Have you just made the fatal mistake of cheating on your partner? If so, chances are that right now your mind is filled with guilt that won't go away. Don't worry, these emotions are perfectly normal, especially since you've broken your partner's trust and will feel inferior about it. However, be careful because guilt can drive a person to act impulsively. Therefore, make an effort to share your concerns with trusted people and seek the necessary help, before deciding to do anything. Then, try to forgive yourself and commit to repairing the damage as best you can.
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Method 1 of 3: Seeking Support
Step 1. Get advice from people you trust
Ask for help and advice from third parties to continue living in the right way. To the person, explain in as much detail as possible about what you did wrong, and then ask for feedback.
- Choose someone you trust and can keep your secret. For example, share your problem with someone who is older and/or more discreet in your behavior. For example, if you have a coworker or friend who cheated on you but managed to keep the relationship going, try talking to them about the problem. Don't choose people who will feel guilty about keeping your secrets, or people who will give you a judgmental response.
- Approach your partner and say, “I made a very big mistake by cheating on my partner. I know I was wrong, but I still want to keep this relationship." Then, explain the events behind or the reason for the affair, and ask for specific advice, such as whether or not to admit the affair to your partner and the best way to do it.
Step 2. Join a local or online support group
Try finding a support group in your city or an online support group that specifically caters to the topic of infidelity. In the support group, you can share your feelings of guilt with people who have experienced it, and ask for their advice on appropriate solutions for dealing with it.
Guilt will often distance you from other people. Don't let the situation happen, and try to open up more to people who understand your situation in order to deal with the guilt that arises
Step 3. See a therapist if the affair has occurred more than once
If you've had multiple flings, it's time to see a therapist to identify the underlying problem that's causing it. Try to find a therapist closest to you who already has special expertise in the field of romantic relationships.
- As the therapy process progresses, it will undoubtedly help you to identify unmet needs in the relationship. As a result, the urge to have an affair will subside afterwards.
- Believe me, your guilt will disappear after successfully ending the barrage of infidelity.
Step 4. Seek spiritual advice from the right people
If you have a particular religion or spiritual belief, try to consult a religious leader or spiritual expert. Trust me, they will listen to your complaint without rushing to judge you, and may be able to recommend an appropriate solution to your guilt.
- Invite them to meet in person so you can ask for support as well as guidance in a more conducive environment.
- In some cases, a spiritual expert or religious leader may offer a space for you and your partner to do counseling together.
Method 2 of 3: Forgiving Yourself
Step 1. Accept the fact that you are just an ordinary person who makes mistakes
Trust me, turning your guilt into something empowering can increase your empathy for yourself. Remember, you are not the first person to cheat on their partner. Many people have done it, and realize that mistakes are something very human. Hopefully after that, your guilt can be reduced slowly.
- If you want, gently pat your back and shoulders and say, "I'm just an imperfect human and I'm not free from mistakes."
- Remember, these affirmations are a way to reduce guilt, not justify your actions! Therefore, you might add something like, "I'm guilty, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to change the situation for the better."
Step 2. Write down the situation that occurred
Release all the pain and guilt you are experiencing by writing it down in a special journal. For some people, this method can help reduce their guilt, while increasing their objectivity towards the situation, you know! In fact, you may be able to find a solution as you write.
- Write down the situation as clearly and in detail as possible. Also express your thoughts and feelings about the situation honestly. For example, you might write, “I'm sorry and feel so guilty that I slept with my ex-girlfriend. I don't want my boyfriend to know, but to be honest I'm having a hard time moving on because I feel so guilty."
- Worried that your writing will be read by others? Instead of a journal, try writing it down on a piece of paper, then tearing or burning the paper afterwards. This “devastating” behavior can symbolize the fact that the infidelity and guilt need not continue to affect your life.
Step 3. Perform various religious rituals if you are a religious person
Take advantage of your belief in a stronger and more powerful person to remove the burden of guilt. For example, you can spend time praying, meditating, reading scripture, fasting, or discussing with a spiritual expert.
In many cases, faith can guide a person to move on with a better life after an affair. In addition, practicing various religious rituals can also make you more calm and resigned. As a result, the guilt will decrease by itself
Step 4. Focus on the future, not the past
Believe me, blaming yourself for having an affair is very easy. But the truth is, constantly lamenting the mistakes that have been made in the past will only keep you imprisoned in a negative situation. Therefore, learn to stop the guilt that arises, instead of embracing it. Then, think about what you can do right now, and continue to do positive activities that can help you continue to live a better life.
For example, if negative thoughts about past mistakes reoccur, try asking yourself: “So what can I do now?” Then try to identify one positive action you can take to fix it, such as asking your partner out on a date. or spend more quality time with him
Step 5. Be patient
Guilt, like any emotion, can actually change over time. Instead of forcing yourself to let it go in no time, be patient until the feeling fades away on its own.
Avoid negative self-distractions that can trigger depression, addiction, or other emotional problems in you. In other words, don't try to move on with your life by withdrawing from other people, forcing yourself to stay focused on your work, or consuming alcohol and drugs
Method 3 of 3: Making Changes
Step 1. End the love triangle that occurs to relieve the guilt that is weighing you down
In fact, the only way to continue living without guilt is to stop having an affair. Remember, being in a relationship with two different people is very unfair behavior for all parties involved. Therefore, be manly and determine who you really really care about, and walk away from the other party's life.
For example, if you've fallen in love with someone else and no longer have feelings for your current partner, end the relationship immediately so you can make a commitment to that new person. If you actually regret the affair and want to go back to your partner, promise to completely break up with your cheating partner afterward
Step 2. Decide when it's time to admit infidelity
If your partner doesn't know about your betrayal by now, don't assume that admitting to cheating will make you (or your partner) feel better afterward. In fact, admitting infidelity will instill immense pain, a crisis of trust, and insecurity in the relationship! Therefore, always consider the advantages and disadvantages of these options before implementing them.
- Immediately admit if the infidelity that occurred has involved unprotected sexual intercourse so that it risks affecting the health of partners in the future. In addition, you also have to admit immediately if most likely, sooner or later your partner will hear it themselves from other sources.
- In the end, telling the truth is the best option if you still have the will to save the relationship. Remember, not admitting to having an affair will only further damage your partner's ability to trust you in the future!
Step 3. Commit to always be honest and faithful to your partner in the future
Whichever partner you end up choosing, swear not to betray him and always tell him the truth. Not interested in a monogamous relationship? Make sure all parties involved are also willing to do it.
- If your partner finds out about the affair but is willing to give you a second chance, there's nothing wrong with having a symbolic "renewal of commitment" ritual to show that in the future, you won't break his trust again.
- Don't expect your partner to forgive you right away. Instead, try as hard as you can to show that you can be trusted by him in the future. In other words, tell your partner all your moves honestly, especially if you're both far apart, and give them access to your phone or email.
- Even if you've made a mistake, you still shouldn't accept violence or unpleasant behavior from your partner just to get forgiveness from him.
Step 4. Identify the lessons you can learn from the situation
What experiences can you use as capital to grow in a better direction? Try to think about what started the affair, and learn from your mistakes. By doing so, surely the patterns of behavior and thoughts that once led you to the affair can be changed.
- For example, you may have had difficulty opening up to your partner about your sexual desires and needs in bed. As a result, you decide to fulfill those wants and needs elsewhere. To overcome this, in the future you must learn to be more open about these issues to your partner.
- Or, during this time you may be talking about problems in a romantic relationship with coworkers, rather than to your own partner. To overcome this, at a later date you can try to start discussing the problem with your partner, who will not take advantage of the vulnerability to start an affair.
Step 5. Do counseling with your partner
Still insisting on repairing a broken relationship? Try taking your partner to counseling so that both parties can more easily identify problems that occur, and work together to resolve them. Don't worry, an expert therapist can provide a better space for communication, recommend tips to live life more spontaneously, and even increase sexual intimacy between troubled couples. As a result, the relationship between the two of you can return to "live" afterward!
