Breaking up is never easy, but it's probably even harder to continue a relationship that doesn't make someone happy. Breaking up with your lover amicably is about being honest and telling them in a gentle way even if it upsets them. Try to be understanding, willing to help, and wanting to cheer you up when you do, you won't turn someone who once loved you turns into someone who hates you. Read on for helpful hints on what to do, what not to do, and some sample ideas you can use as inspiration.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Things Not to Do
Step 1. Don't cut ties with your lover via SMS message, phone or email
This is inappropriate, and to your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, it will feel as though you are avoiding him. Be polite by doing it in person and meeting in person.
You may not realize it, but there are several advantages to ending a relationship by meeting in person. One of them is to give both parties a chance to talk and think about the situation. And while it's more difficult to do, it's likely to reduce fighting, which is a good thing
Step 2. Don't blame your lover just for the sake of breaking up
What happened was not that simple. Be prepared to discuss your relationship without blaming someone.
- Maybe you can find the bad things in your relationship where you also come into play if you really want to. To be fair and not to make your ex-boyfriend feel like he or she was directly responsible for ending the relationship, be sure to mention things you could have changed to make the relationship better.
-
In some cases, the fault is entirely with your lover. In such a situation, it's fine to tell the truth. If your boyfriend cheats on you, uses drugs, cheats on you, or is increasingly disrespectful of you, you can blame him for his actions directly.
In most cases, this can lead to arguments, so be prepared for that. The upside is that you are honest about the reasons your relationship failed, which leaves both of you with a better chance of finding lasting love someday. Isn't this what you both want?
Step 3. Don't give your ex a chance
If you don't want to stay friends with him after breaking up, don't give him the opportunity. Find a nice way to say it. Instead of saying "Just so you know, I don't want to stay friends with you after we break up," it's better to say something like, "You know that I care about you. But I don't think it's good for either of us to continue being friends after we break up. Hopefully someday, when we both come to our senses, we can be friends again."
Step 4. Don't talk carelessly
Be tactful when telling a friend who also knows your ex about your breakup. Boasting or gossiping can be very painful for a person who may already be in an emotionally unstable state. Plus, it can encourage your ex to spread false news about you, and can generally lead to childish behavior.
Tell your close friends, but don't share your breakup with acquaintances or people you don't really know. It might be a good thought to tell your close friends what happened between the two of you. But, it might not be a good idea to tell all your social friends via Facebook, or every girl at your school, that the two of you have broken up. This seems like an outlet for your frustration
Step 5. Don't be narrow-minded
"Narrow" thinking can be hard to explain, but it usually includes doing things you wouldn't want your boyfriend to do to you if he broke up with you. This is called the golden rule, which is to treat others the same way you would want others to treat you. This rule is a very good rule.
- Don't have an affair before you break up with him. If feelings of love are growing between you and another girl, be nice to wait, think about your feelings, and break up with your current boyfriend before you do anything with another girl. This will look better on your ex, and feel better for you.
- Don't treat them badly before the relationship ends (but it's even better if you don't treat them badly at all). If you are still in a relationship, you owe your lover something. It's not good to leave before the relationship ends. If you can't be nice to your boyfriend, you owe it to him to give him a chance to find someone else who can.
Method 2 of 2: Things To Do
Step 1. Try to minimize the pain of a broken heart
There's no escape from the fact that this will hurt your lover's feelings. Just like pulling a bandage, if you remove it in one fell swoop, the pain will go away quickly. But, if you do it slowly, the pain will last longer. You can help minimize this liver injury in several ways:
- Don't walk away. Even if you don't want to, offer hugs and other appropriate signs of affection if your ex seems to need them. Be calm, not selfish.
- Find the right time to cut ties. Of course there is never a perfect time to break up. However, timing just before a celebration, exam, or holiday is a poor timing for doing this. Give yourself enough time to yourself, and try to do it when he doesn't have anything else important coming up.
- Resist the urge to argue. When a person is decided, there is a possibility that he will get angry. Don't heat things up by angering him, arguing, or belittling him. Ex-girlfriends often say very hurtful things when they argue.
Step 2. Be prepared to deal with the various emotions that arise
When you break up, you have to be prepared to deal with whatever emotions come up. These emotions can be feelings of sadness, anger, or even no emotion at all. It's natural to feel any emotions that come up during a breakup. If you want to show emotion, don't hold it in. On the other hand, if there are no emotions coming up for any reason, don't force them.
Step 3. Give him a real explanation
At least he deserved to know this. If you can't think of a solid reason why you don't want to be with him anymore, think again; talk to a friend. This reasoning doesn't have to be perfect, but it must have a solid foundation. You have to explain the reason to him.
- Show him that you've thought about it, and give him some facts to back it up. Don't be aggressive or hostile. When explaining the reasons for breaking up, don't talk about the other person's relationship. Your relationship is about the two of you, and breaking up is not about comparing your relationship to someone else's.
- Stay where he is for as long as he needs an explanation. Don't run out of the house as soon as you say, "Let's split up." Stay with him as he processes the information, and answer any questions he has. If you keep coming back to the same question over and over again, tell him that's what you think is happening.
Step 4. Be calm
If possible, tell him why you think he would make a good girlfriend for someone someday. Talk about aspects of your personality that have attracted you to him, and traits that have stood out throughout your relationship. This way, he wouldn't feel too bad; this can boost his self-confidence, which may be shaken by the breakup between the two of you.
Step 5. Offer to talk to him sometime if he has any questions
Unless you've decided that it's best not to talk to him after the breakup, give him the option to discuss the situation once the situation has subsided. This will give both of you time to think, and maybe help him feel like he's also been given a chance to let go of his burdens.
Tips
- Don't feel guilty about breaking up with your boyfriend, if you try to stall for time, it will only make things worse.
- Don't make the situation worse by sending unpleasant messages or phone calls.
- Wait a while before looking for another girl, especially if your ex-boyfriend often bumps into you.
- Never say classic break-ups like, "It's not because of you, it's because of me."
- Following these rules will make the process less painful for both of you. This may actually lead to a positive experience for you in the future.
- Think what if you were in their shoes. Imagine what it would be like if you were the one who got dumped.
- Try to ask him if he still wants to be friends with you because maybe you can make a good friendship.
Warning
- No matter how nice you are, the pain is still the same, and he will hate you whether you say it carelessly or as gently as possible.
- Don't talk to him the next day. After a few days, you may want to see how he is doing to calm your feelings, and also see how he is dealing with the breakup. This is usually bad because it can remind him of his failed relationship and not make him forget it. Remember that most people go through stress with anger or depression. Anger is much more productive for them and allows them to move on with life in a healthy way. If you see him with someone else, be calm because you've cut ties with him, and it's time for both of you to move on with your life.
