We've all experienced sad relationship endings. Sometimes, it's really hard to stop thinking about someone who has hurt you. However, constantly thinking about the end of the relationship won't make you feel any better. If you're having trouble letting go of your hurt feelings, there are things you can do to improve your mood. Limit how often you think about it. When you start thinking about your ex, change your mind. Try to keep yourself busy. Enjoy a vacation, learn something new, or go on a casual date. Keep in mind that you can't completely erase thoughts or memories about your ex. When these memories or thoughts arise, learn to direct them in a positive way as much as possible.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Limiting How Often You Think About It
Step 1. Cut off contact with him
It's hard to stop talking to someone who was once important to you. However, if you want to bounce back and recover from your existing wounds, this is an important step. Stop texting, calling, or meeting her at social events. Don't visit his social media profiles.
- You don't have to be friends with your ex. However, if you want to maintain a friendship, realize that you can't be friends with him right away. You both need some space to be alone so make sure there's an agreement not to see each other or contact each other for a while.
- If you need to see him because of work or school at the same place, be friendly, without overdoing it. Be polite when you meet him, but don't let him chat or joke with you. As much as possible, limit your contact with him.
Step 2. Shift focus as you begin to think about it
It may be very difficult for you to completely stop thinking about someone. If you start thinking about it, and say to yourself, "Stop thinking about it!", all the memories or thoughts about it will only grow stronger. Instead of blaming or torturing yourself for thinking about it, find other ways to direct your thoughts.
- For example, find something you can focus on. Is there a new person you currently like? Try the person's thoughts. Think about what it would be like to date him, and what kind of relationship you would like to have with him.
- By redirecting your thoughts, you can get rid of unwanted memories or thoughts, rather than just stop thinking about them. Your mind should always be busy and occupied so try to find something to do, rather than just “shut it down”.
Step 3. Do deep breathing for 90 seconds
Take 90 seconds to let negative emotions come and go. After taking 90 seconds to breathe and experience negative emotions, you'll feel better equipped to push any thoughts or images of your ex out of your mind.
- When you start to obsess, stop and start breathing deeply for 90 seconds. This time, try to take 15 deep breaths.
- Breathing exercises help you circulate your emotions throughout your body. After the 90 seconds have passed, you will feel more calm and stable.
Step 4. Imagine a calming scenario
You need something to think about. If you can't stop thinking about it, use your own imagination. Imagine a relaxing scenario or situation (even a fancy one) to erase all shadows about it.
- For example, imagine that you are at the bottom of the ocean. Think of the calming sensation of being in the water and the sight of the fish swimming past you.
- Prepare various soothing scenarios from the start. When you start to get distracted by the shadows, immerse yourself in one of these scenarios or imaginations.
Step 5. Get rid of things that remind you of him
If you still have some of his belongings (or that remind you of him), it's a good idea to throw them away or at least hide them. If you're not ready to throw them out yet, at least put them in boxes and hide them where you won't see them.
You can even ask a friend to save a cardboard box of these items so you won't be tempted to open it and have a look
Step 6. Remind yourself that you can't explain his actions
When you are hurt, you may expect an explanation for what happened. Perhaps you are trying to find an explanation for his behavior yourself. However, such thoughts are easy to develop and get out of hand. When you start to be haunted by these thoughts, remind yourself that you don't know the reason for their actions.
- What happens when someone tries to explain your thoughts and actions? Can he really explain what you're going through or going through? Looks like it doesn't, doesn't it?
- It's not fair to try to make excuses for his actions. You can't really explain what it does and why. When you start looking for an explanation, hold yourself back and say to yourself, "I don't know why he's acting like that and I can't keep thinking about it."
Method 2 of 3: Keep Diverting and Keeping Your Mind
Step 1. Enjoy the holidays
If you can get out of town for a few days, try to enjoy the holidays. By taking a vacation and meeting up with old friends or family, you can take your mind off the failed relationship.
- Try going to new places. Visit your friends in a city you've never been to. Enjoy a trip to a city or tourist spot that is a few hours from where you live.
- One way to stop old memories from being with your ex-girlfriend is to enjoy a great new experience.
Step 2. Go on a casual date
You really shouldn't be in a relationship right after being hurt by someone. However, casual dates can take your mind off your ex. Create a profile on an online dating site and enjoy casual dates with other people.
By refocusing your attention on casual dates, you can control unwanted thoughts about them. As long as you're being honest and just looking to enjoy some light romance, dating can be a healthy step to take
Step 3. Learn something new
Is there something you've always wanted to learn or try? Take this moment to try it out. This way, you can keep your mind busy and prevent yourself from thinking about your ex.
- Try a craft, like knitting or sewing.
- Join a sports club or team in your city.
- Take certain classes. Cooking or vocal classes can be other activities you can do instead of just thinking about your ex.
Step 4. Stay away from people who trigger anxiety
You need to be surrounded by people who can cheer you up, not bring you down. Some people are constantly overanalyzing and worrying about something. The anxiety they feel can be contagious. Therefore, keep your distance from friends who often think negatively for a while. This way, you can rise above your sadness and not be trapped by negative thought patterns.
Method 3 of 3: Reframing a Negative Mindset
Step 1. Realize the reality of your relationship
It can be hard to stop thinking about someone if you often romanticize the relationship you've ever had. When you miss someone, you can ignore the painful memories and focus only on the happy moments and the good things they have.
- Your relationship ended for some reason. Do you and your ex-lover often fight? Are you both not the right person for each other? What makes a relationship bad?
- Remind yourself that your relationship isn't perfect. By keeping in mind the flaws or flaws in your relationship, you won't think about them too often in the long run. In addition, the feeling of missing him can also be reduced.
Step 2. Realize that your thoughts are not facts
When you are confused, you are prone to irrational thoughts. Maybe you have thoughts or fantasies that are considered facts. However, feelings are subjective. When you have negative or irrational thoughts about yourself or the situation at hand, remind yourself that those thoughts are not facts.
- The feeling is real, but that doesn't mean it's a fact or the truth. Just as you can't just believe what you hear, you shouldn't always believe what you think.
- For example, if you're starting to think something like "I'll never find someone like him," try saying to yourself, "I'm feeling that way right now and it's okay if that feeling comes up. However, that may not be true."
Step 3. Fight irrational thinking
You may have a lot of irrational thoughts when trying to forget someone. When you have negative thoughts about yourself, hold yourself back and fight those thoughts. Ask yourself, "Is this really true?"
- Try to find or search for evidence when you have negative thoughts. For example, you might think, "No one wants me." Is this thought correct? Aren't you actually making big generalizations based on just one experience? During this time, yet you are surrounded by people who can appreciate you.
- Find the right point of view. Think about the last time you had your heart broken. Maybe you experience the same negative thoughts, but in the end it doesn't turn out to be true. You can get back in love and find someone else.
- Ask yourself, "If someone said something like this, how would I react?" and “What would this situation look like if I looked at it from a more positive perspective?”
Step 4. Try to forgive him
It's not easy to forgive someone who has hurt you. However, if you can forgive him, it will be easier for you to forget him. Think positive things about him and wish him well. Even though it may be difficult at first, the prayers and kindness you send for him will make you feel better and happier in the end.
Step 5. Don't blame anyone
What has passed, let it pass. Criticizing a relationship after it's been over for a long time and blaming others won't make you feel any better in the long run. If you start showing this attitude, hold yourself back and think about other things like, “The relationship is over. Who's at fault is none of my business anymore. After that, focus on the present and the future.
Tips
- Block his number and if possible, avoid places he frequents.
- Stop listening to music that reminds you of him.
- Get rid of photos, notes, and anything that reminds you of him.
