Experiencing stalking is a terrifying experience that will leave a person feeling terrorized and powerless. According to statistics in America, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 13 men become a victim of stalking at some time in their lives, and usually the victim knows the perpetrator. If you think someone is stalking you, take certain steps to ensure your safety and gather evidence against the perpetrator. Don't forget to call 112 if you think you're in danger, or if you think you're being stalked.
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Method 1 of 5: Disconnecting Communication
Step 1. Avoid communicating with the perpetrator
The act of stalking makes the abuser feel as if he has power over you. If you react in any way, even simply telling him to leave, it means he's managed to manipulate you into giving him the response he's expecting. Never respond to or react to his behavior.
- Don't reply to text messages, emails, or comments on websites. Instead, keep all these communications as evidence.
- If you see the abuser, try not to show any reaction. He wants to see you react to make sure he's in control. Try to keep your face expressionless and passive, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work. It's not your fault the stalker behaves like that.
Step 2. Take all threats seriously
If a stalker threatens to harm you, either directly or indirectly, trust him. Call the police immediately and make a safety plan.
- Once in a safe place, make sure you record and report all the details of any threats you receive.
- The stalker may also threaten to commit suicide to manipulate you, especially if you have been in a romantic relationship with them in the past. If this happens, call the police. Don't let him manipulate you.
Step 3. Replace your electronic device
If the stalker has access to your phone or computer, buy a new one. Older devices may be infected with spyware or GPS trackers. Create a new email address and change your phone number.
- Send email from the new address to all of your closest contacts. You might say, “I need to change my email address because my ex-husband is currently harassing and stalking me. I beg you not to give this address to anyone else without my prior consent.”
- Change the passwords for all your online accounts, including bank accounts, shopping and entertainment sites.
- You may need to leave your old email and phone number active to gather evidence that you will use against the stalker, but don't forget to send that information to the police.
Method 2 of 5: Asking Family and Friends for Support
Step 1. Tell others about your situation
The most important thing you should do is tell other people about the stalking that bothers you. Share your concerns with trusted people to get the support network you need. These people can also supervise and help keep you safe.
- Talk to people you trust, such as family members, close friends, teachers, coworkers or members of a religious community you belong to.
- You can also tell people in authority at school or at work (for example, the principal, academic authorities, or office security) about your situation.
- Show a photo of the stalker or provide a detailed description of the person's appearance. Tell them what to do if they see the person. For example, “Please call the police immediately if you see one and let me know via WA so I can avoid.”
Step 2. Try to get some privacy on social media
Ask friends not to post any information about your whereabouts or upload photos of you. Consider deleting your account, or restricting its use strictly.
- Stalkers may use your publications on social media to track your whereabouts and find out about your day-to-day activities.
- If you find out who the stalker is and his online identity, block him from accessing your account again.
Step 3. Develop a plan
Prepare a plan that can be implemented immediately if you feel threatened. This plan could include a safe haven, easy access to important documents and phone numbers in an urgent situation, or sending a signal to others in an emergency.
- You may need to prepare an emergency bag containing documents and other necessities in case you need to leave quickly.
- Consider telling family and friends about a code word or phrase that indicates that you are in danger and cannot speak freely. For example, you might decide on the sentence “Would you like to order Thai food tonight?” as a signal to friends to call the police.
- If you have children, tell them which safe locations they should go to and who they should contact if you or they are in danger.
Method 3 of 5: Keeping Safe
Step 1. Change your routine
Vary your daily routine and try not to form certain habits. Take a different route to work and leave at a different time, buy coffee at a different cafe, or change your workout schedule.
Step 2. Stay alert when in public
Don't focus too much on your phone, or listen to music through headphones in public. Remember this saying, "It's safer in a crowd". So, ask friends or family to accompany you if you want to go somewhere if you need to.
- Don't walk alone at night. Ask a friend to drive you home.
- Make sure you bring all personal items. For example, don't forget where you put your wallet or jacket.
Step 3. Don't do the exercise alone
Join the gym or take friends on a bike ride. Exercise in crowded, well-lit places.
- Don't wear headphones. Bring self-defense tools, such as pepper spray.
- Invite friends to exercise together. For example, if you like running, invite a friend to accompany you to practice for a race.
Step 4. Learn self-defense skills
Knowing how to defend yourself in the event of an attack can help you feel stronger and prepared. You can also learn how to be more aware of your surroundings.
- Take self-defense courses. You can usually find self-defense classes at your local gym, community center, college, or martial arts club.
- Take self-defense tools, such as pepper spray, with you when traveling and make sure you know how to use them. Consider seeking recommendations on appropriate self-defense equipment from the police.
Step 5. Secure your home
Take precautions to protect your home and keep yourself safe when you are at home. Tell a neighbor you can trust about your situation so they can also watch for suspicious behavior. Here are some precautions you can take:
- Make sure the doors and windows are always locked, even when you are at home. Close the curtains.
- Give a spare key to one of the neighbors rather than hiding it around the house, for example under a pot.
- Install a camera or security system at home.
Step 6. Be careful when opening the door
You may have to stop opening the door every time the bell rings, unless you're waiting for someone to arrive. Don't be afraid to be rude: It's better to be rude, but congratulations.
- Ask a friend or family member to call you when they are at your door, or identify yourself by saying your name while knocking on the door. For example, “Hello, Julia! It's Caca! I'm at the door!”
- Consider changing the delivery address to work, if possible, or to a friend or relative's house.
- If you ask someone else to work in your home, such as an electrician, ask them to show an ID.
- Install a peephole in the door if it isn't already there.
Method 4 of 5: Gathering Evidence and Exploring Legal Options
Step 1. Talk to a lawyer
The law in Indonesia does not recognize the crime of stalking as in other countries (eg the US) so that the act cannot be punished. However, if an act makes you feel intimidated, terrorized, or frightened, you can report it to the police and charge the perpetrator with Article 335 of the Criminal Code regarding unpleasant acts.
Step 2. Call the police
A stalker can be considered to have committed an act that violates article 335 of the Criminal Code, or committed another crime such as damaging your property. Talk to the police about what you can do. They will open the case and tell you the best precautions you can take and what kind of information will be of use to them.
Step 3. Request a restraining order
If you know the stalker's identity, you can file a restraining order against him to protect yourself. You can discuss this with the police or a lawyer.
To get more information on Article 335 of the Criminal Code, click here
Step 4. Save all evidence
Record and save any text messages, emails or phone calls that contain threats. Send it to the police who handled your case. Don't throw away any evidence you got from the stalker, leave it to the police.
- Take screenshots of all the evidence of stalking on the internet and send it to the police. You can also report the issue to the website maintainer, who may be able to help you or the police track down the stalker's location.
- If you suspect a stalker has tampered with your property, report it to the police (for both insurance and proof purposes), and make sure you take photos of the damage.
Step 5. Create an incident log
Record all the details of each encounter with the stalker. Write down the date and time of the incident, what happened, and your follow-up with the police.
- If someone else you know sees the stalker on a regular basis, such as a co-worker or roommate, ask them to make their own incident log detailing when they saw/meeted the stalker as additional evidence.
- Here is an example incident log that you can use as a reference.
Method 5 of 5: Identifying Stalker Behavior
Step 1. Trust your instincts
If you're not comfortable with the situation, don't take your reaction too far. The stalker spreads terror to his victims because he wants to have power over them and be in control of the situation. If someone is constantly showing up in your life in various ways, and starting to cause discomfort, there's a good chance you're dealing with a stalker.
A stalker is not a person who shows himself constantly and annoys you. Repeated encounters can only be considered stalking only if they begin to exercise power over you and frighten you
Step 2. Decide if the person is stalking you
Try to identify the warning signals and typical behavior of a stalker, including:
- The person is following you (whether you know it or not)
- Calling many times and disconnecting, or sending a lot of unwanted text messages or emails
- Show up at home, school, or work, or wait for you outside these places
- Leave a gift for you
- Damage to your home or other property
Step 3. Identify the stalker's identity
In most cases, the stalker is someone the victim knows. He may be an ex-lover, an acquaintance, or a relative, but it is possible that he is a complete stranger.
- If you know the stalker, provide police with all the information you know about the person, including electronic information such as an email address or username. Provide a photo of him if you have one.
- If you don't know him, try to record a video or take a secret photo of him. Write down the license plate number of the car and its description in as much detail as possible.
