You may be surprised to learn that 40% of Americans are lonely. Loneliness can affect a person's mental, emotional, and physical health. Your immune system will be affected, your risk of depression and anxiety will increase, and your outlook will change negatively. You might feel lonely if you live in a small town and there's no one your age to befriend. Sometimes loneliness is the result of a change in life, such as moving to a new city, getting a new job, or being accepted into a new school. When you're in transition, you're bound to feel a little lonely. There are various things you can do to make it easier for you to accept the loneliness and deal with it well.
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Method 1 of 2: Coping With Loneliness
Step 1. Think of loneliness not as a condition, but as a feeling
Feelings of loneliness can trigger other feelings, such as feelings of abandonment, hopelessness, or self-isolation. Be aware when these feelings arise. Then, remember that it doesn't mean that just because you feel that way, that feeling becomes true. You don't have to feel lonely.
Feelings can change quickly, adapting to situations and attitudes. One moment, you may feel lonely, then another, you may feel like being alone instead of going out with friends; or, it could be that your friend suddenly calls you and relieves your feelings of loneliness
Step 2. Acknowledge your feelings
Don't ignore your feelings. Your feelings are important signals that mark both good and bad things happening in your life. Allow yourself to feel lonely, just as you allow yourself to feel any other emotion. Pay attention to the state of your body when this feeling of loneliness arises. Your body may feel heavy or you may want to cry. Allow yourself to feel the physical and emotional association, and allow yourself to cry.
Your instincts may tell you to run away from loneliness. Don't obey. Most people try to ignore feelings of loneliness by watching TV, working, doing projects, or other activities, to avoid the pain of loneliness. Instead of following these instincts, stay aware of your feelings, how you deal with them, and how you need to respect your own body and feelings
Step 3. Change your attitude
When the thoughts "I am lonely" or "I feel alone" occur, they are most likely related to negative things. From that point of view, you will begin to think negatively, such as questioning your self-worth, feeling of no value to others, or feeling emotionally or physically exhausted. Before you fall into this bottomless pit, try to adapt to feelings of loneliness. Accept the fact that you now have the opportunity to experience loneliness as soothing and restorative. Once you come to terms with loneliness, you will be able to overcome other problems that arise within you.
- Use this time to explore yourself, for example by keeping a diary, meditating, and reading books that interest you.
- Sometimes, you will have a lot of alone time, for example when you move to a new city or country. Accept this alone time. Realize that these times will not last forever. Celebrate your alone time as a new experience.
Step 4. Practice compassion
Know that loneliness is a universal human experience. Everyone, at some point in their life, must have experienced loneliness. Loneliness is part of being human. Imagine a friend calls you and says he feels lonely. How do you answer? What would you say to your friend? Do the same for yourself. Allow yourself to contact and ask for support from others.
Loneliness is not shameful. Everyone must have experienced loneliness. You don't have to feel sad about being lonely. Be kind to yourself and to others around you who may be lonely
Step 5. Question what is missing in your life
Loneliness is sometimes an indicator that something is missing in our lives. Maybe you are surrounded by a lot of people, and attend a lot of social events, but still feel lonely. Loneliness is not born from the absence of social contact, but from the absence of close and meaningful relationships. Take time to reflect on what you want in your life.
Write down any time you feel lonely. Perhaps you feel most lonely at a large social event, or when you are home alone. Consider what can be an antidote to these situations, such as maybe taking a friend to a social event, or taking your sibling to the cinema when you're alone at home. Look for realistic solutions that you can do immediately (not, for example, find a new boyfriend to solve all your loneliness problems)
Step 6. Overcome shyness and insecurity
Remember that no one is born with social skills. Even social skills are skills, not superpowers. Shyness and self-doubt are usually rooted in false beliefs or fears about one's own social perception. Your thoughts, that you are not liked by people, that you are strange, and so on, are not reality, but are just a perception. You don't have to be perfect to be liked by people. When you feel insecure, turn your attention to the environment around you rather than to your inner voice and feelings. Focus your attention on the person you are talking to and what they are saying.
- Everyone has made social mistakes.
- People don't really notice your mistakes. Much less than you think. They are more busy thinking about their own mistakes.
- For more information, read another WikiHow article on shyness.
Step 7. Fight your fear of rejection
Sometimes we feel more inclined to avoid social situations than to experience rejection. Fear of rejection is usually rooted in distrust of others. Perhaps you have been betrayed in the past, and now you are afraid to meet or make new friends. Even if you have been hurt, remember that not all friendships you experience in life will end in betrayal. Try again.
- Not all rejections you experience are rejections of yourself as a person. Sometimes, other people don't understand or don't realize your intentions.
- Remember, you don't have to like everyone you meet and not everyone you meet likes you. It does not matter.
Method 2 of 2: Coping With Loneliness Is Gone
Step 1. Build your social skills
Maybe you feel lonely because you don't have confidence in your social skills. Practice social skills such as smiling at others, complimenting, and making small talk with the people you meet throughout the day (the cashier at the supermarket, the waitress at your favorite cafe, coworkers).
- If you're in a new situation, get someone to talk to. Say, "I've never done this before, have you? What does it feel like?" There are only two outcomes: the person shares their experience with you, or the two of you do something new.
- Convey openness with body language. You seem unfriendly when you hunch over, look down, avoid eye contact, and cross your arms over your chest. On the other hand, you will appear friendly when you smile, open your body (open your arms or legs), approach and look at the person who is talking.
- Look for something you can praise. Don't just compliment her appearance ("I love your jacket"), compliment her abilities too: "You always manage to look good." If you know someone well enough, praise that person's kindness or intelligence.
- There are also many other articles on WikiHow for improving social skills.
Step 2. Be a good listener
For a conversation to run smoothly, you need not only to know the right responses, but also to be a good listener. Sharpen your listening skills. Give your full attention to the person speaking. Don't try to plan an appropriate response or wait for when you can talk because then you will appear to be waiting; the focus will appear to be on you and not on the person speaking. Let the person talk and pay attention to what he says.
- You can communicate your listening skills nonverbally using head movements such as shaking or nodding, eye contact, and short phrases like "Oh."
- Read the article Becoming a Good Listener to learn how to be a good listener.
Step 3. Meet people in your neighborhood
Look for people who share your interests and who match you. Get to know these people better: ask them about themselves (family, pets, interests, etc.), and make sure they also ask questions about you.
- One way to meet new people is through volunteer work. If you are an animal lover, you can work in an animal sanctuary. You are sure to meet other people who love animals and get on well with them right away because of your love for animals.
- Look for interest groups in your neighborhood. For example, if you have a hobby of embroidery, chances are that you already have a group of people with an interest in embroidery around you. Look for such groups on the internet.
- Want to know how to make friends with other people? Read the WikiHow article How to Make Friends.
Step 4. Make friends with other people
You need to make friends with people in the city where you live. Friendship can make you happy and reduce stress levels. In addition, your friends will also help you for life. Find friends you trust, are loyal, and want to support you. On the other hand, you must also be a good person to your friend: be trustworthy, loyal, and supportive.
- Be the real you. If you can't show your real self to your friends, chances are they aren't really your friends. Your friends will appreciate you for who you are with all your quirks and flaws. If you feel "out of touch" with one person, make new friends.
- Practice the qualities that make you a worthy person for others to befriend. Think about the qualities you wish your friends had and act on them.
Step 5. Take care of animals
Adopt a dog, cat, or other animal from an animal sanctuary. Your health will improve and you will have friends. People who own dogs tend to have lower levels of depression and anxiety and can deal with stress better.
- Go to the nearest animal sanctuary and pay attention to a dog or cat that no longer has a family. If you can, adopt the dog/cat.
- Of course raising an animal is a big responsibility. Make sure you can fit your schedule with the pet so that he's happy too.
Step 6. Get counseling or therapy
Loneliness is sometimes very painful and difficult to overcome. A counselor can help you deal with social anxiety, understand past betrayals and improve your social skills. Counseling may be a good first step to solving your problem.
Find a good psychologist online or your doctor
Tips
- Take part in various activities in your communities or neighborhoods.
- Pay attention to your surroundings. You need to know if someone is in trouble. Make the person eat and listen to the story. Listen carefully, don't talk about yourself.
- Greet people who are not normally greeted, such as toll booth guards, supermarket cashiers, parking attendants. If you have time, ask them how they are.
