Do you find it difficult to accept yourself after making a mistake? Do you find it so hard to learn from your mistakes that you keep falling into the same hole? It is sometimes difficult to accept a mistake that we have made, especially if the environment around us is filled with perfectionists who think "perfection" is the same as "making no mistakes at all". Making mistakes is also different from failing to do something. Failure is a conscious effort that is not successfully carried out, while mistakes can be made unconsciously. There are steps you can take to become a more accepting of mistakes. Apart from that, there are also some techniques you can use to learn from your mistakes.
Step
Part 1 of 2: Accepting Your Mistakes
Step 1. Allow yourself to err
There are many reasons why you should allow yourself to err. Humans cannot avoid mistakes and there is no human who does not make mistakes. Mistakes are also one of the best teachers in your life. The mistakes you make can make you learn a lot of new things as well as broaden your horizons.
- For example, you want to learn to cook. At first, say to yourself: "I'm new to cooking. I might make mistakes. That's okay, because it's all part of the process."
- Fear of making mistakes (often called "perfectionism") can make you avoid new things or finish things you have started. You're so afraid of making a mistake that you won't do what you want to do yourself. Be careful: don't fall for this trap.
Step 2. Recognize that there is power in habits
Sometimes, mistakes are not the result of something we did, but rather of something we didn't do. We cannot run all the elements in our life to the fullest. The things we often do like going to work or making breakfast can become so mundane that we can't focus. This actually helps us, because then energy can be directed to other, more important things. However, sometimes the power of this habit makes us so used to it that we make mistakes. Realize that this is normal, because you are a human with limited energy and attention.
- For example, maybe you go to work every day by car, 5 days a week. On the weekends, you were supposed to take your kids to soccer practice, but you just realized you were driving on "autopilot" and instead headed to work. This is a natural error, a result of habit. You don't have to be hard on yourself about this mistake. Just be aware that you have made a mistake.
- There's research showing that you might as well fix your errors on "autopilot" without even realizing it. There is a study using a professional typist as a subject which shows that you will type slower if you have made a mistake, without even realizing it has occurred.
- Research also shows that about 47% of the time you do something, your brain is thinking about something other than what you're doing. You will make a lot of mistakes at this time. If you notice that you often make mistakes when your mind is "out of place," do some mindfulness exercises to bring your attention back to the task at hand.
Step 3. Distinguish between wrongdoing and omission
Mistakes are not always the result of something you did. Sometimes, you can make the mistake of neglecting to do something. Legal science distinguishes between wrongdoing (you did something you shouldn't have done) and negligence (you didn't do something you should have done). Usually, wrongdoing is considered more severe. Negligence is more common than wrongdoing.
- However, if you neglect to do something, it can still affect your life. For example, if your company does not keep up with the latest technological developments, it can affect your financial future.
- You should be aware of both types of mistakes because you can learn from both. There are people who avoid wrongdoing by doing nothing, but this does not prevent that person from making mistakes. This method is also useless for people who want to live and develop.
Step 4. Distinguish between mistakes and bad decisions
You should know that there is a difference between a mistake and a bad decision. Mistakes are easy things that are done wrong, such as misreading a map and taking the wrong way out. Bad decisions have an element of intentionality, for example deliberately taking a detour and then disrupting other people's schedules because they are late. Mistakes are more understandable and don't need to be too focused. Think of a bad decision as a mistake, but on the other hand you should pay more attention to decisions like this in the future.
Step 5. Also focus on your strengths
Don't give too much attention to mistakes. Balance self-criticism with celebrating what you do well. Celebrate the things you did well and the things you do better now. There is no point in correcting your mistakes if good results are not appreciated.
You may be just getting started with cooking, but something immediately catches your tongue. For example, maybe you can tell exactly what seasoning a dish needs just by tasting it. Be grateful for these advantages
Step 6. View mistakes as opportunities
There is a mechanism in our brain that will detect the mistakes we have made. Our brain will give a signal to us when something goes wrong. This will be very helpful in studying. Mistakes will force us to focus more on what we are doing and try to do better.
Research shows that some experts, such as doctors, can fail to correct a mistake because they trust their judgment too much. There's still something good to be gained if you're open to your mistakes and view them as opportunities, even if you're an expert
Step 7. Find out how long before you can become an expert
Research shows that to become an expert at a skill you need to experiment and make mistakes for ten years. This is true for everyone, both Mozart the composer and Kobe Bryant the basketball player. If you don't succeed at first, that's normal! Don't be too hard on yourself. To be successful at something, you need a lot of effort over a long period of time.
Step 8. Think of the decision as an experiment
If you don't think of mistakes as normal, you'll think that you have to keep making perfect decisions. This goal is unrealistic. Instead, think of the decision you make as an experiment. An experiment will have both good and bad consequences. Of course you can still try to get the best results. However, this way, you won't feel pressured.
For example, when cooking, look at the recipes you used as experiments. Avoid wanting the perfect dish. Think of each recipe as an opportunity to experiment and learn more about the cooking process. That way, you won't be hard on yourself when you do something wrong. You will definitely make mistakes
Step 9. Know how the brain deals with mistakes
The brain has special nerve cells that will pay attention to our performance, spot mistakes, and learn from them. However, our brain also has a hard time accepting that we have made a mistake. Errors will be viewed as a positive thing so as not to have to accept that an error has occurred. This may be a big reason why you have a hard time recognizing and accepting your mistakes. You will become more aware of your own experiences by recognizing how your brain deals with mistakes.
Basically, your brain has two answers to errors: problem-solving mode ("Why did this happen? How can I keep it from happening again?") and ignore mode ("I'm going to ignore this problem"). It's no surprise that the troubleshooting mode will make it easier for you to learn from your mistakes and fix them in the future. This mode is often found in people who believe that intelligence is flexible and that everyone can thrive. Ignorance mode is often found in people who believe that intelligence is something that cannot be changed, or in other words, someone will be good at one thing and not good at another. This type of thinking keeps you from growing
Step 10. Understand how society perceives mistakes
We live in a society that is afraid of mistakes. We grew up in an environment that required us to make as few mistakes as possible. People who seem more successful in life are serious people. If you do well in high school, you will get a scholarship to enter university. If you do well at university, you'll graduate with a high GPA and probably cum laude. Not much opportunity to make mistakes. So if you find it difficult at first to accept the blame, don't be too hard on yourself because it's not entirely your fault. You may have been taught from a young age to be hard on yourself.
- Remember: the notion that you can't make mistakes is wrong. Mistakes are our only way to learn. If you don't make (a lot of) mistakes, it's because you already know something perfectly. If you want to learn and grow, you are bound to make mistakes.
- Realize that perfectionism sets your standards and those of others very high. You didn't "fail" and your efforts weren't in vain just because you made a mistake. Let your standards drop a little to make room for error. This is a more useful and more effective way to pursue better results.
Part 2 of 2: Learn from Mistakes
Step 1. Fix your error
You can learn from mistakes, but only if you are willing to correct them. For example, if you use the wrong ingredients when cooking, ask your mother or an expert about the correct ingredients so you can correct the information.
Step 2. Record your mistakes and successes
It is helpful to write down when, where, and how you made mistakes in your life. This will create awareness of patterns that may be difficult to see when you are very busy. Carry a small notebook with you and take notes when you make a mistake. When you have free time, take a look at the entries you have entered, and think about what you could have done differently.
- For example, if you're trying a new recipe and it's never good, make a note of what you went wrong. In the afternoon, think about how you could improve the recipe.
- You should also record your success. You will be more motivated to keep learning if you record your successes and celebrate them. It's useless if you only focus on the negative.
Step 3. Aim to be "better" and not "better."
"Be good" goals are usually unrealistic in what you can actually do, especially if you're just starting out at something. When you set a "be good" goal, you set your standards too high and tell yourself that you have to be successful to be a good person. On the other hand, "better" targets focus on improvement. With goals like that, you don't need to achieve too high a goal just to feel that you've done something that worked. You will aim for improvement and not perfection.
For example, become "better" at learning how different spices affect the taste of food rather than aiming to become a master chef
Step 4. Practice purposefully and consciously
Time is not the only composition of your success to learn from mistakes. You'll also get better results if you know what your specific goals are. This is why identification of errors and their reasons is important. If you are aware of a mistake and why it is wrong, it will be easier for you to practice and improve your competence.
For example, if you're trying to perfect a basic cooking skill like boiling pasta, do it over and over again consciously until you know the time is right. It will take time, but with enough practice, you will get better
Step 5. Ask others for help
Don't be shy about asking other people for help to do something you're not good at. Get rid of your ego and learn from others. This is a great way of self-improvement, especially if you're stuck at a point and don't know how to fix something.
If, for example, you are confused about a cooking skill, ask the cook at your favorite restaurant or a family member who has a lot of cooking experience
Step 6. Believe in your abilities
Research shows that people who believe they can learn from mistakes are more likely to be well-intentioned to learn from mistakes. If you know that you can learn from your mistakes, you will be more likely to do so.
For example, if you make a mistake that causes a dish to burn, say to yourself: "I can learn from this mistake. I can use this experience. Now I know that I should use a lower oven temperature."
Step 7. Recognize that having reasons is not the same as arguing
We are taught not to argue for the mistakes we have made, but that is different from knowing the reasons for our mistakes. If a dish you're cooking doesn't turn out well, of course you can be aware of the fact that you've made a mistake, such as not following the recipe strictly enough or taking sugar for salt incorrectly. That's an excuse, not an excuse. You will be a better person if you know the reasons behind your mistakes because those reasons will show your true faults. For example:
- Being late for an event due to getting up late.
- Given a warning letter for doing something wrong, as a result of lack of communication.
- Not passing the exam because of neglecting to study, or not prioritizing studying.
Step 8. Give it time
Sometimes you just need one mistake to learn from your mistake. Sometimes not. Often we need a few mistakes to really learn. It may be difficult at first, so give yourself time to make some mistakes before learning.
