you felt that you were the cause of the accident. If you often feel guilty for no apparent reason, you may feel like you've made a "mistake," but then forget about it.
- Remember if you ever wished bad luck to someone, then disaster happened to that person.
- If you can't talk to the person in question, take steps to forgive yourself.
- Keep in mind that you may judge yourself too harshly. For example, you may feel like you've said something mean or done something mean, even though the other person didn't really feel that way.
Step 3. Consider whether you are experiencing the survivor's guilt phenomenon
You may feel guilty for surviving a traumatic event that also had a negative impact on others. Even if you don't think about it every day, it can lead to feelings of guilt that won't go away. Identify these feelings of guilt by observing if you feel sad when you learn that your life is better than someone else's.
- For example, if you have survived an armed robbery, you may feel guilty when you hear about someone being killed in the same crime scene. If you feel guilty for surviving the incident, while other people don't, there's a good chance you're experiencing the phenomenon of survivor's guilt.
- If you recognize the signs of this phenomenon in yourself, take some time to process the negative emotions and forgive yourself.
- Talk to someone about what you're going through (eg a psychologist).
Step 4. Recognize that feelings of guilt can be caused by childhood events
You may have experienced trauma as a child (eg, long-term violence or a specific incident). You may also have experienced unfair treatment as an adult. All of these events can have a long-lasting impact on you as an adult, and even give you unwarranted feelings of guilt. Think about your childhood to see if there was something in the past that gave rise to these feelings of guilt.
If you learned of something in your childhood that triggered your guilt (such as violence or a traumatic event), seek the help of a professional psychologist
Step 5. Find out if you are experiencing the neurotic guilt phenomenon
Sometimes, you feel guilty for no reason because you experience the phenomenon of neurotic guilt or feelings of guilt that are more than you should. Maybe you feel guilty about things you can't control. This kind of guilt occurs because you feel disappointed when you can't do something well.
- You can also experience this phenomenon when you don't want to do something that other people feel you need to do.
- Feelings of guilt like this can arise from self-doubt.
- If you experience a phenomenon like this, immediately take steps to forgive yourself. You can also seek counseling with a psychologist to help deal with and deal with existing guilt.
Step 6. Find out if you did something wrong
By knowing the source of your guilt, you can eliminate those feelings. If you're still feeling guilty after seeing the techniques described in this article, you may want to realize that there's a real reason for that feeling. You may forget what was done. Sit back and think about your actions in the last few weeks or months to see if you did something wrong. That way, you can find out the reason for the feeling of guilt.
- You may need to verbalize your thoughts through writing or chat to remember mistakes you've made. Record your actions on a list or talk to a friend so you can remember the bad things you've done.
- Try asking those closest to you if they know what you did wrong (and the possible guilt).
- If you can't remember what you did wrong, don't dwell on the guilt. Tell yourself that you haven't done anything wrong, and focus on what is right now.
- If you did make a mistake, admit it and apologize to the person concerned.
Step 7. Think about whether you might be depressed
Feelings of guilt that arise for no reason can be caused by depression. Think about whether you may have been depressed during this time. This disorder can take many forms, but usually you will experience sadness, loss of interest in things you used to enjoy, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, and ongoing feelings of helplessness.
- See if feeling guilty is a symptom of depression and talk to your doctor or mental health professional if you think you may be depressed.
- Guilt can take many forms in depression. For example, you may feel guilty about not being able to reach your monthly sales quota at work, even when other employees can't. You may also feel guilty about not washing the dishes before bed, even though you've done a lot of work and are too tired to do anything else.
Part 2 of 3: Processing Guilt Feelings
Step 1. Take notes or talk about any guilt
By processing feelings verbally or visually, you can identify the source of those feelings. For example, you might notice that your feelings of guilt are out of proportion to your actions when you write down your situation in a journal. By journaling or talking about your feelings of guilt with other people, you can identify whether those feelings are valid or not.
- Get into the habit of journaling or talking to other people so you can process your feelings of guilt and stop feeling that way.
- Journaling can also provide a reference that you can re-read when you want to see the progress of the recovery process.
- Find a psychologist to discuss how you feel if all the things you do yourself at home don't make the guilt go away.
Step 2. Do a reality test
In fact, you are often innocent, especially if you don't know the source of the guilt. It's a good idea to take the time to do a reality test when you suddenly start to feel guilty. The reality of what is happening around you can show that you are not at fault. In a situation like this, try to forget or ignore the guilt.
- Do a reality test by sitting down and thinking about what really happened, and not what you imagined was happening. Maybe you need the help of a friend or family member to see the situation from an actual point of view. Ask someone to sit down with you and tell the situation from their point of view.
- For example, if you are usually very organized and one day you forget an appointment, you don't have to feel guilty right away. Keep in mind that you too can make mistakes.
- Let go and forget guilt by recognizing your responsibilities, showing sadness over the situation, and focusing on what is in the moment.
Step 3. Release yourself from self-assessment
One technique for processing guilt is to view it as a judgment or self-judgment. So that you no longer feel guilty, try to escape the snare of your own judgment.
- Make a list of all the things that make you feel guilty or realize that you've been judging yourself a lot. The judgments you make may be broader (eg telling yourself that you are a bad person) or more specific (eg labeling yourself a fool for dropping your coffee in the morning).
- Sit down and say out loud, “I will escape the snare of self-judgment and I am not a bad person!” or “I'm not going to judge myself as reckless for dropping my coffee for this!”
Step 4. Think of the guilt feeling as a car
By visualizing guilt, you can accept its presence, assess whether it's worth worrying about, and bounce back from adversity. Imagine yourself driving a car on the freeway, and every time you feel guilty, the car will drive left or right. When that happens, imagine you're stopping the car on the side of the road, identifying the source of the problem (in this case, guilt), and determining what needs to be done to address it.
- For example, if you feel guilty about something that could easily be fixed (eg by apologizing to someone), take the time to correct the situation.
- If there's nothing you can do to fix the "car," imagine yourself driving back and moving straight.
Part 3 of 3: Rise of Guilt
Step 1. Find a way to calm yourself down
Guilt can affect physical condition. Since these feelings usually make you feel like you need to be punished, you will be trapped in an internal cycle of punishment. When you don't know the cause of these feelings, the punishment given by yourself will feel more exhausting. Take some time to calm down and keep guilt out of your mind. It can also reduce your stress level.
- Help yourself get out of “punishment” mode by thinking about the good you did today (or the success achieved).
- For example, congratulate yourself on making it to the gym, making healthy choices, or spending time with your family (even if you don't really have to).
- There are various relaxation methods you can try, such as breathing exercises, meditation, visualization techniques, and others.
Step 2. Accept the mistake made and forget it
To stop feeling guilty for no reason, let go of those feelings. Recognize the mistakes you've made, apologize from others and yourself, then don't allow yourself to feel guilty again. Accept that nothing can change what has already happened.
Remember that you can get over your guilt by not blaming others or yourself, and forgiving yourself and others
Step 3. Realize that you are not perfect
Sometimes, you often feel guilty for expecting perfection from yourself. Think about whether you often demand something you can never get from yourself. No one in the world is perfect. When you demand yourself to be perfect, you are actually planning to fail. This sense of failure is what keeps you feeling guilty. Instead, tell yourself that you're just an imperfect human being.
When you make a mistake, correct it and stop thinking about it
Step 4. Avoid situations that often make you discouraged or sad
Find solutions to dealing with guilt by avoiding situations that trigger these feelings. You may feel guilty for no apparent reason, but certain situations can trigger these feelings (and make them feel more excruciating). Recognize and avoid these situations as much as possible.
- Prepare a notebook or planner and record your daily activities. Under each activity, write down how you feel, such as “relief”, “happy”, “sad” or “guilty”.
- After that, look at the list of emotions and group the activities that often make you feel guilty in one list. It's a good idea to group your activities as one type of situation (eg “interaction” if you have to do something for someone else).
- Take steps to reduce or stop these activities.
Step 5. Forgive yourself
If you feel guilty about something, you may need to forgive yourself in order to get over the feeling. By forgiving yourself, you can let go of your guilt and feel good about yourself again. This process may continue, but over time, you will feel happy again.
Tips
- Guilt is a normal emotion if it persists for a certain period of time. These emotions encourage you to maintain good relationships with others and avoid making the same mistakes. However, keep in mind that if feelings of guilt don't go away, this is the problem.
- Find fun things to do to take your mind off the guilt, like watching television or going out with friends.
