Asking a guy out is not as easy as turning the palm of the hand. However, you really don't need to worry and doubt if you want to do it. As long as you have the right perspective, having a meaningful conversation about the future of your relationship with a guy can be done comfortably and easily.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Evaluating Your Readiness
Step 1. Determine if you are ready to commit
Committing is not an easy decision; if you have trouble deciding, try to consider some of the factors below. Remember, every relationship case is different, and you too must have specific expectations for the romantic relationship that will be lived in the future. Ask yourself:
- How do I feel about him? Do I feel happy when I'm with him? Do I miss him when he's not by my side?
- Can I commit to one romantic relationship right now? What kind of relationship do I really want?
- Have you ever had a fight before? If so, how do we deal with it?
- Does he respect me? Is there any behavior or character for me to be concerned about? Am I sure about him? Do I believe it?
- What do I think about monogamy? Do I want to be in an exclusive relationship with one person? If so, am I ready to have a monogamous relationship with him? If not, are both parties willing to have an open and unattached relationship?
- Did I do it because it made me happy? Or am I feeling pressured by the demands and views of those around me?
Step 2. Consider the duration of your friendship
Rushing to ask someone out can frighten him, especially if he only sees you as a friend. However, waiting too long has the potential to make you more confused and even hurt. Remember, every relationship has a different rhythm; that's why there is no specific time to express feelings or ask someone out on a date. Trust your instincts! If the time feels right, feel free to do it.
- If you're just getting to know him, try asking him out a few times before asking him out. Don't rush into committing to someone you just met!
- On average, people approach each other for about a month before asking their crush on a date.
- Some people even wait three months or more before confessing their feelings.
- If the two of you are long distance friends, it's best not to wait too long to confess your feelings. Thus, both parties more quickly understand each other's expectations in a relationship that is separated by distance.
Step 3. Evaluate his attraction to you
At the very least, you need to find out if he feels the same way or not. The only way to know the answer for sure is to ask it directly. However, if you are too embarrassed to do so, try to consider the following signals
- If he ever mentions his future plans in front of you, chances are he plans to live with you for a long time.
- If he's always showing you off to other people, especially his closest friends, chances are he's proud to be one of your closest people.
- If he's texting you a lot to ask how you're doing, chances are he's thinking about you a lot too.
- If the two of you see each other several times a week and always travel together on the weekends, chances are he doesn't mind bonding more with you.
Step 4. Be prepared to accept rejection
While of course you expect him to accept you, be aware that the possibility of rejection is still there. Maybe he's not ready to be in a relationship with you, or maybe he doesn't want to label your relationship with any status. Whatever the reason, be prepared for the rejection you may receive.
- If you're craving a serious relationship, you'll likely have to stay away from him if he rejects you. By doing so, you have opened yourself up to other men who can accommodate your desires.
- If you're not in a rush to get into a serious relationship, you can keep that "friendship" status until he admits he's ready to be your boyfriend.
- If your feelings for him are too deep, try to consider your willingness to remain friends with him. Remember, the decision is entirely yours; in other words, you have the right to decide to stay friends with them or stay away from them until you get over them.
Part 2 of 3: Choosing the Right Time
Step 1. Make a careful plan
Knowing when it's time to make your point can make the situation easier. To complete your plan, try practicing the words you will say ahead of time and identify the most appropriate time to touch on the topic. There is no right or wrong time to express feelings to the person you like; most importantly, choose a time and location that is convenient for both of you.
- Some people choose to plan a special date at a special time, and express their feelings at the end of the date. However, there are also people who prefer to touch the topic naturally. Whatever your choice, consider it well in advance.
- Don't get your point across when the guy is angry, busy, or stressed; most likely, his emotional and psychological state will affect his response.
- If you're feeling nervous, anxious, or restless, try practicing the words you'd say long ago in front of the mirror.
Step 2. Meet him in person
You may be tempted to express your feelings through text messages; however, such acknowledgments should be made in person. By bringing it up in person, you open yourself up to a wider range of possibilities for exploring the relationship. In addition, if there are things that are bothering the man's heart, he can directly discuss it in front of you.
If the two of you are too far apart, chances are you'll have a hard time meeting him in person. If that's the case, try bringing up the topic when he visits you; but it's best to wait until the time when you two will separate just in case the response is negative. If the two of you really can't see each other, calling her is the best option
Step 3. Determine the exact location
No single location is best suited for such a situation; but at least, choose a location where both of you are able to express each other's feelings comfortably and openly.
- Bring up the topic when no one else is near either of you; for example, you could convey this intention while the two of you are strolling on the beach, chatting together in the parking lot, or relaxing at one's house.
- If there's a place that feels special to both of you – such as the location of your first meeting or your favorite museum – try having a conversation there to make the conversation even more memorable.
- Make sure nothing is distracting his focus. For example, don't bring up the topic while the two of you are watching a movie at the cinema, traveling with friends, or while he's at work.
- If the topic is brought up while the two of you are sitting in the car or eating at a restaurant, he's likely to feel trapped and uncomfortable. For that, make sure you choose a location that is comfortable to use for chatting.
Step 4. Ask questions at the right time
When the two of you meet on D-Day, try to stay relaxed. Wait until the time feels "just right" or "special" to express your feelings. If you're having trouble figuring out the exact time, try following these basic guidelines:
- If he compliments you, try returning the compliment and continuing with a conversation about what you both like about each other. Trust me, this kind of conversation flow will feel very natural.
- If there are pauses in your conversation, try bringing up the topic. Explain how happy you were at the time and see if the conversation moves in the direction you want it to go after.
- At the end of the date, you can say, "Before you go home, there's something I want to talk to you about."
Step 5. Consider waiting for him to bring up the topic
If being in a formal relationship with him isn't your priority, consider waiting for him to take the first step. By waiting for him, you can also evaluate how much he wants to label your relationship; choose this option if you're not sure about your own feelings, or if you don't think he's sure about your relationship.
However, don't wait too long either. Set your personal deadline; for example, give him a month to discuss the topic before bringing it up first
Part 3 of 3: Expressing Feelings
Step 1. Start with a compliment
Tell him what you like about him. Trust me, doing so will make him more relaxed and more receptive to your confession. Try to show your feelings by complimenting her sense of humor, intelligence, and/or kindness.
- You can say, "I swear, I've never met a guy as funny as you!"
- Another compliment that you deserve to give is, “You are really caring, aren't you. Your attitude has always touched me, you know."
- If he smiles, thanks you, or returns your compliments, chances are he's also harboring an interest in you.
Step 2. Explain your feelings to him
If the conversation starts on a positive note, it should be easier for you to convey your feelings to him. If his reaction is positive after hearing your compliment, it's a sign that you can try to touch on a more serious topic, namely your feelings for him. Try explaining that you really enjoy spending time with him and that your feelings for him are starting to change.
- You might say, “So far, we've had a really good relationship. You are a very unique person and can make me constantly think about the direction of this relationship."
- It's best not to say "I love you" at this stage. Chances are, he will feel anxious or scared because your relationship is moving too fast. Instead, say that you are “starting to like him” or “really liking him.”
Step 3. Ask him out on a date
Ideally, you should make your point clear. But in certain situations, you can also ask questions in other forms, as summarized below:
- Ideally, ask direct questions like, “Would you like to make our relationship official? Will you be my lover?"
- If the relationship status between the two of you feels unclear, try asking, "Where do you think it will take us, the direction of our relationship?"
- If one of you (or both of you) is in a close relationship with several people, try asking, "Would you like to have a more serious and exclusive relationship with me?"
- If you want to understand how he feels about you, try saying, “Hey, I get confused when someone asks about our relationship. If you were asked, would you say we're dating or something?"
Step 4. Describe your expectations
Most likely, you both have different concepts about an established romantic relationship. For example, maybe he's willing to date you but isn't ready to meet your family anytime soon. It's also possible that he doesn't mind kissing you when you're just not ready to do it. Whatever expectations you both have, make sure you both make them as clear as possible at this stage.
- You can start a conversation by asking, “What does dating mean to you?”
- If he asks your expectations, give an honest answer. For example, you might say, “I want a boyfriend who is honest and open. I'm not ready to get married anytime soon, but I don't mind exploring the possibility of a more serious relationship."
Step 5. Give him time to respond
Most likely, he will feel uncomfortable or even depressed after hearing your declaration of love. If he seems uncomfortable, anxious, or in doubt, try giving him a day or two to reconsider his decision. Not giving an immediate response doesn't mean he's reluctant to commit; maybe he did need some time to evaluate his readiness.
- You might say, "It's okay if you need some time to think about the answer. Take it easy, okay?"
- If he asks for space to himself, grant his wish. You might ask, “How long do you think it will take you?” After hearing the answer, try not to disturb him during this time.
- If he doesn't give you a specific time, you may collect the answer after a few days have passed. Try saying, "Hey! I was just wondering, did you make up your mind about my question then?"
- Don't keep texting or calling her. If he doesn't answer, you can ask for confirmation once at least a day or two after expressing your feelings. If he takes longer to make a decision, don't get in the way.
Step 6. Handle rejection wisely
If he rejects your feelings, try to stay positive and think; tell him that you understand his refusal. Chances are, he still wants to have a casual relationship with you or ends up really ending things. Consider how you feel before processing the situation.
- If he wants to end the relationship with you, try to respect his decision. Thank the two of you for the time you spent together, and explain that you understand the decision. For example, you could say, “Thank you, yes, we have had a very good relationship so far. Good luck for the future!”
- If he wants to continue a casual relationship with you while you don't want to, try saying, "I think it's better if we don't see each other." If he asks why, simply say, "I feel like we want different things."
- Chances are, he'll tell you that he wants to be friends with you regardless of the situation. Don't accept the request if you're not sure you can do it. Honestly, say something like, “I'm not sure I can do it. You're a nice guy, but it looks like I need some time to get away for a bit."
- Some guys choose to “disappear” or stop contacting you after that. While you're bound to be upset afterward, understand that it's not necessarily the case that he hates you. Maybe he just felt too awkward and needed some time to be alone first.
Tips
- After successfully dating a guy you like, take some time to get to know each other better before moving on to something more serious. Remember, it's possible that he hasn't moved on to a more serious stage like seeing your parents or relatives.
- Make your expectations as clear as possible so that neither party is at risk of getting hurt in the relationship.
- Remember, every relationship moves in a different rhythm; that's why you shouldn't feel embarrassed or depressed if your relationship isn't developing as fast as the rest of your friends.
- Don't be in a hurry to express your feelings. Get to know the guy you like well; if possible, try to spend some time with him and reassess your interest afterward.
Warning
- It's perfectly normal to feel sad, angry, or depressed after receiving a rejection. To improve your emotional health, try to do activities you enjoy and spend as much time as possible with your closest friends.
- If your feelings are one-sided, don't keep interrupting the life of the guy you like. Trust me, the only thing you can do in that situation is to forget about it and move on with your life.
- Don't get irritated or aggressive if you experience rejection from a guy you like. Remember, there are many reasons for a person's refusal; maybe he's just not ready to date or the two of you aren't meant to be.
