Knowing that you are pregnant is a life-changing experience. Also very emotional. Maybe you've been trying to get pregnant all this time or you don't want this pregnancy. Either way, you're probably wondering how to convey that to your boyfriend. It's natural for you to be nervous. After all, this is an important conversation. There are steps you can take to make this conversation work.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Communicating Effectively
Step 1. Meditate on your feelings
When you find yourself pregnant, it's natural for you to experience a variety of emotions. You may be happy, scared, surprised, or anxious. Before you break this news to your boyfriend, take a few moments to weigh your own feelings.
- Once you've recovered from the initial shock, ask yourself a few questions. For example, "How do I feel about this pregnancy?"
- You can also say, "How will this pregnancy change my life? How will this pregnancy change my boyfriend's life?"
- Imagine the reaction you will get. You should expect your boyfriend to be supportive, but do you also want him to be excited about having kids?
Step 2. Plan what you are going to say
If this pregnancy is going to be great news for your boyfriend, it's best to structure the words you're going to tell him. If you know he's going to be happy, you can focus on planning a nice surprise. For example, you can buy a baby toy and give it to him as a clue.
- If this pregnancy was unplanned, you might be a little nervous about sharing it with your boyfriend. This is natural and understandable.
- Take some time to think about the purpose of your conversation. For example, are you looking for emotional support? Or are you looking for financial support?
- Once your goals are clear, take some time to plan the conversation. This is important, so you should take notes on the things you want to convey. This will help you remember what you wanted to say.
- Take time to practice. For example, while looking in the mirror, say, "John, I'm pregnant. I know it's a shock, but I'm very happy about the news."
- Repeat what you were about to say to make you feel calmer and more confident. It also helps sort out your own feelings.
Step 3. Choose the right time
Talking to your boyfriend about your pregnancy is a very important discussion. Make sure you have time to have a heart-to-heart talk. It's best to start discussing the matter when you both have plenty of time.
- Make a schedule to talk to your boyfriend. You could say, "Andrew, I have something important to talk to you about. What time do you have tomorrow?"
- Whether this is good or bad news, you need to give your boyfriend time to think about this information. Don't talk about it when he's on his way to work or school.
- Pick a time when you are both clear-headed. Don't talk about it when you're both tired or going to bed.
Step 4. Speak clearly
State your main points clearly. This pregnancy involves both of you, but you are the one who is pregnant. Don't be afraid to share your true feelings about this pregnancy with your boyfriend.
- For example, if you're planning a sweet and creative way to tell your boyfriend, make sure you're really happy.
- Maybe you're planning a themed dinner to deliver this big news. Don't just give her cues--tell her what you want your boyfriend to know.
- If you tell your boyfriend about an unexpected pregnancy, be explicit about your feelings for him. You can say, "John, I'm pregnant. I'm scared and don't know how to handle it."
Step 5. Appreciate the reaction
Remember, you've had time to think about this big news. Your boyfriend just found out about it. The immediate response may not be exactly what you expected.
- Even if you've been trying to get pregnant all this time, when your boyfriend finds out that he's going to be a father, it might be a big surprise for him. Don't be upset if the initial reaction is shock.
- Give him time to weigh this news. If he says he needs a little time to clear his head, suggest that he walk around the block.
- Understand that everyone weighs information differently. Tell him it's okay for him to have emotions like that.
Step 6. Handle conflict effectively
The conversation may become difficult to deal with if your boyfriend's reaction is not positive. You may be disappointed to find that she is not supportive of this pregnancy. There are several ways that you can handle the situation effectively.
- Listen to the reasons. Ask your boyfriend specific questions like "Are you sure you don't want to have kids, or don't you want to just now?"
- Try to determine the cause of the reaction. You can say, "Are you worried that we can't pay for this baby?" Once you understand the problem, you can work together to make a plan.
- If your boyfriend says he doesn't want to have kids but you want the opposite, let him know how you feel. You could say, "I can understand how you feel. But I want this baby and the choice is ultimately mine. Know that the door is always open to continuing this conversation."
- Remember, hormones can make you very emotional when you are pregnant. Give yourself the opportunity and space to manage your feelings.
- If you don't get the reaction you'd hoped for at first, you may be frustrated. Try saying, "I understand you're shocked, and I'm emotional. Can we take a moment to think and talk about this again?"
Method 2 of 3: Make a Plan to Cope With Your Pregnancy
Step 1. Take some time to weigh the information
After you break the news to your boyfriend, the next step is to find out what you can do together to deal with this situation. Each of you should have a chance to think about your feelings.
- After the initial conversation, consider taking a break. You don't need to immediately make plans for the rest of your life.
- Try saying, "This is really hard for both of us. Maybe tomorrow we can talk again about what we want to do."
- Relax for a moment. Watch a funny movie or sleep. You're going to have a very emotional time, and it's best to take some time to rest.
Step 2. Do your research
Maybe you have been waiting for this pregnancy for a long time. If so, you probably have a lot planned. But if this pregnancy came as a surprise to both you and your boyfriend, it's best to find out more.
- Talk to your boyfriend about any questions you have. Be honest and open about any concerns or expectations you have.
- Maybe you don't know what responsibilities this pregnancy brings. Visit a reputable website and collect some books from your local library.
- Find out what health insurance is available in your area. Look for information on various clinics and health care providers.
- Ask friends or family if they can make a recommendation.
Step 3. Consider all your options
Discuss your options with your boyfriend. When you first find out you're pregnant, you need to decide what you need to do next. One of your options is to raise your own child.
- Think about what parenting your own child means to you and your boyfriend. Are you emotionally and financially capable of raising a child? Is this what you want to do?
- Another option is adoption. If you're not ready to be a parent, you can put the baby up for adoption at the end of your pregnancy.
- The third option is abortion. Many women choose to have an abortion. However, think carefully about this option. Also consider the laws and regulations that apply in your area.
- Even if the final decision is yours, it's best to discuss all your options with your boyfriend. Websites such as the Indonesian Family Planning Association (PKBI) offer many sources of information that can help you make an informed choice.
Step 4. Discuss your future plans
When you share your pregnancy with your boyfriend, take the opportunity to discuss your relationship. Have an honest and open conversation about your goals and plans. Find out how you can complement each other.
- This is a good time to decide if you are ready to make a long-term commitment. If you decide to have a baby, talk about how each of you was involved in raising that child.
- Maybe you realize that this relationship is not what you want it to be. Tell your boyfriend that you are happy to have emotional support from him.
- Take some time to think about logistics. Who will pay for the medical procedures? Does your boyfriend want to accompany you to the doctor? All of these are important to consider.
Step 5. Consult a doctor
It would be better if you visit the doctor. First of all, he will officially confirm your pregnancy. He or she may also provide objective information about each of your choices.
- Invite your girlfriend to accompany you when you meet the doctor. If you want him to be involved in the decision-making process, give him the opportunity to engage in the conversation.
- Set up an appointment. Make a list of questions to take to the doctor.
- Your questions could include things like "Should I take prenatal vitamins?" and "How much time do I have to make a final decision?"
- Talk to your boyfriend after your doctor's appointment. Take the time to discuss how each of you feels about the information you have received.
Method 3 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Get a support system
Realizing that you are pregnant can be a very emotional experience. Whether you are planning to become a mother or exploring your options, you will experience some significant changes. Surround yourself with people who can support you.
- In addition to your boyfriend, choose a few other people with whom you can share stories about your pregnancy. Perhaps you believe your mother can help you determine your next steps.
- You are free to decide who you will tell your pregnancy to and when. Don't feel like you have to tell the news before you're ready.
- Your doctor can be part of the support system. He can give you a lot of information and help you make healthy decisions.
- You can also join support groups online. There are many pregnancy support groups.
Step 2. Rest
Your body will go through many changes. Make sure you stay healthy by getting enough rest. When you are tired, it will be more difficult for you to think and communicate clearly.
- Get enough sleep according to your body's needs. It's okay if you feel like you need a nap.
- Go to bed early if you need it. Your body needs more sleep when you are pregnant.
Step 3. Visit a counselor
It's natural to feel a little anxious when you find out you're pregnant. You may find it helpful to share your feelings with someone else. Consider seeing a mental health specialist.
- Perhaps you can find a counselor at your local PKBI clinic. You can be open and honest with this counselor.
- If you want your boyfriend to be involved in this process, invite him to join the session with you. You two will probably learn good communication skills.
Step 4. Manage your stress
Whether you're planning this pregnancy or not, you may be feeling a bit anxious. For the sake of your mental and physical health, don't let stress get out of hand. It is also important for the health of the baby you are carrying.
- Keep a diary. Writing down your thoughts is a good way to keep track of how you feel.
- A diary can help you track your emotional patterns. It can also help you know your future goals and how to meet your emotional needs.
- Try doing yoga. Stretching and some yoga poses are great for your mind and body.
Tips
- Give your boyfriend time to think about this information.
- Remember, everyone's relationship is different. Your experience may be different from others.
