If your teenage daughter is pregnant, she's most likely afraid to tell you. However, you can observe some symptoms that may indicate pregnancy, such as changes in her mood and behavior. If you are suspicious, talk to him. Remember, the only way to be sure is through a pregnancy test. Therefore, you should take her to the doctor or buy pregnancy test strips at the pharmacy.
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Method 1 of 3: Watching the Signs
Step 1. Consider your daughter's history
If you suspect she is pregnant, don't immediately confront her, consider her personal history first. If you have reason to believe that she has had sex, it is possible that she is pregnant.
- Has he ever talked about sex? Does he have a girlfriend?
- Is his behavior risky? If he has a tendency to leave the house secretly or abuse illegal substances, it is possible that he has had sex outside of marriage.
- However, remember that this is only a general guide. Any teenager who has ever had sex can get pregnant. You can't be sure based on history and behavior alone. Also consider other signs.
Step 2. Watch for physical symptoms
There are many physical symptoms that you can notice in her early pregnancy. Observe for any sudden changes in his physical behavior.
- The most common signs of pregnancy are nausea and cravings. Changes in appetite could be a sign that your daughter is pregnant. He might just get sick of seeing his favorite food. Or, he suddenly has an appetite for strange foods, new foods, or unusual food combinations.
- Fatigue is also an early sign of pregnancy. He may complain of being tired and taking a lot of naps during the day.
- There are many women who urinate more frequently when pregnant. If your daughter suddenly goes to the bathroom frequently, it could be an indication of pregnancy.
Step 3. See if the pads are used
If you always stock up on sanitary napkins at home, see if they're decreasing in addition to your usage. If the amount is still the same, maybe your daughter is not using it. The first sign of pregnancy is usually indicated by the absence of menstruation.
Remember, teenage menstrual cycles sometimes take years to become regular. In addition, factors such as stress can cause hormonal changes that result in missed periods. While unused pads can be a sign of pregnancy, consider other factors before jumping to conclusions
Step 4. Pay attention to his mood
Hormonal changes during pregnancy have an effect on mood. Many pregnant women are increasingly emotional and feel uncertain. The effect is even greater in adolescents because of the social pressures that accompany pregnancy.
However, teenagers' moods do tend to fluctuate due to the hormonal changes that occur during puberty and the stress of school and social life. If her mood changes frequently, look for other signs of pregnancy before jumping to conclusions
Step 5. Look for subtle changes in his physical appearance
Usually, a woman's physique changes after a few months of pregnancy. However, all women's bodies are different. If your daughter is tiny, she could be gaining weight. Maybe she also started wearing loose-fitting clothes to hide the changes to her body.
Method 2 of 3: Talking To Him
Step 1. Prepare yourself before starting the conversation
If there is any suspicion that your daughter is pregnant, you should ask about it. The only way to be sure is to take a pregnancy test and see a doctor. Think about what you will ask him. The timing and manner of speaking will determine whether he will open up or not.
- Write down your feelings on paper. In a difficult or emotional conversation, beforehand you need to think about what to say. The notes do not need to be read at a later time. However, you need an idea of what to say and how to say it. Take the time to express your thoughts and feelings first.
- Try speaking with empathy. If you speak in a cursing and judgmental manner, your daughter will not open up. Therefore, try to put yourself in his position. Remember how it felt when you were a teenager yourself. Try to understand the similarities and differences between your own experiences and his experiences at that age. Perhaps you can remember the pressures and passions of teenagers. Does it make any difference to your daughter's experience? Was there any specific pressure that more or less caused her to become pregnant?
- Speak without any expectations or preconceptions. Don't expect him to open up right away. Also, don't be ready to argue. If you have certain expectations, it's hard to change your reaction if the opposite happens. You have no idea how she will react when asked if she is pregnant. Therefore, do not try to guess. Prepare yourself before speaking without certain expectations.
Step 2. Ask without judgment
Remember, you still have to respect him. Even if you are angry, being judgmental will only make your daughter shut down. If she's pregnant, you'll want her to think of you as a source of help and guidance throughout her pregnancy.
- To start, don't assume anything. Start the conversation assuming that the decision is based on good reason. While that may not sound like a good reason to you, it's not so for you, at least at the time. Don't judge the situation or his behavior. Even if you think he made a big mistake, try not to shower him with anger. Your anger will not improve the situation.
- Never assume that you know what is wrong. Even if she shows signs of being pregnant, you can't be completely sure without confirmation. Therefore, don't start the conversation by saying, "I know you are pregnant" or "I think you are." Instead, just ask. Say, "I'm worried about your behavior lately. Is there any chance that you are pregnant?”
Step 3. Try to understand, not give advice
Teenagers are actually still like children, but big enough that they need freedom. Advice during a difficult time like pregnancy may not be well received. Therefore, try to understand his feelings, actions, wants, and needs before offering guidance.
- Hear what he has to say. Try not to be judgmental when he explains. Ask non-judgmental questions when you need clarification. Ask if she has made any decisions regarding her pregnancy. Remind him that he is still very young, and should think carefully before making any decisions.
- The ability to listen actively will be very helpful. By listening actively, you will be able to understand them and get through difficult conversations more easily. Show that you are listening with nonverbal cues, such as an occasional nod. Repeat briefly when he's finished speaking to show that you're listening to what he's saying. If you want to ask a question, wait for him to finish the sentence.
Step 4. Help him think
Remember, guidance is better than orders. Pregnancy is very difficult for a teenager, and she has to make the right decision. However, make sure he can think well. Help him process his thoughts and emotions, don't dictate what he should do.
- Discuss the implications of various options. Guide her to consider difficulties, finances, or how hard it was to raise a child as a teenager. Learn about options such as adoption and whether your daughter is old enough to consider getting married. Consider the pros and cons. If you are not familiar with the subject, search the internet together to help him study options and make a decision.
- Ask him what he thinks. For example, “When Aunt Mirna faced a similar situation in her teens, she took care of the baby herself. According to him, it was the right choice. If you?"
- Help your daughter consider all the factors. He must have felt the weight of this matter. Help her consider several things as she makes her decision, such as choosing a doctor if she wants to continue the pregnancy, informing family members, and discussing next steps with her boyfriend's family.
- Don't force your views. Even if you think he should make certain decisions, let him make his own decisions. Forcing it will only create tension. Make him feel that you are a source of support for him.
Step 5. Don't criticize
You must be anxious to find out that a teenage daughter is pregnant. However, avoid criticism as much as possible. Even if you think he's made a big mistake, criticism won't do any good. Don't let him feel like he can't ask for your help.
- Most likely he had already realized his mistake. Screaming or criticizing won't make things better. Therefore, it is best not to discuss what happened. Instead, try to be proactive and think of solutions.
- It's possible that he gets angry when spoken to. Even if you try to be patient and understanding, he may react violently because of his own fear and anger. Try not to be offended. Don't respond to anger or emotional outbursts that he takes out at you. You need to stay calm, say, "I'm concerned about how you feel," and continue the conversation.
- Convince him. Say that even if the situation is difficult, you and your family can work together to find a solution. He had to feel safe when discussing such a delicate matter.
Step 6. Take deep breaths if necessary
You yourself may feel a lot of emotions when you find out she is pregnant. Your hopes and dreams for him suddenly shattered. It's natural to feel sad, angry, and hurt when your teenage daughter tells you she's pregnant. However, in this first conversation, you should focus on his feelings, not your own. So maybe you need to take a few deep breaths and count to 10 to calm down. Do it as often as possible during the conversation.
Method 3 of 3: Stepping Forward
Step 1. Allow him to vent his feelings
Pregnancy is certainly very scary for teenagers. While he is considering various solutions, allow him to share his feelings with you. Allow him to share his fears, frustrations, and worries during the decision-making process. Listen to what he has to say without judgment, and let him feel whatever is going on inside him, good or bad.
Step 2. Make a plan
After the discussion, help your daughter come up with a plan. Basically, there are three options: take care of the baby yourself, give it to someone else for adoption, or marry and start a family. Help him weigh the pros and cons of each option so that he can make the best decision according to his condition.
- If there is a youth health center in your area, you may need to take it there to talk to a doctor or counselor. The information obtained from there will be helpful as you may not have all the information you need about options such as adoption and teen pregnancy.
- Remember, allow your daughter to make up her own mind. Even if you are leaning towards one choice, this is her life and the baby. He had to make the decision that was best for him.
Step 3. Seek prenatal care
If your daughter decides to take care of her baby, seek prenatal care. You should help her find a doctor to monitor the health of the fetus. You'll also need to buy her prenatal vitamins and accommodate her dietary and exercise changes. Make an appointment with the doctor as soon as possible. In this way, she and the doctor can develop a health and lifestyle maintenance plan for the good of the fetus.
Step 4. Discuss difficult issues
If she wants to raise the baby herself, help her think through some of the issues that accompany the decision. There are many factors to consider in teen pregnancy. Guide your daughter in the decision-making process regarding her baby.
- Consider the father. What is its role in the baby's life? Will they get married? If not, how will the documentation and birth certificate be processed for the baby? Where will your daughter live after the baby is born?
- Consider some other important things like school. Will he finish his schooling? Who will look after the baby if he continues school? Can you or another family member help care for the baby until your daughter finishes high school? How about college? Is there such a possibility?
- In addition, consider financial matters. Who will provide financial support for the baby? Can you help your daughter financially? Will the baby's father or his family be responsible? If there is no marriage, can they help with health and child care costs?
Step 5. Find a therapist
Since a pregnant teen creates a lot of tension and trouble in the family, it's a good idea to seek out a family therapist. Ask for a recommendation from your doctor or from your insurance company. A qualified family therapist can help you and your family cope with the stress of an unwanted pregnancy in your teen.
