You already know that dating a coworker/classmate might not be a great idea, but six months ago you didn't want to listen to logic. Relationships are fun, but if you have to see each other every day after a breakup, you'll need a strategy to deal with the awkward situation. A successful strategy should focus on removing yourself from awkward situations, adopting a positive lifestyle, and moving on with life.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Letting Go of the Situation
Step 1. Accept your loss
Love relationships are important and allow us to experience emotional ups and downs, get to know ourselves, and learn to love and be loved. Love is an essential element for living a happy life. In a breakup there must be a grieving process, both for those who decide and those who are decided.
- Tell him, “I just wanted to say that our decision was not pleasant. I know for some time it will be difficult and awkward for us to see each other. I will try to respect your boundaries and I will appreciate it if you do the same.” This may lead to further discussion and at that point you can state what you expect.
- It is important for you to recognize that the relationship is indeed important to your personal development, regardless of how long or deep the relationship is.
- If you deny the feelings associated with a breakup and pretend the relationship doesn't matter, you won't learn from the experience.
Step 2. Be sad
Most people are taught how to achieve something, but very few people are taught to lose something. Whatever you've lost, a relationship, a loved one, a job, or a trust, the damage done must be understood and addressed. Sadness is a complex emotion that takes many forms.
- There are several stages of the grieving process that can be used as a guide to understanding your unique experience with grief, namely denial, numbness and shock, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance.
- Keep a journal and write down how you feel at each stage.
- Grief is an individual process. Everyone feels it differently.
- Each stage may take a different amount of time.
- Don't push yourself and don't let others chase you through grief. Grief must be given time and is an important part of the recovery process.
Step 3. Control yourself
The effects of a breakup feel like an emotional setback. You need your full attention and effort to get through it. Look for ways to determine the starting point for facing challenges. It's normal for you to sink to a certain point, and each time you control yourself, your self-confidence builds even more.
Tell yourself, “I can. I can work with him because I'm strong and I'll be fine.”
Step 4. Anticipate all scenarios
Evaluate all possible interactions by flipping through them in your head or in discussion with a trusted friend. Choose someone you trust and won't gossip with other people. You certainly don't want to fan the smoke. If you have rehearsed verbal and physical responses prior to the actual interaction, the anxiety will be reduced and you can assess the rehearsed abilities as needed.
- Ask yourself, "What should I do if I run into him in the elevator?" The natural response is to say, “Hi. It's a bit strange, isn't it?”
- You can always wait for another lift. No one is forcing you to do anything you don't want to do.
Step 5. Don't rush the process
Emotions don't respond well to being rushed or pushed aside. Recovering from the end of the relationship takes time, and you may be tired or impatient. Direct your energy into activities that help take your mind off it.
- Participating in activities you enjoy will help you pass the time and balance any intense emotions you may be feeling.
- Forget your worries by watching TV or marathon watching TV series. Stay away from romantic comedies and love stories that might just confuse you even more.
- Divert your time and attention by playing a board game or joining a book club.
Step 6. Create displacement by taking action
The most obvious and overt response to this problem is to change jobs, places of residence, or class schedules. This is probably the most practical course of action. However, some people are tied to their jobs, can't just change places of residence, or aren't allowed to change classes. So, create an artificial “move” to take the distance.
- Take another direction upon arrival at work.
- Avoid his routine so as not to cross paths.
- Sit at the far end of the room or out of sight in class.
- Do what you have to do to create space between you and him. This will give the impression of progress in adjusting to the situation.
- Don't wait for him to walk away from you. You have to distance yourself from him, so do it as quickly as possible.
Part 2 of 3: Developing a Positive Lifestyle
Step 1. Take advantage of this situation
Change is good. Your relationship with him may be emotionally exhausting and make you stressed instead of happy. Accept the freedom you now have, the freedom that brings new opportunities.
- Feel the relief that you no longer have to worry about other people or be bothered by the drama they have brought into your life.
- Enjoy time outside of work by fostering healthy relationships with friends and other potential future partners.
Step 2. Stay positive when you come into contact with him
Try to keep the interaction "light and cheerful," that is, avoid deep ideas, discussions, problems, or complaints. Show a calmness and optimism that cannot be shaken by the negativity or awkwardness of the situation.
- Focusing on the positive will keep you from having a negative discussion.
- Nothing can undermine your strength if you stay positive. Reacting to an emotion-provoking comment is tantamount to surrendering your power to him. Your feelings are in your own control and responsibility. This is an important action.
Step 3. Don't judge
Accept yourself. If you feel guilty or regret ever having a relationship with a coworker or classmate, you should forgive yourself. This does not mean forgiving and “forgetting”, then repeating it again. Forgive with the intention of learning from mistakes and stop sabotaging yourself in the future.
Step 4. Try faking it
Actors are paid to pretend. You may not be an actor, but there are times when you have to pretend you're okay when you really aren't. This is a way to protect yourself from further pain. Get away from awkward interactions in whatever way you can.
- Then, discuss it with a trusted friend or family member so you can digest the mixed feelings.
- Sharing your feelings is a legitimate way to digest your feelings and will likely make you feel better.
Step 5. Try to stay still
Many people are uncomfortable with being silent. They feel obligated to say something as if it would reduce the tension. Get used to being comfortable with silence. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Choose to be comfortable with silence, and you won't feel awkward.
- Silence is not rude.
- Keep in mind that many people are uncomfortable with silence so they may say or ask something. Give answers in an appropriate way.
Part 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Learn from mistakes
If your relationship was a painful mistake, let the pain keep you from making the same mistake in the future. Rules of life exist for a reason. Obeying those rules will lead you to happiness and away from pain. Follow these simple but wise principles to ensure a bright future.
Step 2. Rely on yourself in a recovery strategy
Relying on yourself will help you overcome a breakup. You know what will make you happy, so take part in activities that promote positive feelings.
Step 3. Seek professional help to identify the behavior you want to change if it is difficult to do it yourself
You can see psychologists and psychiatrists in your city or seek information through the Indonesian Psychological Association and the Indonesian Mental Medicine Specialist Association.
Step 4. Prioritize yourself and the life you want
You live to live and enjoy it. Putting yourself first is a reminder that you deserve to be happy, and the world will notice. As you reach a level of recovery after a bad experience, others will notice positive changes. You are sending a signal that you are ready for good things to happen.
Others may say, “What's different about you? You look great." You might respond with, “Thank you. Yes, I decided to be happy and it worked.”
Tips
- Human behavior is sometimes difficult to understand. You can make mistakes, but don't repeat them.
- If you see him with someone, don't be jealous, even if you feel that way.
- Show your ex that you are happy and okay without him.
- Don't rush into a new relationship.
- Don't try to make her jealous by being in a relationship with someone she doesn't like. Take care of other people's feelings.
- He may be trying to get you to come back. Make the right and well thought out decision by considering all the available options.
- Find something to do. A new hobby or activity will take your mind off it.
- Ask your supportive friends to refer to him as your friend, not your ex.
- Live life strong and confident so you can attract healthy relationships.
- Think about your ex's love relationship.
Warning
- If you try to befriend him and he keeps avoiding you, so be it. Not everyone has to be your friend. You certainly wouldn't accept such an attitude from a friend.
- Don't be too sweet and don't flirt just for fun because he might think you want to get back together with him. Don't mislead people with bad intentions.
- Realize that alcohol will reduce your self-control and increase your chances of making bad decisions that you will regret.
- You may experience setbacks and make mistakes. Over time, other people can no longer tolerate your attitude.
- If you're always trying to build relationships at work, the reputation you will build is detrimental enough to put you at risk of being fired or accused of sexual harassment.
