Do you have good friends and have known each other for a long time? Must have. Suddenly, you realize you're in love with that old best friend. Things like this happen often, so you don't have to feel alone when you feel this way. And it hurts a lot more than ordinary "unrequited love," because you and this person have a long history of supporting each other. This can put your friendship and love aspirations at risk, and can be very painful for both parties.
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Part 1 of 3: Create Space for Yourself
Step 1. Get away from your best friend for a while
Do this politely and wisely. You don't have to completely reject the healthy relationship you have with each other, but you do need to keep your feelings to yourself. Don't make an active effort to see him every day.
- There are many ways to establish safe boundaries and maintain mutual respect between you and him. If you meet him, be open, but don't give him all the attention. Protect yourself without isolating him.
- Prepare a good reason why you don't want to see him. You may feel like you are lying to your best friend, especially if you are known to be honest. Realize that you are only doing this because it takes time to get over him.
- Problems related to money are almost always understood, especially if for that you have to work overtime. If you work overtime, you will be more tired, and tiredness can always be an acceptable excuse.
Step 2. Make sure your feelings are correct
Before you really distance yourself, make sure that you're in love with him. You are under a lot of stress in this situation, as there is a risk that your friendship will be damaged forever.
- When you're in love, your dopamine center levels increase so much that you pay attention and focus on the person you fell in love with. That person you have a crush on will be on your mind every day, so you may be too obsessed with him.
- If you are deeply in love with this person, there is no one else you can think of but him. Your mind will be filled with positive things, because you ignore the negative qualities of the person you like.
- If you feel any or all of these things, then you are in love with your best friend.
- Make sure your feelings don't come out because you are lonely and have a strong platonic bond with him. When considering whether you love your best friend, you run the risk of misinterpreting this caring relationship between you and your best friend as romantic love. Make sure you don't approach this person because you want a romantic relationship, and they seem like a perfect match.
Step 3. Accept the pain
After going through difficult emotional states like rejection, there's nothing worse than getting rid of feelings and hiding from them. It gets worse if you lie to yourself that you shouldn't feel these emotions.
- If you judge your emotions, or tell yourself that you shouldn't feel them, you are hiding from the reality of your pain.
- While it can be very difficult to get over a broken heart, you will get stronger in the process. You'll also be less likely to wallow in pain if you accept your emotions and try to focus on the present moment.
Step 4. Tell yourself it's not your fault
If you allow this rejection to damage your well-being, your heartbreak will not go away. Even if it takes a little extra effort, take active steps to improve your self-esteem.
- Remember, the rejection does not mean the rejection of your entire character. Your best friend may be trying to work out a big problem with their own identity. He may be afraid to commit to you out of fear and discomfort.
- Being alone will help you grow, and while it may feel like an unbearable pain, you will become stronger later on.
- Try to see this as an opportunity to improve yourself, or work towards your own goals. Rejection has the potential to strengthen inner urges because you can use these unpleasant feelings to spur yourself on. If you fall into a repetitive pattern of blaming yourself, you won't be able to move beyond the pain. Remembering that rejection is inevitable will make this rejection less important.
Part 2 of 3: Overcoming a Broken Heart
Step 1. Don't forget him at all
While that may seem unproductive, you don't really need to completely block this person from thinking. When you try to dispel all thoughts about this person, you're bound to come back to thinking about him or her when you don't want to. It was really hard to get him out of my mind.
- Known as the "White Bear Effect," your active efforts not to think about white bears will only bring up white bears in your mind. That's what happens in all cases of addiction and obsession.
- When an object you like comes to mind, just admit it exists even if it hurts. You don't need to panic, and don't take it as a sign that you're not coping.
Step 2. Love yourself
When your crush gets rejected, you can really hate yourself and feel very uncomfortable. You may have risked everything, and you may feel like you have failed. The most important thing when overcoming adversity is trusting yourself again.
- You need to learn to reconnect your emotions with the present, rather than dwelling on past mistakes. Meditation helps focus your brain on the present moment.
- It can be started with cross-legged meditation. Straighten your back and place your hands in front of your chest. Bring your palms together, with your thumbs and pinkies together. Focus on the tip of your nose and breathe in.
- When you let go of your fears and worries about the past, you will be able to use the energy you have to move forward with power.
Step 3. Back to friends
When dealing with a broken heart, it's best to rely on the people around you. Remember how your friends have supported your well-being, and how well they have treated you in the past. If you have good friends, you can be yourself when you are with them.
No matter how strong your romantic feelings for your best friend are, you may be distant from other friends. Don't be sad because of the person you have a crush on so you can focus your energy on the healthier relationships in your life
Step 4. Remind yourself that your feelings are not facts
After a deep heartbreak, you are wrapped in a variety of extraordinary emotions, including worry, anger, and deep sadness. However, remember that even if these feelings exist, they are not absolute facts.
The phrase "there but not real" introduced by the Tibetan Buddhist teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche needs to be kept in mind when cultivating these emotions. Feelings like that can be justified, but you don't need to amplify them
Step 5. Go on an occasional date
While it may take a little extra effort on your part, it's okay to try to date someone else, even if you're still recovering. You don't have to try to replace a broken heart. However, it's okay to spend time with someone in a romantic setting.
- Don't fill the date with your sad story. They don't need to be burdened with what you're going through.
- Even if the date doesn't continue after that, you can still relate comfortably to other people.
- Otherwise, creating an account on OKCupid or another dating site can provide positive support from strangers. This won't solve your problem, but positive words from those around you will help in your recovery.
Step 6. Send kindness to your best friend
While this is an important step for a broken heart, it is especially important if the person you have a crush on occupies a place in your heart as an old friend. Any hatred being sent to this person will only make matters worse.
- This may seem pointless, especially if this person has just broken your heart, but extending your love to this person can really help you take your mind off them. This will add to the peace and quiet in your mind, and you can get rid of much of the cynicism that could potentially arise.
- This doesn't mean you have to show affection in an obvious way. Don't pay attention to them over the internet or texting. However, you can pray for him if you are alone.
Part 3 of 3: Rebuilding Friends
Step 1. Make sure you both want to maintain a friendship
While this is the worst case scenario in this situation, it is possible that the confusion of the situation could separate the two of you forever. Chances are, you won't be able to move beyond this tough situation, because your feelings are proving to be one-sided.
- If you really take the time to be alone and get back on track, you'll be able to decide whether or not you're ready to make friends again.
- Don't be too hard on yourself if you're having a hard time getting out of this situation. This may take more time than you originally thought.
- As long as you're not together, you may have new feelings for the other person. This might help you move on from your crush.
Step 2. Spend time in groups
It's a lot easier to manage a friendship if you don't spend a lot of time alone with your best friend. It's still important to maintain a boundary with him, even if it's difficult. Perhaps you are motivated to continue all the activities you used to do when you were best friends. Over time, you will need to avoid anything that is too intimate or personal.
Decide what kind of relationship you will have with this person. You may not be able to watch television alone, but you may still be able to chat over a beer or a cup of coffee
Step 3. Be satisfied with your current relationship
Remember, if your best friend is happy, you should be happy too. This is where maturity grows. You love your best friend, and you want her to be happy, no matter what the decision.
- Make sure you actively accept the awkwardness. Set new boundaries as friends.
- You both need to change your expectations and judgments about what you are allowed to do, so this can start by accepting your current situation.
Tips
- It's much better to have good friends for life than a brief affair, so understand that a more intimate relationship may create some awkwardness between the two of you. As the saying goes, "I can kill for a pretty girl like you, but I'll die if I don't have great friends."
- Give it time. You never know if your best friend will change her heart, especially if you keep the emotional closeness of your friendship. The worst case scenario is that you have to step beyond this pain and try to be good friends again.
- It's hard to move on from rejection. If he doesn't want to be a good friend, accept that fact.
