Many people are very shy. Shy people don't feel comfortable around people they don't know. In a room full of strangers, they remain alone, away from the crowd, as if in a world of their own. When they are comfortable with other people, they will open up, which can be a lot of fun. When a shy friend begins to open up, you may forget how shy he or she was when you first met them. Learn how to break the silence and make friends with very shy people.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Approaching Shy People
Step 1. Walk towards it alone, not in a group
Give a friendly smile. Be calm and polite. Introduce yourself and ask his name. Don't speak in a tone so excited that the shy person becomes uncomfortable. Speak softly in a casual tone.
- Make sure your approach is friendly and fun, but don't be so passionate that it seems insincere. You can say something like “Hi, I see you're alone here. I'm Jeff, who are you?"
- Approaching the person alone and not in a group increases the likelihood that the person will be attracted to you. Shy people usually feel uncomfortable and intimidated by large groups.
Step 2. At first, make slight eye contact
Shy people tend to feel introspective or awkward in social situations. This feeling increases when you feel a sharp gaze. Staring at another person without blinking can feel threatening. So try to look away from time to time to help your new friend feel more comfortable.
- Science shows that direct eye contact increases self-awareness, which is an uncomfortable state for very shy people.
- To increase the comfort level with you, try to maintain between 30-60 percent eye contact during conversation time. Usually you should make eye contact a little more often when listening than when speaking.
- To help your new friend adjust to you, stand next to him and not in front of him. This position often feels less threatening. Be sure to rotate your body slightly to show interest and interest in him.
Step 3. Ask open-ended questions
To attract shy people, you can ask a few questions. Open-ended questions, i.e. questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer, are the best. This type of question allows the person to answer the question in his or her own words instead of providing a limited choice of answers. It also gives your potential friend the opportunity to talk as little or as much as she wants.
- For example, if you are at a social gathering, and you want to strike up a conversation with a shy person who is in the corner or leaning against a wall, you might ask, "Do you know who the host is?"
- Other open-ended questions are: “Why did you come here?”, “What do you do for fun?” or “What do you think of the film?”
Step 4. Learn how to be comfortable with silence
Conversation requires the ups and downs of natural conditions of speaking, listening, and silence. If you're a friendly person, you might take silence as a sign that your attempts at socializing have failed. Not really. A few seconds of silence is normal, especially with shy people. Such people take longer to process what is said and responded to. Once you get used to the silence, choose a theme in the conversation or take the opportunity to end the conversation.
- If you want to continue the conversation, you can try to make connections between something previously said, such as "You said your sister could fix cars?"
- If you want to save yourself and the other person from an awkward silence, you can say “Well, nice to meet you, Becky. We'll meet again later."
Step 5. Have a brief initial meeting
While the odd silence doesn't harm the conversation, it's a good idea to keep the conversation short and enjoyable. When the two of you interact briefly, make natural breaks in the conversation so you can get out of there.
Shy people need time to become interested in new people and new situations. Respect the desire by limiting the first conversation, then gradually increase the duration of the interaction as the person becomes more comfortable with you
Part 2 of 3: Improving Relationships
Step 1. Get ready to take the initiative to start a conversation
If you're serious about making friends with a very shy person, you have to take the initiative. This means having some conversation starters in mind and often having to pick up the ball when the conversation starts to stall.
Of course, in some cases, a shy person can open up more quickly and become interested. But in the early days of a friendship, you should be prepared to initiate and/or control the conversation
Step 2. Talk about common interests
When starting a conversation with a shy person, you need to avoid small talk. Usually, many introverts prefer more engaging and in-depth conversations as opposed to mundane topics like the weather or weekend plans.
- Try to encourage your new friend by learning what makes him or her interested in talking and continuing to talk about the topic.
- For example, if your friend seems interested in discussing a certain television program, try to encourage him to talk about the show in more detail. You might ask, “Who was your favorite character on the show and why?” or “Tell me about the episode that ended up making you a fan of the show.”
Step 3. Show open body language
Shy people are often afraid of social interactions, sometimes responding to these situations with physical signs such as sweating, heart palpitations, or a flushed face. They often worry too much about how other people see them. Use your own body language to create a calming, non-threatening conversation. When you are with a shy person, make sure to:
- Make occasional eye contact (don't expect otherwise)
- Recognizing his attention during a conversation
- Learn to show interest in conversation
- Keep your arms and legs open and relaxed at your sides
- Smiling and nodding to encourage him to keep talking
Step 4. Share a secret to deepen intimacy
Self-disclosure is a bold yet effective way to turn an ordinary friend into a best friend. Friends know things about each other that others don't. If you are hoping to improve your relationship with a shy person, be open in private.
- One of the main aspects of friendship is intimacy. You can achieve intimacy through proper self-disclosure. However, be careful, sharing the deepest and darkest secrets is unnecessary. In fact, doing so may frighten your new friend with sudden intimacy.
- Start with something small but not many people know about. You can deny self-disclosure by saying "A lot of people don't know this, but…".
Part 3 of 3: Appreciating Difference
Step 1. Don't be discouraged if your friend wants to be alone
People who are uncomfortable with social situations tend to get tired when they have to socialize for long periods of time. Give him time to be alone and you don't have to be disappointed. It's not about you; your friend just needs some time to freshen up.
Even if it doesn't seem like it, your shy friend can be very uncomfortable during interactions. He may be so anxious that he wants to leave the conversation
Step 2. Avoid trying to get your new friend to do things outside of their comfort zone
Avoid trying to get your new friend to do things outside of their comfort zone. Sociable people may find that all a shy person needs to be a gregarious person is a little encouragement. Shyness can be a serious social problem that hinders other people's relationships and work.. This doesn't go away simply by challenging the person to take a risk.
If you use this method, you can create distrust and your friends will stay away from you. You can suggest some “fun” things to do with your new friend, but if he doesn't seem interested, don't force it
Step 3. Try not to ask why the person is embarrassed or acts a certain way
Another quick way that can destroy a friendship is to comment on your friend's shyness. Treat your friends like you would treat anyone else. No need to show shyness.
- Asking why your friend is so quiet or introducing him as “the shy one” will seem rude.
- This may annoy your friend and make him more introspective. As a result, your behavior can make him more withdrawn and less open.
Step 4. Understand her shyness
By doing a little research, you can better understand and empathize with your friend's social behavior. According to science, shy people tend to feel awkward or afraid of social situations, especially around new or unfamiliar people. Your friend's heartbeat may be pounding or her stomach may be hurting. He will assume everyone is looking at him or judging him.
- You can be a good friend to a shy person by understanding that everyone can be shy sometimes. Your friend just seems really shy.
- He may not be shy because he doesn't like the other person or even because he wants to avoid them. He's just uncomfortable in most social situations. He may really want to feel belonging but don't know how. Help her feel ownership by stopping judging or labeling her behavior.
Step 5. Be patient
Whether you're sitting in awkward silence or waiting for your very shy friend to open up, you have to practice patience. If you have sincere and good intentions, eventually this relationship will grow to its fullest.
Don't force your new friend to open up. Let the friendship grow by itself. This way you will both feel comfortable with the flow of your friendship and your shy friend will be able to be himself when he is around you
Tips
- Do it gradually. Don't bring a shy friend into a large group that will make him or her feel uncomfortable.
- Make sure you don't approach him suddenly. Do it well and gradually and not scare him.
- If the person is very shy, don't try to make friends in just one day - do it gradually.
- Be yourself instead of trying to be "relaxed". People will feel that you are an attractive person if you act the way you are.
- Just be friends, be calm, polite, and interested in what they have to say.
Warning
- NEVER ask them why they are so quiet or shy because this is the worst thing you can say, making them embarrassed and uncomfortable. If you ask or say this, he could hate you. You have to pretend that he's not shy and treat him as if there's nothing wrong or odd about him being quiet. Eventually he will open up.
- Try not to approach shy people in groups with your friends, as many shy people find it very awkward and difficult to deal with so many new people at once, and they can be intimidated by your presence.
- Most people feel ashamed for fear of others criticizing or judging them. Be careful not to say anything that judges his character or interests. For example, don't say "My friend thinks you're boring" or even talk behind her back, because she's likely to find out. As a result, he won't open up and befriend you because he doesn't trust you. Do the opposite by finding a way to remind him every now and then what you like about him.
- Do not make offensive comments related to stereotypes, gender discrimination, race, and so on. Or don't say anything that points to a particular group. Even if your new friend talks about things like this, be polite and don't talk about them.
- Be careful with eye contact. Staring at a shy person for too long will make him feel like an insect under the microscope. Shy people will notice this quickly, if not immediately, and will respond with a desire to escape.
- Never put them in embarrassing or uncomfortable situations.
- Don't say "Why aren't you smiling?", or "You look tired…". Most likely they are uncomfortable and you will only add to the weight of the condition. Instead, try to tell him something funny or compliment him.
