Although it sounds simple enough, receiving help can sometimes be very challenging for all of us. This can be difficult, especially for people who feel that seeking help can reduce their independence and ability to deal with problems. However, by refusing help, we ignore the fact that we are social beings who need to work together with others to thrive and survive. However, it is always possible to change that view and be more open to receiving help in the future.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Overcoming Arrogant Thinking or Logical Defects
Step 1. Think about whether you often worry about what other people think of you
There are many reasons why you might be reluctant to get help from others. One reason is your concern about how other people view you. In addition, some of the following reasons may suit your situation:
- You feel that you don't need help, or that the helper seems to want to undermine your independence. For example, you may have to look after or take care of yourself from a young age because your parents often abandoned you. As an adult, you feel that taking help for granted from others makes you seem weak.
- There may be a view or mindset instilled in you that adults or others your age should take responsibility for themselves. As a result, you may find it socially wrong to ask friends or family for help (or become a burden).
- Reluctance to accept help may appear as a form of resistance to your fear of rejection or your tendency to be a perfectionist. Both can encourage you to refuse as much as possible to accept help because you are afraid of experiencing or being considered a failure by others.
- If you are a business owner or expert, you may feel that needing or asking for help does not reflect your professionalism. It may also lead you to think that people who can't handle their own problems are weak or incompetent.
Step 2. Leave the desire to gain acceptance or approval from others
Thinking that others will judge or reject you can actually undermine your ability to seek help when you really need it. Learn not to just trust other people's judgments or rejections of you. Fight the desire to gain acceptance from others with self-acceptance.
- Try to be more self-accepting by recognizing your strengths and being grateful for them. If you are aware of your positive qualities, other people's judgments or rejections will not have much effect on you.
- Make a list that includes your greatest characters and abilities. Reflect on this list when you begin to doubt your abilities, or when you are worried about how others will accept you.
Step 3. Let go of fear of weakness or vulnerability
Not wanting to show your weak side or vulnerability can prevent you from asking others for help. If you think about your weak side, the emotional exposure that comes with asking others for help can make you feel uncomfortable. However, this is not always a bad thing. In fact, some researchers reveal that self-vulnerabilities are the 'core' of 'meaningful life experiences'. There are several ways you can do to expose yourself to self-vulnerabilities:
- Practice mindfulness as the first step to accepting your weaknesses or vulnerabilities. Gradually, pay attention to the sensations in your body, mind, and feelings that arise when these vulnerabilities arise.
- Show yourself love and acceptance. Realize that feeling vulnerable is not easy and it takes courage to accept that weak side. Reward yourself for every small effort that is successfully demonstrated.
- Know that being open and honest with others about your weaknesses can deepen your relationships and closeness with others. However, choose the right person when you want to show your vulnerability.
Step 4. Realize whether you have been holding unrealistic values
Sometimes, there are some values in society that are contradictory or reinforce the view that when someone needs help, he or she is considered weak. If you think that these 'values' are just one approach in life, you are more likely to seek help when you need it. As an example:
- There is a common theme that is usually the backdrop for movies, books, and even games. On that theme, the main character or hero in the story will achieve ultimate victory if he can face very difficult problems and, miraculously, handle them himself. In fact, some events in history have been rewritten to fit the unrealistic view of the admirable courage of the leaders of all time.
- The problem with this view is that most heroes or leaders usually have many supporting or supporting figures who, unfortunately, are often not recognized or 'considered'. This means that if you compare yourself to these unrealistic images of heroes and leaders, you will end up feeling unhappy.
- Some people tend to think that one should be able to face and deal with problems on their own without help. Unfortunately, many of us see the world as what it should be according to unrealistic standards, not seeing the world as what it really is. This is not a healthy mindset for the long term. Often, these values are reinforced by pressure from the environment or family views/ideology.
Step 5. Be aware of the harm you are causing, both to yourself and to others
By distancing yourself from other people, you build a kind of self-limiting barrier that prevents you from making new relationships or friendships.
- Thinking that you can provide help and advice but don't need help in return can be self-defeating. This assumption will only make you feel lonely and hopeless because you become isolated from other people.
- Think about the reciprocity of actions. Imagine when you help others with your expertise. That way, you can gain the confidence to ask for help or advice from others who have expertise in their field.
Step 6. Don't be fooled by your own cleverness
Just because you're trained or proficient in one area doesn't mean you shouldn't need help from others who are in the same field, or in a different field. Your research, advice and practical expertise will be better if you dare to ask for help from others. You can also get new methods and ideas from other people.
Method 2 of 2: Learn to Ask for Help
Step 1. Don't doubt yourself
You can begin to pave the way for others to help you. One of the best ways to do this is to follow your thoughts or instincts. When you consciously feel that you are facing something that you cannot handle or go through on your own, ask someone else for help. Don't waste time thinking about other things.
When you think that you need help solving a problem (eg carrying a heavy box, preparing dinner, straightening out a work dilemma, etc.), immediately ask someone else for help. Decide who you are going to ask for help, make a request sentence in your head, then go to the person and ask for help from him
Step 2. Accept and realize that there are people who do good sincerely from their heart
If someone else often offers to help, accepting it as it is is the first step you should take. It is true that there are people who have bad intentions, but there are also good people who want to do good to others. Therefore, seek and accept these good people and stop focusing on people with bad intentions.
Look for kindness and restore your trust in others. An easy way to do this is by volunteering. Seeing people helping others in need selflessly is a good way to recognize the good in others. Volunteering also helps you see how much people depend on each other in society, and how everyone has to work together to get things done
Step 3. Select the people you want to ask for help selectively
Choose wisely and carefully. Avoid people who actually make you feel weaker. First find people you really trust to ask for help. This way, you can gradually become more open, and you won't have to expose yourself to people who may be mean to you, or who are deliberately trying to make you feel weak by asking for help.
Step 4. Understand the dynamics of give and take
In order to receive something, you need to give something. If you continue to shut yourself down and refuse help from others, you will not be able to share your skills, talents, and abilities with others who need them. In order to be able to help others, you must stop focusing only on yourself. If you manage to stop thinking only about yourself, it will be easier for you to accept help or support from others.
- When you give (eg time, opportunity to be heard, love, care, etc.), you are helping others to learn more about you. In addition, you also open up opportunities for other people to care about you, and trust that you will reciprocate the attention he gives you.
- In addition to receiving kindness back, giving also encourages cooperation, strengthens bonds or relationships with others, encourages gratitude, and, of course, is really good for your health.
Step 5. Learn to trust others
In order to receive help, you need to trust others, and believe that you deserve help (self-respect). This may be the most difficult step, but it is a very important step. By showing genuine, accepting, and determined trust, you can keep yourself away from rejection, get genuine favors, and easily spot people who are often exploitative. To be able to trust others, you need to:
- Change your expectations. Remember that everyone is imperfect and has good and bad sides (and so do you!).
- Know that in relationships, there is always the possibility of feeling, fear, abandonment, and rejection.
- Realize that you are valuable and capable of making wise decisions, and that you are surrounded by good people.
Step 6. Pay attention to the issues behind your refusal to accept help
Often we are too easy to ignore the problems we have. In fact, there is no such thing as a hierarchy of problems, or a scale of inner hurt. Problems are problems, no matter how simple or difficult they are. The aspect that you should pay attention to actually is how big the negative effect that arises from the problem and to what extent the problem is disturbing you to keep going. Underestimating the problem and deeming it unworthy of solving will only make the problem more difficult to deal with.
Step 7. Let go or forget about problems that no one really can solve
There is great power in the difference between burying the problem and accepting, forgiving, and forgetting the problem. If you need help doing this, don't hesitate to ask someone else for help.
Tips
- Asking for and needing help is a good lesson for developing humility, and is important in developing caring and compassion. However, it is also necessary that when you ask for help from the Almighty, that help is still given through human hands and hearts.
- We live in a society of people who, over time, find it increasingly difficult or fail to help others. When we are reluctant to accept or reject the fact that we need help, we are blocking other people's opportunities to give and be kind. This is what causes 'devastation' in society.
- Try exchanging skills instead of just asking for help. Offer something you can do in exchange for or in return for the help you need.
- Understand that by refusing help (even when you need it), you reinforce the view that having a problem or weakness in someone makes that person worthless or unworthy of help.
