Telling your parents that you are pregnant can be just as scary as finding out you are pregnant. When you find out that you are pregnant, you may be too busy thinking about yourself that you don't know how to tell your parents. Try following these steps to have an open and honest conversation with your parents and to know what to do next.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Preparing to Talk
Step 1. Prepare what you are going to say
Even though your parents will be very surprised by this news, you can lighten the tension a bit by conveying the news in a smooth and mature manner. Here are some things to consider:
- Prepare opening remarks. Don't frighten your parents by saying, "I have bad news to share." Instead, try saying, "I have some strange news to share."
- Be prepared to explain your pregnancy problems. Did they know you had sexual intercourse beforehand or did they know you had a boyfriend?
- Be prepared to share your feelings. Even if you're feeling down and find it difficult to communicate, it's best to hold back your tears until you've said everything. You should let them know that you are in shock and truly sorry for letting them down (if that is the case), that you are going through the most difficult time of your life and really need their support.
- Be prepared to answer lots of questions. Your parents must have lots of questions, so it's a good idea to prepare yourself to be able to answer them.
Step 2. Try to anticipate your parents' reaction
Once you know the best way to express how you feel and what you're going to say, you need to start thinking about how your parents will respond. This depends on many factors, including how they respond to previous rumors, if the fact that you're sexually active really surprises them, and what their values are. Here are some things to consider:
- Do they know you are sexually active? If you've had sex for months, or even years and they have absolutely no idea, they'll be even more surprised than they would have guessed or already knew about your sex life.
- What are their values? Are they open to sex outside of marriage or do they think you shouldn't have sex before marriage or before marriage?
- How have they reacted to bad news in the past? While it's unlikely that you've delivered news as dramatic as this before, it's a good idea to remember how they've reacted to news that has disappointed them in the past. How do they react when you tell them you failed a class or dented their car?
- If your parents have responded harshly, it's best not to bring this up alone. Find a more open-minded relative to accompany you, or maybe you can take your parents to the doctor or school counselor to break the news.
- You can also practice this conversation with a close friend. If you're pregnant, chances are you've already told your best friend, and maybe your best friend will not only understand how your parents will react, but he or she can help you rehearse this conversation so you'll have a better idea of how your parents will react.
Step 3. Choose the right time to share this news
It is important that you choose the right day and time for your parents to find out about this news as soon as possible. Here are some things to think about:
- Don't be dramatic. If you say, "I have very important news to share. When is the right time?" your parents will definitely ask you to tell them right away, and you may not be ready. Instead, try to be as calm as possible when you say, "There's something I want to talk about. When is a good time to talk?"
- Choose a time when your parents can give your full attention. Choose a time when both your parents are home and don't plan on going out to dinner or picking up your sibling from soccer practice or entertaining friends after that. It's best if they don't have anything on the agenda after you've spoken so they can digest the news.
- Choose a time when your parents are less likely to feel stressed. If your parents are usually very stressed or tired when they come home from work, wait until dinner to break the news when they relax a little. If they always seem stressed on weekdays, try talking to them on the weekends. Saturday is better than Sunday, because on Sunday night they may be worried about work.
- Choose the right time for you. Although you have to choose the best time for your parents don't forget yourself. Pick a time when you're not too tired after a long week at school and when you're not thinking about the big exam that's coming up the next day.
- If you want the other person to be present when you break the news, choose a time that is appropriate for that person as well. If you want your boyfriend to be there too, you have to think about it carefully because you have to make sure his presence doesn't make things feel even more awkward.
- Don't delay too long. Picking the right time and fast will help you get the news out in the best possible way, while if you put it off for weeks, everyone will be too busy and stressed to make things worse.
Method 2 of 2: Breaking the News
Step 1. Share this news with your parents
This is the hardest part. Even though you've prepared yourself for what to say and have anticipated what their reaction will be, and even though you've chosen the best time to share this news, it's still the most difficult conversation of your life.
- Try to relax. Chances are you've played this conversation scenario in your head a thousand times. But you have to stop thinking about the worst-case scenario. The chances of getting a better reaction from your parents are much greater than you might think. And stopping being so tense will make things a lot easier.
- Make your parents feel comfortable. While it's unlikely that you will talk to your parents after you break the news, you can try to smile and ask how they are and calm them down by stroking their hand before breaking the news.
- Say, "I have great news to share. I am pregnant." Say it as firmly and firmly as possible.
- Maintain eye contact and display open body language. Try to show that you're not being secretive when you break the news.
- Tell me how you feel. Chances are they will be so shocked that they won't respond right away. Tell me how you feel about this pregnancy. Remind them that this situation is hard on you too.
Step 2. Take time to listen
After breaking the news, they would react strongly. Whether it's angry, full of emotions, confused, hurt, or wondering, they still need time to really digest this news. Don't rush and listen to their opinions without interrupting.
- Try calming them down again. Even though your parents are adults, they have just received some very big news and you have to work hard for them.
- Answer their questions. If you are prepared, you can answer their questions as honestly and calmly as possible.
- Ask how they feel. If they are so shocked that they fall silent, give them time to think and ask how they feel. If they don't want to share their feelings after you tell them how you feel, it won't be easy to continue the conversation.
- Don't be angry if they are angry. Remember that they just received some news that shook their world.
Step 3. Discuss the next steps
Once you've told your parents and they've discussed your feelings and theirs, it's time to talk about your pregnancy. If there was a difference of opinion, which is likely to happen, the matter would be more complicated than one might think. But remember that you should be relieved to have told your parents and you can work out a solution to this problem together.
- Maybe you can not directly discuss the steps that must be done. Maybe your parents need time to calm down, and you may need time to calm your emotions.
- Remember that this crisis may be the most difficult problem you will have to face in your life, and you and your family will be stronger by facing this problem together.
Tips
- Remember that your parents should love you no matter what. Although this conversation will be very difficult, it should be after you tell them, the bond between you will become even stronger.
- If you want your boyfriend to be there when you break the news, make sure your parents have met him before and are aware of his existence. Bringing in someone your parents don't know will mess things up even more.
- Be prepared if your parents are angry. Have a plan in case they kick you out or tell you to have an abortion or put your child up for adoption, although this is unlikely to happen.
Warning
- If your parents have ever been rude, don't share the news alone. Take them to see your doctor or the supervising teacher at school.
- If you're not sure you want to keep the pregnancy, try to break the news of the pregnancy as soon as possible so you can decide what steps to take. The longer you delay telling them, the greater the health risks you run if you want to have an abortion.
