When you are really hurt by someone else, you will feel very sad and angry. Life can seem like a movie where you try your best to stay strong. Well, let us help you. Below, you'll find lots of good advice on how to handle your bad experience in a healthy way, forgive others who hurt you, and move on in life. Start reading from the first step below.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Coping with Pain Healthily
Step 1. Allow yourself to feel the pain
Before you can move on, it's important to allow yourself to feel pain for a while. Sadness, anger, regret, disappointment: these are all normal and healthy emotions. If you don't allow yourself to feel these emotions even if only a little and every now and then, you'll have a hard time handling many difficult situations. The human ability to feel sad in a healthy way and then move on after a while is like a muscle that needs to be trained to stay in top shape.
Don't let other people make you feel guilty for having emotional responses like sadness and anger. Emotions are normal and healthy
Step 2. Take a few moments to feel sad
Allow yourself to feel sad (or angry, disappointed, or whatever) for a few days or months depending on how serious the situation is, then let those feelings go. The more time you spend feeling sad, the less time you will be able to spend filling your life with happiness and new positive experiences.
Step 3. Say that you have been hurt
Forgiving, coping, and moving on from the pain doesn't mean you shouldn't say anything. You should speak up when someone hurts you. This is especially important if the person does it more than once. You need to tell how his actions affect you. This is something that is healthy for you and a great learning experience for him.
If he continues to be the cause of pain in your life, consider removing him from your life. Like it or not, it's probably a healthier choice for both of you
Step 4. See the big picture
Sometimes other people really hurt us. But sometimes we also often exaggerate small fights that are not really important to fuss about. Take a broad look at the problem you're having. Maybe you and your best friend are fighting over a guy. But after a few years of being good friends and supporting each other emotionally, is one guy more important than the friendship of your friends? That's the kind of thing you have to remember. Yes, your feelings will be hurt and rightfully so, but review how much the pain really means.
Step 5. Stop seeing yourself as a victim
You have to stop seeing yourself as a victim and start seeing yourself as someone who can control the situation at hand and make your life better. Seeing yourself as a victim will only keep you feeling helpless and hurt. Seeing yourself as a person who has to survive the pressures will allow you to know yourself based on those definitions and experiences. You need to be able to improve yourself to the point that everything that happened to you was one of the things that made you who you are today.
For example, you just got dumped by your boyfriend. Don't see yourself as the one to decide. Be yourself, not someone labeled “the one to decide”
Part 2 of 3: Forgiving Well
Step 1. Take some time to cool off
After being hurt, immediately take time to calm down. Usually a few hours to a full day is sufficient duration for the average individual. When you're feeling really hurt, that's when you're less likely to think well and can say things that weren't meant to be or that would make the situation worse for anyone. You want to say something that you have thought about and considered and has had a good impact on the problem at hand. So, give yourself time to think.
Step 2. Understand the person who hurt you
Try to understand the person who hurt you. Unless he has a disorder, everyone in this world must have feelings and reasons for doing things. There are no truly evil people in this world either. Oftentimes, they just do what's best for them and what they think is right, and in doing so, they often make mistakes, just like us.
- Think about why he thinks what he did was right. This will help you feel sympathy and accept what just happened.
- Just because someone did something with good intentions or didn't mean to hurt anyone, doesn't mean that he or she is immediately considered to be doing the right thing. If he does something bad, tell him so he doesn't do it again.
Step 3. Imagine if you were in his position
Now, imagine that you are the one trying to make a decision, and let go of any biases you have. Maybe you would have done or decided the same thing or at least similarly, and for similar reasons (perhaps when you were young and didn't know which was the better choice). Thinking this way will help you understand the other person and what's going on, and it will make you feel better.
Remember that other people sometimes harbor more sadness and stress in their lives. He may not be in a good mental state when taking action, which may explain the reason for his decision or action. We can't be in top shape all the time. So try to sympathize with him
Step 4. Accept the apology
A good point to start forgiving the other person is to accept the apology. Let him feel guilty and say he's sorry. One can really feel sorry and still make mistakes (even the same mistakes). Accept his apology, rest assured, for his sake as well as yourself. This will help your recovery process.
Accepting someone's apology doesn't mean they deserve anything or require you to do something. You don't have to suddenly be kind and happy to be around him. In fact, if you feel the need, you have the right to stay away from it
Step 5. Let go of your hatred
Well, this is an important step. If you hate him, stop. Hate is an emotion that will not have a positive effect on oneself. Hate will not punish the person who hurt you and will not make you feel good. For the sake of your own emotional health, stop hating. If you can't follow the previous steps and understand their thoughts and actions, try not to think about the person or their faults at all.
Step 6. Don't take revenge
Revenge is another action that will not have a positive impact on anyone. Seeking revenge will only self-destruct and make your life focus solely on the pain you are feeling. Do you want to live your life centered on pain, or all the fun and wonderful things you can do? The best revenge you can take is to move on with living a great, productive, fulfilling life, and that won't be achievable if you keep feeling angry.
Step 7. Make your pain mean something
A great way to truly forgive another person from the bottom of your heart is to feel happy that you met what happened to you. This will turn your experience into something meaningful and positive. Look for lessons to be learned from what happened to you or use your time and experience to prevent others from making the same mistakes.
- One good example is when you need to end a long-term relationship with someone. Don't see it as the end of all your happiness. Take the experience as something that helps you shape yourself and become more loved by your new partner.
- Another example is when you become the target of SARA. Use your experience to remind others of the bad impact of SARA on the lives of fellow human beings.
Step 8. Imagine if you would like the other person to forgive you if things were reversed
An important part of forgiving is letting go of the emotions stored in your mind and changing your perspective. Here's a simple exercise to help you do it. Imagine that you are in someone else's shoes and ask yourself: “do I want him to forgive me if I do something wrong?”
Most people who are honest with themselves will answer "yes". Forgiveness has a very big meaning when it appears at an unexpected time. Forgiveness inspires others to do the same and helps us become better people. And most importantly, forgiveness can restore the relationship between the people involved. Because in the end, most people prefer to live together and side by side rather than apart and away from each other
Step 9. Write a letter, pour your feelings into it, then burn it
Yes, burn the letter. Write a letter that can express your feelings and emotions at that time. Explain how you feel and why you feel it. Write down all the details, then burn the letter. Indeed, the impression is excessive, but for many people, this method is effective. Burning a letter will remind you that everything is temporary, including pain and hatred. Once you realize that, you should be much more prepared to forgive.
People call this the process of “purging (catharsis), which is the process of releasing bad emotions to relieve them. This cleansing process will make you feel better. That's why professional doctors and psychologists always ask you to express and retell your feelings
Part 3 of 3: Move On to Happiness
Step 1. Refocus your energies
Getting angry, hating, wanting revenge: all of them will take up a lot of your energy and time. You can spend that time doing something that makes you feel happy and satisfied with yourself. You might even use that time to meet new, fun people. Let go of all those negative feelings and find new ways to use your energy, whether it's pursuing a promotion or job title, learning a new skill, or increasing your grades.
Having a busy schedule and days can also help, especially in the early period when your feelings haven't changed much
Step 2. Get help
When something bad happens, it's easy to focus on only the bad and ignore all the good things someone does. Review your pain and think about the person who was always by your side. Appreciate the affection they show and take the time to show your gratitude for their presence.
For example, your best friend holds your hair behind you when you throw up because you're so stressed about seeing your ex. It was an excellent act that should not be forgotten
Step 3. Stop retelling your experience
Continuing to talk about what happened will make you feel like a victim. Don't see yourself as a victim. Constantly bemoaning a bad experience will make people who want to help you become happy to stay away from you. When we fill our souls with jealousy and sadness, we also emit those emotions, and they are often considered scary or unattractive by many. You don't want to kick the person who was nice to you, because that means the person who hurt you wins.
You can still share your experience if someone else asks for it and if you really want to. The point is not to see yourself and your life as something that is always plagued with bad luck
Step 4. Remember the good moments
When we focus on the bad, it's easy to forget all the good things that have happened. A breakup will make you forget all the happy years that have passed. An argument with a friend will make you forget all the friendship moments that have been passed together. Recalling those good moments and realizing that you can make new good memories can help you move on.
Step 5. Create new good memories
Making new good memories and really trying to enjoy life is one of the best ways to move on. When we are feeling bad, we often forget that life goes on. The more fun things you can do, the faster your soul will heal, and before you know it, you won't even be thinking about the things that hurt you.
One of the best ways to do this is to travel long distances. Go to a completely unique place that is completely foreign to you. This will make your brain focus on all the new problems and experiences that are in front of your eyes. You will be very busy enjoying your time and finally forget all the past experiences that you no longer need to remember
Step 6. Rebuild trust
In order to move on, you may need to rebuild trust. This could mean you have to rebuild trust with the person who hurt you. But the more obvious meaning is rebuilding trust with yourself and the people who might hurt you again. Unfortunately, the important thing in rebuilding trust is giving the other person a second chance and letting it surprise you. You have to be brave to take the risk, but believe me, the results will be worth it.
Your feelings may be hurt, but that doesn't mean you have to lock them in forever. Just do something to make him recover. People who really deserve your trust will come and you will be grateful that they came into your life
Step 7. Create a new connection
Meet new people. You never know what and who will surprise you and change your life. Whether it's making new friends, a new boyfriend, or establishing the family you desire, meeting new people is a way to move on to new experiences and happy moments.
- You can meet new people by joining a community or taking certain courses. Find a community you like and join.
- Remember, don't shut down until you know what you're getting into. Just because someone doesn't seem like your type doesn't mean they can't make your life better. Give everyone a chance to surprise you.
Step 8. Live a great life
As stated earlier, living a great and meaningful life is the best form of revenge. When you pursue happiness, live life to the fullest, and do something that makes you happy and feel meaningful, all the things that hurt you will disappear. Don't think too much about the past and move on to the future.
Tips
- Love yourself.
- Delete all messages, mentions, or posts of people who hurt you from your phone, Facebook, or Twitter. Remind yourself that you are trying to move on.
- Read romantic novels with happy endings, not sad ones.
