Grief is a normal and natural human emotion, and the desire to comfort a grieving friend, family, partner, or acquaintance is natural. You can help someone who is very sad by showing concern (empathy, warmth, and acknowledgment) so that they feel better, and doing positive activities with them.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Showing Concern
Step 1. Approach the person
To help someone who is grieving, you need to be able to approach the person and start a conversation. How you approach the person will depend on your relationship with them.
Approach the person and talk to them. You can start by saying, "hey, how are you?" If he simply replies, “Okay,” you can say, “I think you're sad. Don't you want to talk?" If he says no, you should respect his decision to be alone; say, "I understand. I'm here if you want to talk." After that, you can try approaching him again later if you want
Step 2. Provide support
Say that you want to support your friend or acquaintance.
- Tell him that you really care about him and his situation, and say that you are by his side. Offer help. You can say, "I know you're sad and I just want you to know that I'm here for you."
- Ask what you can do to help. You can say, “I want to help you as much as I can. Is there anything I can help? We can talk about it if you want.”
Step 3. Show empathy
Part of being empathetic is matching the person's feelings or emotions. If he's sad, you should look worried too. Try to feel the other person's emotions and reflect those emotions. Don't smile or laugh when someone is crying or sad.
Show warmth and understanding. Use physical touch such as hugs, holding someone's hand if you feel comfortable and appropriate. You can ask, "Can I hug you?"
Step 4. Acknowledge her feelings
Most people show sadness in various ways; this may be a normal reaction when faced with a difficult situation. Acknowledging sadness can help a person gain acceptance for the emotions he or she is feeling.
- You can say, “I know you're sad. That makes sense. This is a difficult situation. I'm also sad that you're going through this."
- Don't ask people who are sad not to feel their emotions. Never say, "don't be sad". This can make him feel that his grief is not important.
- Another way to make sense of your feelings is to educate your friend about grief, grief, and loss. You can explain that it's normal to feel denial, anger, and other sad reactions in situations like this.
Step 5. Let her cry
Crying can improve health by clearing and releasing accumulated emotions. Encourage your friends or family to let their emotions out if it seems like they want to.
- Sit with your friend when she cries. You can give him a tissue, rub his back (if appropriate), or tell him to "get it out."
- You can continue by saying, “It's okay if you want to cry. Sometimes it's good to get those feelings out.”
- Don't say, "please don't cry". This sends a signal that he should not let his emotions out and that you are uncomfortable with his sadness.
Step 6. Listen actively
Active listening is focusing solely on the other person and their experiences. Try not to think about what you are going to say next and listen to everything the person has to say.
Ask clarifying questions to show you're paying attention. For example, “I heard you were sad because your dog went missing and you wanted to find him, right?”
Step 7. Leave him alone if necessary
Respect your friend's boundaries and wishes. If he doesn't want to talk about what's bothering him, you can start helping him feel better and doing other activities with him.
To show that you understand his desire to be alone, you can say, “I understand that you don't want to talk about your problems and want to be alone. I'm here if you want to chat or play.”
Method 2 of 3: Helping Someone Feel Better
Step 1. Be positive and hopeful
This means not letting someone's sadness make you sad too. You have to be able to regulate your own emotions and not get carried away by sadness. Otherwise, you won't be able to help your friend much.
Take a break from the conversation if you need some time to cool off. Maybe you can ask permission to go to the bathroom. Take deep breaths, or let your emotions out if necessary
Step 2. Give him a gift
Based on the “5 love languages”, many people like to receive gifts as a way to show love and support. This can be very helpful in comforting someone who is grieving and showing that you are understanding and supportive.
- Give gifts like flowers, cards, or his favorite candy.
- If you don't have much money, try writing a loving letter or making your own gifts (crafts, etc.).
Step 3. Help him change his negative thinking
Sometimes, people can have negative (and untrue) thoughts that add to feelings of sadness or guilt. For example, some people tend to personalize an event or situation thereby creating unnecessary negative emotions.
- For example, when your friend says, "It's all my fault Fido ran away". Help your friend divert this type of thinking by offering alternatives and showing that you disagree in a calm manner. You can say, “You love Fido and have done it all. Maybe he just left and forgot his way home.”
- Some people may have negative thoughts and try to predict the future like when your friend said, “I will never be able to find Fido again”. This was wrong thinking because he could not predict what would happen. You can say softly, “There's still a chance that Fido will meet you, really. I still believe we can find him.”
- Don't blame other people. Encourage your friend to focus on what he or she can do in the situation rather than thinking too much about the other person's contribution to the problem; this can increase anger and reduce his ability to think logically and solve problems.
Step 4. Solve the problem
When a person feels sad, he usually has difficulty thinking rationally and trying to find solutions to his problems. Encourage your friend to treat his emotions as information. His sadness signals that something is wrong and may have to be worked out. Then you can help think of possible solutions and try to do it.
- For example, if your friend lost their dog, you could say, “Let's find a solution together. What do you think we should do first?”
- Offer possible solutions. For example, you might say, “I have an idea. Let's try calling the local shelter. Who knows someone will find it."
Method 3 of 3: Participate in Various Activities with That Person
Step 1. Encourage him to seek positive entertainment
Help your friends find healthy sources of entertainment. The skill to comfort yourself is a way of dealing with negative feelings and situations. This way, he can express and recover without making him more sad.
- Some examples of positive ways to deal with sadness are: spiritual or religious activities, creative practice (art), nature-related activities, and mindfulness or meditation.
- Do not drink alcohol or abuse other harmful substances with your friends or family. This can be very dangerous and does not indicate healthy self-consolation or less sadness. To discourage using drugs or alcohol to entertain yourself, you can guide your friend and offer an alternative by saying, "I've read that entertaining yourself with alcohol can be problematic and your ability to deal with your emotions and problems will decrease. How about we watch a movie together?"
Step 2. Distract the attention
Often times, people contemplate or think negative thoughts excessively and get caught up in an emotion. Help your friend distract her to reduce this rumination.
Some of these useful diversions include: watching happy movies, listening to happy music, dancing, naming colors or objects in a room, and playing games
Step 3. Spend quality time together
Spending time with your friend can help cheer them up and encourage social support. Support is very important in helping a person cope with grief.
- Do creative activities together such as painting, drawing, playing musical instruments, writing songs, making candles, and so on.
- Go out into the wild. Have a picnic in a scenic spot. Head to the beach and relax on the sand.
- Exercise together. You can hike a mountain, go for a run, or just go for a walk together.
