What we reject will remain. We always want to avoid suffering, including avoiding negative emotions that cause suffering. We may be able to resist negative emotions for a moment, but these behaviors tend to make us suffer more. Instead, work on recognizing negative emotions, dealing with them, and adopting positive thinking. While changing your thoughts and feelings isn't easy, the good news is that the only person who can control your feelings is you. Try to understand how to get rid of the negative emotions that will be explained in this article, instead of rejecting them.
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Part 1 of 3: Recognizing Negative Emotions
Step 1. Find the root of the negative emotion
You have to find out the root, not the cause. Don't just look for answers to why you feel the way you do, but find out why you are mean a situation like this. Is this mindset inherited? Can you pinpoint a specific moment in the past? Where did this anxiety come from?
- The following example can provide an explanation. Let's say your friend, Meli, is secretly talking about you being fat. Now, you continue to feel ugly and sad. Some people will take a stand and be angry with Meli. Why must you feel this way?
- We can understand ourselves by acknowledging emotions that come from worry, emotions from previous relationships (including relationships with parents), or from experiencing certain stressful moments. We tend to be gentler once we are able to understand ourselves. Negative emotions are usually associated with the unknown, but once you know where they come from, their power diminishes.
Step 2. Recognize how your body feels
There are people who reject negative emotions and say, "I don't know where this emotion comes from or why I feel this way." You may choose this answer or any other answer, but pay close attention to what your body is experiencing. The mind will send signals to the body, but the way it works is different. Are you feeling tired? Stress? Muscle aches? Hormonal disorders? Start taking medication? Often times, physical problems appear in the form of emotional problems without us realizing it.
Try to breathe short and fast for 15 seconds, then hold your breath. How does it feel? Usually we will feel a little anxious or at least uncomfortable. The next time you experience a negative emotion, use this experience to find the trigger in your body and do something about it
Step 3. Leave it alone
If you are asked not to think about pink elephants, only pink elephants come to your mind. It is impossible to demand that your mind think otherwise. If you tell yourself that negative emotions must be fought and rejected, they may disappear for a while, but will come back later. Instead of trying to fight it, just let it go. Try to feel it and try to accept it because this is the only way to get rid of negative emotions.
Think about a time when you wanted to say something that had been bothering you so much that you either A) remembered it or B) forgot it (until now) because humans are programmed this way. Even though it feels a bit contradictory, the best way to get rid of negative emotions is to feel it.
Step 4. Listen and acknowledge your thoughts
Asking yourself to stop thinking negatively or not to feel negative sounds ridiculous. That's not how it works. Instead, try to identify your thoughts, listen, acknowledge them, and then replace them with new, better thoughts. This new and improved thought process will reduce the power of negative emotions so that they are more easily accepted and can relieve the stress they cause.
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For example, you still think about what Meli said while looking in the mirror and keep feeling ugly, then the thought comes to you, "I can never look beautiful". After that, a logical thought arises from within you that says, “Okay, but is this thought true? Who are you without this mind? Since when can you predict the future?”
Starting a dialogue sometimes brings the realization that your thoughts are just thoughts. Our thoughts are usually unfounded and have nothing to do with how we feel. The mind is like a tape that keeps on playing and has to be stopped
Step 5. Live in the moment
Have you ever imagined a situation would go bad and it turns out really bad as you imagine? Maybe never. So don't worry about the future because it's no use. If you notice that you are being carried away by negative emotions, stop and focus on the present moment. Pay attention to what is in front of you. The human mind is fleeting. Live in the moment and the negative emotions will go away on their own.
We have heard the phrase “life is short” several times which is always true. It's useless if we live life while feeling negative emotions. If tomorrow the world ends, will this thought process help you achieve anything? Or have you been wasting your time all this time? Sometimes, the thought process will reshape once we realize how ridiculous the way we have been thinking is
Part 2 of 3: Reshaping Habits of Thinking
Step 1. Try to observe your bad behavior
Many people cope with negative emotions by drinking, partying, smoking, gambling, or combining several bad habits. They deny their own feelings and their behavior causes suffering. In addition to harm, bad behavior must be eliminated so that negative emotions can disappear for good.
In addition, bad behavior creates negative feelings. Drinking to the point of getting drunk makes one make wrong decisions and wrong decisions makes one drunk again. Sometimes, this cycle is so hard to spot that people don't see the connection. Regardless of whether it is emotions that lead to bad behavior or vice versa, bad habits must be eliminated
Step 2. Remove the crutches
For many people, negative emotions are like crutches. As crazy as it sounds, there are people who manage negative emotions until they feel comfortable because they are beneficial to them. Every time someone says, “Great!” we immediately think and some of us will respond with a loud, “No, not great at all”. Stop this habit and try to pay attention to your mindset. Is this negative emotion can make you calm. What are the benefits for you?
- For example, many of us are anxious. We analyze an event over and over again until we feel frightened. Even though we hate this behavior, we cannot stop it. If we really hate, we should stop, right? But in reality, we don't want to stop because this anxiety makes us feel like we're preparing. Actually, predicting the future is impossible and don't expect us to be better than we are free from anxiety.
- Since this step is a bit tricky to do, calm yourself down the next time you feel negative emotions. Are you familiar with the pattern? Is feeling happy or content scary? Can you prove to yourself that you have nothing to gain from this fear and anxiety?
Step 3. Realize that your thoughts are not you
The best part, you create your own thoughts 100%. Of course there are thoughts that come from other people, but you still keep telling yourself. What does it mean? That is, like the conductor in an orchestra, you are the decider of your own thought process and what you say will happen. So, there's no need if you don't want to think about scary things.
- Once you realize that you and your thoughts are two different entities, it will be easier for you to believe that your thoughts are not always true. Besides, it's getting easier to see that you "think" you're a boring idiot different from "become" a boring fool. Once these differences are clear, you can give yourself a chance to think from a wider perspective.
- Our thoughts are formed from tiny sparks in neurons that instantly disappear again. Thoughts are made up of what we saw while watching TV last night, what we ate at breakfast, and what our parents said when we were kids. We are actually running our own program. The mind has more to do with our bodies, habit patterns, and even culture than it does with the realities of life.
Step 4. Start practicing calming the mind
Once you can see that thoughts have no power at all or are simply "thoughts," it's time to act. The first step is to calm the mind by being aware of the feelings, observing the thoughts, and knowing how and when to focus the mind if it starts to wander. Our minds are usually easily distracted.
Try meditating to calm your mind. If you don't like climbing mountains, spending days with priests, and sitting cross-legged for a few hours, try taking 15 minutes each day to relax your mind while lying down and enjoying the time to yourself that you deserve. Deep breathing exercises and yoga can also help
Part 3 of 3: Get into the habit of positive thinking
Step 1. Do the activity
Maybe you've been so busy that you don't have time to think. In fact, activities and hobbies also keep you busy. The mind is so consumed by what you are doing that negative emotions seem to slip away.
Develop your skills. By having skills, you will feel proud of yourself, satisfied, and feel capable of doing something. In addition, when you do activities that you enjoy, your body will produce endorphins that make you feel happy. Start looking for a hobby that you enjoy the most, such as painting, cooking, blogging, playing soccer, practicing martial arts, photography, etc
Step 2. Write down the negative emotions you feel
Even if you've practiced saying positive things to yourself and taking up a new hobby, negative emotions can pop up from time to time. If this happens, try writing it down. There are several ways you can do so that negative thoughts never come back:
- Write down negative emotions on a piece of paper, then burn them. Although it sounds cliché, this method can help. And, if you wish, collect the ashes and scatter them in the air to be carried by the wind.
- Buy a marker and use it while bathing in the shower so that the marker ink dissolves in the water. While taking a shower, write down the negative emotions you feel and let them wash away in the water. This method is very helpful, although you will need to scrub a bit to get the ink off.
- Buy a Buddha Board drawing board. This drawing board can be mounted on a horse-shaped tub to be filled with water. Dip the brush in water, draw a drawing on the board, and the water that makes up the image will slowly evaporate.
Step 3. Love yourself
Changing the mindset is not easy because it has been formed over the years. However, you can change the way you respond to your thoughts and feelings. In other words, you can connect with yourself more and show sympathy. You can become stronger not by holding on to negative emotions, but by releasing them.
Feeling like a weak, sad, and irritable person is a judgment you give yourself. What for? Realize that as a human being, you have to respect yourself and deserve respect
Step 4. Know that you are not alone
We all feel negative emotions that not only take away pride, but we want to get rid of. In fact, 21 million children and adults are diagnosed with depression each year. In addition, depression causes disability in people aged 15-44 years.
If you are having trouble controlling the negative emotions that have taken over your daily life, seek help immediately. Maybe you need therapy. Remember that it's not about you being sick or needing help, it's about trying to get better
Tips
- Print out these suggestions and read them for a few days when you calm down. After that, whenever negative emotions arise, you don't need to be burdened by having to seek these suggestions in order to deal with the disturbing feelings.
- Dr. Stephen Covey in his very famous book entitled “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” says: “Negative emotions will appear in everyday life if you reject them. Emotions will disappear if you feel them." In this quote, you are not advised to ACTION when faced with emotions, but simply to accept and FEEL them.
