Are you and your partner planning to get married in the near future? If so, the first step you need to take is to ask for the blessing of your partner's parents. Before doing so, make sure your partner supports your idea of meeting his parents and is ready to spend the rest of his life with you.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Discuss it with your partner
Step 1. Understand the values of your partner's parents
Before asking for your blessing, make sure you know what things are appropriate or not worth doing when asking for your blessing. This step is especially necessary if the couple's parents still adhere to certain traditional traditions.
- If you're not sure about the values your partner's parents hold, try asking your partner. You might ask, "Are your parents' views on marriage still traditional?" or "How was the process of your parents' engagement first?".
- Do a little research if needed. For example, if your spouse's parents are Bataknese, try tracing the traditional Batak wedding traditions to find out the process for asking for blessing that is traditionally correct. Don't worry, you will get all the information you need easily on the internet.
Step 2. Talk to your partner about the possibility of getting married
Ask your partner if he wants to marry you too. Remember, asking this question is not the same as proposing to a partner! Also ask his reflection about the future for both of you. For example, you might ask, "What do you think we will be like in five years?" If he replies that the two of you are getting married, it's a sign that you are allowed to ask for the blessing of his parents.
If he doesn't mention marriage, ask him directly if he's ever thought about marrying you. For example, you could ask, "Do you think we would be happy if we got married?". If he answers "yes", it's a sign that you can ask for his parents' approval. If he answers "no" or looks unsure, don't force him to make a decision right away
Step 3. Evaluate the best time to get married
Is now really the right time for you to get married? Try to think about this issue from the perspective of the couple's parents: do you think they want their child to marry you? If you and your partner have only known each other for a week, you should postpone the wedding process and take the time you have to get to know each other first.
- It's much wiser to date someone for two or three years before deciding to marry him.
- Think about the financial condition of you and your partner. Nowadays, almost no wedding is cheap (even a 200 million wedding is cheap). In addition, you and your partner also have to buy a wedding ring and finance the honeymoon no less expensive. Before asking your partner's parents for permission, make sure that you and your partner's financial condition is in a "safe" range, even if the two of you don't get married immediately after the blessing is given (ideally, the marriage takes place 6-12 months after the application process).
Step 4. Know the answer ahead of time
Before asking your partner's parents for approval, you should at least know what they think about you and your relationship. Do they seem supportive of your relationship or is it the other way around? Try asking your partner and ask your partner to give specific explanations.
- Don't the couple's parents have excessive expectations of their child's potential partner? If so, chances are your application will be accepted by them. But if they still have specific doubts about your readiness to marry their child, make sure you first convince them before asking for their blessing.
- Even if you feel like you're cheating, asking for your blessing after knowing the possible answers is a great way to make the most of your time efficiently.
Method 2 of 3: Making a Plan
Step 1. Find reasons why you feel the need to ask your partner's parents for approval
Before going through the process of asking for your blessing which is not always easy, you need to first know the consequences. There are two reasons that might be behind your decision to ask your partner's parents for permission:
- You feel the need to ask permission to marry a partner. In other words, if the blessing is not given then the partner will obey his parents and will not marry you.
- You feel the need to ask your partner's parents for approval to get married. Consent is different from permission. When the couple's parents approve of your idea of getting married, it's a sign that they are willing to support the implementation of the marriage process. If they don't approve of your idea of getting married, your partner may or may not marry you anyway. Even if your partner wants to marry you, make sure you consider all possibilities carefully before making a decision. If after all in the end you both stay married, at least prepare yourself to overcome various awkward moments when you have to be in the midst of his extended family.
Step 2. Get to know the couple's parents before asking for their blessing
Before asking their blessing to get married, of course you must first get acquainted with them. They will also feel more confident to give their blessing if they already know you, right?
If you haven't had the opportunity to get to know your partner's parents, at least do it before you ask for their blessing
Step 3. Plan a meeting with the couple's parents
If you want to ask your partner's parents for permission, make sure you do it in person (not over the phone or email). This shows that you value them and are serious about your commitment to marrying their child. Try asking if they have time to see you.
- If they ask the reason behind the meeting, just answer, "There's something important I want to talk about with Uncle and Aunt.".
- Don't seek your partner's parental consent over the phone, unless this is the only option you have. Asking permission directly is the most appropriate method.
- Don't ask for their blessing via email or mail either.
Step 4. Determine the meeting location
You can meet them at their house or take them to lunch together. Before determining the location, try to consider the characteristics of the couple's parents. Do they prefer lunch at a simple diner or a fancy restaurant? Do you think they prefer to chat while playing golf or bowling?
- If your partner's parents live in another city, you may have a hard time choosing the ideal location. However, remote locations can also benefit you. If you're willing to drive tens of kilometers just to get their blessing, chances are they'll recognize your commitment and seriousness to marrying their child.
- In the case above, you can also participate when your partner has to "go home". When the time is right, you can reach out to your partner's parents for their personal blessing.
Method 3 of 3: Asking for the Spouse's Parents
Step 1. Compose your words
When it's time to ask for approval, it's natural to feel nervous, anxious, or worried. If you allow yourself to be overwhelmed by worry, you're more likely to forget things that should have been said. Therefore, make sure you have compiled a short draft and practice it ahead of time. You don't have to if you want the conversation to go more naturally (or if you're sure you won't feel nervous). Whatever your decision, try to stay relaxed and not overload your mind with unnecessary worries.
If you decide to prepare a draft, try rehearsing it in front of your close friends and relatives first. Ask them for suggestions and constructive criticism
Step 2. Ask for the blessing of the parent who has legal rights over the spouse
If your partner was raised by both parents, make sure you ask their parents' approval. If it turns out that the couple's parents are divorced, ask for their blessing only to parents who have legal rights over a spouse. For example, if your spouse was raised by his mother and rarely sees his father, there is no need to feel obligated to ask for his father's blessing. After the mother's blessing has been given, you may contact the father just to let them know that you have been given the permission to marry by the spouse's mother.
Step 3. Start by expressing your feelings to your partner
Remember, tell everything honestly and sincerely. For example, you might say, “She is a great woman who always inspires me to become a better person. He always makes me laugh and understands what I'm thinking.”
- Try to think of various reasons why you love him; surely you will be helped to provide a more complete explanation.
- Don't exaggerate or give floating explanations like, "He's the perfect person," or "We've never had a problem.". Close your explanation by saying, "Uncle and Aunt have raised a very great woman.".
Step 4. Explain why you want to marry their child
Some of the reason they have received when you explain the positive qualities in a partner. However, to show your seriousness, make sure you also affirm your commitment to them. Tell them that you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner.
- You can say, "I will give my all for him and do my best to give him the best life possible." After that, take a deep breath and say, "I want to ask for Uncle and Aunt's blessing to marry (mention the name of the spouse)."
- Don't say, "I want to marry Uncle and Aunt's child.". If your partner's parents like to be funny, they will tease you by asking, "Which child is ours?" (of course if your partner is not an only child).
Step 5. Be prepared to answer questions
After giving your blessing, it's likely that your partner's parents will ask you some important questions; For example, when will you propose to your child and when will the wedding take place. Most likely, they will also ask about your future life plans (such as your job). Listen carefully to what they have to say and don't be afraid to admit if you don't have the answer. Don't make up your answer and make it look like you had everything planned if the facts weren't so.
