Having trouble making friends with new people? Accepting this reality is not easy, but try to do it to recognize your perspective and/or to change yourself for the better! As the acceptance process continues, you may find that the preferences you've had so far aren't really detrimental, especially since you're already quite satisfied and happy with the circle of friends you currently have. By changing your self-perception, you will undoubtedly find it easier to accept yourself as you are, embrace your natural personality, and build a social life that you can enjoy more.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Overhauling Your Self-Perception
Step 1. Stop hurting yourself
Constantly worrying about your social life won't change anything. Therefore, try to be more relaxed. Build more positive thoughts instead of constantly punishing yourself with negative thoughts. After all, it's easier for you to open up to new people if you treat yourself well.
For example, stop saying, “I can't talk to other people. Instead, replace the thought with, "It's okay, if sometimes I feel nervous around people I just met."
Step 2. Understand that not everyone has to like you
The fact is, you can't please everyone, and trying to do so will only make you lose the uniqueness and privilege that sets you apart from others. Therefore, do not address the refusal of others to befriend you personally because in truth, the rejection only shows that the two of you are not suitable for each other.
Step 3. Observe the friendships around you
Although everyone seems happy in their social life, try to observe them more closely. In fact, what is visible on the outside is not necessarily the same as what is on the inside. In other words, quite a lot of friendships are not as happy and/or as healthy as they seem. If you're able to spot imperfections in other people's relationships, you're more likely than not to confine yourself to unreasonable social standards.
For example, some friendships are based entirely on convenience rather than common interests. Meanwhile, there are also friendship relationships based on the desire to gain attention, popularity, or even financial gain
Step 4. Realize that not everyone is born good at socializing
Some people have extroverted personalities, which means they absorb energy from interactions with other people. As a result, they tend to adapt more easily to their surroundings and are more active in initiating conversations. Meanwhile, there are also people with introverted personalities, which means they prefer to be alone because they see social interaction as a tiring activity, maybe even difficult. Unfortunately, modern society has a tendency to glorify extroverted and open-minded behavior. As a result, you may feel "not ideal" if you have a more introverted personality. If you feel that way, realize that you are not the only person who has an introverted personality in this world, and introverts also have privileges that should not be underestimated, lo!
- People with introverted personalities tend to be more creative, value intense relationships, and like to contemplate. Who says introverts can't be seen as social or don't have charisma in social relationships? In fact, they both show it in different ways. In other words, they generally prefer more intimate chats that don't involve too many people. There's nothing wrong with that preference, right?
- Always remember that personality is a spectrum, and most people fall somewhere between the extrovert and the introvert area.
- Quite a lot of people who seem extroverted or easy to make friends with new people aren't actually born with that character. In other words, they have gone through various training processes and social forgings to reach that stage. If you really want it, you can do it too!
Step 5. Decide whether or not you need to make changes
Are you happy with the current condition? Think about the answer carefully before making a decision! In fact, quite a lot of people are more concerned with the quality of their friendship than the number of friends they have. If that's you too, there's no need to change anything, regardless of other people's comments. However, if you really want to change, feel free to do so, as long as the changes are made to please yourself, not to please others.
In fact, most introverted or shy people feel more comfortable with a circle of friends that are not too big. After all, not everyone has to have an extroverted and chatty personality, right?
Method 2 of 3: Managing Personality
Step 1. Make a list of your positive qualities
Build confidence by writing down all the qualities you are proud of. Going forward, keep track of the contents of the list whenever you feel embarrassed around other people or start to feel compelled to criticize yourself.
If you want to have more friends, try to think of your positive qualities as a friend. For example, you may be a very kind person, easy to accept people for who they are, and can be trusted
Step 2. Identify the problems that make it difficult for you to make new friends
Be honest with yourself and think about the various possibilities behind the situation. Self-analysis is not easy to do. However, believe that after knowing the answer, you will undoubtedly be helped to change yourself for the better more easily.
- Generally, a person has difficulty making friends with new people because they have excessive shyness, have social anxiety disorder, complain too much, and/or are used to holding too high expectations of others.
- If you don't know why it's so hard for you to make friends with other people, try asking someone you trust for advice. However, make sure you have prepared yourself to hear the answer, yes!
Step 3. Turn weaknesses into strengths
Instead of trying to eliminate your weakness, why not try to find a way to turn it into a profitable strength? Trust me, turning weaknesses into strengths is generally much easier than trying to change your whole personality.
For example, if you've been less intelligent or less active in speaking, try practicing active listening skills. This way, other people will feel more comfortable opening up to you
Step 4. Learn to enjoy being alone
Increase your sense of security by being comfortable when you have to spend time alone. The trick is to take advantage of your solitude to do whatever activity you've always wanted to do on a regular basis. Make this moment of solitude an opportunity to contemplate your strengths, weaknesses, and hopes.
Once you're more comfortable and used to being alone, you'll always feel positive, regardless of the number of friends you have. As a result, you won't be tempted to enter unhealthy friendships just for the sake of making new friends
Method 3 of 3: Building a Healthy Social Life
Step 1. Show a positive and friendly attitude
Smile every time you have to get out of the house, even whenever nervousness kicks in. Treat others with kindness and empathy too! For example, instead of constantly complaining, try to make comments that are more positive because basically, people who look happy and emit a positive aura are people who are more fun to interact with or get to know more deeply.
Step 2. Engage in activities you enjoy
Do you often feel embarrassed when you have to interact with new people? Start changing yourself by getting out of the house more often to do things that interest you. Trust me, it's much easier to defuse the tension with a new person in a situation that interests both of you.
For example, join a community of people with similar hobbies, volunteer to address an issue that interests you, or sign up for a competition that can develop your skills
Step 3. Hold on to the people closest to you
Most likely, you already have a very strong support network! For example, the closest people such as parents, teachers, and relatives may be a support system that has been motivating you to continue to grow stronger. If you have such a support system, feel free to spend more time with them, even asking for their help and advice when needed.
Step 4. Be careful in choosing friends
Don't be in a hurry to make friends with someone you just met. In other words, get to know someone gradually and at the same time, invest more time and energy in people you really care about and have proven to treat you well over the years. Remember, it's better to have one close, trusted friend than to be involved in many shallow friendships.
