Falling in love is a million times. But sometimes, one of the millions of feelings is disappointment, especially if you have parents who are overprotective and forbid you to have a romantic relationship with any man. If you're a teenager, discussing sensitive topics like "when is the right time to date" with your parents can be difficult; what's more, most parents feel unprepared for their child to date while still in school. So should you give up? Certainly not. Try to convince your parents by showing your maturity; Speak calmly and politely, then explain your feelings honestly. Undoubtedly, your path to dating your idol will be more spacious!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Talking to Parents
Step 1. Find the right time
Make sure you do it when they're in a good mood; in other words, don't do it when they're busy at work or under stress from a pile of office work. Evaluate their mood by asking, "How are you today?". Make sure you also choose a time that allows them to devote their full attention to you. Relaxing time after dinner or before going to bed at night is a perfect example.
- If you have trouble getting them to talk at home, try doing it in the car or while you're out for a walk. For example, you could say, “Let's go for a walk, Dad! There's something important I want to talk to Dad about."
- If you are closer to your mother than your father, there is nothing wrong with telling your situation only to your mother. After that, ask your mother to tell your father about the situation.
Step 2. Be honest with your parents
Telling things honestly and clearly is one way to show your maturity. Do not lie, even if the lie was done for good. If you've dated your potential boyfriend several times without your parents knowing, let them know when asked. Be careful, a single lie can break your parents' trust for life.
Don't make up stories. For example, don't tell your parents that even your best friend has been dating for 2 years if that fact isn't true. Remember, your parents can smell your lies in an instant; they can even check the truth of your story easily
Step 3. Be willing to compromise
To get something, you have to be willing to give. If your parents allow you to date, they will likely set some conditions that you must comply with. If these conditions make sense and you can comply with, don't hesitate to agree. You can also invite them to compromise if they refuse to give you permission.
- Most likely, one of their conditions is that your academic performance should not decline. For example, you should end the relationship if you get a D; or you have to study at least 1 hour every night. There's nothing wrong with obeying them, after all such conditions will also have a positive impact on your life.
- More than likely, they will also ask you to limit the time you date your new boyfriend. Chances are, you guys can only go out on weekends and shouldn't be home too late after that.
- They may also ask you to consult a medical professional. For this condition, make sure you make the decision that is most comfortable for you.
Step 4. Stay calm
Keep your emotions in check when you are talking to your parents. Don't scream, cry, grumble, or whine. Such an emotional response will only make it difficult for them to appreciate your position. To help you stay calm, try repeating the words “control” or “calm” in your mind. Before making a negative response, make sure you count to five first; Don't give impulsive responses that you will later regret.
- Watch your tone too. Be careful not to say positive words in a sarcastic tone. For example, the word “Good” can make a different impression if it is said in a different tone.
- If the conversation frustrated you, take some time to cool off afterwards. For example, you could run for an hour in the park in front of your house, go for a swim, or go shopping with your friends.
Step 5. Be an active listener
Listen carefully to your parents' responses and look them in the eye when they are talking. This attitude shows that you are not shy about talking about the possibility of a relationship that you will live in. Nod your head and smile if you agree with their words.
The most important part of being an active listener is asking follow-up questions. If they refuse to give permission, ask, “Why not?”. Show that you really want to understand their perspective in the situation. By doing so, you will truly understand the worries that are plaguing their minds; Surely, you will also be helped to relieve these worries
Step 6. Be willing to talk about the topic of sexuality
If you've never done it before, try getting your parents to sit down and talk about it. There's no need to be ashamed; they will also worry that you will do things that are “not yet” done, such as having sex before marriage. This talk really helps you to understand the boundaries. Therefore, if the opportunity arises, make sure you express your concerns or ask questions that have been stuck in your mind.
Step 7. Try writing a letter
If you have trouble speaking directly to your parents, try writing down your feelings and opinions in a letter. This tip is also worth trying if you know your parents will react in an extreme and negative way.
Make sure your sentences are well structured and don't create a negative impression. Don't write down anything that you will later regret. For example, instead of writing, "It's up to you whether you agree or not, I'm still going out," write, "I really want you to understand my decision."
Method 2 of 3: Convincing Parents through Action
Step 1. Let them get to know your future boyfriend
Introduce your potential boyfriend in various ways; for example, you can show your parents a photo of him, show him a short message he sent you, or invite him over to your house to get to know your parents in person. Let them get to know your potential boyfriend's personality and positive qualities. If he's one of the smartest kids at school, flaunt that fact to your parents. Also explain your future boyfriend's long-term plans to them.
- If you want to meet them in person, plan ahead. Don't meet them suddenly; chances are your parents will be surprised and even react negatively.
- Your potential boyfriend must also be willing and able to support your dreams. Make sure you explain this fact to your parents by saying, "He always asks about my SAT preparation progress.".
Step 2. Plan a group date
Tell your parents that for a month, you will only be hanging out with your other friends. By doing so, your parents will feel more relieved knowing you are safe; they will also have more time to get to know your potential boyfriend without being burdened with negative assumptions.
Dating in groups will indeed make you more “safe”, but sometimes also vulnerable to making you experience peer pressure. Explain these concerns to your parents and remind them that they have raised you well. Tell them, “Don't worry. Even if you go out in groups, I promise not to drink alcohol just because my friends are influenced by it.”
Step 3. Show your maturity
Follow all the rules made by your parents. Show them that you are always willing to comply with the commitments that have been made, no matter how annoying the commitments are. For example, try to always come home on time, do household responsibilities without being asked, and avoid unnecessary arguments with your parents.
Step 4. Be patient
Show your parents that you can control yourself; Show that you know they need time to make the best decisions. To prove your patience, at least wait until two weeks have passed before bringing up the topic again.
For example, if they say, "Mom and Dad need to think about it first," try responding, "I understand, this is a serious decision anyway."
Step 5. Learn to be grateful
Show your appreciation for everything they have done for you. For example, learn to say “Thank you!” more often. In addition, you can also show your gratitude through simple actions, such as cooking breakfast for them. If they say, "You must be doing this just to get our permission, right?", simply reply, "Of course I hope you will give permission. But I also do this because I respect your opinion, I want you to know that.”
Method 3 of 3: Managing Thoughts and Feelings
Step 1. Wait until you actually find the right person
Don't ask permission until you find someone you really like. The risk is that you will get involved in meaningless empty debates with your parents. Wait until you actually find the right person. Once you've found it, be specific about what you like about that person to your parents.
You can also use this argument to convince your parents. For example, you could say, "All this time, I waited for the right person before asking Mom and Dad for permission."
Step 2. Question your readiness
Are you really ready to date? Or you just don't want to be considered lousy by your friends your age because you're still single? Are you ready to set boundaries (including sexual boundaries) to protect yourself? Are you ready to accept rejection? Think about the answers to these questions from now on; trust me, your parents will also ask about it later.
Think carefully whether your potential boyfriend is a good person in general or is it right for you? Maybe he is a great person, but actually it is not right for you because the age difference is too big, etc
Step 3. Talk to your friends
Your close friends must have known your parents and understood your feelings; so they are the right people to turn to for advice. Ask for their opinion on the best way to approach your parents; Also, ask their opinion on how to describe your potential boyfriend to your parents. You can even invite some friends over to your house and ask your parents for their help in telling your parents positive things about your future boyfriend.
Step 4. Talk to another trusted adult
If your parents persist in not giving your permission, it may be time for you to seek help from someone else. Meet with a religious leader, adult relative, or friend of your parents and try to share your situation. Ask for their opinion and ask, "What kind of compromise should I make to make my parents happy?"
Tips
- Accept your parents' response. Some parents will still insist on forbidding their children to have romantic relationships with other people. If your parents are too, don't force yourself into a relationship without them knowing; Also don't keep forcing them because of the risk, your relationship with them can actually be damaged. Stay firm in your stance, but try to be patient. Over time, any hard rock will be eroded.
- Try taking your parents on a foursome with someone you like. As embarrassing as it may sound, the fact is that this method will open your parents' eyes to your relationship, no matter what you do when you're dating.
- If you don't get your blessing, try to stay friends with people you like. Get to know him better and let your parents get to know him more. Sooner or later, change is bound to happen.
- Make sure your future boyfriend's parents also allow him to date. If not, then what's the point of trying to convince your parents?
Warning
- Make sure you always put your own interests above the interests of others. Never change yourself just to please others; Don't stay with someone who can't treat you well.
- Your parents will be much more concerned if you are interested in a relationship with someone much older than you. Some countries (including America) even have laws that prohibit minors from having relationships with adults. Unfortunately, until now Indonesian law only has specific regulations regarding underage marriage; in Article 7 of Law no. 1 of 1974, it is explained that marriage is only permitted if the man has reached the age of 19 years, and the woman has reached the age of 16 years.
