"Don't worry about what that person thinks, says, or does" is advice that can be easily given, but hard to do. By nature, most people crave acceptance from others, or at least to be recognized, whether from complete strangers, or close people who have not been shown to be worthy of your affection. Ignoring people who don't care about you - either passively (by showing no interest) or actively (in a painful way) - is sometimes the best option for you. It's not easy to do, but there are some tips that can help you to make the process easier!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Dealing with Problems with People Who Hurt You
Step 1. Do not accept persecution
People who have hurt you by betraying your trust or being overly critical are usually better off being ignored. People who hurt you physically or mentally shouldn't be left alone.
Yes, you must completely cut off contact with the person who has hurt you physically or mentally. However, don't hesitate to contact the authorities if you feel insecure or believe that a certain pattern of behavior will repeat itself
Step 2. Try to make the person understand the situation without justifying what he did
There is a fine line separating the two. You shouldn't feel like you deserve to be mistreated, but you might want to consider your role where he doesn't notice or care about you.
- For example, you shouldn't blame yourself if your boyfriend cheated on you, but you can assess the influence of your jealousy, inattention, and other factors that might be reasons for justifying his wrongdoing.
- People usually look for relationships that remind them of their past relationships, even if the relationships are unproductive. This process usually occurs unconsciously. Notice if you are trying to find people who remind you of your past.
Method 2 of 3: Moving On without Continuing to Rely on Abandonment
Step 1. Make an effort in other relationships
If you stop focusing on people who don't care about you, you can focus on building healthy relationships with people who really care about you.
- If you want to meet other people, consider whether you can get out of your circle of friends.
- If you're a high schooler, look for activities that you can participate in and enjoy, and that also provide opportunities for you to meet other people.
Step 2. Find your way out
Once you've determined that the relationship with the person who hurt you really needs to be completely cut off, you may need to find some way to stop thinking about it, or maybe you can also engage in some activities to fill the void left by that person's absence (e.g. close).
- Similar to when you want to give up smoking or other bad habits, think of this as an opportunity for you to start a new healthy habit instead of a bad relationship. For example, if you like art, you could take a pottery or painting class. Or you can try something you've always wanted, like rock climbing. Jogging, cycling, or yoga can be great for your body and soul. A cooking class or family history project might be a good diversion.
- There is another suitable term to use here: life is short. Think of this as an opportunity for you to pursue your goals because now you are separated from someone who is always holding you back or preventing you from reaching your dreams. Take the opportunity to try to become an actor or sculptor; come back to continue your studies and get a degree you haven't completed; visit the Great Wall of China.
Step 3. Try to hang out with people who care about you
Most people focus on the negative more than the positive, and that makes painful relationships cover all the loving relationships that exist in your life. Let the loss of a bad relationship be an opportunity for you to appreciate a good relationship.
- It's easy to say that you wouldn't care about what other people think of you, but the truth is, we all want at least a little acknowledgment from others. Try to sort out whose opinions are important to you.
- Take time to thank a good friend who has always been there for you, or a relative who has always been by your side during difficult times. Use the time you get by ignoring the people who hurt you to focus on the people who really care about you.
Step 4. Focus on the things you can control
We can only change ourselves, and changing other people is impossible, no matter how much you want to. You can't get someone to care about you if they don't want to. The most you're likely to do when you're dealing with people who don't care about you is find out why they're bothering you. This is an opportunity for you to grow.
- Try to assess how you feel about the person's lack of attention. That way, you can find out what your needs are, and what adjustments you can make to move on with your life without feeling like you need acceptance from that person.
- There's an axiom that's simple and old, but it's always true: you can't please everyone. Some people won't like you no matter what you do, so focus on taking care of yourself by always being honest with yourself.
Method 3 of 3: Resolving Problems with People Who Don't Care About You
Step 1. Consider the person's motives and reasons
Sometimes, it's more difficult to deal with cases involving people who don't realize or care about your existence than people who seem attracted to you, but end up hurting you. Take some time to think about the things that might be a reason for him to ignore you.
- Modern technology produces the kind of people who "never reply to my messages," and this type of neglect is disappointing to some. However, make sure that you consider whether the person may be really busy with work, spending time with family, or doing other things, or maybe he just isn't as passionate about texting as you are.
- Sometimes, abandonment occurs due to a misunderstanding. It's possible that your grandma doesn't seem to care about your pursuit of your internet entrepreneur dream because she doesn't really understand what you're doing (and how important it is to you), even though you've explained it to her.
Step 2. Try to remedy the situation
Before ignoring someone who seems to be doing the same to you, think about ways to improve the situation for the good of both parties.
- Express your concerns wisely. Don't accuse or blame the person ("You are two-faced", or "You are selfish and don't think about other people's feelings"). It would be better if you convey your feelings.
- For example, say "I feel unimportant because you ignored me" or "I'm sad you aren't interested in being friends with me." If necessary, define the boundaries you will apply: "I will stop initiating communication with you".
- The person may not respond well despite your wise approach; however, make sure that you stay calm and present your point of view a few times until it settles down, then let things end that way. You should feel safe because you have done all you are capable of.
Step 3. Choose to ignore the person without displaying uncaring behavior
In order to ignore what someone thinks (or doesn't think) of you, you have to make a conscious decision as well as put some effort into doing it. However, ignoring is not the same as not caring.
- You can stop worrying about someone's actions or views without losing your compassion for that person as a human being. You are doing what is necessary and beneficial to your overall health and condition, not hurting or punishing the person.
- Of course, ignoring certain people will be harder to do than others. You may not be able to stay away from coworkers or relatives. Therefore, you must distance yourself emotionally; in other words, try to practice cognitive reframing, that is, by not interacting deeply with certain people, without letting them affect you.
Step 4. Live life for yourself
As mentioned earlier, no one person is like everyone else, and life is too short to live worrying about how other people feel about you.
- Being ignored is painful, and choosing to ignore the person in return, even if done in a very nice way, may hurt both you and the other person. Ultimately, it's your responsibility to do what's best for yourself.
- Living your life for yourself doesn't mean you can't let other people into your life, or show concern, compassion, or love for others. Living life for yourself means that you have to live without fear and regret.
- As mentioned earlier, take this as an opportunity for you to try something new, or do whatever it is you've always wanted to do.
- Whether or not other people care about you, make sure that you always care about yourself. That's all you can control.
