Sometimes, your lover may not want to accept the decision to separate. You've said this many times, but he insists that the decision is just a momentary emotion. This behavior is very annoying and hurts because he doesn't take your request seriously. You don't want to hurt him, of course, but you might end up getting angry and saying something rude out of desperation. Here are some ways to act decisively and clearly convey that your relationship with your partner is really over.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Clear Your Mind
Step 1. Ask for some time alone so you can work through your anger and believe in the decisions you've made
You may feel angry or hurt that you want to get away from the partner you no longer love or even still love, but don't want to be together. This is something contradictory. If you're angry and keep yourself close to him, you're going to explode over time. This behavior can also turn into an arena for arguments and insults that can damage the good things that are still left in the relationship.
- Tell him that you are unhappy with the relationship, and that you need space to think and let go of your anger. You may need to make this request in a firm tone. Don't be afraid and hope your partner can show you some respect to give you some time to think.
- Don't spend a week thinking about it, then just come back to it. Keep your distance from your partner as far as possible. Don't take calls or text messages. Don't see him, but if this isn't possible, don't spend too much time with him. Use this time for yourself, even if you miss it.
- If you miss him a lot, try to see it from a different perspective. Make a list of pros and cons. Make a list of what you want out of a relationship. Make a list of things your partner likes and dislikes. Talk to friends, go out, and don't change your Facebook status until you're absolutely sure.
Step 2. Observe what is not working in your relationship
This way will convince you that your relationship is really over. That way, you won't be swayed by the request of your lover who wants to maintain the relationship. What's more, it can make the decision to end the relationship seem reasonable. Consider the following:
- Have you ever asked your partner to change their habits that hurt or offended you? Does he still do it? Have you ever made a suggestion, but he refused to try it? If so, he doesn't respect you and has no intention of changing.
- Do you feel that he often crosses the line? Do you feel sad all the time because you feel like you have to give in so you don't fight with your partner? This is not a healthy relationship and you are just being taken advantage of.
- Do you feel suffocated or unfree because this person is always with you, always around you, and acting like he can't trust you? Do you find it difficult to spend time with friends or other people for fear that your partner will get angry? Can you spend some time alone without being bothered by it? People who are too close, jealous, and don't trust you lead to unhealthy relationships. Until he gets over his trust issues with other people, he will make your relationship feel cramped.
- Do you feel used? Does your partner say they want to change, but don't? If so, it's likely that this has become a recurring pattern that you're being taken advantage of all the time.
- Are you able to care for or provide for yourself? Or is it just about him all the time? Do you have to change yourself just to fulfill his needs and wants? If so, the relationship is unhealthy and you will fail to develop as yourself.
Step 3. Consider whether you want to give it a second chance
This depends on the reason why you want to break up. If you've given him plenty of opportunities to change, skip this section. On the other hand, if you feel the need to do it in order to feel good about doing your best, give it a second chance. You yourself decide to have a romantic relationship with that person and the decision must be made based on common sense. Trust in your own judgment and respect the person you have chosen. Give him a second chance, if he's never had one. Sometimes, when you ask him to think, he thinks too. Maybe he will admit his mistake and change his behavior. If you don't have a crucial reason to end the relationship, try again. Respect your initial decision and give your partner a second chance to make amends.
Method 2 of 3: Breaking the Relationship as Clear as possible
Step 1. Make sure you can control your anger, as described in the previous section
When you are angry, it is very difficult to end a relationship in a firm and kind manner. You certainly don't want emotions to overflow during a breakup because things can pave the way for him to persuade you to forgive him. After taking some time to think, you can wait until you feel like you can forgive him. Try to understand the matter from his point of view. Think how much you love him. Consider that this is going to hurt her too, maybe more than you feel.
However, don't let guilt change your mind. If you want to break up and don't see the benefits of a relationship anymore, don't let the guilt of hurting your partner hurt you even more. You have to prioritize yourself
Step 2. Talk about the source of the problem that is ruining your relationship with your partner
Focus on the problem, not the person. Explain the reasons why the relationship didn't work from your point of view. If you still love him, just say so. This can reduce the pain, but make sure you're telling the truth. You're about to break up, there's no need to hold back anything you want to say. Be honest about the reasons why you are not happy. He may learn from the experience and improve it when starting a new relationship in the future.
Step 3. Confirm the decision to end the relationship firmly
You need to convey the point of the decision so that your partner knows your relationship is over. Do it gently, if possible right after you speak, but be firm. Let him know that there is no other way and the relationship is over. Explain that you have thought this through carefully. This is not a sudden decision, but a decision made with careful consideration. This will help your partner realize that you are serious and will not change your mind. For example, say:
"For a long time, I've been thinking about the possibility of maintaining this relationship and I really don't see us being able to continue together. I feel our visions are different and we've been on different paths. I have thought through this decision carefully because I care but I don't think we can continue this relationship as a couple."
Step 4. Be prepared for a response to the assertion you just made
Some things to deal with are:
- A couple crying out loud. This is hard to deal with and you can hug her, but don't get too intimate. Don't give up – tears are a great natural response to emotions, so crying is actually a good thing even if it seems bad at the time. Tell him that he will be all right, as he should be.
- He may get angry and berate you. Stay calm and focus on what caused the relationship to end. Say something like "I'm sorry for making you angry, I know this isn't easy," or "I can understand why you're angry, but anger can't fix a broken relationship." Sometimes, you might just say, “Let's talk about this when you're not mad. We can't decide anything when you're emotional.”
- He may show relief. This statement might come as quite a shock, but there were many people who knew that he would be decided; they can feel it and know the decision is inevitable, especially if the partner has asked for time to think. By then, he may have come to his own conclusion that your relationship can't continue, but doesn't want to break it off. Don't respond like you're disappointed that your partner is relieved – this is a good ending for both of you!
Step 5. Reiterate your reasons for wanting to break up if necessary
The person may need to hear it one more time because he or she is crying, in shock, and angry. That's okay, this will amplify your message and leave less room for error. Just be gentle and considerate, like you're talking to another human. There's no need to be mean or angry, just be gentle and kind; This is something that hurts, but manners are an important aspect that must be maintained.
Your partner may repeatedly say: "I don't understand why you would do this to me." At this point, you can gently explain that the decision wasn't made to hurt her. However, this decision was made because you feel that you can no longer be part of a relationship that doesn't feel right for you or stems from your feelings that are no longer the same. Help your partner understand that the decision is not to attack him personally. Tell him that he is a good person who deserves a relationship with someone who is more suitable
Method 3 of 3: Stick to Your Decisions
Step 1. Forget everything
This is the most difficult part. Don't keep in contact with your partner for any reason except when they want to pick up their belongings or return yours. Don't connect on social media, text on your phone, or exchange emails. Here are some aspects to consider:
- If he keeps sending text messages, emails, direct messages, notes, or whatever, don't respond. This response will only give your ex-partner empty hope
- If he uses friends, family, or other people to contact you, tell that person that you still care about your ex but don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore. Also say that you will appreciate people who don't interfere in other people's personal problems and life choices.
- If a child is involved, make sure your communication with the ex is limited to the child's needs. Continue to be in a relationship with the child or share custody without discussing the past with the ex. Don't use or allow your ex to use your child as a messenger.
Step 2. Be kind to your ex
Return his belongings or let him pick it up himself without any hassle. You once loved this person. So there's no need to destroy his album collection or tear up all his photos in a rage. If your relationship is abusive, abusive, or infidel, get rid of the items that remind you of them as quickly as possible quietly without making a fuss (you can do some self-soothing rituals) – remember, these events are part of your karma and although Chewing on or burning your ex can make you feel better, this only makes the anger worse. Give up everything to keep yourself happy and treat your ex as a normal person who can live without needing your attention. Also, by not destroying his or her belongings, accounts, or other valuables, there will be no reason for your ex to bother you or even file a lawsuit that will only make you two communicate again. Yes, you may have just discovered that suing someone is a great way to stay in touch, even when you're angry. Give up everything to free yourself.
Step 3. Ask someone else for help if your ex doesn't stop calling or calling you
You can use friends, family, or relatives to convey that you don't want to respond to your ex anymore and that you really want to break up for good. Sometimes, a third party is needed to explain the end of a relationship. This may sound cowardly, but remember that you've tried your best to break up with your ex.
Step 4. Be prepared to feel bad and shock for some time
Even if you think about everything carefully, leaving a relationship is a big change in your life that requires getting used to it. Allow yourself to grieve. The story is over, but your memories still form a part of who you are today. It's okay to cry, perform self-soothing rituals to let go of the past (without anger), and feel hurt. This is all normal. Take it easy. Now you are free.
Tips
- Keep refusing phone calls, messages, and other communications if your ex is still after you after you broke up. Don't let it pull you back.
- Go back to dating once you're sure all the burdens from the past are gone. Until then, try to work through the things that hurt and haunt you so you don't repeat the same mistakes and get stuck in a similar relationship that results in the same ending. If you're willing to take your time, avoid runaway dates, and focus on making friends, you'll know when it's a good time to start dating again. Until then, enjoy your freedom as an opportunity to develop yourself, grow older, and become wiser. Rediscover the identity that was lost since you started a relationship.
