The pressure to look attractive by conventional standards is so great that even toddlers feel it. Maybe sometimes you feel unattractive, and maybe this feeling is always there. What is clear, feeling unattractive is not a reason to deny happiness. Try to learn to accept this flaw in your self-confidence, cultivate attractiveness, and love yourself.
Part 1 of 3: Looking at Yourself
Step 1. Try confronting beauty standards
The way you see yourself is shaped by factors that don't really reflect reality. Beauty standards are contradictory and ever-changing. These standards should reflect power imbalances – racism, discrimination based on age, and sexism. When negative thoughts arise about your appearance, ask yourself: what makes me feel this way? Am I fixating on destructive standards?
- Watching television too often makes most people wish they had a different appearance.
- Understand that some of the aspects featured in advertisements have little to do with what makes a person attractive in real life.
- People in photos are manipulated to look attractive and fit. A person will look scary if he doesn't have wrinkles, fat, or asymmetry in his body in real life.
- Understand that different beauties are liked for some reason. For example, a fashion show model has a thin body so as not to distract from the clothes she is wearing.
Step 2. Find a role model
No one is unique. Look for attractive people who have a similar appearance to yours. It's hard to see who you really are when you're surrounded by people who don't look like you. Remember the story of the ugly duckling: he didn't become attractive growing up, but he was misjudged as a child.
- Collect photos of people you find interesting who have things in common with you. Look for photos and paintings of people with hair, body type, and skin similar to yours and similar eyes, noses and mouths.
- You can find them in magazines, museum catalogs, and on the internet.
- Look for photos of people from where you are from.
- Look for photos of interesting people from different eras. You will notice that beauty standards are constantly changing and never stay the same, even within one country over the course of a year.
- Post these photos in your room.
- Try to dress like your favorite beauty icon to a costume party.
Step 3. Accept compliments
When someone says you look attractive, believe that they mean it sincerely. You don't have to think you look attractive to believe what people say that you look attractive. Say "thank you" and return the compliment.
- When someone is interested in you, trust them.
- People with low self-esteem turn down a date because they have a hard time accepting these offers. If someone asks you out on a date, say yes!
- Ask the person asking you out what he likes about you. You will be surprised to hear the things that make them attracted to you.
- Make sure you tell them what you like about them! Sincere compliments also make someone attractive.
Part 2 of 3: Letting Go of Negativity
Step 1. Face your feelings
When unpleasant thoughts and feelings arise, deal with them. When you're feeling restless, ask yourself "Why do I suddenly feel bad?" Then look for triggers, for example, you pay too much attention to advertisements, are ignored by friends, or are feeling hungry or tired. After that, examine your feelings. Find out if you're feeling "I'm ugly!" or "I need to lose weight" or "Only attractive people can be happy."
- You don't have to fight these feelings. You just have to deal with it and then let it go.
- If these feelings persist, tell him to leave. "Go away the feeling that makes me think only beautiful people can be happy. I'm tired and you always show up when I'm tired. Now I want to rest and I need you to stop bothering me with your bullshit."
- Love yourself before you try to change anything. Accept how you look and how you feel. If you try to change or "improve" yourself without first thinking about your human values, you will have no progress.
- Ask yourself "Do I have the right to be happy? Am I important, who I am?"
- If you can say yes to this question, you are on the right path.
Step 2. Ignore the haters
When people insult you or try to correct you, make them shut up or ignore it. When someone insults you, it means that something is going on with them. Happy, healthy and confident people don't bother insulting other people. Instead of returning the insult or getting annoyed, stop the interaction briefly. Say something like "try to grow up" or "mind your own business."
- Don't insult him by taking this insult to heart, but allow yourself to be annoyed as you wish. Try reminding yourself that you're upset that someone is being unkind and trying to fuel your distrust. Examine your feelings.
- Get rid of "friends" who are trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Make friends with people who are supportive and kind.
- Try not to feel offended if someone offers you beauty advice. Instead, maybe you can make friends with someone who seems to know how to do hair, makeup, and other beauty topics. It may be that you enjoy learning these things and may become more confident as you learn more about beauty.
Step 3. Use love language to describe yourself
When you find yourself starting to put yourself down, stop. Treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend. Would you call your friend "ugly" or criticize him? Are you constantly thinking about her appearance?
- Write a letter to yourself describing yourself through the eyes of a good friend. Stop when you find yourself writing something that feels insincere or forced. Try to write down exactly how you would be viewed by someone who loves you.
- Keep in mind that the word "ugly" is rarely used, except by unhappy teens and insincere adults. If you think of yourself as ugly, you may surprise and sadden those around you.
- Ask yourself, do I have the heart to think my friend is ugly?
- You probably don't think other people are bad, unless you feel bad about yourself.
Step 4. Seek help from others
If you're really disappointed in yourself, you can't deal with these feelings, seek professional help. See a doctor or mental health professional if you have thoughts of self-harm. If you're depressed, if you avoid activities you love, if you're too restless to socialize or do work, seek help.
See a doctor if your body shape doesn't match what other people tell you, or if your mind is preoccupied with thoughts about how you look
Part 3 of 3: Feeling Your Best
Step 1. Find out your passion
Maybe you feel better about your life and yourself if you do something you really enjoy. Take some time to think about what excites you the most. Write down your thoughts so you can read them again and use them to help you develop your talents. Some writing activities to help find your passion are:
- Think about what you wanted to do as a child." What did you enjoy doing as a child? Did you like playing football? Dancing? Drawing? Or something else? Try writing down what you liked to do as a child.
- Make a list of people you admire." Try making a list of all the people you admire the most. Write down what you admire about them and how this relates to your passion.
- Imagine what you would do if you knew you would be successful." Take a moment to imagine that you are guaranteed success in anything you choose. What would you do if you couldn't fail? Write down your answers.
Step 2. Develop talent
When you know what makes you happy, find ways to do it more often. You can turn this passion into a hobby or you can do something more adventurous like changing careers.
- If your passion is a world that is difficult to penetrate, such as acting, try taking a theater class to channel this passion.
- Pay attention to how you feel when you use your talents. You should see that you feel light and happy. This can help you confirm that your passion for this activity is deep. If you have a heavy, unpleasant feeling, you may want to reevaluate.
Step 3. Accept the power of your attraction
Beauty and attractiveness are not the same thing. Attraction is the force that attracts other people to you. Beautiful by most people's standards can be the thing that makes someone attractive. However, there are many things that make a person attractive.
- Intelligence, kindness, self-confidence, health, and a sense of humor are what make a person attractive.
- People who have a realistic self-image, are emotionally stable, and take good care of themselves are seen as attractive.
Step 4. Take advantage of the power of external attraction
In addition to your personal strengths, there is a power of attraction available to you. The way you walk, carry yourself, smile, and laugh can attract attention to you. Try to walk gracefully, and rest in a relaxed position. As much as possible straighten the body.
- Smiling is one of the most interesting things you can do. When you enter the room, smile at everyone in it. Make eye contact when you smile.
- Wearing red is attractive. For some reason, wearing something red can attract positive attention. Even carrying a red bag or wearing red shoes can make a difference.
- Don't wear too much makeup. Wearing a little makeup can make you look prettier, but wearing too much of it can make you less attractive. People respond to your natural appearance, so wear makeup to highlight your beauty, not hide yourself.
Step 5. Make sure you look your best
You'll have a lot of fun making sure you look your best. Shower frequently and wear clothes that fit your body. Try consulting the shopkeeper and ask him to measure your body to make sure the clothes you choose are not too tight or too big. Wear clean clothes in colors that suit you. Dress in your own style: for example, if you like one type of music, dress according to that style of music.
- Even if you wake up feeling uneasy, try to dress well. This can help ease the feeling.
- You don't have to spend a lot of money on clothes.
- Wear clothes that highlight the parts of yourself that you find attractive, but don't try to hide any part of your body. Accept your body as it is.
- Find a hair care routine, skin care routine, and a style of dress that you enjoy. Getting ready before the start of your day should be fun, not a chore.
Step 6. Pay attention to health
Sleep, eat and exercise normally. Adults need 7-8 hours of sleep every night, while teens need 9-11 hours. Feeling tired can make you gain weight and cause health problems.
- Eat regularly and make sure the food you eat is varied. Eating a variety of foods makes the body get the nutrients it needs. Eat fruits and vegetables every day, as well as low-fat protein such as eggs, skinless chicken and nuts. Don't forget complex carbohydrates like brown rice and whole wheat bread.
- Exercise regularly. Adults should do 150 minutes of moderate aerobic activity or 75 minutes of high-intensity aerobic activity per week.
Step 7. Be careful with eating disorders
Eating disorders are very dangerous medical conditions. If you notice any signs of this eating disorder, seek medical attention immediately.
- Anorexia is a common eating disorder. Some of the signs include limiting what you eat, constantly thinking about the food you eat, feeling guilty when you eat, or feeling fat when you're not. Excessive exercise is another symptom.
- Bulimia is an eating disorder in which people eat too much and then vomit, exercise, or use laxatives to reduce the number of calories they take in. If you're obsessed with your weight, feel guilty about eating, feel like you can't control what you eat, or are eating large amounts of food, get tested to see if you have bulimia.
- Binge-eating or overeating is an eating disorder. If you're overeating, but aren't doing anything about this ingestion, try to consult a doctor.