Parting with the closest people is always hard, especially with someone you really love. Even if this makes you feel lost, don't forget to take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health. The way to overcome longing for a lover is the same, whether the separation will last for a while or forever. Changing your mindset and filling your free time are positive steps that can help you remember them while you work to overcome your longing for them. This article explains how to deal with the feeling of homesickness due to the loss of a lover forever or due to a breakup.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Keeping yourself busy
Step 1. Spend more time with family and friends
Locking yourself at home waiting for your loved one to return only adds to the sadness, rather than the loss. Fill the time by gathering with friends or family. Take this opportunity to get in touch with an old friend or close friend and remind yourself how important their presence in your life means.
- Call a friend to ask her for coffee.
- Invite some friends to enjoy your cooking over dinner together.
- Make plans to visit your grandmother out of town.
- Don't withdraw from your social circle, especially if you're feeling very depressed.
Step 2. Set aside more time to enjoy hobbies
During this time, you may have to cancel scheduled activities to put your lover's interests first or postpone new activities because you don't have time.
- Instead of sitting idly by and feeling lonely, use your free time to complete a boat design or design a shirt.
- Learn a new language through a free app on your phone.
- Read a favorite book that has been stored in the closet.
Step 3. Celebrate an established relationship by creating beautiful works of art
Use any artistic medium, pick a craft material you like, or create something new! Prepare a cross stitch pattern according to your initials, funny pictures, or favorite movie characters. Make abstract paintings with different colors and textures to express your feelings for him. Arrange your favorite photos into a photo collage.
- Cross stitch is a hobby that requires a lot of alone time because it requires you to do small things in detail and must be calculated carefully. If it's your first time making cross stitch creations, choose a simple pattern so you don't get frustrated or overwhelmed.
- Purchase inexpensive acrylic paint and canvas at a craft store and then create an abstract painting. Use a variety of colors that can express your feelings and then add other materials, for example by sprinkling sand or spraying poster paint from a tube onto the canvas to create a different texture.
- Use photo frames with or without glass to make collages. If you choose a frame without glass, prepare a piece of cardboard and paste some pictures or photos. After that, coat the collage by spraying Mod Podge or varnish for protection.
Step 4. Write a poem, comic, or picture story
Make something special to share your relationship with and send or give it when he gets home. Choose a creative writing medium that you like. Do your best to make a special gift as a way of showing how much he means to you.
- Write your own poetry on quality paper using a calligraphy pen. If you want something even better, use homemade paper.
- Write a book with childish nuances with illustrations that tell the story of your encounter with him. You don't have to be good at drawing to make an interesting storybook for him to like it. Make simple illustrations and add meaningful pictures in detail to each event.
Step 5. Make new friends
Join a book or film critic's fan club as a place to get outside and meet new friends. That way, you can fill your spare time at home with reading or watching movies. In addition to making new friends, you may find someone willing to go out on a date.
Step 6. Distract with exercise
When you are very sad and feel reluctant to do things you have always enjoyed, try to motivate yourself to exercise, for example: running, cycling, or doing aerobics at the gym for at least 20 minutes. Exercising helps relieve stress, takes your mind off the things that are weighing you down, and triggers endorphins that help relieve pain and improve mood.
5 minutes of intense exercise will immediately improve your mood, but regular exercise can benefit depression in the long run. Start exercising as a natural medical therapy to keep your body healthy and functioning properly
Step 7. Finish the unfinished work
As long as the two of you can't see each other, take the time to finish things that haven't been completed, such as tasks you started but still need to continue or activities that are still pending because they haven't been completed. In addition to keeping yourself busy, you will feel satisfied when things that are pending can be resolved properly.
- Tidy up the house, varnish Grandma's antique wardrobe, fix door curtains that open in the wind, etc.
- Finish writing a collection of short stories, sew a sofa cushion cover whose material you've been keeping for a long time, sign up to learn how to care for a pet that you haven't had time to follow.
- Repaint your bedroom walls, install shelves in the bathroom, or start growing vegetables in your yard.
Method 2 of 3: Keeping Close
Step 1. Be an independent person
Whether as a couple living in the same house or not, spending time doing activities alone is a good thing so that you can still have independence in a relationship.
- If you feel pressured to be separated from your loved one for a few days, you may be relying too much on other people to feel happy and valued. Remember that you are a valuable person and capable of living a meaningful life without depending on others. Say to yourself: “I respect myself and doing activities alone is very beneficial for me.”
- When the two of you are apart from each other is an opportunity to miss your partner and remind yourself how important he or she is to you. If you're always together, maybe you'll overlook the little things you like about him and vice versa.
Step 2. Don't dwell on what he is doing
If you've always wanted to know what he does when he's alone, whether he's watching a TV show you usually enjoy alone or is having an affair, you may be trying to cover up your fear of being abandoned or hurt. Direct your mind to what you can control, by deciding how to pass the time.
It's normal to feel anxious every now and then, but thoughts that are always filled with worry are a sign of an anxiety disorder. People who experience these problems tend to provoke their partner's bad behavior or are always waiting for a breakup
Step 3. Communicate by phone or video
If the two of you can't see each other in person because of the distance, ask when you can call so that you have something to look forward to. When the two of you are separated by distance, take this opportunity to establish closeness through conversation.
- Don't call or text too often. Evaluate the relationship that has existed so far, how long the two of you have to be apart, and how often you have talked or seen each other during this time.
- If he's busy, message him via email or social media, don't text him. Alternatively, record a private message in the voice mailbox of his cell phone. That way, you don't interrupt his activities while he's at work or with his family and this message will be a pleasant surprise.
- Agree on a special time to be together, for example by watching your favorite TV show at the same time. You'll feel closer knowing that he's watching the same show. This event can be a topic of conversation in addition to expressing longing.
Step 4. Keep the relationship fun
When you see each other, call, or video chat, don't do/say the same things. Set up different activities to take advantage of interaction opportunities. Discuss topics that have never been discussed or to get to know each other better.
- If the conversation stops, discuss the latest news or an interesting topic you just heard.
- Tell me various things about yourself, such as about your childhood, your goals, your favorite childhood activities, or your hobbies.
- Get ideas for new activities by reading newspapers or websites. To add ideas, ask friends or coworkers, what activities they do when they meet their lover.
Step 5. Plan a special event
Prepare activities that have never been done together or have been planned. Make plans to meet by asking him to do activities that he has been dreaming of as a surprise. Use your imagination to create a full day itinerary with a specific theme, such as a scene from a romantic movie (“When Harry Met Sally”) or dreaming of going to Paris.
- Sit alone on a bench on the roadside in front of the cafe while enjoying a snack, walking along the bridge while admiring the beautiful scenery, or visiting an art museum.
- Have a picnic in the beautiful garden while having lunch together, stop by the plant shop to buy your two favorite flower trees and plant them together when you get home.
- Choose the “water” theme then plan to visit tourist attractions to see the collection of aquatic biota in an aquarium or science museum, look for the largest fountain in the city while carrying a coin to convey a wish (make sure this is okay first!), and end the trip with along the river or the shore.
- Invite him to play looking for objects. Take notes that lead the two of you to different places to reminisce or give a pleasant surprise.
Step 6. Tell him that you love and miss him
The best way to overcome a breakup and strengthen your relationship is to share your feelings with each other. When chatting, say that you miss him. Ask what activities he does and tell about your daily life so that the relationship feels more intimate. Remind him how grateful you are that he wants to be a part of your life.
Method 3 of 3: Coping With Negative Feelings
Step 1. Recognize and accept negative feelings as normal
When you miss your loved one so much that it's hard to distract yourself and keep thinking about him, don't try to forget him. Oftentimes, the sense of loss gets stronger when we try not to think about it. Instead, ask yourself why you were feeling sad or angry at the time. You can only do something about it once you know the trigger.
- When you miss your loved one, ask yourself: are you bored, are you upset and want to talk to him, are you missing the things he used to do for you? Go to the cinema to watch a movie, call a friend to chat, or learn how to cook a healthy meal.
- If you feel angry or frustrated, find out why. Do you feel neglected, forgotten, or belittled? These feelings often appear as an extreme response to a breakup, but they don't reflect the feelings or intentions of your loved one.
Step 2. Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts
When you start to think, “I'm really missing out! I want to meet him!” do not continue. Instead, correct your negative thinking tendencies by changing your mindset so you can think positively about yourself. Remember that you are capable of dealing with this situation and parting with your lover is not a bad thing.
- If you find yourself regretting the breakup, break this habit and focus on what you're going through right now. Replace thoughts that say: “I wish we could meet today” with “It's great to keep petting Kitiku, my beloved cat today. Usually Kitiku will immediately play with … (your lover).” Turn loneliness into a sense of connection with someone or something else.
- Use logic to deal with negative feelings if you feel hopeless. Thinking that you can't be happy without him is bound to make you unhappy. Instead, realize that only you can control your own feelings and make the decision to feel happy by doing something right now.
- Thought patterns can be formed through habits. Every time you do an activity or think about something, a pattern is formed in your brain so that it keeps repeating itself.
- Learning to correct negative thought patterns by focusing on positive thoughts takes time and practice. Be patient and don't burden your feelings with self-critical inner chatter.
Step 3. Replace the feeling of loss and sadness with gratitude.
Missing your lover is natural because you want to be with him always. Instead of feeling sad, think about how lucky you are to have such a wonderful partner. Write down all the things that make you appreciate him or the kindness he does to you.
- Think about the things that made you a better person after getting to know him: did you become more patient, more mature, kinder? Have you broadened your horizons and been able to overcome past traumas? Do you feel proud that you are able to prioritize your lover's interests over your own?
- Focusing on what you have instead of what you don't have doesn't mean you shouldn't miss your loved one. It's normal to feel like you've lost someone you love.
- Try to be aware of the emergence of loneliness and expect the presence of a lover by your side. Focus your mind on being grateful for being with him. Start writing a gratitude journal and keep it with you so that you can immediately jot down any feelings that arise.
