Friends are very important to our life as social beings. We talk to them, seek support from them when feeling down, and celebrate success with them. As life progresses, friendships will change too, but sometimes not in a good way. You may feel like the friendship has come to an end, there may be no more in common, or the friendship has become poison. Then, you decide to end it. But how to do it without drama? This article will help determine whether a friendship should end and if so, provide an example of a subtle way to do so.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Assessing Friendship
Step 1. Think about whether you really want him out of your life
Ending a friendship can have a huge impact on your life (as well as hers). So, don't make hasty decisions when you're angry. Instead, think about it and write down some reasons why you became friends with him, then write down some things you no longer like in the friendship. This will give you insight into whether the friendship can be saved or whether you should end things.
- By specifying a clear reason why you want to end the friendship, you can be confident in your decision and communicate clearly with him. You will be able to rest easy, confident that you are doing the right thing for your own good.
- Remember that staying away from other people is natural and natural. That doesn't make you a bad person.
Step 2. Consider whether you want to end the friendship for a workable cause or because of a major change in personality
Minor misunderstandings can be the cause of conflict, your friend may not know that he is doing something to annoy you. It's possible that both of you have changed and are no longer compatible. If you've been friends with him since kindergarten and are now a teenager, you may now like a lot of different things and no longer have a good relationship.
- Are you considering ending the friendship because he forgot to come to your game or because he said something rude about your girlfriend? If this isn't a significant pattern of behavior, the friendship can be improved by letting him know that his behavior is hurting you.
- If you're tired of the friendship or don't like spending time with them, the connection has faded.
- If there are very few similarities, such as having a hard time finding something to do together or even something to talk about, then the friendship has come to an end.
- Is he a loving and wise friend who sometimes cancels plans or is always late? Think about whether this problem can be solved together to save the friendship.
- Does he have social anxiety, is shy, or is weird? Do you perhaps see a way to become the one who can guide him through that adversity?
Step 3. Look for signs of toxic friendships
Toxic friendships are unhealthy relationships that make you feel used all the time. If he insults you, is jealous of your other friends, or makes you unhappy with yourself after interacting with him, then maybe the friendship should end.
- Do you only hear from him when he needs something? Does he use you as a therapist, but never reciprocate, or ask you to do his homework?
- Does he only focus on the negative things in life? Think about whether this is situational because maybe he's just going through a rough patch. However, if that's what his behavior pattern is, he's probably not a healthy person to befriend.
- Is he very competitive, always getting into fights, or too dependent and demanding? Those are signs of a toxic friendship.
- Does he do things that get you in trouble? If he steals, hurts people, or is generally bad news, and you get dragged into it, chances are you're not destined to "fix" the problem. Prioritize your own good in this.
- Think about how you feel after being with him. If you often feel bad about yourself after meeting him, the friendship may not be healthy.
Step 4. Give him a chance to change
If the good in this friendship outweighs the bad, try to get your friend to talk about anything that made you angry or hurt. The problem can probably be fixed easily and the friendship doesn't need to be ended. Remember, no one is perfect, and there are ways to learn to be good friends.
- In a private conversation, say that his behavior jeopardizes the friendship. Say, "I don't like it when you flirt with my boyfriend" or "Hey, I can't if you're always late. Can you try to be on time?
- Ending a friendship with someone without giving them a chance to change is a traumatic experience. If he's a good friend, it's best to work this out before you break the tie.
Method 2 of 4: Gradually Get Away
Step 1. Decide whether a gradual step away is appropriate, or whether you should discuss the matter frankly
If he's an old friend or best friend, ending the friendship completely isn't the best tactic. If you're just looking to step back a little (perhaps from best friend to friend, or friend to acquaintance), gradually drifting away can work. However, if you want to end a relationship with your longest-serving friend, you owe him a decent talk. However, you may still need to start this process by taking some distance.
- If he or she is a 24/7 part of your life (classes, hangs out with the same groups, and engages in the same activities), you may want to try a gradual approach. Saying out loud that you don't want to be friends with him anymore, even though your life and his are intertwined, will create a big mess.
- If the friendship seems to be ending on its own (for example, the two of you barely have time for each other), just let the relationship weaken on its own. Here, you don't have to say you want to unfriend.
- Don't walk away without an explanation. Gradually withdrawing isn't the same as "vanishing," which means ignoring his attempts to contact you and pretending you don't know him. It's very painful, confusing, and may lead to drama.
- Know that this method can still cause heartache. Even if you don't say, "I don't want to be friends with you anymore," he will still find out and be confused and angry.
Step 2. Make yourself hard to find
When he makes plans, tell him how busy you are. You can use homework, family, religious obligations, and other reasons. Don't reply to her text messages right away and try not to talk on the phone often. When you talk, don't be long.
- Remember, don't be rude or mean. You certainly don't want to hurt his feelings. So take it lightly and say, “Sorry, I have to go first!”
- If you're not comfortable pretending to be busy when he calls, BUY yourself. Join a club or activity that interests you, but doesn't like. You can meet new people and have a valid reason to be busy so you can't be with them.
- Spend time with other friends, reconnect with family, or travel alone.
Step 3. Don't talk as much as usual
If you're used to telling everything about your crush or family issues, start cutting back. Talk about mundane things, like schoolwork.
If he wants to chat for hours about his girlfriend, try to find a way to get away or serve him a little. You can use the excuse of being busy and unable to chat, or only having five minutes to talk before doing anything else
Step 4. Don't take drastic steps on social media
Unfriending on social media will let other friends realize that you left your friend, perhaps before “he” knows what happened. Removing him from all social media is tantamount to announcing your personal decision, and messing up a subtle break-up plan.
Instead of unfriending them, try hiding your updates from them
Method 3 of 4: Taking an Outspoken Approach
Step 1. Plan what you are going to say
This is going to be a tough chat so you will need to write down the reasons or even create a script. Since you're trying to minimize day-to-day pain, make sure your reasons are stated wisely and don't blame or accuse them.
Maybe you need to discuss what to say with another close friend, sibling, or parent. This is okay and might even be a good idea, just make sure that the person is trustworthy. Your friend will be very hurt if you hear from someone else that you don't want to be friends with her anymore, or worse, from several other people
Step 2. Talk to him and tell him what happened
If he's a very close friend, you owe him an explanation and an opportunity to respond, don't just email or text. Be honest (but not rude), and don't make lousy excuses that keep him wondering what's really going on.
- Choose a quiet, private place where she can react without embarrassment (there may be tears). The canteen is not the right place for this discussion.
- Letters or emails can create misunderstandings. So, try to talk in person or at least over the phone. Moreover, he may show your private letter to other people.
- Try to be nice, but firm. Don't say, "Hey, you're bad now, our friendship ends here." Say, "Our friendship is now negative to me, and I think we should just stop being friends."
Step 3. Let him say what he wants
He may have his own questions and complaints. Maybe he'll get defensive, yell, get angry, or cry. It's okay, let him express his feelings (unless he's violent, you need to get out of there). Eventually, both of you will feel better about having had the opportunity to say what needs to be said even if it's difficult.
- He may feel guilty and want to try to save the friendship. If you want, feel free to talk.
- If he's trying to get you into a fight, don't be provoked. Don't get involved in dramatic scenes. Even if he curses, don't reply.
- Don't leave until he has mastered himself. He may be very affected, and you should stay by his side until he is strong enough to go out on his own.
Method 4 of 4: Facing Consequences
Step 1. Don't gossip when asked
People will notice and ask what happened. You can give non-specific reasons, such as “we just got away with it,” but don't go into details. Badmouthing an ex-friend is mean and immature, no matter what led to the end of the friendship.
If he's the one being rude, spreading rumors, or gossiping about you on social media, try not to be provoked. There's no point in holding on to that attitude and standing up for someone you no longer want as a friend. If there is a silver lining, it proves that you made the right decision
Step 2. Treat him politely when you meet him
It may be awkward at first, and she may feel angry or hurt, but still treat her with kindness and respect. Remember that he was once your friend, maybe even a best friend. So, appreciate that.
Don't give him a stiff stare or ignore him. Smile or nod to say hello, then leave or continue what you were doing
Step 3. Don't get dragged into the drama if others don't agree
There might be chaos if you and he were part of the same group of friends. Other friends may take your side, ask you to make up, or even get angry.
