Do you feel worthless when you meet someone with an intimidating personality? Do you mistake and think of certain behaviors or words of someone as a subtle insult? For the most part, the way someone behaves personally is not influenced by you; but rather how the person was raised, how he handled his emotional problems, or some other thing like his mood, spirit, or health. So, it is important that you keep this in mind if you are blamed for some things that are actually out of control. Consider the factors of the situation, as well as the motivation and background of the person blaming you, so that you don't take all his actions/words to heart anymore. Strengthening your self-confidence and communicating your thoughts clearly are vital things to do so that you are able to deal with comments made by other people.
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Part 1 of 4: Strengthening Confidence
Step 1. Write down your strengths
A person's opinion and behavior is not too important. We tend to be easily influenced by someone's opinion, when we feel doubtful and we judge ourselves too much based on the opinions and behavior of others. If you feel confident in your abilities, other people's rude behavior or negative opinions will have little effect on you. Pride and confidence in one's own abilities are far more important than thinking about other people's opinions.
- Write down your strengths and abilities, so you can remember what your strongest inner qualities are.
- Write down some things or memories that you are proud of, then reward yourself for doing those good things. Think about the abilities you demonstrated at that time. How can you do more of the same? Thinking about this can help you boost your self-confidence.
Step 2. Write down your life goals
By having goals that you want to achieve, you will feel that your life is more valuable and full of meaning. You can also include some things that you want to improve or improve on your list of life goals.
Next, look at one of your life goals and break the process of achieving that goal into smaller stages. How should you start to achieve that life goal? What are some small things you can do now?
Step 3. You must remember to keep helping others
Contributing and helping others is a very useful thing. You will feel that your life is full of meaning, and this will have a big impact on your self-confidence. Remember, the help you give to those around you will be beneficial.
You might consider spending time volunteering at a hospital, school activity, local humanitarian organization, or a website like wikiHow
Step 4. Remember, you don't need approval from anyone else
If you are particularly sensitive to how someone treats you and you often overreact to it, you may be a very difficult person to accept. You're worried you've made a mistake if you make other people feel bad, and you want to fix it. However, it's important that you understand that, just because someone is unhappy with a decision you've made, doesn't mean you've made a mistake. In some of the most common instances, the person is doing this because he is not happy with himself, so he expects you to make him happy (and this is impossible to do).
Consider getting into rejection therapy, so you can increase your tolerance for rejection from other people
Step 5. Surround yourself with positive people
You can increase your self-confidence and be happier if you make friends with people who treat you well.
Don't befriend people who are a bad influence on your life. People like this treat you badly; they just vent all their problems on you without giving you any support in return
Step 6. Take the time to take care of your body by dressing and dressing that makes you look good
Keep clothes clean and wear clothes that are the right size. Throw away old clothes that no longer fit in size, are torn, faded, etc.
Maintain good posture, because good posture can also improve mood
Step 7. Be kind to others
Doing good to strangers can make a person feel good. Take other people's words seriously, do unexpected good deeds, and find other ways to make others smile. You will definitely feel a little better.
Step 8. Smile, and you'll be surprised at how other people react
You never know how someone has gone through their day and what effect your simple smile will have on that person.
Step 9. Be creative by doing and making lots of things, because doing it feels so much fun
It's really amazing when you've just managed to create something that's never been there before! Enriching your mind and keeping it active is very useful, because you will start to be attracted to new things that motivate you from within, not external motivation that comes from money or honor.
Step 10. Visit a psychologist
If you feel that you often respond too sensitively to what other people have to say, it may be helpful to talk to a psychologist about this. A psychologist can help trace the issues that are making you hypersensitive. They can also give you advice on how to interact with negative people.
Part 2 of 4: Saying Something Firmly
Step 1. Speak up if you feel someone has been rude or disrespected you
For example, if someone is constantly making harsh jokes, let them know how you feel. He may not be aware that he has acted aggressively and hurt you, and how his jokes have affected you.
Step 2. Complete the statement with the pronoun “I”
Statements like this will show others that you are willing to take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. Doing this will allow the other person to focus on you and your feelings, so that the person doesn't feel like you're trying to attack them. Communicating without involving violence can be a very useful technique.
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Statements that do not use the "I" substitute:
“You are so rude and you intentionally hurt me!”
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Statements using the pronoun "I":
"I feel hurt when you talk like that."
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Statements that do not use the "I" substitute:
"You're a bad person. You're still not old enough to see that your friends don't really want to be friends with you!"
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Statements using the pronoun "I":
"I'm sad that we won't see each other often, but I would like to see you more often."
Step 3. In the discussion, have a quiet conversation
Attacking others most likely won't do anything good. So, stay calm and explain to the other person that you are trying to have a dialogue with them. Tell him how you feel instead of fighting with him.
Step 4. Use appropriate body language
When you want to express your thoughts clearly, pay attention to your body language. Calm your voice at a neutral volume, make eye contact with the other person, and relax your face and body position.
Step 5. You need to find out if the conversation you've tried doesn't solve the problem
Almost everyone will respond constructively to statements made with substitutes for “I” (as in the example above) and discussions that are delivered in a calm, non-aggressive atmosphere. However, some people may find it annoying; so if your conversation doesn't resolve any issues, it's time for you to discontinue it. You can try talking to the person again later, or you can simply distance yourself from the person.
Step 6. You should know that some people do have a violent nature
They may use emotionally abusive tactics such as humiliating you, taking the blame on you, or crushing your feelings. You may feel scared, tired, uncomfortable, threatened, or you may feel bad when you are around this kind of person. If so, this person has a very bad influence on you; so you should cut ties with him immediately.
If you are unsure of the situation you are in or you have a certain condition (such as autism) that affects your social judgment, then ask others for advice. Talk to someone you can trust, and look up material about violence online
Part 3 of 4: Seeing the Situation
Step 1. Assess the situation
Sometimes, we take things to heart and blame ourselves for other people's bad behavior. For example, an upset and emotional child might yell at you, “You ruined everything!” because you have chosen the wrong birthday cake for a 12 year old birthday party. It is important for you to assess the situation you are in and accept that the child's piercing words are most likely due to hormones, changes in life, or because they are not able to provide a good emotional response when their expectations are not met. This may not be due to the choice of the cake itself or the way you were educated.
Step 2. Avoid exaggerating the situation
Sometimes, we misread situations because of previous experiences or assumptions we make about other people. And because of that, we make the problem situation bigger without actually looking at the facts. Try to look at the situation critically.
- Don't jump to conclusions.
- Don't make the situation worse as if it were a major disaster. Are things really that bad?
- Stay away from thinking that all things “always” and “never” happen.
Step 3. Clarify your problem
If you receive a statement that you find offensive and rude and it is directed at you, ask the other person to clarify what the statement means. Maybe they got their point wrong, or maybe you heard it wrong.
- "May I have your explanation? I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
- "I don't quite understand what that means. Can you try to explain again?"
Step 4. You can doubt the motives of the other person who hurt you
If you're in the habit of taking other people's words and actions to heart, then you're likely to assume that someone always means bad things to you, even though they're actually just joking or having a bad day and mood. Maybe your instincts reacted immediately emotionally, but try to stop for a moment and see the situation, maybe the person is misbehaving not because of you.
- Think back to the bad days you've had before. Could the person be having a bad day, like you've had before?
- You should also consider the possibility that the person misjudged the situation. We've all said something we regret, and maybe this time the person made the same mistake.
Step 5. You must know what makes you sensitive
There may be certain reasons for which you are very sensitive. For example, you may be very sensitive about the clothes you wear because when you were a child, your mother often criticized the way you dress.
- Once you figure out the trigger, you can accept the fact that you may be overly sensitive and take things to heart.
- It can also be helpful to let others know about the triggers for your sensitive feelings. "I hope you're not joking about me being a witch. I don't really like my face and nose, so your joke is a little hurtful."
Step 6. Refocus what you are feeling
When you take a word/deed to heart, you shift your focus from someone's words or actions, to your feelings. These kinds of feelings can become intense if you just hang on to them. You will probably think again and again about what you could say to that person if you could, in your mind. This is known as contemplation. There are several strategies that can stop you from dwelling on a problem. Some of them are:
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Try to practice focusing only on the present.
Present what the moment is today, so that you do not continue to be trapped in the reflection of the past.
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Take a walk.
Go somewhere new to distract yourself from the source of the problem.
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Make a specific time schedule for worrying about a problem.
Take 20 minutes to worry about a problem. After the 20 minutes are up, focus on something else.
Part 4 of 4: Understanding the Motivations of Others
Step 1. Consider the emotions a person has
Some people may react aggressively in certain situations or act maliciously after a bad day. In a situation like this, their hatred is directed at whoever is in front of them, and they don't do it because of you. This violent behavior is not related to the recipient of the behavior.
For example, an employee at a store may not seem overly enthusiastic, or may serve you poorly. Instead of taking his words or behavior to heart, remind yourself, “Maybe this employee just had a bad day and just wants to get back home. He may always be dealing with rude customers. I don't need to take it to heart…” You can even say something kind to him like, “Have a nice afternoon” with a smile. You'll probably make her feel a little better. While maybe your words won't make the day any different, you should know that you're doing something you can to make the situation better
Step 2. Observe how one person treats another
They may tease or insult everyone they meet. Some people do have that kind of antagonistic nature. So, ask yourself:
- How does this person interact with other people?
- Does this person behave that way towards everyone?
- What is the content of his words, regardless of the tone he uses?
Step 3. Consider whether the person feels insecure
Do they perhaps feel threatened by your presence? If so, don't feel bad just because you are who you are. Think about how you can help this person feel better about themselves.
Give this person a compliment if possible, or ask him if he wants to talk to you about anything
Step 4. Consider the person's ability to regulate their emotions
Remember, the person may have poor communication and ability to regulate their emotions. Some individuals do not know how to communicate with others effectively or how to express and regulate their emotions. This is important to remember because this will allow you to be patient and sympathetic to him, just as you would if you were dealing with a young child who has never learned to express and express their emotions.
Just imagine there is a child side of the person acting up, because he doesn't yet know how to handle problems in an adult way. It's easier to be patient and compassionate when you picture a child acting up
Step 5. You need to know the background of the person
Some people have abilities and social norms that are less or different from one another. Sometimes someone looks awkward or maybe a little rude, even though they don't really mean it. Some individuals have certain behaviors and are not aware of how others perceive their behavior. That cold or rude behavior is not directed at you.
- For example, someone from a different culture who is more introverted may come across as cold or unfriendly.
- Others, such as a person with autism, may not be aware of certain social behaviors or inflections in the words they speak. They may sound insensitive or rude, even though they don't really mean it.
- Some people may not realize that their "joking" behavior is not well received by others.
Step 6. You must find out whether the criticism directed at you is constructive or not
Constructive criticism is advice meant to help you, not criticism of your worth or character. It's easy for people who are criticizing to mention what things we need to improve on; but sometimes we forget to ask them to say the reason. Constructive criticism should have clear and specific ways to make you better. This is different from non-constructive criticism, which may be just a negative word that doesn't say how to get better.
- For example, imagine you've been working the last few weeks preparing a project that is important to your boss. You have tried your best and you feel the results will be good. Then you give the project away and hope that you'll get the praise you feel you deserve. But instead, what you get is a list of things you need to improve again. You feel discouraged, offended, or unappreciated. You may think of this criticism as a bad form of criticism, instead of seeing it as an attempt by the leader to genuinely want to help you improve your performance.
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Not constructive:
“This article is weak and lacks references. The point on the second topic is not strong.” (This comment does not offer a fix method.)
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Constructive:
“The article you wrote needs to add more references and you have to expand on the second topic. Other than that, your article looks good.”
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Totally not constructive:
“This article is very poorly written.”
Listening to non-constructive criticism is painful. Think again about how the critic's ability to regulate emotions and how they relate to other people
Step 7. Ask when you receive criticism from someone
When you hear non-constructive criticism, ask the critic's point of view. Apart from showing them that you value their opinion, this is also a wise way to improve their ability to provide constructive criticism.
