Being stubborn is not always a bad thing. The truth is, sometimes you just have to be stubborn to a certain extent to force yourself to make your wish come true. In order to be a truly stubborn person, you have to know how to do the things you believe in and not give in to what other people want, even if this is the easiest way. At times, you can even be a little annoying, but if this way your wishes can be fulfilled, your abilities will only grow!
Part 1 of 2: Being Assertive
Step 1. First make sure what your request is
If you want to be stubborn, you have to know how to determine what you want. If you can't say what you want clearly, calmly, and confidently, you won't be able to be truly stubborn. But if people see that you really mean what you want, they won't try to change your mind or think of you as an impressionable person.
- Look into the eyes of the person you are talking to when you say what you want. Show them that you mean it. You'll look unsure of what you want if you keep your eyes down or somewhere else.
- Speak calmly and clearly. You have to speak loud enough for this person to hear your voice and see that you mean it.
- Use persuasive words. Instead of saying, “I was wondering if you would agree that I need to borrow your car one day,” say, “I really should borrow your car as soon as I need it. I would really appreciate it if you could help me.”
Step 2. Give reasons to support your belief
Another way you can be assertive and stubborn about getting what you want is to provide concrete evidence of why you should get whatever you ask for. If you're simply stating that you want to but can't give a reason or why it shouldn't be so difficult for the person you're talking to to get what you want, it's likely that you're either fickle with your request or haven't given it much thought.
- Prepare in advance what you want to say. Make arguments to support what you want and what you want to say in order to really prove that this request is important. If you're not ready for an answer the next time this person asks, "But why?" You'll look like you don't really want it.
- Practice asking for what you want in the mirror or with the help of a friend. This will help you find the confidence you need when you make your request, and will help you figure out if the reasons you are presenting can really support you.
- You can say, “Mom, I want to stay at Stella's tonight. Last week my mother promised to let me stay if my grades were better, and I got an 'A' for an English essay.”
Step 3. Don't let other people force you to give in
Maybe you're not the only one being stubborn and that's the problem with acting this way. There will be other people who are more stubborn than you so it's unlikely to get what you want. If you encounter someone like this, whether it's a friend or your brother, try to hold on to your will and show them that they can't change your mind.
- Others may offend you, insult you, or make you feel that what you want is impossible. Learn to hold on to your desires and don't let them get in your way.
- Don't return anger with anger. It's better to stay calm than to get emotional because your sister is being rude just because you want to borrow her dress. This is a way of showing that you really mean your wants and needs.
- Learn to no longer care what other people think. If you're really bothered by trying to get everyone to like you or think you're important, you're unlikely to be a stubborn person.
Step 4. Watch yourself
You have to stop worrying about pleasing other people and remember that you are the most important person in your life. It's not that you have to be selfish, but it does mean that you need to know when it's time to pay attention to your own needs rather than the wants of your friends or other people in your life. Sometimes you have to let other people get what they want, but there are times when you have to put yourself first.
- For example, if you're out with your best friend and each time she chooses a movie to watch, try to make yourself comfortable suggesting a different movie, even if you're a little scared of her mood.
- Of course, those around you will be displeased if you disagree with them or say that you want something different from theirs. But you will also be unhappy if your own desires are never fulfilled.
Step 5. Set priorities
While you should try to get what you want, you can be more successful if you don't always stick to your beliefs over the little things. If you're always struggling to get what you want, from picking pizza toppings to your favorite television show, people will have a hard time taking you seriously if you stick with what really makes a big difference in your life. Make sure you are able to set priorities wisely, and put your efforts in the things that really matter to you.
- If you're always insisting on the same things, like choosing breakfast the same way you asked for an extended curfew, your parents or other people won't take you seriously.
- If you only insist on getting what is really really important to you, those around you will be able to see that you act differently because what you want is non-negotiable. Let your voice, the body language you use, and your words show that this time you really mean it.
Step 6. Respect the person you turn to for help
There is a saying that you will catch more flies if you use honey instead of vinegar. If you want to be stubborn and get what you want, the results will be better if you treat the person you're asking for help with kindness and respect. Instead of attacking this person and suddenly having to defend himself, try to be nice and even give him a few compliments first.
- For example, instead of saying, “Mom, you never let me have fun. Why won't you let me go to a movie with Amy?” You can say, “Mom, do you think I can watch a movie with Amy tonight? I will be very happy if you allow me.”
- Of course, if being nice or even giving a genuine compliment doesn't work, you should try something more effective. But starting things in a positive way should be the best thing about you.
Step 7. Set goals and achieve them
If you want to be stubborn when it comes to things that are more difficult to achieve, you must be determined to achieve them at all costs. In order to be truly successful such as being an actress or writing a book, you have to set short-term goals to achieve long-term goals so that you can be stubborn and persistent enough to achieve what you want.
- Make a list of all the things you need to achieve your goals. If you're unsure of the steps to follow in the process, you should ask an expert on whatever it is you're trying to accomplish in order to get a better understanding of how it's done.
- If you focus on achieving short-term goals first, you'll be much more likely to achieve long-term goals than if you focus solely on pursuing the ultimate goal. For example, if you want to write an initial draft of a novel, divide this draft into chapters.
- You have to learn to ignore all the people who make you doubt. There will be too many people who want to make you feel like it's impossible to succeed. Don't let them stop you.
Step 8. Deal with resistance in a constructive manner
Some people let disappointment drive them down. But if you're really determined to achieve what you want and do what's best for you, accept everything that people say that you can't achieve what you want. Maybe you're trying to land a role in a film, find an agency to publish your novel, or get your volleyball team to win, tell yourself that if you keep trying, you'll be able to do what you want, no matter what. others say.
- Remind yourself that many great people who managed to face natural resistance before becoming successful people. Even Michael Jordan didn't manage to make his school's basketball team win! Let this rejection motivate you to keep trying, not discourage you.
- Some say that you don't have to ignore all rejections. If everyone else says the same thing to you, use this advice so you can improve yourself.
- The most important thing is that you believe in what you are doing. If you believe in what you want and deserve it, it will be easier for you to deal with rejection.
Part 2 of 2: Getting What You Want at All costs
Step 1. Be a broken record
So you've been trying to be nice and it's still not working. If you feel like you're trying to be diplomatic, kind, and understanding and you're not getting any better than when you started, do something else. Of course, you might get a little annoying by being a broken record and repeating your desires over and over, but who says this method won't help you get what you want?
- Keep saying what you want, or talking about what you want, until the person you're talking to gets frustrated with you or becomes irritated until he gives up. Of course this isn't fun, but it will get you closer to where you're going.
- Fold your arms in front of your chest and say what you want. Be firm about what you believe in and don't be shy about acting this way! If you're used to being too nice, try something else.
Step 2. Don't leave until you get what you want
Another way to be stubborn is to not make a move until this person succumbs to your will. This can be done by staying in the restaurant chair after you've finished eating, staying home when you and this person have to go somewhere, or even stopping and sitting on the floor wherever you want until your wish is fulfilled. This can certainly embarrass the person you're with, but if you really don't care, it might be the best way to get what you're asking for!
- This will be especially effective if he's very dependent on you, for example if you're going to give him a ride somewhere.
- Of course this may not be the best way, but it could be the most effective. Many people will immediately give up if humiliated.
Step 3. Ignore people who disagree with you
Another way to be stubborn is to ignore people who tell you that you can't do certain things. Act like you don't hear him at all until he lets you get what you want. You can do this by staring blankly at this person in front of you, as if you weren't listening to what he was saying, putting your finger in your ear and saying, "I can't hear you!" or simply shrug and walk away.
Of course, this is not an adult method, but if you are determined to get what you want, it can help you
Step 4. Make a bargain
Another way to be stubborn and get what you want is to bargain with the person you are going to ask for help. Think for a moment and see if there's anything you can do for him, so it won't feel like he's the only one giving, but more like give and take. If you have an idea that you can be of use to this person, it will feel more like giving to each other than just your own one-sided interest in getting what you want.
- For example, you could ask your mother to let you go out with friends in return for helping her do the laundry for the weekend. This will get your request more attention.
- If you want to borrow your sister's sweater, lend her your new dress that she really likes.
Step 5. Show an emotional attitude
Even though it's a cheap trick, sometimes crying can help you get what you want, especially if you're out in public. If your parents, siblings, or the person you're with won't give you what you're asking for, try looking downright disappointed, crying, throwing something, or showing how much you want it. This will not only emphasize how great your desire is, but it will also have the added effect of shaming the person into wanting to fulfill your wish.
- If you don't care to embarrass yourself, ask for whatever you want in a crowded public place and then start crying if you don't get your wish to embarrass this person. If this doesn't work and makes him angrier at you, he'll actually be humiliated even more so that you win.
- You can practice faking a tantrum first if that seems to make your style more convincing.
Step 6. Don't forget the reason why you are asking for what you want
In the end, being stubborn is all about putting a plan into action and getting what you want and what you deserve. If you forget your goals or needs, you may give up because this is much easier than creating conflict. But if you keep repeating your request and why you want it, or even writing it down on paper and reading it over and over again over a period of time, you will become stubborn in holding on to what you want, and getting it.
- Of course, it's easier to shrug and say it's okay if your request isn't met, but you won't be happy if you act this way.
- Remember that being stubborn is a good thing if this attitude is in your heart and your request is something you really want in your life. Be proud of being assertive, fighting for yourself, and not letting other people control you.
- Know when to be gentle. You don't have to be everyone's boss.
- Do not give up. Stubbornness can be annoying and burdensome to others.
- Stubbornness can drive people away. Your way isn't always right, so let others have their say as well.
- Don't let stubbornness control your life.
- Stubbornness is sometimes described as a negative trait. These steps should be used when absolutely necessary in a particular situation.