You now have an amazing boyfriend. The only unpleasant part is that your parents don't know anything about him. Just relax! Keep in mind that your parents may be a lot more understanding than you think. Just pick a time and place, then plan what you're going to say, and know that you'll feel a lot better soon enough.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Getting Ready to Tell Parents
Step 1. Give the parent "code"
Talk to your parents about your boyfriend, and think of your parents as friends. This alone might be enough to make them understand. Plus, it can also be a way to help them get used to when you're hanging out with the opposite sex (if you haven't done that much before) or you're dating. Here are examples of things you could say:
- “Me and my friend Jessica are going to the cinema together tonight…”
- “Oh, Jessica gave me a ride to the party. You know, he's Hugo's little brother and he's on the hockey team."
- “Jessica just gave me this new book. He's always good at guessing my tastes. So far I really enjoyed reading this book.”
- This is best done in the early stages of the relationship. Saying your boyfriend's name after you've been dating him for a few months, and your parents haven't heard his name before, can be too shocking and maybe even disappointing for your parents.
- Maybe you've been doing this for a long time without even realizing it.
Step 2. Find the right time and place
It's best to find the right moment to tell your parents about your boyfriend, in order to maximize the possibility of a positive reaction. The exact time and place depends on many things, among which are your parents' personality/habits, your family's culture, what is going on in your family, etc.
- Try to choose a time when your parents are not busy and relatively relaxed. Granted, this is easier said than done, especially for some parents.
- You can choose to tell both your parents at once, or you can tell the one you think would react better first. If you think they'll both react relatively the same way, just tell them both at the same time.
- Try not to worry too much and try to make things absolutely “perfect”. There can never be a perfect time to announce your new status as a girl's boyfriend. Just choose the time and place that makes the most sense.
- Responding to news from you is the responsibility of your parents, not your own. Having a boyfriend for the first time is a natural human right, just like when you need to shave for the first time or get a driver's license for the first time. These are natural things that happen to you, and if your parents don't respond well to them, it's not your fault. It is their “obligation” to receive news of your new status and respond to it as a parent of a teenager or adult child. Your “duty” is to pay attention to their feelings and communicate with them respectfully as a younger person. If you have done this duty of yours, the rest is not yours anymore.
Step 3. Don't abandon your duties as a student or your other interests for the sake of your boyfriend
If you really want to be able to tell your parents about your boyfriend and be able to have a good talk with them, you shouldn't be spending time alone with your boyfriend and neglecting your schoolwork, household chores, or time with your family. Instead, you should keep doing everything you've been doing well since before, so your parents can't say, "Oh, this seems to be why you're so lazy now…" when you tell them you have a boyfriend.
- You don't want your parents to think that your boyfriend is a bad influence on you, if they've never met him. In fact, if you do even better in school than before, it could lead your parents to think that your boyfriend is a good influence in your life.
- Of course, it's really hard to focus on anything other than your boyfriend, especially if you've never been close to or dated anyone before and are madly in love right now. Just remind yourself that it's important to maintain a healthy balance in your life, and that your relationship with your boyfriend will only get better because of it. If you want to be alone with your boyfriend every day and every moment, this togetherness will become too stifling too soon.
Step 4. Consider that they may already know about your relationship
This is certainly possible, especially if you've been friends with this girl for a long time, or if you've mentioned her so many times in conversation that your parents can't help but wonder what's really going on. If this is the case, don't worry, because it will actually make the process of notifying them a lot easier!
If your parents ask you if you already have a boyfriend, or smile mysteriously when you say your boyfriend's name, or tell them their love story when they were dating, chances are that they already know your situation
Step 5. Discuss this with your boyfriend
If you're not sure what to say to your parents, your boyfriend may be able to help with some good suggestions. He can support you and reassure you that this conversation isn't going to be as scary or embarrassing as you think, and he may be able to give you some pointers on how to tell your parents. In fact, he may even have told his own parents about your relationship and can reassure you that everything will be fine.
After all, your boyfriend might also want your parents to know the truth, so you two don't have to hide the relationship anymore. He will make you feel better about this plan
Step 6. Imagine a positive outcome
One way to make good things happen is to imagine success before the D-day arrives. It may sound corny, but close your eyes, imagine yourself talking to and telling your parents about your boyfriend, and then imagining that you're getting a positive, or at least a non-negative, reaction. This can help you feel more relaxed and confident as you plan those important conversations.
Also, remember that if you tell your parents that you have something important to tell them or want to talk to them about something, they will usually imagine something much worse than just you having a boyfriend! They'll probably be very relieved to know that your topic is just the topic of having a boyfriend
Part 2 of 3: Having the Talk
Step 1. Try to talk to your parents in a separate place
If you can talk to your parents without your annoying grandma or sister present, this can give you the best results. Your parents will probably be bothered enough to respond to your information, without having to deal with your head-shaking grandmother or your older sister commenting, "I knew!" as the backdrop for this whole scene. If you have scheduled a specific time and place to talk, try to stick to that schedule, so that no other family member is home at that scheduled time.
If you have a brother or sister who is always around the house, be nice and respectful, and say that you need some privacy to talk to your parents. By explaining the situation, your brother/sister will understand, but if you haven't already, try not to tell your brother/sister information about your boyfriend before telling your parents, because he might leak the information
Step 2. Be respectful
When you tell your parents about this news, you must be kind and respectful to them. It's natural and natural to have a boyfriend, but remember that it may take them some time to get used to this development and their son's rapid growth. Don't share the news in a casual or careless manner, so that the relationship doesn't sound like an important business at all. You don't need to be overly dramatic, but you should still be polite and sensitive when you do.
- Put away your cell phone, make eye contact, make sure that your body is facing them, and show your love and care to your parents, because they deserve it from you.
- Use a polite style of language, for example, "I think you need to know," or "I know that this might not be easy for you at first…" to show that you've thought it through and that you care about the reaction. they.
Step 3. Keep the conversation short but sweet
You don't have to make a lengthy speech about how much you've wanted a boyfriend for a long time or read a list of the 20 best qualities in your boyfriend when you tell your parents the news. Just say that you already have a boyfriend, mention a thing or two that is good about your boyfriend, and let him know that you think it's important that they know it, because you want them to remain a part of your life.
- If your parents have met your boyfriend or heard of him, you can say something like this: “Mom and dad know that I've been spending a lot of time with Jessica lately. Well, actually we are now dating, he is my boyfriend. He's funny and smart and Mom and Dad would love it if they were with him a lot too. I'm so happy that I'm dating him now, and I want Mom and Dad to know about it.”
- If your parents haven't heard of your boyfriend or met him, just say, “I want Mom and Dad to always be a part of my life and know everything that happens to me. There's something new and fun going on, which is that I now have an amazing boyfriend. Her name is Jessica, and I met her at student council activities. She's very sweet and very smart, and I'm sure Mom and Dad will like her too when they get to know her."
Step 4. Be open to questions that arise
When you tell your parents the news, they are more likely to ask more questions. Make sure that you have a plan so that there is enough time to talk to your parents after the news is broken. Maybe they want to know about where you first met your boyfriend, how long you've been dating, what his personality is like, etc. This is all natural, and you need to be patient with this curiosity without trying to end the conversation quickly.
- Maybe they don't have any spontaneous responses either, because they're still digesting the information they hear. You need to stay with them and wait for them to talk further without ending the conversation right away.
- It's very likely that your parents are feeling a little left out, and by telling them about this new relationship, you are making them feel closer to you again, even if you feel a little uncomfortable or embarrassed about it yourself.
Step 5. Don't worry that your parents will treat you differently
All of this is natural. Of course, it's understandable that this news may be very important to your parents, even if they accept it completely. They're used to seeing you as a little boy, even though you're a teenager now, and it may be hard for them to imagine you're currently in a relationship with the opposite sex. However, this is an unavoidable life process, and while it may be difficult for them at first, they will have to get used to the fact that you are dating after a while.
You can't prevent yourself from growing into an adult and starting to become attracted to the opposite sex. You shouldn't let your guilt over your parents for not accepting this development right away stop you from starting and exploring new, exciting relationships
Step 6. Ask your parents if they remember what it was like to be a teenager your age
If your parents seem genuinely shocked or if you and they just sit quietly in an awkward atmosphere, you can ask a question, which is whether they remember what it was like to be a teenager your age. When they think back to their teenage years, or their pre-teen years, they will certainly remember that they were attracted to the opposite sex, and maybe dated one or two people. This can help them to soften their attitude towards the situation and begin to see it as a natural process.
If they say they weren't interested in dating when you were your age, it probably isn't the truth. Even if they say so, you can casually mention that some of your friends have started dating too, without suggesting that you're copying your friends' actions
Part 3 of 3: Dealing with the Consequences
Step 1. Ask for their advice
After sharing this news with your parents, you will get all kinds of reactions through what they say. But still. There are things you can do to keep them feeling included in your life process and not being left out as mere observers. You can do this by asking their advice on dating, so they feel that you still respect their opinion. Of course you don't need to ask things too seriously, but if they're more used to your current relationship, here are some things to ask:
- What birthday gift is suitable for your girlfriend
- How to take her to the school dance
- What activities are suitable to do on a date
- How to share important news with your boyfriend.
Step 2. Talk positively about your boyfriend
One way to smooth things over is to show your parents that your boyfriend is a wonderful person. After all, you must like him for a good reason, right? If you want your parents to be more receptive to the situation but you're not ready to meet your parents, then you can start by telling them things about your boyfriend, so they will be more open to your current dating situation. Here are a few things you can mention:
- Your boyfriend's positive personality qualities
- Achievement in school
- Sports or extra-curricular activities that he participates in
- The things he likes and he pays attention to
- A little personal or family background.
Step 3. Show how your boyfriend has been a positive influence on you
One other way to get your parents used to your dating situation is for this new relationship to make you a better person. Saying "He's been a very positive influence on me, Mom!" It may sound like an exaggeration, but there are ways to get your point across and show how great you and your boyfriend really are. Here are examples of things you can do:
- Talk to your parents about you and your boyfriend studying together
- Talk about new things your boyfriend introduced you to, such as movies, books, articles, or new ideas
- Talk about how your boyfriend has encouraged you to pursue your goals and dreams, for example suggesting that you run for student council president at school.
- Talk about how your boyfriend supports you, from attending a football game to baking a cake to accompany you to study on the night before school exams
- Try to be a better and caring person when you're with your parents, so they can really see that your boyfriend is having a positive influence on your behavior.
Step 4. If they don't react too well, give them time and don't force them to accept the situation right away
If your parents don't seem happy with the development that you now have a boyfriend, either because they think you're too young, or because they think you're going to skip school, or because they're too conservative and have their own set of criteria for the right partner for you. you, then you need to give them time. You need to understand that, while dating may come naturally to you, your parents may need more time to come to terms with this idea. Don't push their acceptance too directly, and give them enough room to get used to your relationship with your boyfriend.
- If your parents aren't overly excited about the situation, you may want to wait before introducing your boyfriend to them. But, again, you don't have to wait forever. When they meet your boyfriend, some of their worries will disappear.
- Of course, if your parents are clearly getting in the way of your relationship with your boyfriend, you need to talk about the reasons for their rejection of the relationship.
Step 5. Consider introducing your parents to each other when you're ready to take this step
If your parents are receptive and at least allow you to date, maybe you can make things easier for all parties by introducing your boyfriend to your parents. You don't need to invite your boyfriend to a family dinner or do it in the form of something too formal at first, but just ask him to stop by to say hello and get to know your parents before the two of you go on a date, or ask him to show up when his parents pick him up. You are at school to observe your parents' reactions.
Once your parents see that your boyfriend is a normal teenage girl just like you, they'll be more likely to accept the situation, or even be happy about it. Your parents may also be excited to observe the development of this process in your life, although they may also be a little nervous about it
Tips
- Before you tell the world about your relationship, make sure that your boyfriend really likes you too and that this "relationship" is not one sided.
- Don't tell your parents before your relationship is a few weeks old. How embarrassing if you already tell your parents but a few days after breaking up.
- Do not be nervous. Remember, these are just your own parents.
- Just say, "We're dating now!" in a cheerful tone, as proud and confident as possible.
- Give your parents a chance to meet your boyfriend and assess him.
- Never be shy to show your family or your girlfriend. Your shyness can convey the wrong impression to either party and leave your boyfriend very confused.
Warning
- Don't date without telling your parents. While you may think that your parents won't like your boyfriend, it will cause more trouble if they find out that you've been hiding the relationship from them.
- If you think that your parents will not approve of your relationship with your boyfriend, then the best way is to "take it easy". State his name and how much you like him, before telling him that you are dating him.
