Sometimes, a little "fake it till it works" strategy can give you the boost you need to put you in a positive direction. While being insincere or putting on a mask in front of other people is never a good idea, there are times when you need to exert yourself and get through a situation. Maybe you made a mistake in the middle of a presentation or didn't like going to a must-attend holiday party. Maybe you just need a little courage to hold on until the situation is over.
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Part 1 of 2: Looking Happy
Step 1. Smile
An easy way to look and act happy is to smile. However, did you know that smiling can actually improve your mood? Smiling can trigger feelings of happiness just as happiness can produce a smile.
- Try smiling using your entire face, not just your lips. Feel your cheeks and eyes change as you put on a big smile. This kind of smile is associated with positive feelings.
- If you feel upset or angry, counter those feelings with a smile. Try to connect yourself with the sensation of smiling and start feeling happiness.
Step 2. Pretend you can do anything
Getting through uncomfortable situations by appearing or feeling unaffected is a skill, and it's mostly down to self-confidence. If you have a presentation to make and you're feeling scared, get into your inner self-confidence, even if public speaking is enough to cause you to run and hide. Tell yourself that you can do it. Chances are, if you show confidence (even if it's forced or unnatural at first), people will believe that you are competent.
- Speak loudly and clearly, and act like you're really confident in your abilities.
- The opposite is also true. If you start your presentation feeling scared, many things can make your fear visible, such as a quivering voice, lack of eye contact, being confused, etc.
Step 3. Adjust body language
If you're seen closing in, looking down, or crossing your arms/legs, people will think you're unapproachable. People with good posture show a higher mood and self-confidence than people who are clumsy. Changing your body language can help your mind believe that you are.
- Practice elevating your shoulders (as a way to look/feel bigger) or placing your hands on your hips.
- Practice practicing victory poses, such as clenching your fists in the air, before entering into an anxious situation.
Step 4. Relax
Relaxation can help you calm any anxiety you may be feeling, and can help you feel more comfortable. If you're feeling tense, anxious, or unhappy, try some relaxation techniques to help you feel more balanced. This can be especially useful before starting a big presentation or something that makes you feel anxious.
- Breathe in slowly and start counting your breaths, inhale for 4 seconds, then exhale for 4 seconds. Once this method feels easy, extend it to 6 seconds apart, watching your breath flow in and out of your body.
- Use muscle relaxation to relax tense muscles. You can do progressive muscle relaxation, which focuses on different parts of your body at once, releasing any tension you feel. Start with your toes, then work your way up the muscle groups through your legs, hips, abs, chest, arms, shoulders, and neck.
Part 2 of 2: Be Happy
Step 1. Use your perspective
Some situations you have to go through and deal with naturally, even if you don't feel like it. The thought of how you look will affect your future. If, for the first time, you're meeting the parents of a partner you've been in a relationship with for a long time, and you're not feeling well, this is a great opportunity to use a little perspective and make a nice impression. However, realize that the best appearance or attitude is not always required. Realize that you have a choice to leave a situation or have to go through a situation because of certain circumstances.
If you've just had a broken leg, you don't have to pretend you're happy. You're in pain, you know! The same is true if you are in a difficult situation, such as a sibling or grandparent who has passed away. It's okay to feel sad
Step 2. Change your attitude
Changing attitudes can be especially important before getting into an unpleasant event. Take a moment and find a way to rethink the negative, then try to find positive aspects to reflect on. You may be stuck in a cycle of negative thinking and need a change to help you feel more positive. Reflect on what attitude you show in a situation and whether it is in your best interest. Changing your attitude can help you feel happy long enough to get through a difficult situation.
- If you have to attend an event you don't like, adjust your attitude. Keep in mind that this event doesn't happen very often, and you can definitely get through it, even if you expect it to be unpleasant. Maybe you'll meet someone interesting, enjoy a bit of a good meal, or get a pleasant surprise because of what you learned from there.
- Be aware of the possible positive things that can emerge from the event, and reduce the suspicion of the possibility of negative things.
- For more information, see the article How to Change a Negative Attitude.
Step 3. Talk to yourself
If you're having trouble looking or feeling happy, chances are you're having negative thoughts. Talking to yourself will help you shift your focus away from negative or unhelpful thoughts so that you can calm yourself down so you can feel more comfortable. This can help ease you through an unpleasant situation and help you look happier, even if you're feeling sad. Some examples of how to talk to yourself:
- "I may not feel well, but I can still work well."
- "It's an uncomfortable situation, but I can come home soon to deal with it."
- "I'm here to enjoy the atmosphere alone."
Step 4. Cultivate gratitude
If you're having a hard time even pretending to be happy, look for things to be grateful for in your life. People who are able to be grateful are said to have higher levels of happiness and health, such as better quality sleep, increased empathy, and better self-confidence. Find things to look forward to and be grateful for the little things: a place to stay, a great day out, good friends, whatever! You can even begin to feel happier, not just being happy.
Make a list of 5 things that bring happiness and contentment to your life. This could be something as simple as getting up early and not finding dirty dishes in the sink. Then think about the situation that caused you to feel annoyed or frustrated, then describe it in writing. After that, think of three things that can help you appreciate a difficult situation. You may be late for work because you have to refuel, but get a chance to buy your favorite coffee. Or your office understands the occasional delay. Think about whether you will remember this in a week, two weeks, or five weeks
Step 5. Let people support you
Strengthen friendships and hone your social skills. Don't lock yourself up when you're in need, seek help! Talk to people every day, and get in touch with other people to make you feel better. Even if you need a bit of coercion, make yourself social with the people you care about, and remember that they care about you too. Being happy can be easier when you are surrounded by friends.
- If you tend to isolate yourself, be aware that this can cause or be a factor in feelings of depression. Social contact is an important part of life.
- Especially if you find it difficult to deal with a situation, make sure there are people you can rely on and talk to when the opportunity arises.
Step 6. Seek help
If you find yourself always trying to look and act happy when you're not, seek professional help. There's no point trying to look and act happy when you don't feel the source of happiness within you.
- If you are constantly unhappy, you may be suffering from depression. For more information, see the articles How to Know If You Have Depression and How to Cope With Depression.
- If you need help finding a therapist, check out this article on how to choose a therapist.
Tips
- Remember that your feelings are for yourself and not for anyone else. Don't try to be happy just because you feel people want you to be happy; chances are people are more willing to build a genuine bond with you.
- Try to feel positive and not negative or angry. If you act like you're happy, you'll probably start to feel better. Pretend until you succeed!
