Most people have been in a situation where they didn't know anyone. From the first day of work or events at work to a friend's wedding or dinner party, we feel reluctant to socialize with people we don't know. However, there are likely to be people who have faced similar situations or who have had similar experiences. You can have a conversation with them by starting a conversation, keeping the conversation flowing, and then politely ending it. These methods will help you socialize with people you don't know.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Starting a Conversation
Step 1. Find friends to chat with
Look around the room to see if someone is approachable and/or is alone. You can approach him and start a conversation.
- Check with the host first if there are people who are not usually part of the group. You can pay special attention to these people and mention that the hosts here suggested you have a chat with them.
- Look for signs that the person doesn't know anyone yet. This is in the form of observing around the room while standing in a corner away from the crowd. While you may see someone approaching the person you want to chat with, you can join them and start a conversation.
- Remember that it's important to take the initiative in situations when you don't know anyone. Not only will you manage to get to know a lot of people, but you'll also come across as friendly and approachable.
Step 2. Join a group
In some cases, you may be at a large event such as a conference or wedding, where people tend to come in groups. Little by little, approach the groups that interest you, then take the opportunity to introduce yourself and have a conversation with them.
- Approach one member of the group until you have made eye contact, then introduce yourself.
- Listen to the conversation that has been going on for several minutes, as you try to join the group. You can start by standing slightly outside the circle of the group and then slowly approach saying, “May I come over here? I am very interested in the topic of your conversation.”
Step 3. Melt the atmosphere
When you find someone or a group and you want to socialize, you need to take the pressure off of wanting to approach people you don't know. Find common words or witty comments that can help start a conversation.
- Think about what you want to say before approaching the person. For example, if you see someone you want to talk to, pay attention to the clothes he wears or his daily work, as a way to lighten the mood. For example, you might say, "There are a lot of accountants in this place, this lawyer feels lonely here."
- Stand near the person next to you and make a funny comment or compliment. For example, if someone makes a controversial statement, you might say, "Did he really say that?" or “I really like your bag.”
Step 4. Introduce yourself
After breaking the ice, introduce yourself to the person you're talking to. Be sure to ask for the person's name and then repeat the name. Not only will this show that you're interested in getting to know them, but it will also help you remember the person's name.
- Say something short about yourself. For example, try saying, “Hello, my name is Katrina and I'm new to this office. I work in the public relations division. What's your name and what department do you work in?"
- Try commenting on the person's name to help you remember it as well as to lighten the mood. For example, you could say, “Krishna is a beautiful and unique name. Where did that come from?” or “Handoko! Wow, my cousin's name is also Handoko!”
- Consider introducing yourself to someone in the group and asking permission to introduce yourself to the people in the group.
Method 2 of 3: Keeping the Conversation Flowing
Step 1. Find common interests
To make conversation easier after you've introduced yourself, you can look for a topic that will be of interest to that person as well. Talk about a common situation or something you've noticed about the person to get him or her interested in a conversation. The person you're talking to may be able to introduce you to other people who share similar interests.
- Pay attention to what the person is wearing or wearing or other things you see. For example, you might say, “I noticed you're using the new iPad Air. The model I'm using is from four years ago and I'm looking for a new one. What do you think of this new model?” or “I noticed earlier that the book you were reading was the same as the one I was reading. Do you think the book is good or not?”
- Take advantage of the situation. For example, if you are at a sporting event, you might say, "Are you here to compete or as a spectator?" If it's a work event, you might say, "I work in sales and marketing, what are you in yourself for?"
Step 2. Praise the person
Most people like to be praised. Find the good things about the person and praise them. This can help you continue the conversation and meet new people too.
- Make sure that your compliment is sincere. Most people can tell whether someone is making small talk or being sincere, and they will become disinterested in having a conversation with you if you are not being sincere.
- Focus your compliments on their appearance, demeanor, or the items they wear. For example, you could say, “I saw your nail color earlier, I really like that color,” or “Wow, that's a great talk! You are very articulate and sociable,” or “I see you are using the latest Android phone. I've been wanting to buy it but haven't had the chance yet. I think I'll buy that phone too!”
- Thank the person if they compliment you back. You can use this compliment as a way to invite him to get to know you better.
Step 3. Listen carefully
Ask questions and repeat key points during the conversation. This not only shows that you are listening to what he is saying, but also that you are interested in the person or group.
- Use pauses that naturally occur during a conversation to ask questions about what the person is saying. You can also repeat certain words in the form of a question. For example, you might say, “You said earlier that you were moving to a remote area in Papua to do business there. Where exactly? I have been to Papua before and maybe I can share some information with you.”
- Notice a change in the person's overall tone or demeanor, which could be a sign for you to ask a question or statement. For example, if the person seems hesitant to say something, you might say, “You said one of your duties was to check laboratory ethics. What is the solution if you encounter a bad situation?”
Step 4. Provide other information about yourself
Good conversation occurs because of balance between all parties involved. Make sure that you have the opportunity to speak and let the person or group get to know you and your interests.
- Allow the conversation to flow naturally and provide information at the right time. For example, if the group is talking about something similar to your job or something you are interested in, you might say, “That's very interesting, Sari. I myself work in a similar field and notice the same pattern. Have any of your other friends seen it?”
- Give your opinion or make a statement without appearing arrogant or disturbing others. For example, you might say, “I see what you mean, but I don't share the same opinion. I believe that everyone has the same rights in their work.”
- Make sure the information you provide about yourself is similar to what they say about themselves. For example, if the conversation revolves around a work topic, comment around the work topic as well and don't add anything personal.
Step 5. Be sincere
Most people don't like being around fake people. The best way to get people to socialize with you is to maintain sincerity in your comments and questions.
- Accept what the person or group members say. For example, you might say, "I totally understand the reasoning behind your point, Edi."
- Try talking about a different topic. Since you don't know them yet, consider talking about something light and funny.
Step 6. Be tactful
Avoid giving out too much information or talking about other people when you are with people you don't know. Talking too much makes people uncomfortable and want to stay away from you.
- Don't leave comments that offend or touch on topics that are sensitive to yourself. Talking about politics or religion is a topic that is often highly discouraged when talking to a group of people or someone you don't know.
- Ask honest questions if you're not sure about something. For example, you might say, I think stem cell research is quite controversial in the religious community. Can you explain that further to me?”
- Remember not to say negative things about other people. If you're among people you don't know, you don't know who you're really friends with. Refrain from commenting negatively or agreeing with negative things that other people say. You can save yourself from this situation by saying, for example, "Oh, I don't know him, so I have nothing to say about him."
Method 3 of 3: Politely Apologize
Step 1. Give a general reason
Chances are, you want or need to end the conversation with someone or people you don't know. Give a common reason to end the conversation while leaving a positive impression. You can tell the person that you:
- want to take a drink or food,
- call someone on an important business,
- go to the restroom,
- get some fresh air.
Step 2. Take advantage of distractions
If something or someone interrupts your conversation, take this opportunity to end the interaction. This can help you find other people or groups you can socialize with or chat with.
- Recognize natural pauses in conversation. If you hear a lot of "mmm" and "oh" sounds, this may be a good sign for you to excuse yourself. You could say, "Oh, I just realized it's getting late," after looking at the clock, or "I really enjoyed our conversation, but I'm sorry I need to go to the restroom."
- Find something common in the room that intersects with your memories. For example, “Wow, I didn't realize that the food service here closes early. I want to get some food first because I haven't eaten yet,” after you see the available food.
- See if there's anyone else you've spoken to before, and try mentioning that person's name in conversation with the current person. For example, you might say, “You know, I just had a conversation with Tom about the same thing. Maybe we can call Tom and ask him what he thinks about this. He has an interesting view on this.”
Step 3. Consider the person's time
Package yourself from the conversation as something useful to the other person. For example, you could make comments like, “I don't want to waste your time,” to let them know that you're ready to end the conversation.
Excuse yourself with something like, “I don't want to waste your time because of course there are lots of people who want to talk to you. I excuse myself first and I hope we can meet again another time.”
Step 4. Get the contact information
Ask for contact information from that person or group so you can stay in touch with them. This can also naturally signal to them that you are about to excuse yourself and end the conversation.
- Ask for the person's email address or phone number saying you want to keep in touch with them. If you are in a business environment, you can request a business card. Let the person know that you will be in touch with them again to arrange another meeting.
- Read the business card for a while and re-confirm with the person the information listed. This shows that you value him.
- Be sure to call the person if you've said you'd like to ask them out for coffee or want to continue the conversation.
Step 5. Return to the original topic
Bringing back the conversation you discussed at the start can help end the conversation. Repeat the person's name in your last comment and consider asking a final question to close the conversation on a positive note.
