As old-fashioned as it sounds, some parents who have daughters have strict rules about dating, including having to ask permission before you date their child. They usually want to get to know you first so they can decide if you can be trusted. Do your best to make a positive first impression, then politely ask permission. Accept their decision gracefully even if the answer is "no".
Step
Method 1 of 3: Introducing Yourself in front of your crush's parents
Step 1. Make a friendly and positive impression
If possible, it's best to establish a good relationship with your crush's parents before asking for permission to date. Have your crush hold a gathering at their house, or invite you (and a few friends) to a casual family gathering. This will give you the opportunity to show yourself off and be friendly to the people in the house. This way, when they ask for permission, they already know that you are a person they can trust and make a good impression on.
One way to show that you can be a good influence is to go to your boyfriend's house to study together. Focus on learning to show that you are very mature and responsible
Step 2. Talk to the parents directly
Show respect for their parents by visiting their home. Discuss this with the woman, then see if she is willing to invite you over for dinner. Getting permission informally before going any further can reduce the pressure you feel.
- Your potential lover can say, “Father, mother, may Fajar come for dinner this Wednesday? He wants to get to know you better and talk about our relationship.” This will give the parents time to think because you don't show up all of a sudden. If you've been to his house before, and managed to show respect and trustworthiness, his parents will surely welcome you with open arms.
- Remember, coming suddenly uninvited is going to be difficult for you – no matter how modest and well-dressed you are, you will still be a complete stranger.
Step 3. Wear neat clothes
Dress conservatively. Think about what to wear to dinner with your grandma or a local religious event, and then put it on. Make a good first impression.
Make sure you've showered, or at least washed your face beforehand. You must look presentable and handsome
Step 4. Introduce yourself
Say their name, smile sincerely, and shake their hand. Call the name of the prospective lover's parents complete with title and last name. For example, Mrs. and Mr. Widi, until they ask you to change the call.
- If you've met before, say something like “Good evening, Mr. Widi. Nice to see you again. Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”
- If this is your first meeting, say "Good evening, Widi. My name is Fajar. Nice to meet you."
- Shake their hands firmly and confidently, and make eye contact while greeting them. Stand up straight while doing this.
Step 5. Let them dominate the conversation
Your future boyfriend's parents must have a lot of questions. Try not to brag too much and mention all your accomplishments. Let your conversation flow naturally. If they're indecisive or curious about something, they're sure to ask you questions.
- They're sure to ask about your family and friends, your goals in life, and your interests.
- List anything that supports your claim to be trustworthy and responsible – volunteer work, religious donations, work, and extracurricular activities can help polish your character.
- You might say something like “I currently work as a coast guard on the weekends and am busy training with the swim team on weekdays. I will start teaching swimming next month near my house.”
Step 6. Be polite, but sincere
Don't confuse this with a job interview. Answer all their questions in a warm and friendly voice. Make sure you show an interest in their life by asking them a few questions. Showing genuine interest in other people will leave a positive impression when meeting new people.
- Some questions you can ask are, “How long have you lived here?” or “Are you a native here?” You can also look for things you both like. For example, “Mr. Widi, didn't you coach the soccer team with my dad a few years ago?”
- Make sure the conversation goes both ways. Neither side should dominate the conversation and throw all the questions.
- Don't be influenced by your phone during the conversation. Staring at your phone while someone else is talking can be considered very rude. Set the silent setting, and keep your phone in your pocket while talking to the parents of a potential boyfriend.
Step 7. Tell the truth
If you feel you have a negative impression in the eyes of his parents, talk about it. Be honest even if you have to admit something that doesn't sound good. They definitely value your honesty more than a forced lie. Lying to them will make you hard to believe.
For example, if they ask about your past bad decisions, make sure you tell them that you've learned from the incident and that you've changed. For example, you might say “Yes, I was one of the students who got suspended last year for making a mess in the cafeteria. I felt very ashamed because I had troubled the cleaning staff. We've already sent them an apology card."
Method 2 of 3: Asking Parental Permission
Step 1. Make sure they know their child wants to date you
Let her parents know that their child likes you, but doesn't want to continue the relationship without asking permission first.
- You can say, “Tasya told me that she wanted to get your permission before dating. So, I wanted to honor her and her family's wishes by coming here and asking permission to ask her out on a date."
- Tell them that their children have the right to make decisions too. You could say, “I want to ask your permission to ask Tasya out on a date, but I also understand that she has the right to make her own decisions. If he doesn't want to, I'll take it."
Step 2. Tell her why you want to date her daughter
Tell him what you like about his personality and why you'd like to get to know him better. Talk about things you both enjoy. Convince them that your relationship is valuable.
- You can say “Tasya and I have been colleagues in the laboratory since last semester and we have become close friends. He is very pleasant to talk to. I think we both like science fiction films."
- Don't mention anything physical. Just talk about his personality. Saying that their child is super hot will get you kicked out of the house right away!
Step 3. Ask if they would like to give permission
After introducing yourself and stating the reason why you want to date him, all you have to do is ask permission. Stay calm, polite, and friendly, then ask if you can ask her daughter out on a date. Tell them what kind of date you have planned.
- You could say, “I want to get to know your child better, and I think he feels the same way. Can I ask her out on a date?”
- You could say, “I want to take Tasya to the school play next week and then take her for ice cream. We might just be back by 9pm. Is it okay?"
- If they are reluctant to give you permission to go out with him alone, you can ask permission to take him out in groups. Make sure they know who is in the group. You might say “Some of our friends are going out to dinner together next week. You must know Laura and Doni? We want Tasya to come along.”
Step 4. Agree to their terms
Accept their answers politely and gracefully, and understand why they made that decision. If they say no, talk about it and try to understand why.
- They may think their child is too young to date. You can ask “Is it okay if we go with other friends?”
- They may say that you can go out together as long as you don't come home too late. Accept the answer and say “No problem. I'll drop him off at 10 o'clock at the latest. Do you agree or does he have to come home early?”
- If this is your first meeting, they may want to get to know you better. You can say “We have exams next week. Maybe I can come on Sunday afternoon to study together?”
- If they reject all of your suggestions, ask "Can we talk about this again after a few months?" Accept that you may need to wait a little longer for a date, but you can still see their child at school, during extracurricular activities, or when hanging out with other friends.
Method 3 of 3: Proving You're Responsible
Step 1. Hold on to your words
Show that you are a person who can be trusted. If the parents set strict limits on the time you can spend with their child, keeping your word and promises will make them willing to give you more freedom and responsibility in the future.
- Come to the location that you have conveyed to the parents of the him. If you say you want to go see a movie, come to the cinema to see the movie you want to see at the promised time. Don't go to another movie theater or any other place. If his parents find out that you are lying, it will end your relationship.
- Come home on time. Take him home according to the agreement. If you're forced to drop him home late (for example, you're stuck in traffic), tell his parents right away. After that, avoid situations that make you make the same mistake, such as going to a place that can be reached on foot only.
- Prepare a means of transportation that is safe and reliable. Tell her parents how you will pick up and drop their daughter home. If they don't like your driving style, propose an alternative without arguing.
Step 2. Provide your contact information
Give them your cell phone number. Answer the phone or message they send as soon as possible. You can also provide your parents' address or phone number so they can always contact you. Parents always want to know how to easily contact you.
- Ask your parents to talk to their parents. Be brave and ask your parents to answer questions from the prospective boyfriend's parents if necessary.
- If things aren't going well in your family and you know your parents are unreliable, ask another trusted adult to talk to the parents of a potential lover.
Step 3. Don't have a secret relationship
Respect the boundaries given to him by his parents, even if you don't agree. If they catch you dating without permission, it is very difficult to regain trust and take their relationship with their daughter to a more serious level.
If the girl you like wants to have a secret relationship, don't agree to it. Ask him to be honest with his parents and try to talk to them. You can say, “Tasya, I really like you, but I want to get your parents' blessing. Can we talk to them again?”
Step 4. Try as hard as you can in school
Parents trust people who are known as good students. Make sure you and him focus on learning. His parents will likely limit your relationship if he gets bad grades in school.
