When the time comes to tell someone that you no longer want to be friends, how do you do that? This answer depends on whether you are close friends with the person or not. If you don't know him that well, you can end the friendship suddenly or slowly. If you are close to him, you have to tell him face to face.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Breaking Friendship with Close Friends
Step 1. Schedule an in-person meeting
Send him a text or email asking him to meet you at a neutral location. If you live in the same city, this is the best way to talk about the breakup.
- If he asks what he wants to talk about, give a vague answer. For example, you could say, "I just wanted to share a decision I just made with you." If he insists, remind him that you'd prefer to talk to him face-to-face.
- If he lives out of town, send him an email or message to schedule a time to talk on the phone. Of course, one-on-one is better, but if you live in a different city, this is certainly not an option for you.
- Be aware that writing can easily be misinterpreted. This is one of the reasons why talking directly to the person is the best way, although not easy.
Step 2. Prepare yourself
Maybe you've been wanting to break free from this friendship for a long time, but when you meet him, you need to be clear about your reasons for ending the friendship.
- If you need to tell him what he's done that influenced your decision, think about how to convey it in the best and smoothest way possible.
- You probably don't want him to know the reason why you ended it, and that's fine. It's okay if you just want to give a vague answer or use something like, "Things have changed for me…"
- Don't feel like you have to justify or defend your decision.
Step 3. Remember that this decision of yours may surprise him
He can feel sad or angry when he hears it. Or maybe he wants to mend friendships. You must decide beforehand whether you are open to the opportunity to improve your friendship or whether your decision is inviolable.
- If he's angry, you have to be prepared to deal with him. You don't have to make it a big deal - it's okay if you respond by leaving it.
- Make sure the conversation isn't lengthy, unless you've decided beforehand that you're open to making friends. You don't need to help calm him down until he feels better. Just say what you've decided and say that it's time for both of you to move on with your life.
- Don't get involved in the debate as to whether you are right or wrong.
Step 4. Know that you can lose something else
If you've been friends long enough, chances are you have some friends in common. These friends may be forced to "side" with you or your former friends.
- Avoid the inner urge to tell all your friends what your ex did to you that caused the friendship to end.
- Try not to feel like you have to defend your decision in front of your friends because it will only make the situation worse.
Step 5. Don't talk about anything your ex-friend has done
Just make it clear that this is your decision. Your best friends can understand your reasoning without you having to provide any additional explanation.
- Your friends who are also friends may also be trying to get your friendship back. If this is the case, switch the conversation. Remind your friends that you are trying to move on.
- Don't make other people antagonize your ex-friend. If you've lost friends because of your decision, they probably aren't good friends for you either.
Step 6. Move on with life
Don't dwell on the decision to end the friendship - what happened already happened. You've made the best decision if you think about it carefully. Now you don't have to think about it anymore. Rethinking the choices you made, or defending your decisions (even if only to yourself!) only prolongs this process.
- It might feel weird not having this friend in your life anymore, but you'll get by.
- Make sure you spend time with other friends. Try doing new things and going to new places with other friends.
Step 7. Take care of yourself
Eat well, get enough rest, and do things you enjoy. Be kind and compassionate to yourself and remember that grief can be present when a friendship ends.
- Focusing on the positive parts of life - the things you enjoy in your life right now - can help you not feel sad about the end of the friendship.
- If you find yourself falling into negative thoughts, try to change these thoughts to something more positive.
Method 2 of 2: Ending a Close Friendship
Step 1. Use the "disappear" method
Gradually reducing your encounters with this person may come naturally, or you may have to apply this step consciously. This is a great way to let someone know that you don't want to be friends anymore without having to verbally explain it to them.
- This method is suitable for friends you don't know very well.
- If you're new to her, this method is actually more like a statement that you've never really been friends with her than it is to cut ties with her.
- It may take longer time to break friendships this way.
Step 2. Decline the invitation from this person
One way to minimize contact with this person is to decline the invitation. Maybe you have to do a white lie every now and then to avoid it.
For example, if the person asks if you'd like to go to the theater with them on the weekends, you might say, "That sounds like fun, but unfortunately I have plans so I can't."
Step 3. Ask permission to leave the conversation
It's possible that you met this person while trying to increase the distance between you, so you need to know how to deal with situations like this. Ignoring the person can hurt him and make the situation awkward, so try to come up with a polite excuse that explains why you can't continue the conversation.
- For example, you could politely say hello and say something like, "Sorry I couldn't chat for a long time. I'm already late. Maybe next time!"
- Try to be polite and as nice as possible. Even if you don't want to be friends with them anymore, you never know when you'll see each other again. By keeping the situation as good as possible, you won't have to be in an awkward situation when you meet him.
Step 4. Take a more active approach to ending the friendship
If your attempts to end the friendship politely and slowly don't work, you can also let him know that you don't want to be friends anymore. You should be direct and say something like, "You're nice but we're very different people. I wish you the best but I think we should stop sharing time together."
Try to avoid a strategy called "ghosting". In this strategy, you cut off all contact with the person. For example, you ignore the person's messages and emails, stop returning their calls, and are no longer friends with them on social media. Ghosting can make him feel hurt, angry, and jeopardize your well-being. So this is not a good thing
Tips
- Keep in mind that you may have to stop being friends with him for a while. Try not to say or do anything that could end the friendship forever unless you're absolutely sure you don't want to be friends with him anymore.
- Try to be nice.
- If you don't want to be friends anymore because you're having a disagreement about something, or sometimes he's unknowingly insulting you, try to find out if the issue can be resolved amicably before you end the friendship.
