Learning to be aggressive in a firm manner without appearing hostile can help you become a more confident and effective leader, and increase your self-esteem. While assertiveness is associated with effective interpersonal and leadership skills, being overly aggressive can have an effect negative in how others view you at school, at work, at home, and in love relationships. By incorporating aspects of body language, behavior, speech, and appearance in interpersonal interactions, you can increase your self-confidence, gain self-esteem, and further improve your relationships with others.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Be Firm Through Body Language and Behavior
Step 1. Show a firm posture
You need to appear in control, calm, and confident without appearing awkward and uncomfortable.
- Approach someone directly, not from the side or behind.
- Keep enough distance that you can hear the person, but not too close.
- Relax your shoulders (don't slouch or slump) and spread your feet shoulder-width apart so your weight is balanced on both feet.
- Fold or clasp your hands and hold them in front of your stomach, no higher than your diaphragm.
Step 2. Maintain a firm posture when sitting
If you are talking to someone who is taller than you, suggest sitting down so you are both the same height. Find a table where you can sit down and talk from opposite sides.
- Sit with your back straight. The head should be upright and the position balanced on both shoulders. Avoid tilting your head to one side or bending over.
- Don't cross your legs. This attitude suggests you are distracted or bored. Constantly crossing your legs while sitting can contribute to back pain or the development of fine veins.
- Clasp or fold your hands on the table. Place your hand where the other person can see it to build trust and show your sincerity.
Step 3. Be careful how you use your hands and fingers
The way you use your hands to communicate can determine the course of a conversation or interaction.
- When you make a gesture to make a point, bring your fingers together and point with an open palm.
- Avoid pointing or pointing fingers at someone.
Step 4. Be careful with facial expressions
Look into the other person's eyes and relax your face.
- Do not stare at the floor or look to the side when speaking or listening. You will look nervous.
- Don't clench your jaw or tense the muscles in your face.
- Maintain direct eye contact, but don't "study" the other person.
Method 2 of 3: Becoming a More Aggressive Communicator
Step 1. Convey and defend your point
State your point of view or desire clearly and directly. You want to appear aggressive, not disrespectful to others.
- Make sure you have someone's full attention before speaking. Speak directly, not behind his back.
- Say the other person's name when you refer to him or her.
- Be honest with the person you are dealing with, but remember to hear their point of view as well.
Step 2. Use direct, but non-judgmental words and phrases
The situation will only escalate if you sound condescending, accusing or overly aggressive.
- Words such as "always" or "never" tend to exaggerate statements and are best avoided.
- Bring the conversation back to yourself. Use "I" rather than "you" statements, such as "I feel…" or "I don't like it when…". Follow these words with facts.
Step 3. Adjust the pitch of your voice so that it sounds smooth but firm
Shouting, whispering, or speaking in a shaky tone will ruin anything you're saying.
- Speak at the volume you normally use in normal conversation.
- Begging or whining will make you sound desperate or emotionally dishonest.
- Speak in a clear and steady voice without hesitation.
- If you are preparing to confront someone, practice what you want to say beforehand in the mirror.
Step 4. Give rejection
If you feel like someone is trying to take advantage of you or is asking you to do something that doesn't make sense (such as borrowing money), don't feel guilty for saying no.
- Follow these basic "no" principles: be brief, clear, firm, and honest.
- Please explain your refusal, but keep it brief and avoid exaggerating excuses.
- Don't start every sentence with "sorry". Apologizing too much will make you look immature or insincere.
- Reinforce your resistance with firm body language. Maintain eye contact, lift your head, keep your back straight, and relax your face and shoulders.
Method 3 of 3: Channeling Aggression
Step 1. Listen to music
Music has a stimulating effect on both physical and emotional arousal. Choose a music genre or song that has a tempo of 80 to 130 beats per minute.
- Increase your heart rate by creating playlists organized by tempo, from slow (70-80 beats per minute) to fast (120-130 beats per minute).
- You can also alternate fast and slow, loud or soft songs.
- Avoid music that triggers any type of emotion such as anger or hostility.
Step 2. Take part in sports
Physical exercise can help you develop self-discipline and self-control. Examples of exercise that help reduce tension and channel aggression in a positive way include:
- Martial arts, especially taekwondo and kung fu.
- Running or aerobics.
- Lift weights or boxing.
Step 3. Do meditation or relaxation
You can use relaxation to prevent your aggression from turning into anger. Examples include:
- Take deep, slow breaths from your belly, not your chest.
- Say and repeat in your head words or phrases like "relax" or "calm down" while breathing deeply.
- Use this technique if you feel tense or angry.
Step 4. Deal with overly aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior from others
If the source of your aggression or frustration is someone else, you have a right to defend yourself and to be treated with respect.
- Use humor to counter hostile behavior or unfair treatment.
- Don't overreact. This will only result in more drama and unnecessary aggression.
- Deal with people with manipulative or controlling personalities by responding to negative statements with questions or asking them to clarify their position.
- Choose what confrontations are important to deal with. Ask yourself if the person's behavior is hurting you or just annoying. Sometimes the best option is to keep your distance.
Tips
- Don't cross your arms or make a fist. You will appear more confrontational than confident.
- Avoid slouching, standing unbalanced, tilting your head to one side, constantly brushing hair from your face, or covering your mouth with your hands.
- When sitting, don't cross your arms, clasp your hands behind your back, or sit on your hands.
- Avoid fiddling with jewelry or watches, playing with keys or coins in your pocket until they jingle, or biting your nails.
- Any type of exercise or physical activity is a great way to channel aggression and boost self-confidence.
- When trying to compromise or negotiate with a hostile or passive-aggressive person, set limits or consequences, such as reporting to someone in more authority (such as a boss or teacher) if they refuse to cooperate or change behavior.
- When confronting someone, always ask a friend, family member, or colleague to support you.
- Practice active listening to quote or repeat the other person's thoughts and feelings in your own words.
- Avoid passive communication, such as not defending yourself, putting your needs after the needs of others, or allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.
- Your opinion matters. Don't ignore or belittle your opinion with phrases like "It's okay with me…" or "It's okay, I don't mind…".
Warning
- Any kind of physical and verbal aggression directed at humans or animals is unacceptable and inevitably causes greater harm.
- Being overly aggressive or assertive can make others view you as selfish or narcissistic, and can negatively affect your reputation.
- Don't direct anger or tension into yourself or "muffle" the aggression. This can increase anxiety.
