Forgiveness is not an easy thing. Admitting there is a problem, and then finding a solution takes time, patience, and courage. When we have to forgive ourselves for what we did, this process becomes even more difficult. Forgiveness is a tough process. You can learn to forgive yourself by practicing accepting yourself and understanding that life is a journey and not a race.
Step
Method 1 of 5: Practice Forgiving Yourself
Step 1. Find out why you should forgive yourself
If we realize that we made a mistake, we may feel guilty and need forgiveness. When you think about those memories, you may feel uncomfortable. To find out why you feel this way, ask yourself:
- Do I feel this way because the consequences of doing so make me feel guilty?
- Am I feeling this way because I was the cause of the bad thing?
Step 2. Accept that failure doesn't make you a bad person
Everyone has failed at some point in their life. Don't assume that failure--both at work and in a relationship--makes you a bad person. As Bill Gates put it, "it's great to celebrate success, but it's even more important to learn from failure." Learn from your mistakes as a step to forgive yourself.
Step 3. Don't be afraid to start over
To truly forgive yourself, you shouldn't be afraid to start over from scratch. Learning to forgive yourself is not just learning to accept the past, but also learning from the experience. Take lessons from your experiences and use them to build a better person.
Step 4. Adapt to the new mindset by learning from past mistakes
One way to move on with life is to adapt to what you have learned.
- Set goals for yourself in the future that can help improve and strengthen your mindset. This foresight can help you forgive yourself for now by focusing on the positive changes you can make.
- Whenever you feel guilty, remember Les Brown's words, "forgive yourself and move forward." This can help you whenever you make a mistake.
Method 2 of 5: Letting Go of the Past
Step 1. Understand that no one is perfect
You may want to forgive yourself for what you did to someone else. However, first you must realize that you are not responsible for the actions of others. We all make mistakes and we all take bad actions in life. Recognizing this can be the step you need to start the process of healing yourself.
Step 2. Don't sink into the mistakes of the past
It's good to learn from past mistakes, but drowning in them can keep you from forgiving yourself. It can also make you unaware of the current situation. Your life will feel like it's not moving when you bring up the things you did or didn't do. So focus on the current state and what you can do in the future to improve your life.
Step 3. Plan for a bright future by letting go of the past
Consider taking a "fix it then let go" approach to life. If you experience an event that has upset your feelings as in the past, focus on what you can control.
Try and fix the problem you can handle and try to let go of everything else. You certainly don't want to keep repeating the same mistakes
Step 4. Learn to pay attention
Being aware of what you are doing now can help you recover in the future. If you cultivate a strong sense of self, and accept the course of action you choose in the present, this will help you build a better future as well as forgive yourself for past actions or consequences.
Step 5. Dive into your past choices
You certainly don't want to sink into mistakes, but you must learn from them to move on to a better life.
- One way to forgive yourself is to identify your triggers, causes, or feelings first. If you can recognize what you did in the past, you can change it in the future.
- Ask yourself: "What did I do first, and what can I do to prevent the same result from happening?"
Step 6. Recognize a situation in which you felt a strong emotion
This will help you pinpoint the situation that makes you uncomfortable. Once you know the situation, you can easily find a solution. Ask yourself:
- Do I feel tense when I meet my boss?
- Am I very emotional when I talk to my partner?
- Does spending time with your parents make you feel angry or sad?
Method 3 of 5: Apologizing to Yourself and Others
Step 1. Let people into your life
As the philosopher Derrida once said, "forgiveness is often confusing, sometimes calculated, because of reasons, regrets, forgiveness, decisions, etc.".
- Forgiveness is two-way. You won't be able to forgive yourself until you learn to forgive others. You may need support and strength from the people in your life to forgive yourself.
- Ask for support from people you care about when trying to forgive yourself.
Step 2. Create a plan or solution
To forgive yourself, you have to be aware of what needs to be forgiven. Writing out a detailed step-by-step guide may help you focus on what's important while also giving you the power to apologize to yourself or the other person. Consider the following when crafting a solution for apologizing:
- Express or apologize in clear language. Don't go round and round about the problem at hand. Just say "I'm sorry" or "will you forgive me?" directly. Don't beat around the bush, or you'll appear insincere in apologizing.
- Find out how to improve the situation. If you apologize to someone else, find out what actions can help you make things right. If you're trying to forgive yourself, ask what steps to take to improve your life.
- Promise yourself and others that you will do better in the future. Apologies alone mean nothing if you don't mean it. So, make sure not to repeat the same mistakes.
Step 3. Apologize from the other person
If you apologize to the other person, you will feel better.
Sometimes, forgiving each other can help solve a problem. It can also help show that you are trying to understand a bigger problem than it really is. Apologizing has been shown to give better results and build stronger relationships
Method 4 of 5: Accountability for Your Actions
Step 1. Admit what you did to yourself
Before you can fully forgive yourself, you must first admit what you did.
Writing down what is bothering you may be helpful. That way, you can find examples of actions that make you feel bad
Step 2. Don't make excuses, and take responsibility for your actions or words
One way to be honest with yourself is to accept the consequences of your actions. If you have done or said something wrong, you must admit it before forgiving yourself.
- One way to achieve this is to release stress. The higher the level of stress you keep, the more self-destructive you are.
- Stress can sometimes make you angry and hurt yourself and those around you, but if you forgive yourself, this anger and its bad consequences will go away. As a result, you will be better able to focus on the positive rather than the negative.
Step 3. Accept the guilt you feel
Being responsible is one thing, but understanding the feelings behind it is another. Feeling something as strong as guilt is not only normal, it's also good. Guilt will prompt you to take action for yourself and for others.
- You may feel guilty for your own thoughts. You may have wished that something bad would happen to someone. You may also feel greedy or lustful.
- If these feelings of guilt are intense, understand that they are common. Your guilt may stem from this very strong feeling. So, it's better to face it and admit the cause of your feelings. Only by doing this can you step forward and forgive yourself.
- You may judge yourself (or others) to be too cruel because of guilt. You may take your feelings out on yourself or on others, causing you to feel guilty for your actions. You may blame others for your insecurities and amplify your guilt.
- If you're blaming someone else, stop and admit the reason why you said it. This can help you in the process of forgiving yourself.
- You may feel guilty for the actions of others. It's not uncommon for someone to feel guilty for their partner's actions. You may feel guilty about your partner's actions or lack of confidence.
- You should find out the cause of these feelings to realize whether to forgive yourself or the other person.
Step 4. Identify your values and beliefs
Before you can forgive yourself, you must identify your values and beliefs. Take some time to think about how to fix the thing that makes you feel guilty. Think back to how you can change it. These actions may be based on a spiritual belief system, or based on social demands.
Step 5. Analyze your needs and wants
One way to forgive yourself for low self-esteem is to find out your needs and wants.
Find out your basic needs--such as housing, food, and social needs--and then compare them to your desires--a better car, a bigger house, a more beautiful body. Identifying these needs vs. wants can help you realize that maybe you are being too hard on yourself or that there may be things that are out of your control
Method 5 of 5: Challenging Yourself to Do Good
Step 1. Become a better person through personal challenges
To prevent you from slipping back into doubt and guilt, make small challenges that will help you improve.
You can do this by making a month-long schedule to fix something. By doing something for 1 month--like keeping track of your body's calories--you will begin to build habits that are beneficial for self-improvement. This will help you manifest forgiveness in a positive way
Step 2. Try to fix the flaws
Make an effort and rate your behavior so you can measure your improvement.
If you feel guilty about procrastinating, for example, make a to-do list and stick to it. Identifying what you can control is important. This is useful for forgiveness and self-improvement
Step 3. Practice self-awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to predict the consequences of our actions. Thinking about ourselves and our actions can help us become better people by applying our inner morals. You can practice self-awareness by recognizing your strengths, observing your reactions to situations, and expressing your emotions.
Tips
- Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on the present and prepare for your future. Remember the past doesn't define who you are! You are great and beautiful! Learn from your mistakes, forgive yourself, and move on with your life!
- Think back to how you have forgiven others in the past. Take lessons from this experience and apply them to your situation; it can reassure you that you are capable of forgiving. You just need to point it in the right direction.
- Your mistakes in the past may shape who you are today. So, don't look at it as a mistake, but take it as a guide in life.
- Your mistakes don't define who you are. Believe that you are a great person. Think back to the big mistakes that have been made and learned by ordinary people / other good people. Your mistake might not even be that bad!
- The person we are today is shaped by the good and bad events that have happened in our lives, as well as the good and bad things we have done. How we respond to bad events is just as important as happy ones. People who tend to drown and exaggerate bad events are more prone to anger and resentment, and more negative in the future, than people who view bad events as separate things that don't affect who they are as a whole.
- Forgiving yourself and others does not mean forgetting the past. After forgiving, the memories will still be stored. It is similar to the grieving process.
- Life goes on, so forgive and forget.
- Forget the actions of those who hurt you, and hopefully in time they will realize their mistake and make peace with you or themselves… Move on with your life, because life is too precious and short to spend in bitterness.
- Buy stress relief toys. When you start to feel guilty, use this toy.
- Another powerful way to forgive yourself is to help others. Remember not to focus solely on your mistakes because life is too precious to spend in bitterness.
Warning
- Don't force yourself to hang out with people who bring back bad memories of your past; those who make you angry, do not appreciate or belittle you, and those who are insensitive to your feelings are better left out.
- Don't talk about your mistakes and how bad you are with other people. You will create an image of it in their minds. Try therapy to get these thoughts out of your head and get them back deep into their roots.
- Stay away from people who have a tendency to undermine self-improvement efforts. Most of these people focus more on self-doubt and are threatened by someone who is trying to remove the negative pressure from their life. Accept that forgiving yourself sometimes means losing a relationship in which you are being controlled by someone else with negative emotions. Ask yourself whether you choose to continue an unhappy relationship or move forward as a whole and new person and able to build relationships with healthier people.
- Forgiveness is the hardest thing to form but also the most important. As you learn to forgive yourself and others, your personality will grow stronger, and this is the reward for your hard work in trying to forgive.
