Getting your boyfriend to forgive you may not be easy, especially if you've really hurt and betrayed his trust. If you want to get his love back, you have to show how much you regret what you did, and really promise not to do it again. After that, you have to be patient with it, and give it time to accept your apology. If he is ready to resume your relationship, work slowly to build your relationship again.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Talk to him
Step 1. Apologize sincerely
If you want your boyfriend to forgive you for a mistake you made, the first thing you have to do is apologize to him as sincerely as possible. This means you have to have the courage to meet him in person, and not just send an apology via text. Be sure to choose a fairly quiet place and an appropriate time when he is ready to listen to your explanation; if he's still too angry to talk to you, respect his condition and give him time to be ready to talk.
- When you talk to him, look him in the eye, put your phone away, and don't look around you. Let him know that you have removed everything that could be distracting you, and that his happiness is your top priority.
- Explain briefly and simply. You don't need to explain the reasons for what you're doing, unless you feel it's absolutely necessary. The most important thing is to clearly show how sorry you are.
- Say something like, “I really regret what I did to you. I can't put into words how much I regret it, and hope that I never hurt you. You mean so much to me, and I feel so stupid for ruining our relationship."
Step 2. Explain that you are ready to take responsibility for your actions
Don't say something like, "I'm sorry if you think I'm wrong…" or, "I'm sorry you got angry when…." This kind of remark will put your boyfriend in a position of guilt, not you, and make everything that happens like it was his fault, even if it was you who did it. If you really want an apology from him, avoid this kind of speech as much as possible.
Make him understand that it was you who did wrong, and that his reaction is perfectly normal and understandable. If you do something wrong but say something that makes him feel like he did it wrong, you won't be able to get back together with your boyfriend any time soon
Step 3. Be honest with him
If you want your boyfriend to truly forgive you for what you did wrong, you have to be honest about what happened. Don't talk half-heartedly, because he might find out later, and might just get even angrier with you. If you're having an affair, you don't have to go into detail about your affair, but don't hide what you've been doing either. If you still want him to trust you again, honesty is the best option.
- He won't forgive you if there's still something you're hiding or you're clearly lying to him. He will only get angrier and more hurt and annoyed with you.
- If you're worried about not being able to tell the truth in an appropriate way, practice what you're about to say ahead of time, so you don't hurt her more.
Step 4. Promise it won't happen again--and keep your promise
If you really want him to understand that you are sorry and that you mean it, you have to make him understand that whatever happened will never happen again. Whether it's you who cheated on you, disappeared, or cursed at him, show that you've thought well about really not doing it again, and explain the steps you've taken to solve your problem. This will help him understand that you really want to improve your behavior, and maintain your relationship.
- If you're having an affair, say something like, "I'm sorry for betraying your trust. I will never flirt with other women, or even glance at them. I realize how important you are to me, and I will never do anything stupid like that again. I won't disappear, and you can always call me anytime to see what I'm doing so you don't have to worry."
- Remember that actions are more important than words. It's important to explain the steps you took to prevent him from getting hurt again, but making sure to do what you say is even more important.
Step 5. Show him that you will change
If there are certain steps you need to take to prevent the same thing from happening again, explain everything you're planning to do so he knows that you're serious about changing. Look her in the eye, and tell her about your plans to be both a boyfriend and a better man. He will be touched to see your hard work to change for the better and leave your bad side in the past.
- You could say something like, “I'm sorry I yelled at you. Next time, if I'm really angry, I'll go out to think, or take a few minutes before speaking. I'll make sure to think before I speak, so I won't say such things again. I also plan to join an anger control program if I can't handle this on my own.”
- If you tell him about your plan, make sure that you are willing to carry out the plan so that he trusts you.
Step 6. Listen to him
Chances are your boyfriend also wants to say something about what you did, and it's important to take the time to listen to him. Look him in the eye, don't interrupt or contradict what he's saying, and don't say anything until he's finished speaking. Let him know that you really value his opinion and that he means a lot to you; when he's done, show him that you're listening to what he's saying, by carefully incorporating what he says into yours.
- You can practice the art of reflective listening. After he's finished, say something like "All I heard was…" or "I understand how you feel…" to show that you really thought about what he was saying.
- While it may be tempting to argue with or refute what he's said after he's finished, remember that you're the one apologizing here. You can, of course, share your point of view, but don't make it look like you're attacking her, or she'll just get angrier.
Step 7. Let him understand how much he means to you
When you apologize to your boyfriend, let him know how much he means to your life, because this is important. Tell him how precious he is, and how foolishly you have messed up your relationship; remind him of the things you love about him, and let him see the sadness you feel for hurting him. While you don't want to sound too exaggerating, let him understand that you love him and don't want to lose him.
- Explain specifically. Don't just say she's the most amazing woman you'll ever meet; describe some of his personal characteristics in particular to show that you really care about him.
- You don't have to pretend. If you really love him, he should be able to feel it when you apologize.
Part 2 of 3: Getting His Trust Back
Step 1. Give him time if he's not ready to accept your apology
Even if you've told him everything from your side, and have tried to reassure him that you're really sorry, this doesn't mean he's going to come right back into your arms. He may not be ready to accept your apology, or even spend time with you again, even for a minute. If so, be patient, and don't pressure him into accepting your apology if he's not ready. It was you who did wrong, and the decision to apologize is in his hands now.
- Be patient with it. If he avoids or doesn't even want to talk to you for a while, you should respect him. Even if you want to know how he's doing from time to time, don't stress him out, or he'll just get angrier.
- Say that you will wait and be ready, and hope to see him again in the near future. Let him see how hurt you were, and how much you want to see him again and correct your mistakes.
Step 2. Approach slowly
If he doesn't want to spend a lot of time with you right now, respect his decision. He may slowly come back and spend time with you again. You also have to understand that he needs time to get used to your relationship again. Spend time doing relaxing things, like watching TV or having lunch together, and don't try to ask her out for dinner or romantic dates, or on weekends if she doesn't even want to look you in the eye. Approach him slowly, do the simple things you used to enjoy together, and try to take him further after that.
- This step also applies to your romance and closeness. Don't try to hug, touch, kiss, or try to hold his hand or wrap your arms around his body before he's ready, or this will slow down his process of forgiving you.
- Let him decide. If he wants to go to a party with you, you can go with him. But don't take him out of the house if he's not ready for it.
Step 3. Be a reliable man
You have to be able to rely on him if you want to rebuild your relationship. You should always be there for him, and let him know that you will help him if needed. Come on time as you promised, and accompany him when he is sad and needs a friend to talk to. Dependability is the best character in a boyfriend, and it's really needed if you want him to trust you back, and feel safe with you.
- Don't cancel the appointment with him. If you can't keep your promise, you'd better have a good reason for it.
- Come whenever he wants to talk or needs your advice. Let him know that you are willing to do your best to listen to him and make him happy.
- It's important to be a reliable boyfriend, but make sure he doesn't feel like he can trample on you just because he's done something wrong. You have to maintain your self-respect.
Step 4. It's there for him
To get his trust back, you have to be there when he tries to contact you. This doesn't mean you have to stop doing everything to fulfill her wish, but it's a good idea to pick up the phone from her as soon as possible when she's calling or texting. Let him understand that you have nothing to hide, and if you are going to turn off the phone for a while, such as going to a feature film at the cinema, or watching a football game, let him know beforehand, so he doesn't wonder why you "disappeared." ".
- If you are with friends, tell them where you are and what you do.
- While he doesn't have to know everything you do, in general try to be open about your activities so he doesn't worry that you'll hurt him again.
- If you've been away from him for a few days, call him and ask how he's doing to show that you're still thinking about him.
Step 5. Don't try too hard
While you should try to win her trust back, you shouldn't try so hard that it seems like she's pretending and not being yourself. If every word you say and every thing you do makes it clear that you just want to get his trust back, he'll feel like you don't really mean it. You may try hard to get it back, but you have to remember to be yourself; because even after everything that happened, that's the guy she's dating, isn't it?
- You can be more helpful, be nicer, and love him more than ever before, but you shouldn't forget who you are during that time. Just make sure to keep doing what you love, and not living your life just to make your boyfriend happy.
- You can buy him flowers or chocolates if your relationship is going well, but giving him too many gifts when he's still angry will only make him think you're trying to "bribe" him to get back with you.
Step 6. Don't give her any reason to make her jealous
If you're apologizing for having an affair, make sure he doesn't have reason to be afraid you'll repeat it. When you're around another woman, you can talk to her, but don't tease her out loud or stare at her, if you can resist. When you call or receive a text, don't go into another room or look suspicious when answering, and let him know who called you, whether it's your mother or a friend. Do whatever it takes to make him understand that you only love him.
- Well, it can be hard to completely stop staring at other beautiful women, but you can reduce this tendency when you're with your boyfriend, just think it's going to make him really angry.
- If you're out with friends and some girls you know show up, you can tell your boyfriend this so he doesn't know about it from anyone else.
Step 7. Slowly get back to the activities you enjoy together
As you try to apologize to your boyfriend, he and you can start doing the things you used to love together, whether it's hiking, cooking, watching an Oscar-nominated movie, or taking quizzes with friends. You shouldn't force it, but once you're both ready to get back into your old habits, you should show him how happy and grateful you are to be back in your relationship as before.
- Show that you really enjoy being with your boyfriend, and make an effort to make him feel special. Reduce your efforts to improve your relationship and just enjoy it.
- If he has complaints that have nothing to do with your fault, such as the fact that you're always late for dates, be sure to acknowledge this as well.
Part 3 of 3: Getting Back into Healthy Relationships
Step 1. Make him feel loved
As your relationship improves, make sure your boyfriend knows how much you love him. If you've already said "I love you" to each other, don't forget to say it at least once a day; if not, be sure to give her some compliments, and make her feel beautiful when you're together. Let him know and see how happy you are with him, and how much you enjoy dating him.
- You don't have to overwhelm him with excessive affection, but don't underestimate his presence. Don't assume he knows that you love him so much just because you two are out together again; let him know how much you love him through your words and actions.
- Make sweet love notes or even write a letter expressing your love for her.
- Give him attention. If he tells you a book he wants to read, show that you are listening by buying it for him.
Step 2. Find new things to do together
While going back to old habits can make your relationship feel more stable, you can also try to find new things to do together to keep your relationship fresh and avoid activities that can remind him of the time you hurt him. You can find a new sport, sign up for a class together, or even take a short camping trip or go to the beach on the weekends. Don't just do what he wants to do to please him; try to find something new that is fun for both of you.
- The new activity doesn't have to be difficult. You could learn to make pasta together, join a bowling team together, or find a new coach together. The most important thing is to try to make your relationship feel fresh.
- You don't have to do too many new things at once. Making an effort to do at least one or two new things each week, while sticking to old habits that you enjoy together will strengthen your relationship.
Step 3. Have open communication
In order to keep your relationship healthy, you need to be committed to communicating openly and listening to it as often as possible. Don't keep your feelings inside and behave passively aggressively when you're angry; but take the time to talk about the problems in your relationship so that you and he are on the same page. Make sure to really listen to him and talk about what he's thinking, while making him understand how you feel. Strong communication is key in any strong relationship.
- An important part of communication is learning to compromise. Make sure you both can figure out how to make each other happy when making a decision, and that someone can't always get what they want all the time.
- Make an effort to read your boyfriend's expressions and body language. He may be upset but not tell you, so there will come a time when you should ask what the problem is. He will appreciate it if you watch him closely.
Step 4. Try to forget past mistakes
Once you've apologized and worked to rebuild a healthy relationship, you need to forget what happened. Even though even after he forgives you, he may not be able to forget everything that happened, you both need to be able to accept the past and focus on the present and future instead of the past. If the two of you continue to dwell on what happened, you won't be able to move forward fully.
- You should try to enjoy your relationship as it is, rather than focus too much on fixing your mistakes to your boyfriend.
- Of course, if your boyfriend wants to talk about what happened, you shouldn't avoid him. But you should also try to talk about other things.
Step 5. Know if your relationship is beyond repair
Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, there are times when your boyfriend won't be able to forgive you. If you've made a mistake too big for your relationship to be irreparable, you need to be aware of this so you know when it's time to end the relationship. If you've been trying to make your relationship feel "normal" for months, but your mistakes haven't been forgiven, you're still fighting over the past, and you still can't open up to each other, accept the fact that your relationship is beyond repair..
- If you feel that he won't be able to fully forgive you, it's a good idea to have an honest talk with him about it. If this is the case, the sooner you find out the better.
- If you have to end your relationship because of what you did, the best thing you can do is interpret this as a valuable experience, and make sure not to make the same mistake again.
