Whether you realize it or not, a lack of self-awareness can interfere with your relationships with other people, distance you from social circles, and lead to deep feelings of loneliness. Assessing the level of self-sensitivity is not easy. But asking yourself these two questions might help: “How do you react emotionally when faced with a situation?” and “How is your relationship with the people around you so far?”. Be aware, insensitivity can also be caused by mental disorders that make it difficult for a person to empathize. Make sure you don't ignore the possibility either.
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Method 1 of 3: Assessing Your Behavior
Step 1. Ask yourself, "Do I really care?
" Lack of empathy is one of the characteristics of an insensitive person. Everyone's level of empathy is different; some people are much more sensitive than others, and that's human. In social life, people who have low levels of empathy will usually look "cold" and indifferent in the eyes of others.
- There are two types of empathy: cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. Someone who has cognitive empathy is able to understand the perspective of another person logically by seeing things from that person's perspective. You may not be overly emotional to other people's perspectives, but at least you're able to understand them logically. Meanwhile, someone who has emotional empathy is able to "capture" the emotions of others. For example, if you know someone else is getting bad news, you'll feel sad too.
- Determine if you have one of the two types of empathy. Do you try to understand the other person's perspective when they are explaining something to you? Do you consciously make an effort to ask questions, understand the information provided, and listen to it? When a friend or relative feels sad or frustrated, do you feel the same? Can you quickly understand other people's feelings? If your friend or coworker looks angry, are you moved to ask what happened?
- Oftentimes, insensitive people have a hard time understanding the needs and emotions of others. Using the radio analogy, the other person's needs and emotions are not on the same frequency as their understanding. Think about how often you try to understand other people's perspectives. If you spend most of your time thinking about yourself, you may simply be insensitive to other people.
Step 2. Observe how people respond to you
Without realizing it, people who are not sensitive tend to "get rid of" the people around them. Observing other people's responses to you can help determine your level of sensitivity.
- If you're in a social situation, do other people often talk to you first? If the opposite happened, how would your interlocutor react? Do they want to chat with you for a long time or often find excuses to leave the conversation? If you often behave and act insensitive, usually the people around you will seem wary when it comes to talking to you.
- Do people often laugh at your jokes? Often times, people who are insensitive will tell jokes that are prone to be misunderstood by others. If the person who hears your joke isn't laughing, is quiet, or is laughing uncomfortably, you may simply be insensitive.
- Do people tend to look to you when they need something? If you are insensitive, people are usually reluctant to ask you for help or openly share their problems with you. If you're often the last person in your group to hear about the latest news, such as news of your friend's divorce or the death of a family member, it could be because you often make inappropriate comments in these situations. This is a sign of your insensitivity.
- Are there people who have been unequivocal about your insensitivity? Despite the fact that this is the case, most people tend to ignore the criticism and think the critic is overly sensitive. But if someone, or several people, are criticizing you, try reflecting. It could be that their criticism is true.
Step 3. Consider your behavior
Everyone's insensitivity is different. But you certainly know that there are certain behaviors that are generally considered rude or inappropriate. Maybe you are not sensitive if you often do the things below:
- Discuss topics that are boring or difficult for others to understand. For example, you constantly talk about the major you took during your master's degree, even though you know that no one in the room understands your topic.
- Giving opinions at inappropriate times, such as criticizing obesity out loud in front of a coworker who you know is overweight.
- Bring up topics that are inappropriate for the audience at that time, such as discussing drug use in front of the spouse's parents.
- Get annoyed when someone doesn't understand your topic.
- Directly judging other people's faults or judging a situation without really understanding the background of the problem.
- Being rude and demanding to the waiters in the restaurant.
- Being overly direct or critical of others. For example, if you don't like someone's clothes, you might choose comments like "That dress makes you look fat" instead of not commenting or make more thoughtful suggestions like "I think black will make you look sexier."
Method 2 of 3: Studying Self-Awareness and Empathy
Step 1. Learn to read other people's emotions
You may find it difficult to read physical signals that simultaneously indicate a person's emotions. But believe me, actually all humans are born with this ability. Like any other skill, you'll get smarter and more used to it if you take the time to train yourself.
- Observe people in crowded places (such as malls, nightclubs, or parks) and try to identify their feelings. Try observing the current situation, as well as their body language and expressions to determine who is feeling embarrassed, stressed, excited, and so on.
- Read other people's body language, especially facial expressions, and observe how it is used to convey different emotions. For example, sadness is often indicated by drooping eyelids, slightly lowered corners of the lips, and raised inner eyebrows.
- Watch a soap opera or short television series, and try to identify the emotions the actors are conveying. Re-examine the situation at the time, as well as their facial expressions and body language. Turn off the television volume so you can't hear the dialogue. Once your sensitivity has been trained, try watching a longer film. Movie actors usually show more "smooth" and invisible emotions and expressions than soap opera actors, making them more difficult to identify.
Step 2. Learn to show concern
You may seem insensitive because, basically, you feel awkward or uncomfortable when it comes to showing emotions. Instead of making stiff or insincere comments when you see someone angry, it's a good idea to keep quiet. If a friend of yours is grieving, you may sound forced when you say, "Sorry about that." But believe me, if you're willing to force yourself to do it, over time the sentence will sound more natural.
Step 3. Understand why you need emotions
To you, sadness may be a spoiled, useless, and illogical feeling. You may wonder why these people are not able to understand their problems and find solutions so there is no need to grieve. But know that emotions, like logic, are an important part of the decision-making process. Emotions can motivate you to change your life, just as emotional discomfort often pushes you out of a boring routine.
- Emotions are needed to establish connections with others, as well as create healthy and positive social interactions.
- Remember, emotions are part of being a human being. Even if you don't understand it or find it useless, understand that other people don't necessarily feel that way.
- In certain situations, it's okay to want to fake your emotions. You may not understand why someone can be so angry or so happy, but pretending to understand is sometimes the most sensitive thing you can do in a situation. Personally, you may not be able to feel the happiness your co-worker feels when their new nephew is born. But what's wrong with giving your best smile along with congratulations?
Step 4. Be aware of your emotions
Often, your feelings may leave you confused or uncomfortable. It's also possible that you've been trained to hide or suppress your emotions; or just listen to your logic. For whatever reason, you may have separated yourself so completely from your own feelings that it's hard to empathize with others.
- If you're suppressing your emotions because you're struggling with trauma, or if you have frequent anxiety disorders, consider asking a counselor or psychologist for help.
- Try asking yourself throughout the day, "How do I feel now?". Pausing to examine your condition can help you identify feelings that have arisen or will arise in the future.
- Identify the things you often use to avoid your emotions: distracting yourself from video games or television shows, focusing solely on work, drinking alcohol, over-analyzing situations, or even making jokes about the situation.
- Allow yourself to feel the emotion. If you are in a safe and calm place, stop suppressing your emotions. Allow your body to let out all the emotions you're feeling and try to observe how your body reacts. Noticing any physical changes that occur (such as furrowing eyebrows or pursed lips when you're angry) can help you identify emotions that arise, either in yourself or in others.
Method 3 of 3: Considering Psychological Factors
Step 1. Learn the symptoms of narcissism
Narcissism disorder is a psychiatric disorder that encourages a person to behave arrogantly and find it difficult to empathize with others. According to research conducted by the American Psychiatric Association, narcissism disorders are relatively rare in society (the prevalence ranges from 0% to 6.2% of the entire study sample). Based on the same sample, it was found that 50%-75% of people with the disorder are male.
- Some symptoms of narcissism disorder are the emergence of excessive self-arrogance, the emergence of the need for recognition or praise, the emergence of the need to exaggerate one's talents or achievements, the emergence of envy of others or feel that others are jealous of them, and expect to be treated differently by the surrounding environment. People who have this disorder tend to think that the earth and everything in it revolves only around themselves and their personal needs.
- A simple criticism or obstacle can usually have a big impact on those with narcissism (and sometimes even lead to depression). In fact, it is this impact that will usually make them look for help from experts. If you do, there's no need to wait until you're affected to ask for help. If you are starting to experience symptoms of narcissism, make an appointment with a counselor or psychologist as soon as possible.
Step 2. Also consider the possibility of autism, including Asperger's Syndrome
Autistic individuals often have difficulty understanding social signals, and also have difficulty knowing how to make the right response. They tend to speak frankly and frankly, which can sometimes be mistaken for insensitive behavior.
- If you really care about other people's feelings, don't want to upset them, but are still called insensitive, you may be an autistic individual. The “insensitivity” in most autistic individuals is often due to misunderstanding, confusion, and misunderstanding, not a lack of concern.
- Some other symptoms of autism are overly strong emotions, unusual anxiety, reluctance to make eye contact, lethargy, excessive interest in things, need for routine, and awkwardness.
- Although autistic individuals are often diagnosed early in life, in some people, the symptoms tend to be hidden or difficult to detect; as a result, some people do not receive a diagnosis until they are teenagers or adults. If you feel you are experiencing symptoms of autism, immediately convey your complaint to a counselor, doctor, or expert psychologist.
Step 3. Read the literature on various personality disorders
Most personality disorders make the sufferer behave and behave insensitive to other people. Personality disorders can be explained as psychiatric disorders that trigger the emergence of long-term unhealthy behavior and thought patterns. While most personality disorders can cause some degree of insensitivity, the following disorders are most commonly associated with a lack of empathy:
- Antisocial personality disorder that makes it difficult for the sufferer to distinguish between right and wrong, is filled with hatred, aggressive, acts violently, has difficulty maintaining long-term relationships, carries out risky actions, and often feels superior.
- borderline personality disorder (often called BPD) which makes it difficult for the sufferer to regulate his own emotions or thoughts, constantly engages in impulsive and reckless behavior, and has difficulty maintaining stable long-term relationships.
- Meanwhile, people with schizophrenia and schizotypal disorders tend to like to be alone, have delusions, and experience excessive social anxiety.
Step 4. If you feel the need, see a counselor or expert psychiatrist
If you feel you are experiencing one or more of the above disorders, immediately seek help from a counselor, psychologist, or even a psychiatrist. You can indeed diagnose yourself by filling out online questionnaires available on the internet, but you can only get a reliable diagnosis from experts. Try searching through your insurance records to find out which clinic, hospital or doctor can treat you. You can also ask for recommendations directly from your regular doctor. If you are still in college, ask if your university provides free counseling services.
