Crying is a natural response when dealing with tragedy, feeling sad, frustrated, and experiencing other feelings. In certain situations, crying makes you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. If you want to know how to hold back the urge to cry, read on.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Communicating Well
Step 1. Determine how you are feeling that makes you want to cry
Sometimes, certain situations make a person want to cry, for example when they are fighting. The urge to cry may seem difficult to control, but the cause is sometimes difficult to pinpoint. However, you can control yourself or avoid problems simply by finding out the cause. Ask yourself if you are feeling:
- Sad
- Afraid
- Worried
- Happy
- Frustration
- Mourn
Step 2. Be aware of what you are thinking
Often times, a person cries because of what he or she is feeling or thinking even if it doesn't appear to be directly related. When you feel like crying, be aware of what you're thinking and try to find a connection.
- For example, if you want to cry when you feel happy, determine whether this is because reality is so much better than you expected or because the experience is fleeting.
- If you feel like crying during an evaluation (such as when your boss is assessing your performance), determine if you're worried about being criticized, insulted, fired, etc.
Step 3. Be aware of feedback coming from yourself
Even if the situation is stressful, remember that you are in control of your thoughts and feelings. If you feel like crying while talking to someone, be aware of what you're saying to yourself as you listen to them.
- For example, you are undergoing a job evaluation. As input to improve work performance, superiors provide suggestions for you to make improvements in certain aspects. When you hear this feedback, do you say to yourself, "I'm not a good employee" or focus on making plans to improve job performance?
- Likewise if you want to cry because your friend is angry with you. Are you saying to yourself, "He must hate to hate me" or "My actions hurt him. I can't do that again."
- Sometimes, the urge to cry comes from what you're thinking, for example when you generalize or adopt an "all or nothing" mindset. This makes the situation more frightening than it really is. Use logic to control thoughts.
Step 4. Eliminate self-criticism
Determine if you are being critical of yourself by monitoring your mental dialogue about yourself as this most often makes someone want to cry. Be aware of your thoughts and feelings when communicating with others (or thinking about yourself) to control and eliminate self-criticism.
- Generally, self-criticism comes in the form of statements, "I'm so emotional," "Men shouldn't cry," or "I'm such a loser."
- Replace the criticism by thinking positive things about yourself, such as "I did my best at my assignment. I feel proud even though the result wasn't satisfactory" or "This experience meant a lot to me. I was very sad, but I was able to handle it."
- Reduce self-criticism by imagining what you would say to your best friend if she was in a similar situation. Treat yourself the same way.
Step 5. Expect the other person to understand your feelings
Some people don't know how to act when someone is crying. However, hope they understand that you're crying for some reason, instead of being a crybaby, feeling embarrassed, failing, etc.
- If you feel like crying, try to hold it in so the other person doesn't panic or startle. Imagine being able to empathize by saying, "I understand this incident is very important to you" or "I know you are upset."
- To keep the other person from getting confused when you cry, express your feelings while trying to hold back tears by saying, "This incident is very important to me" or "I'm disappointed that …" to make them understand what you're going through.
Part 2 of 4: Distraction
Step 1. Pinch or hit yourself
Some people can hold back tears by pinching or hitting their thighs, arms, cheeks, palms, etc. Pain that appears for a moment can distract from the emotions and thoughts that make you want to cry.
Step 2. Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth
Just like pinching yourself, pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth when you're about to cry can distract you by causing temporary discomfort.
Step 3. Breathe deeply
Count to 10 while breathing deeply and calmly. More oxygen intake can improve mood and make you more awake. In addition, you can use this opportunity to control your thoughts and feelings and suppress the urge to cry.
Step 4. Divert attention by counting
Choose a number at random, for example the number 7 and then count to 100. This step is useful in controlling emotional responses because the brain will focus on counting processes that require logic.
Step 5. Go somewhere else
If you don't want to cry in front of other people, such as a manager at work, leave the meeting room after saying goodbye, for example to the restroom. You can calm yourself and control the urge to cry by taking a break while taking a leisurely stroll or being aware of how you're feeling.
Step 6. Use tools
Sometimes, you can hold back your tears by focusing on a distraction. For example, if you don't want to cry because you're stressed out at a meeting with your boss, have a notebook and pen handy. Focusing on taking notes during a meeting can help you hold back tears.
Part 3 of 4: Imagining the Situation That Will Happen
Step 1. Visualize
If you want to cry in a certain situation, imagine yourself in a different situation. In order not to cry, try to deal with the current situation by re-imagining the scenario you want.
- For example, if you cry easily when you have a fight with a family member, imagine being able to speak calmly and confidently. You can come up with a plan after imagining what you'd be talking about if you weren't crying.
- If you don't want to cry in self-defense, imagine a time when you're calmly explaining. For example, imagine you're in a meeting with your boss for an evaluation and say, "I appreciate the feedback on project A. I'd like to share my opinion on the same."
- If you don't want to cry while speaking in front of an audience, imagine being confident when giving a speech or giving a presentation. That way, you can do well when speaking in front of an audience.
Step 2. Consult a counselor
If you can't control your emotions, ask someone who is competent for help. Professional counselors are able to understand your emotions and teach you various techniques so that you can monitor and control your emotions.
Step 3. Find out if this is caused by a medical problem
Some health problems, such as pseudobulbar affect and certain types of depression, can cause a person to suddenly cry uncontrollably or cry more often. If you cry a lot or if you can't control yourself when you cry, talk to your doctor to see if there's a problem that needs to be addressed.
Step 4. Know that crying is beneficial
Scientists don't yet fully understand why humans cry, but there is a definite link between crying and emotional distribution. A person who cries will feel calmer after crying. In addition, other people will sympathize and empathize with you so that they are connected. Remember that everyone cries for a good reason so they don't need or shouldn't be stopped.
Don't suppress your emotions because it will be more beneficial if you are willing to accept the fact that you are disappointed
Part 4 of 4: Deciding When to Hold Back the Cry
Step 1. Don't cry at work or at school
Crying helps channel your emotions, but you won't feel any better if you cry at work or at school. This actually triggers discomfort because you are the center of attention. Some can, some don't understand that you need to cry. So you don't have to show your feelings to everyone. In addition, you may sound less professional if you cry in the office, especially if you are in a meeting or facing high work demands.
Step 2. Learn how to hold back the urge to cry when someone makes a hurtful comment
Crying is a normal reaction when you feel hurt. It's normal to cry in response to hurt or anger, but other people will know that you're not in control of your emotions. If you don't want them to be satisfied, apply the tips above so you don't cry, such as when you're doing poorly at work or when you hear hurtful comments.
Step 3. Practice holding back tears when you're scared or stressed
It's normal to cry when you're afraid, but you don't have to always express it by crying. For example, you are going to give a presentation, but you are very nervous and worried that you will cry while standing in front of an audience. Use the distraction method described above and other ways to hold back tears so you can make a good presentation.
Step 4. Cry at the right time
Crying is very useful for channeling various emotions. There are situations where it's appropriate to cry, but in certain situations, you shouldn't cry. Cry when you are with people who know you and are supportive, attend memorials, funerals, and other activities that give you a chance to express your emotions, especially when you are alone. Sometimes, the best time to cry is when you don't have to worry about other people bothering you and you can focus on yourself.
Tips
- If you want to cry while slicing onions, put them in the refrigerator before slicing. Alternatively, apply lemon juice on a cutting board before slicing the onions.
- Crying is the brain's natural way of seeking help. Follow the instructions in this article if circumstances simply don't allow you to cry.
