When was the last time you let out a loud, loud cry? Crying can actually make you feel better, because it's your body's way of releasing stress. But if you haven't cried since months or years, it's hard to remember how to start. Going to a quiet place, removing yourself from distractions and allowing yourself to feel deep emotions will put you in the right conditions to cry. See Step 1 and beyond to learn techniques that will help your tears flow freely.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Letting the Tears Flow
Step 1. Find a good place to cry
Most people who have a hard time letting themselves cry prefer to feel their own emotions, away from other people. It's easier to let yourself dive into your feelings without worrying about what other people think. Of course, there's nothing wrong with crying in front of people, but at first you may feel more relaxed when you're alone.
- A bedroom is a great option, if it is quiet and private.
- If there are a lot of people in your house, try driving to a private place where you can cry in the car. But make sure you feel good enough to leave and go home on your own, crying while driving can be dangerous.
- You can also cry while showering, no one will hear you.
- Getting out of the house may help you free your mind to process your emotions. Find a solitary spot in the park or on the beach.
Step 2. Clear your head of diversions
Many people put their feelings aside and bury themselves in distractions so they don't cry. This technique is so effective that as a result you can spend months or even years not crying. When the first signs of sadness appear, do you tend to turn on the TV and spend the night laughing and watching your favorite show? The next time you're feeling down, resist the urge and allow yourself to feel the emotion. This is the first step to being able to let go of a loud, loud cry.
There are many types of redirects. You may stay up late every night, spend time going out instead of being home alone, or reading internet articles until you fall asleep. Think about what you tend to do when you're not in the right mood to feel emotional, and decide to stop that way and focus on your emotions
Step 3. Think deeply about what makes you sad
Instead of letting your mind drift off to unimportant things, focus your thoughts on the main emotions that run through your head. Allow yourself to think about it instead of trying to push it away.
- If you are feeling sad, think about the event that brought you that feeling. Think about how you wished it didn't happen, what your life was like before, what your life would be like now. Allow yourself to understand and feel the loss.
- No matter what strong emotion makes you want to cry, think about it thoroughly and allow it to occupy an important part of your brain. Notice how the emotion is pressing on you, and how relieved you are when the problem goes away.
Step 4. Let your emotions build up until you cry
Are you starting to feel a lump in your throat? Don't swallow it and force yourself to stop thinking about the things that make you sad. Instead, let your emotions take over. Think about what you wish never happened. When tears start to flow, don't hold them back.
Once you start crying, it can be hard to stop. Keep on crying until you "get it all out", you'll know when you're done. The average crying time is 6 minutes.
Step 5. Soak in feeling better afterwards
After you stop crying, think about how you feel. If you are like most people, you will feel that your brain is freer from the emotions that are keeping you down. You may not rejoice immediately, but you will be calmer, less restless and ready to face problems. Hold on to the feeling, and get into the habit of crying when you feel like it. Crying will be easier once you get used to it.
- According to one study, 85% of women said they felt better after crying, and 73% of men reported the same.
- If you don't feel better after crying, consider why. It may be difficult for you to change the belief that crying means weakness, and so on. If you feel embarrassed about crying, remember that crying is actually healthy and natural.
Part 2 of 3: Getting Comfortable with Crying
Step 1. Forget what you already know about crying
Were you taught that strong people shouldn't cry? Many people who are taught to hold back tears from childhood have a lot of difficulty expressing emotions as adults. But crying is an important part of life that can actually maintain mental health. Crying can be an expression of sadness, fear, joy, or just pure emotion, and is a healthy and natural way to release those emotions out of our bodies.
- Men tend to have more difficulty crying than women, mainly because men are taught to hold back their emotions. But crying is just as natural in men as it is in women, although they may do it less often. Boys and girls cry just as much until they reach the age of 12. When growing up, the average man cries 7 times a year, while women cry 47 times a year.
- Crying is by no means a sign of weakness. Crying is an expression of feelings that has nothing to do with decision making. You can still take bold action, even if you cry. In fact, crying can help you process the emotions you're feeling and think more clearly about what lies ahead.
- Contrary to what people say, crying isn't just for babies. Children cry more often because they don't think there's anything wrong with it. But the need to cry doesn't go away when you grow up.
Step 2. Know the benefits of crying
Crying is a human way of releasing emotional tension. Crying is a natural function of the body that occurs as a result of the formation of emotions and the need to be released. Interestingly, humans are the only mammals that produce tears as a way of expressing emotions. Crying is actually a survival mechanism that helps us in the following ways:
- Cry release stress and lowers blood pressure. Over time, intense stress and high blood pressure can lead to serious health problems, and crying helps reduce these problems.
- Crying is the way get rid of poison that forms when you're feeling screwed up. Certain chemicals build up in your body when you're stressed, and crying helps flush them out through tears, especially emotional tears, as opposed to tears that are caused by irritation.
- Cry improve mood as soon as you do. This is not a mere assumption but a scientific fact. When you cry, the level of manganese, which is a chemical in the body, decreases. Manganese build-up causes stress and anxiety, so crying is a natural way to reduce emotional pain.
Step 3. Know why you're holding back your tears
Now that you know the good things that happen when you cry, think about what is preventing your tears from flowing. If it's been too long since you last cried, you may need a conscious effort to get to the point where you can release your emotions through tears.
- Do you have negative thoughts about crying? If so, try to change your view and know that there is nothing wrong with crying. Crying is good for you.
- Do you generally have difficulty expressing your feelings? Allowing yourself to cry is a good start. The ability to process emotions in this way will help you feel emotions in general.
- When you suppress feelings and hold back tears, they won't go away. You may feel angry or numb.
Step 4. Allow yourself to cry
Letting yourself cry is the best way to take care of yourself. Crying is a way to appreciate feelings, better than denying and suppressing them. When you cry, you allow yourself to be yourself. Giving yourself this kind of emotional freedom will have a positive effect on your mental health.
- If you have trouble allowing yourself to express your emotions, imagine yourself as a child. Think about how you used to be free to be yourself, crying because you were sad when playtime was over, or when you fell off your bike and hurt your knee. What made you cry as an adult will be different from what made you cry as a child, but you can still gain that emotional freedom.
- A way that might help is to think about how you treat other people when they cry. Did you tell them to stop the tears, to hold them in? When your best friend can't help it and starts crying, you might hug her and tell her to let out anything that's stifling her chest. Treating yourself with the same kindness, instead of holding it in, will help you feel comfortable enough to cry.
Part 3 of 3: Using Tear Triggers to Help You Cry
Step 1. View old photos
It's a surefire way to bring tears to your eyes when you're feeling sad because someone, your family, or how your life has changed. Search old photo albums or internet photos and allow yourself to stare at each photo for as long as you want. Remember the happy times you had with the person in the photo, and how you loved a certain place.
Step 2. Watch a sad movie
Watching a film with a sad plot can drain tears. Even if the characters are in very different situations from yours, watching them go through a sad time and letting themselves cry might help bring tears to your eyes. If you start crying during the movie, take your mind off your problem so you can process the feelings in your own life. If you need advice on what sad movies to watch, try these titles:
- Steel Magnolias
- Stella Dallas
- Breaking the Waves
- Blue Valentine
- Rudy
- The Green Mile
- Schindler's List
- Inside Out
- Titanic
- The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
- My Girl
- Marley And Me
- The Book Thief
- Room
- Romeo + Juliet
- The Notebook
- The Fault in Our Stars
- The Giver
- Up
- Old Yeller
- Where the Red Fern Grows
- Hachi
- Forrest Gump
Step 3. Listen to emotional music
The right music can be the perfect way to help your emotions build up in your brain. One of the best ways to use music to help you cry is to choose an album or song that you've listened to in the past, or that strongly reminds you of someone who's gone. If no particular song or singer can make you feel that way, try these sad songs:
- "Not the Love We Dream Of" - Gary Numan
- "Lost" - Gary Numan
- "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" - Hank Williams
- "Hurt" - Johnny Cash
- "Tears in Heaven" - Eric Clapton
- "On My Own" - Les Misérables
- "Jolene" - Dolly Parton
- "Motion Picture Soundtrack (solo piano)" - Radiohead
- "Say it Like You Mean It" - Matchbook Romance
- "I've Been Loving You Too Long" - Otis Redding
- "How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan
- "I Know You Care" - Ellie Goulding
- "Goodbye My Lover" - James Blunt
- "Carry You Home" - James Blunt
- "All By Myself" - Celine Dion
- "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion
- "Young and Beautiful" - Lana Del Rey
- "The Ice Is Getting Thinner" - Death Cab for Cutie
- "Too Late" - M83
- "Welcome to the Black Parade" - My Chemical Romance
- "With Light There is Hope" - Princess One Point Five
- "Apologize" - One Republic
- "Night Owl" - Gerry Rafferty
- "Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space" - Spiritualized
- "8 Billion" - Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
- "Cry Like a Rainstorm" - Linda Ronstadt
- "Shot" - Rochelle Jordan
- "The Call" - Regina Spector
- "Blue Lips" - Regina Spector
- "If You Could See Me Now" - The Script
- "Street Spirit (Fade Out)" - Radiohead
- "Remember Everything" - Five Finger Death Punch
- "Scars" - Papa Roach
- "Var" - Sigur Ros
- "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" - The Script
- "Coming Down" - Five Finger Death Punch
- "The Scientist" - Coldplay
- "Wait" - M83
- "Wound" - Arca
- "Echoes of Silence" - The Weeknd
- "Fourth of July" - Sufjan Stevens
- "One more light" - Linkin Park
- "Youth" - Daughter
- "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" - Madonna
- "I'm Sorry" - John Denver
- "Iris" - John Rzeznik and The Goo Goo Dolls
- "Stay" - Blackpink
- "Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story" - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton
- "My Immortal" - Evanescence
Step 4. Write down your feelings
Put pen to paper and try to get to the heart of how you feel. You can start by writing a description of the source of your emotions. Describe the pros and cons of ending your love relationship, describe the last months of your father's illness, write about how you got laid off at the beginning of the financial crisis. Then go deeper and write about the event that changed your life, and how you felt about it. Writing down memories is also a good way to bring yourself to the brink of tears.
Step 5. Talk to a friend if you are comfortable doing so
It can be helpful to talk about what makes you sad, angry, or emotional. Talk about your feelings until there's nothing left to talk about or cry about.
You may even want to consider seeking help from a psychologist if you feel the need to cry for a long time. This may signal a serious problem such as unresolved grief or depression
Tips
- Take a bottle of water and lots of tissues, as you may need both.
- If you have to cry at school, go somewhere where you can be alone, such as under the stadium bleachers, in the locker room (unless there's going to be gym class), or the auditorium (unless it's going to be used).
- When you're feeling down, find someone closest to you, a friend or family member, and tell them what happened. Get it all out. Crying is not a weakness!
- When you have time, after crying do something that makes you happy again.
- Don't tell people to "go away" when you cry, let your friends do it.
- Realize that there will always be another day and people will forget that you cried.
- There's no reason to feel ashamed to cry, we all do.
- Instead of holding back, talk to other people about your emotions! They will be happy to help.
- If you feel like crying in class, you can lower your head, or cover your face with a book. Don't make noises or sobs. Also try not to sob. Hold a tissue, and immediately wipe away any tears that fall. If you have long hair or bangs, hide your teary eyes behind it.
- Save some sad songs on your iPod or phone and play them when you cry.
- Cry alone if that makes you more comfortable.
- Remember that hurting yourself won't help.
Warning
- Don't cry in front of a group of people who are against you. Cry with someone you trust or when you're alone.
- Make sure you wear waterproof mascara in case you might cry on a date.
- If you're in a restricted area, you might get in trouble!
