If you are in a relationship, there are times when you two have a difficult conversation. It can be difficult at first, but sharing what's bothering you will make you feel better and so you can have a healthier relationship. The most important thing is to respect his feelings, and he should respect yours too.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Preparing for This Conversation
Step 1. Take some time to think
Before starting this conversation, think about what you want to get out of this conversation. If you're not sure, maybe you shouldn't start this conversation.
- For example, maybe you want his behavior to change. Maybe you want him to think more about your feelings. Whatever you want, you need to be clear about what you want before starting this conversation.
- Don't just look at the surface. For example, you may feel that through this conversation you are helping your boyfriend, but you really want to punish him.
Step 2. Examine your emotions
You don't want to get angry during the conversation. If you are angry, he will be angry too. Try to know how you are feeling and why, and try to take some time to cool off before you start.
Step 3. Find out what is negotiable and what is not
Relationships are a matter of give and take. If you want something from your lover, you have to know what you want to give him. However, don't ignore what's really important to you or offend you. Stick to your principles, but don't be too rigid.
For example, maybe you get annoyed when your boyfriend doesn't listen when you want to talk. This hurts your feelings. You can ask him to leave what he's doing by saying a certain sentence or code word, but you can agree to see what he's doing first before deciding to use this deal so as not to bother him
Step 4. Don't wait too long
Yes, you need a little time to cool off, but don't wait too long. If you wait too long, chances are you're busy moving on with your life and avoiding these conversations, which isn't healthy for your relationship.
Part 2 of 3: Starting the Conversation
Step 1. Choose the right time
Don't start a conversation when you're going to bed. Don't start the conversation when one party is busy doing something. Choose a time where you can focus, when you don't have to be anywhere else.
Also, don't start heavy conversations in front of other people. Choose times when you are not out in public and no one else is around
Step 2. Start with the positive
If you start saying something positive, it will help you get into the less positive part of the conversation. For example, you could say something you appreciate about him or why you like being with him.
For example, you could say, "I am so grateful to have you in my life. You are a very strong person."
Step 3. Try not to beat around the bush
Make sure your partner can quickly figure out what the topic of this conversation is. Also, let him know that you have to share your feelings. Sometimes, it's hard for you to talk about what you need to do if your partner isn't receptive. Letting them know ahead of time can help you in this conversation.
- It's easy to slip into passive aggressive behavior when communicating with loved ones. This behavior causes you to communicate under a mask to cover up your true feelings and anger by trying to manipulate the other person. However, being honest and straightforward is better for building healthy relationships.
- For example, an example of a passive aggressive sentence "I can see why you like video games. Playing video games can help children strengthen hand and eye coordination," which is a compliment that is actually intended to be stabbed because this sentence means that what is being done is only done by children. Instead, you can say something like, "I know you like playing video games, but sometimes I feel neglected if you just keep playing," and this will make it easier to get your point across because you're conveying your feelings directly.
Step 4. Describe how you feel using the word "I
"Instead of starting a sentence with "you," which can feel like you're trying to blame someone else, use "I." Instead of saying "You're always late," you can say, "I'm worried that You often don't come home at the same time because I'm worried for your safety and I want to have dinner with you."
Step 5. Listen as much as you talk
If you're trying to build a relationship, it means you have to think about your boyfriend's feelings too. Therefore, when speaking, make sure you take the time to listen as well. It means listening to what your lover has to say and thinking about it, not just trying to make an argument against it. If you're just trying to think about what you're going to say, you're not really listening to what your boyfriend has to say.
Try to repeat what your lover told you. This shows that you're really listening, and you're making sure you understand what he's saying
Step 6. Avoid unnecessary statements
You know what can upset your boyfriend, and you can say some really hurtful sentences if you want. However, if you want to respect your lover, try to avoid these discussions and arguments. If you use it, you could both get annoyed and change the topic of the conversation.
Part 3 of 3: Ending the Conversation
Step 1. Realize that you may be wrong too
Perhaps you feel right in this context you are discussing; Like most people, you may find it difficult to see from the other person's point of view. When starting a conversation, you should be open to the possibility that what the other person is saying could be true.
But that doesn't mean he shouldn't think about your feelings
Step 2. Pause for a moment
If you start to feel irritated, it's best to pause the conversation for a moment. You can start again when you have calmed down, it could be in a few hours or another day.
Step 3. Show appreciation
Tell your boyfriend that you're glad he's listening. Tell him that you are happy to be in a relationship where you can open up to one another.
Step 4. Discuss how you can move on with life
Of course, if you feel upset, something has to change in this relationship. Remember that each of you must take part in this change. Try to think positively and try to find a solution that is acceptable to you.
