When you make the decision to end your friendship with a negative person, you are actually choosing to put your self-esteem, and even your personal health, above all else, especially since being friends with a negative person can be stressful and painful. After making the decision, you can share it with the person concerned. Or, if you don't want to do that, you can also keep your distance from him because sooner or later, he's bound to pick up on the abandonment signal. If all efforts are unsuccessful, you can take the final step, which is to cut off all lines of communication with him! Getting rid of negative friends is not easy, but realize that the effort that must be made will be directly proportional to the improvement in the quality of life that you feel afterwards.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Communicating the Problem
Step 1. Take time to reflect on the situation
Before a confrontation, try to take the time to clarify your emotions and reflect on the reasons that make them look "bad" in your eyes. Remember, "bad" is a very broad term! Also consider whether the friendship between the two of you can still be saved or should it be ended. To make the process easier, try asking the following questions before engaging in a confrontation:
- Is his behavior against your principles?
- Does he constantly put you down?
- Is he untrustworthy?
Step 2. Have a private chat with him
Take the time to meet him, then find a quiet and private place to have a discussion with him.
- You can say, “Can we have a little chat after school? I'll be waiting at the front door, okay?"
- Have a chat in a place where no one else can hear. If someone suddenly comes, ask their willingness to provide a private space for both of you.
Step 3. Be honest about your motives for ending the friendship
In fact, the level of courage of each person when faced with this kind of situation varies greatly. Therefore, be honest about the emotions you are feeling, but adjust the honesty to your comfort level.
- Do the confrontation politely and calmly. Even if you want to confront his behavior, still show your appreciation for him.
- Use "I" words. For example, you could say, “I felt really hurt by your jokes,” or “I feel like I was being taken advantage of by you.” Both statements focus more on your feelings than on wanting to blame them. Avoid accusatory sentences, such as, “You use me because I have a car” or “You always make fun of me” to keep the person from getting defensive.
Step 4. Share any concerns or complaints you have
If you want to end the friendship because of the person's behavior (for example, your friend is exhibiting risky behavior, has poor academic performance, or is addicted to illegal substances), try to help them by pointing out the behavior you think is problematic. Show you care, but make it clear that you don't want to be around him when he's doing negative activities.
- You could say, “Shannon, I really care about you. But it seems like lately you've been drinking more alcohol than usual, huh. I don't like making friends with people like that, so I hope you can find some help to solve your problem."
- If you feel that the discussion process will only make things worse between the two of you, don't do it.
Step 5. Put the blame on your shoulders
Instead of focusing on blaming or criticizing the person, try to focus more on your personal point of view, feelings, and principles. In addition, blaming yourself can also be one way to avoid unnecessary arguments with the person. For example, you may assume that the friendship can't lead you in a better direction, or that you don't like the emotions that arise in the relationship.
- You could say, “After we go out together, I always feel stressed. I don't want to be friends like this."
- Acknowledge your role in the friendship ending process. Try saying, “Actually I'm not comfortable with the things we often do together. It's just, I never said anything. Sorry, I've been dishonest all this time."
Step 6. State your needs
Explain the things you want in the future to him. For example, you may want to end all communication with him, or simply want to distance yourself from him for a while. Whatever it is, make sure you communicate it clearly and straightforwardly so that it is easy for him to understand.
You might say, “What I'm going to say after this might not be pleasant to hear. Actually I also don't feel like saying this, but it looks like our friendship must end. This means that I will no longer be replying to your messages or traveling with you. Sorry, the situation has to turn out like this, but I really can't be friends with you anymore."
Step 7. Allow yourself to grieve
There's nothing wrong with feeling sad after losing a friend. Even if he or she isn't the best of friends, chances are that the two of you will still have fond memories and a meaningful relationship.
- Understand that you may experience mixed emotions at the end of the relationship. For example, you may feel sad, happy, angry, and peaceful all at once. If you want, you might try keeping a personal journal to evaluate your emotions, or pouring your heart out to a trusted friend or adult.
- Take time to please yourself. Listen to your favorite music, make time for exercise or a leisurely walk, go out for coffee with close friends, or set aside time for prayer. Do it to strengthen the relationship with yourself!
Step 8. Be polite when you meet her
Even though you're no longer friends with the person, that doesn't mean you have to be cold or rude to them. Even if you don't like him, you won't lose anything if you treat him politely.
If needed, keep working with him in class. Focus on the task to be completed! If he starts creating drama, you can say, "Let's just focus on getting the job done, okay?"
Method 2 of 3: Keeping Your Distance
Step 1. Define boundaries
If you want to distance yourself from someone you don't feel comfortable with, try setting limits on the time you need to spend with them. In other words, determine your comfort level, and stick to those boundaries.
- For example, you are only willing to meet him when there are other friends. Or, you just want to chat with him at school.
- If you want, you can also decide not to answer his phone or read his messages.
- If he's questioning how distant you are from him, try saying, "I just need some time to myself," or "I've been thinking a lot." There is no need to elaborate on the reasons.
Step 2. Try making up excuses
If the person asks you to go somewhere, but you don't want to accept the invitation, try to come up with an excuse that sounds plausible. For example, say that you have to attend a family event, do academic work, or are not feeling well. However, always remember that the lie might get caught, especially if the two of you have a few mutual friends. The necessity to maintain consistency of reasoning can sometimes be confusing.
- If he asks, "Uh, do you want to go out together this weekend?" You might say, "Sorry, I have to go to work and go to a family event."
- If the person isn't aware of your reluctance to continue being friends with them, it's likely that you need to keep making excuses and the truth is, the behavior is exhausting. Besides, you don't want to keep lying to him, do you? That's why sooner or later you have to honestly convey that reluctance to him. After all, the obligation to keep making excuses can actually stress you out. Therefore, use this method only as a temporary solution if absolutely necessary.
- Do not engage in activities that contradict the reasons given. If you admit to being sick, stay home instead of traveling with other friends or visiting a friend's house an hour later. Others will think you have behaved dishonestly.
Step 3. Ask your parents for help setting boundaries
In other words, ask them to "force" you to stop hanging out with that person by setting boundaries that can make the friendship between the two of you even more distant. This method is actually easier to do if your parents really don't like the person.
- Afterward, explain to the person that you were asked to focus more on schoolwork, or that your parents were forbidden to come home too late on the weekends. Give any excuse that can help you to escape from it! Trust me, most parents don't mind being considered conservative to help get their child out of a difficult situation.
- Tell your parents the problem you are experiencing. Explain the reasons behind your reluctance to befriend him again, and give specific examples of his behavior that bothered you. Then, ask your parents for help to manage the situation.
- You might say, “Tara has been really annoying lately. He always got into fights and started making friends with people I didn't feel comfortable with. I really don't want to travel with him anymore outside of school, and need Mom and Dad's help to do that. Tomorrow, if he asks me to do something, will Mom and Dad help me find a way to turn him down?”
Step 4. Write a letter
If you want to convey your feelings to the person in question indirectly, try putting it in a letter. Through the process, you have as much time as possible to summarize the words you want to say. As a result, you also have the opportunity to process the feelings that arise better.
You could say, “Hey Juan, I know you're wondering why we haven't been talking as much lately as we used to. I hope this letter will answer your question, will you?” Then share your feelings with him and state your expectations for the future regarding the relationship
Step 5. Don't talk bad things about him to your other friends
Even if you don't want to be friends with him anymore, stay positive by not gossiping about him in front of other people, or influencing other people to hate him. If the friendship ended because he treated you badly, rest assured that sooner or later, the other person will notice the negativity without you having to influence it.
- If someone asks, “How come you never talk to Bennet again, do you?” You might reply, "I don't want to talk about him behind his back, ah," or "I'm sorry, I don't want to tell anyone at this time."
- If you want to pour your heart out to someone else, look for someone who isn't from your circle of friends. For example, you can pour your heart out to a friend from another school, or a cousin who lives in another city.
Step 6. Be prepared to feel uncomfortable around him
If there are tensions or unresolved issues in a friendship, chances are that both parties will feel awkward about each other. That's why confronting or directly communicating the problem is a better option than keeping your friend quiet, especially since once you've confirmed your position in the relationship, the risk of awkwardness will be significantly reduced.
If you don't feel comfortable around him, try to distance yourself and keep a physical distance from him. If the two of you are traveling with other friends, try chatting separately with other people
Step 7. Have a new circle of friends
Remember, everyone needs to make friends with someone who can appreciate and care about them. In particular, people who are still in their teens need to feel involved in certain groups of friends. If you no longer feel like you fit into your current circle of friends, try making new friends or finding a new group of friends.
- If you already have a good relationship with a group of people you rarely spend time with outside of school, such as members of a sports club or music group at school, try asking if they would like to travel with you outside of school or extracurricular activities.
- If you also engage in non-academic activities outside of school, such as working part-time or joining a community, try spending time with people you know from the community or workplace.
Method 3 of 3: Disconnecting
Step 1. Disconnect if all other methods don't work
Disconnecting suddenly does seem like the easiest solution. However, understand that the decision is unfair to your friend, especially since he or she has not had the opportunity to understand the situation. Even if your friend is a very negative and annoying person, they still have the right to know what's really going on.
- Don't suddenly disappear just to avoid a confrontation. In fact, confrontation is okay, as long as the two of you don't end up in a physical fight. Ending a relationship with a friend can be uncomfortable and painful for you. However, that doesn't mean you have to avoid it.
- Disappearing suddenly can also make you lose some of your influence in social circles. In other words, you will be viewed negatively because they are thought to want to find the easiest way to escape from the problem. In addition, even the friend left behind may feel offended and drown in uncertainty.
- Think of the best method to stop communicating with him. For example, you could have a face-to-face confrontation, over the phone, or via email.
Step 2. Realize the right moment to end the friendship abruptly
Often, it's best to express your desire to end the friendship with the person in question, even if the process is very brief or ambiguous. However, sometimes suddenly disappearing is the best option, especially if:
- Your friend is a very bad influence, especially when it comes to addiction.
- You feel controlled or manipulated by him, and worry about his reaction when you admit your reluctance to remain friends with him.
- Your safety and physical well-being are at stake if the confrontation or communication process is face-to-face.
Step 3. End friendship with him, or block your friend on social media
Block all access that could make it into your life on social media. Don't even message him or reply to his messages!
- If you still want to be friends with him on social media, hide posts that you don't think he needs to see. Also, don't comment on the uploads.
- If you want, you can also unfollow him on social media so you no longer see his latest uploads.
Step 4. Get external help
If you are not comfortable communicating the problem to him, try asking your parents for help communicating with them. If you feel your safety is threatened by it, select this option. If not, you can try to work it out yourself first.
- Ask your parents for help to inform their parents of the situation. Also ask them to help explain that you no longer want to be friends with the person. For example, you could say, "I've been trying to keep Jamal away from me, but he still won't leave me, you know. Can Mom and Dad help me talk to her parents?”
- In addition, you can also ask for help and assistance from teachers or counselors at school.
- You might say, “I've been trying to work things out with David, but he's still acting up. I want to end this friendship, but I don't know what to do. Can you help find a solution?”
