For you single people, it must be hard to see couples happily flaunting their affection. However, being single is actually a great opportunity to deepen relationships with friends and family, enjoy hobbies, develop a career, and get to know yourself better! However, if you have to struggle with loneliness, try to build confidence in your social environment. It can be scary at first, but try to socialize, meet new people, and let your relationship develop naturally.
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Part 1 of 4: Developing a Positive Mindset
Step 1. Try to appreciate the benefits of being single
Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily make you a better or more successful person. So, don't be discouraged just because of your single status. Better, think about the positive side of living single life, for example, you are free to choose where you want to live and what you will do. Plus, you don't have to deal with the stress and problems that come from the relationship.
Being single also allows you to prioritize professional goals and personal goals. Many people who already have a partner can only hope that they can achieve this goal without compromising
Step 2. Call your loved ones when you feel lonely
Call an old friend and have a chat with him. You can also ask close friends to enjoy coffee or lunch together. Otherwise, invite a few people over for an all-night game. Believe me, romantic relationships are not the only type of relationship that can satisfy you. In fact, being single is the perfect opportunity to nurture other relationships that can last a lifetime.
- If you want to vent your feelings, be honest with those closest to you who you trust. At first it may be difficult to talk about this feeling of loneliness. However, discussing it with a friend or relative will improve your feelings.
- Take advantage of the presence of technology to stay connected with loved ones. If it's impossible to meet face-to-face, contact him by phone, email, social media, or even video call.
Step 3. Add a cheerful feel to your home
If your environment seems gloomy, try to create a bright and fun space to help reduce the loneliness. Try painting a room with a light color, such as a fresh green or a cheerful blue.
- Add flowers or plants to liven up the atmosphere in your home.
- Open the window blinds. Replace dark, thick curtains with lighter ones. When you let more light into your home, you will be more connected to the outside world.
- Try to tidy up a messy room. A neater home will promote a positive mindset.
Step 4. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day
Regular exercise can improve physical and mental health. Do activities that force you to leave the house. Try walking around the house, going outdoors, swimming, taking yoga, knitting, or self-defense classes.
Strolling around the house will help you get to know your neighbors better, while taking a gym class is a fun way to meet new people
Step 5. Have a new hobby
Learning new things will give you experience as well as help you develop new skills. Joining or taking classes also helps you meet other people who share similar interests.
- For example, develop an interest in cooking, gardening, or crafts. Turn a hobby you usually do on your own into a shared activity by joining a club or class that focuses on those interests.
- Look for information about this class or club on the Internet. Or, contact relevant business groups or organizations for opportunities to socialize with others. For example, if you are interested in gardening, try to find out if the environmental affairs office in your city offers gardening classes.
Step 6. Reward yourself with something that compels you to leave the house
Shopping for a new one, getting a haircut, or visiting a masseuse are all powerful ways to pour out some love for yourself. Visit new shops, recently opened restaurants, and public places for opportunities to interact with other people.
- Get actively involved and, in return, enjoy a movie, theater show, or concert. These activities are not only mandatory "dating" activities, but can also be enjoyed alone.
- Visit the places you've always wanted to go. The main advantage of being single is that you don't have to first discuss it with other people or deal with their problems, such as stopping at a place you really don't like or their fear of going on an airplane.
Step 7. Find a new furry friend
If you're tired of coming home to an empty house, a furry friend can give you unconditional love and help overcome loneliness. Not only that, pets can also improve your health, for example lowering blood pressure and increasing hours of exercise.
Animals also give you the opportunity to mingle more. For example, owning a dog is a great conversation starter and of course you'll need to get out of the house more often to walk the dog
Step 8. Remember, everyone must have felt lonely at some point
Try not to over-glorify the relationship, or think that courtship and marriage are the solution to all problems. Being in a relationship with other people is not easy, and those who are in a relationship also cannot avoid feeling lonely.
Feeling lonely is a natural human experience and, in some ways, has its benefits. Loneliness drives people to seek connection with others. That is why loneliness is the foundation of all relationships
Part 2 of 4: Building Confidence in Social Life
Step 1. Get rid of negative and critical thoughts
If you start to think, “I'm not good enough,” or “There must be something wrong with me”, immediately say, “Stop! My thoughts are unproductive, and I have the power to change my mindset.” The first step in developing self-confidence in social life is to change the way of thinking that causes self-doubt.
- Strong self-criticism usually stems from wrong thinking. Stop being so hard on yourself, stay objective, and ignore the wrong thoughts that cross your mind.
- Don't dwell on past relationships or think of them as "failures." Accept the fact that you cannot change the past. Better yet, move on with your life and increase your chances of becoming a person who is grateful and useful to others.
Step 2. Work on keeping yourself in need of other people
You don't have to be perfect to form a new romantic or platonic relationship. In fact, being open and honest about our weaknesses is our way of bonding with others. Accept your imperfections, work to change what can be changed, and show self-love.
Get rid of the fear of rejection. If things don't go well with a potential friend or partner, don't assume that this is all your fault or that there is something wrong with you. Sometimes people just don't get along, have misunderstandings, or are in a bad mood
Step 3. Take healthy social risks
It may feel stressful and risky, but you must meet and interact with other people to overcome loneliness. Gradually, you will become more comfortable with who you are.
Challenge yourself to try new things, talk to new people, and get involved in unfamiliar situations. If a coworker invites you to hang out after work, go with him. Or, when you're in a store and have to stand in line, have someone near you, or even the cashier, have a chat
Step 4. Start the conversation by asking a question
If you're worried about awkward silences or don't know what to say, ask anything. Most people like to talk about themselves so asking questions is a great way to get the questions flowing.
- While waiting for the teacher or lecturer to teach, talk to a friend beside you. For example, “How was yesterday's quiz? It's very difficult, yes. I can't do it at all!"
- You could ask, “What do you do every day,” or “What good movies have you watched recently?”
- If you're in the middle of a party, you might ask, "How do you know the host?"
Step 5. Build your confidence in your social life gradually
Set reasonable expectations, and work to increase your social confidence slowly. For example, you can start smiling and waving to your neighbor when you run into them on the street.
- The next time you meet your neighbors, you can introduce yourself and take a moment to chat. You can talk about the neighborhood, compliment the neighbor's cute dog, or compliment the beauty of their garden.
- As you get used to being friendly, you can invite them over for tea or coffee.
Part 3 of 4: Meeting New People
Step 1. Join a new social group
Try asking if there is a book club at your local library or at your favorite cafe. If you have an interest in a particular social issue or issue, try searching the internet for information about clubs or organizations in your area that focus on the same thing.
If you enjoy worship, consider getting actively involved in a place of worship or joining a prayer and meditation group
Step 2. Volunteer at a charity you like
Volunteer work is time-consuming and increases self-confidence. Plus, volunteering for an issue you're interested in will connect you with like-minded people.
For example, you could devote yourself to volunteering at a street animal shelter if you like animals, raising awareness of the dangers of a disease that may affect those closest to you, or researching a political issue that concerns you
Step 3. Join an online community
Apart from online dating sites, there are many ways to connect with other people via the internet. Play online games that have chat features, join chat forums discussing topics that interest you, and meet other people on social media.
Interacting with other people via the internet will help you develop social skills if you are worried about having to meet face-to-face. However, always remember to pay attention to internet safety and avoid giving out personal information
Step 4. Try to let the relationship develop naturally
As much as possible, try not to rush into a romantic or platonic relationship. Let your relationship run its course, and never force anything. Be patient, and allow time for the new relationship to develop a solid foundation.
It's better to be single than rush into a relationship with someone you don't really like. Trust me, there is someone out there who will come just when you are no longer hopeful. So, try to stay patient and think positive
Part 4 of 4: Dating
Step 1. Set up a profile on an online dating site
Be yourself when filling out the profile fields. Talk about positive things, like your hobbies and interests, rather than listing your frustrations or boasting about your greatness. Read aloud what you have written. Be sure to write it down in a straightforward manner instead of being arrogant or clumsy.
- Try to set realistic expectations, move on slowly, and listen to your instincts. If you feel comfortable chatting with someone via email or text, be brave enough to call and ask them out. Even if you don't want to rush things, you should still try to build a relationship with the other person, rather than just texting them for weeks on end.
- Try not to think of someone as “the one” or suddenly feel connected, especially before the first date. Yes, it's easy to think of someone as an ideal person before meeting him in person. However, you should let this relationship flow without any expectations.
Step 2. Develop your confidence to be able to ask someone out on a date in person
Outside of online dating sites, you can also meet potential lovers at the grocery store, club or class, party, or gym. Asking people out can be intimidating, but as you become more comfortable in basic social situations, your shyness will go away.
- Try to strike up a conversation when you're not home, and try to talk to people you like or don't like. To break the silence, you can discuss the weather, ask for advice, or offer a compliment.
- Try to develop a more confident mindset by saying positive words to yourself. Instead of thinking, "I'm shy and can't take people out," just say, "Well, sometimes I'm shy, but I can handle it."
Step 3. Stay calm and relaxed when you ask someone out
Once you're more comfortable with other people, try challenging yourself to ask someone out. Chat with him to lighten the mood. Then, if the conversation goes well, ask him if he'd be willing to have coffee together another time.
- For example, you meet someone at a coffee shop carrying a book by your favorite author. Try saying, "Oh, I've always loved books by Andrea Hirata." or “I just found out that people still like to read books out of paper!”
- During the conversation, you can ask questions such as, “Have you read the books? Which one do you like the most? Who is your favorite writer?”
- If he's also interested in responding to your question, continue this conversation. Try to keep the conversation relaxed and when you want to ask him to meet again, just imagine as if you were talking to a friend. Say, “Unfortunately I have to go back to work. But, we just had a lot of fun! Don't want to chat anymore over coffee? Maybe tomorrow?"
Step 4. Start with light activities, such as enjoying coffee or tea
A good first date is usually stress-free, brief, and an opportunity to explore early compatibility. Chatting over coffee or tea helps to break the ice without the formality and pressure of a dinner date.
Set reasonable expectations and try not to rush into labeling someone as unsuitable for you just because they aren't perfect. However, if you're already convinced that the person isn't for you, then at least enjoying tea or coffee with them isn't a waste of your time and money
Step 5. Proceed with second and third dates that allow you to chat with him
If the first date went well, ask if he's also interested in having dinner together, going to the park, having a picnic, or going to the zoo. At this stage getting to know each other is very important. So, create activities that support the two of you to chat more closely.
Dating ideas to avoid include going to the movies and going to bars. Also, it's best to skip this stage with activities that only involve the two of you. Therefore, reduce the first to do activities with many friends. Instead, try to find a date who can balance your favorite activities with theirs
Step 6. Stay open and optimistic instead of setting high expectations
When you feel like you're getting along with someone, it's tempting to imagine where this relationship will develop. However, instead of writing down an uncertain relationship scenario, it's better to just enjoy every moment that develops naturally.
- Not every relationship develops into a long-term marriage or courtship. Dating carefree can be fun and you'll get a better idea of what you need from your partner.
- Enjoy your time together. Don't try to pressure yourself with rigid expectations. Always remember that love comes just when you start to stop expecting it, and that there are so many things going on that are out of your control.
Tips
- Reduce access to media that gives a negative stigma to single life. If you're constantly bombarded with photos of your partner on social media, cut back on media time immediately. Don't be swayed by television shows, movies, or other media that suggest single life is the end of the world.
- Hang out with friends who value you and can develop your self-confidence. Avoid people who only like to criticize you sharply.
