Don't have friends in middle school, high school, or college? It's natural to feel sad and low on self-esteem, especially since people your age seem to be surrounded by great friends and an amazing social life. Do not worry; Basically, you don't need to have an ocean-wide circle of friends to be happy and productive. Some of the things you can do to keep maximizing your school years are by developing interesting hobbies, finding alternative ways to vent your social needs, and taking good care of your emotional health.
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Method 1 of 4: Maintaining Emotional Health
Step 1. Think about why you don't have friends
There are many reasons underlying such a situation. However, no matter how bad the situation, always remember that you can change the situation and reconnect with other people. Some questions you can ask yourself to find out why are:
- Have you recently experienced a significant life change? For example, entering university or moving to another city can also be the reason for your narrow circle of friends. In addition, having disagreements with your closest friends can also make you isolated from the environment around you. Have you experienced any of the above?
- Are you really an introvert? If you'd rather be alone than spend time with other people, chances are you're an introvert. In that case, not having friends could be your personal preference or preference. However, know that even introverts can still make friends with other people, so you don't have to shut yourself down completely.
- Have you been having emotional difficulties lately? Do you feel pessimistic, low on self-esteem, and have trouble motivating yourself to make friends with other people? If so, chances are it's the emotional difficulties that make it hard for you to make friends with anyone. One way to deal with this is to seek expert help. For example, try consulting your school counselor, teacher, parent, or religious leader.
Step 2. Accept yourself as you are
This method is very important for you to do! Understand that there is nothing wrong with being shy, different, or not very social. Remember, your value as a person is not determined by the number of friends you have; So, don't let other people criticize your condition.
- If your friends always criticize you, fight them. Don't get them into a fight, but show that you can protect yourself.
- If you want to expand your circle of friends, the first step you should take is to accept yourself as you are.
Step 3. Decide if you want to increase your socializing frequency
Regardless of other people's opinions, you basically have the right to choose to be alone. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert who likes quiet and solitude. No one requires you to have friends. If these conditions don't bother you, don't let others criticize your choices.
Remember, being alone all the time is also not good for your health. Even if you don't like socializing, basically every human being needs a certain level of socialization to maintain emotional health
Step 4. Consider whether you have social anxiety disorder or a similar condition
If being around other people makes you nervous, try to evaluate whether the problem is caused by social anxiety disorder in you. Other conditions that have the potential to 'distract you' from your social environment are schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and autism.
If you feel you have mental health problems, try asking your parents for help to take you to a doctor or therapist
Step 5. See a counselor or therapist
If you're always feeling down, pessimistic, or helpless, try consulting a counselor or therapist at your school about your problem. Trust me, they can help you identify your deepest feelings and find the best strategies for dealing with them.
Method 2 of 4: Developing a Hobby
Step 1. Get creative
Take advantage of the free time available to hone your creativity, such as by drawing, sewing, or even sculpting. If you're more into technology than fine arts, try editing your photos in an app like Photoshop or creating your own video game. Creativity is the perfect canvas to express your emotions; In addition, these creative abilities can also help you get a job in the future.
Step 2. Exercise
Exercising is the most powerful hobby to improve your mood, self-confidence, and of course your health. If you are reluctant to join a sports club, you can try simple sports such as running, cycling, or swimming. You can also visit the nearest fitness center and practice lifting weights or doing cardiovascular exercises.
- If you need a friend to work out with, try taking some relatives to play soccer or tennis with you. Taking your dog for a walk is also an ideal form of exercise, you know!
- For some, joining a sports team can be intimidating. However, doing so can increase your circle of friends in no time!
Step 3. Search for your city
Of course you don't need anyone else to accompany you to do it, right? If there is a museum that has just opened or you have never visited in your city, try exploring it. If there's a restaurant you've always wanted to try, don't hesitate! You can also watch your favorite movie, shop at your favorite store, or just take a day out in the park.
If possible, seek out new sights by taking a bus or train to an area you've never been to
Step 4. Learn a new ability
Keep yourself busy with mastering the new knowledge you've always wanted to learn. Consider learning a new language, practicing your cooking skills, or taking online classes on a subject that interests you. Trust me, you'll feel better when you make progress; Besides, your new abilities will definitely come in handy in your future.
Method 3 of 4: Surviving in Social Environment
Step 1. Be polite and understanding
You don't have to be good friends with everyone; but at least, respect everyone you know. Make sure you always show a polite and friendly attitude to the people you meet and treat them the way you want to be treated.
If you always treat others well, your friends will have no chance of hating you. In addition, you will also find it easier to make friends with other people if you want
Step 2. Join an extracurricular club that interests you
Usually, high schools and universities offer a variety of extracurricular activities that students can participate in. Taking part in extracurricular groups or other activities held outside of school can help you connect with other people without having to be really friendly with them.
- For example, you could join a science club, book discussion club, or your favorite sports club.
- You can also access the Meetup.com website to find people who share your interests.
Step 3. Spend time with your pet
For most people, pets (especially dogs) are the perfect companion. Some people even consider animals to be better friends than humans. If you don't have a pet, try asking your parents for permission to adopt one type of animal.
- Consider adopting a dog or cat from an animal sanctuary. These animals are actually very loyal pets, although unfortunately they do not have a home to settle down.
- By having a pet dog, you also have the opportunity to communicate with strangers on the street, you know! For example, someone compliments your dog on an afternoon walk. You can take this opportunity to build a relationship by saying, “Thank you! You have a dog too?”
- In addition, a pet dog or cat can also bridge your interactions with your neighbors. If someone takes their pet for a walk near you, you can greet them and say, “Wow, I just adopted a dog/cat too, you know. Having a pet is so much fun, isn't it." After that, you can even show photos of your pets and invite them to talk further about each other's pets.
Step 4. Apply to volunteer or work
Search the internet for job openings or volunteer vacancies that interest you. By working or participating in a social organization, you have the opportunity to participate in society as well as interact with more people on a regular basis.
- Start small. Working in an outlet as simple as McDonald's or Starbucks is also effective in increasing your coffers of money, you know!
- Volunteering will also make you feel better; In addition, this experience can also boost your reputation when applying for college or work.
Step 5. Practice your social skills
Do you rarely spend time with other people? It's natural for your social skills to fade after that. To fix this, try to get into the habit of introducing yourself to other people, keeping the conversation going, and making other people feel comfortable around you.
If your social skills are poor, that's probably why you're having a hard time making friends. However, understand that poor social skills are often rooted in bigger problems, such as a fear of rejection. If this is your situation, try consulting a trusted adult such as your parent or teacher at school
Method 4 of 4: Making New Friends
Step 1. Act as if you are interested in other people's lives
If you're looking to build friendships with other people, this section provides some tips that are guaranteed to work for you. In general, people like to talk about themselves; That's why you need to ask them to tell their life story to build a relationship with them.
Ask open-ended questions that allow them to tell more than closed questions that can only be answered with a "yes" or "no". For example, you could ask, "Uh, how do you know the MC?" or "What do you do when you're free?"
Step 2. Be an active listener
In addition to improving your communication skills, you must also be an active listener. In other words, make sure you always make eye contact with the other person, nod in agreement, and make short responses that encourage the other person to continue the story.
- A good friend must be an active listener; remember, one day you will be needed to be a 'trash can' or just an opinion contributor on all the problems your friends face. For that, always practice your listening skills and try to give a response that is able to summarize your friend's story in your own language
- For example, you could say, "Wow, it looks like you had a really bad day." to conclude the story.
Step 3. Tell me something personal
Showing your powerlessness in front of others is an important key to building friendships with that person. Remember, what separates friendships from just getting to know each other is a high degree of openness; for example, you could tell him your parents' divorce story. Of course, you won't share the story with random people, right? Show that you trust him as one of your closest people.
Think of a simple thing you could tell the person like, “My parents divorced last year. That's why last school year was so hard for me." After that, observe how he reacts to determine whether the friendship is worth continuing or not
Step 4. Be prepared to accept rejection
Are you ready to build a friendship with someone? If so, be prepared to accept the risk of rejection from that person. If you and he have always been traveling in a group, try taking him on a trip together. By doing so, he will know that you want to get to know him better.
