When someone is experiencing severe emotional pain, it is difficult for us to know exactly how to comfort them. However, it is important that you stay calm and stay positive. When a person experiences a disaster, receives bad news, or loses control of their emotions due to the stresses of life, there are some basic, effective steps to take when you want to cheer them up.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Saying the Right Thing When Someone Is Feeling Sad or Angry
Step 1. Let him know you care about him
There is no "right" thing to say when someone is feeling hurt, especially if there is a clear reason or cause for their suffering. Decide on words, tone of voice, and attitudes that can show you care. At the simplest level, you need to act as normal as possible. Furthermore, only say things that are sympathetic, non-judgmental, and reflect patience and acceptance. Usually, these words are open statements that encourage others to open up.
- Another thing you can say is "I'm sorry for _." Don't be afraid to mention hurtful things. If he is feeling disappointed, angry, or sad, he must have thought about it.
- You can also say, "It's okay if you want to cry."
Step 2. Avoid false happiness or cheerfulness
Of course, there will be moments for lighthearted jokes and hopeful statements. When a person feels very devastated or sad, the joy or hope that is given will feel empty. Worse still, he'll feel that you're belittling his problems/feelings if your remarks sound insincere. Respect her feelings by being careful not to underestimate her current emotions.
- Don't make statements like "Look on the bright side" or try to point out the positives of something or an incident that clearly caused someone painful emotional pain.
- In conclusion, don't say anything to try to "comfort someone". Allow someone who is feeling emotional stress to vent their frustration or anger instead of holding it in.
- Focus on conveying the fact that you are there for him through questions like “You are not alone. I'm here for you."
Step 3. Show sensitivity to the situation
You shouldn't say things that might be considered insensitive, depending on the cause of someone's anger or sadness. For example, never say things like "This is God's will." Such a statement did nothing to restore his feelings.
- If you're not sure, make sure that what you say doesn't belittle or override the suffering that other people are going through.
- Sometimes even "true" statements need to be avoided. For example, don't tell a mother who has just had a miscarriage that she can have another child. Although true, these statements actually ignore or put aside her suffering related to the miscarriage she experienced.
Step 4. Open the door for him to talk
At some stage, he may want to talk about his feelings. You can even guide him to tell a story. For example, you might say, "I know it's hard for you to talk, but feel free to tell me about _ now and whenever you're ready." Feel free to say this any time after he has calmed down (or long enough after the traumatic incident has passed).
- Don't equate your own experience with what he's been through. For example, don't say "I know how you feel," even if you've been through the same thing. Instead, you can say "I know how much _ means to you."
- Be honest with him when you're at a loss for words by saying, for example, "I don't know exactly how you feel, but I care about you and I want to help you."
- You could also say, for example, "I don't know what to say, but I'm here for you and always ready to hear your story."
Step 5. Offer advanced support
Often times, people receive a lot of emotional support right after a traumatic incident occurs. Unfortunately, this kind of support sometimes dims. Show that you will always support him by saying, for example, “Hi! May I call you in a few weeks to ask how you are?”
Don't be afraid because you will bring up things he doesn't want to talk about. If he didn't want to, he would say so. However, there is a possibility that he needs to tell how he feels. Whatever the situation, the fact that you're still supporting him will be a source of reassurance for him
Method 2 of 3: Supporting Someone Who Is Facing Emotional Difficulties
Step 1. Don't rush into the next step
A person experiencing emotional distress may find it difficult to make choices or simply do not know what attitude or steps to take. This shows vulnerability and is a very natural reaction to stress or sadness. He may also not want to tell you what happened, and you shouldn't force him to talk, unless someone's safety or security depends on the incident.
If he insists on being alone, give him the space and time he needs. Let him know that you will get back to him in a few days. Also tell him that he can call you whenever he wants and that you'd like to be there for him if he wants to spend some time with you
Step 2. Keep in contact with him
Don't keep in contact with him, but make sure you have an attitude that reflects that you're still thinking about him, and that his condition means a lot to you. Call or send him a card if you don't hear from him for a week. Do not send messages, emails or social media posts to convey condolences as these forms of communication are informal and impersonal.
Don't avoid or ignore someone just because you're uncomfortable with what they're dealing with or don't know how to talk to them. If you're not sure what to do or say, express your condolences and ask if there's anything you can do for her
Step 3. Accept the silence
If he wants to be with you but doesn't talk much, don't let his silence bother you. Also, don't let nervousness keep you from talking nonstop. Remind yourself that he just wants your presence. Feel free to ask questions about his feelings or thoughts. If he's still thinking about what happened, there's a good chance he needs to talk about it to release pent-up emotions.
Don't ask him how he feels if you meet him at a big gathering. Even if you need to encourage him to talk about his feelings, do so in an environment where privacy is maintained so you can give him your full attention
Step 4. Help meet basic needs
After a traumatic incident, sometimes a person feels tired or depressed. He may sleep more often than usual and have difficulty completing daily tasks. Help him by doing the laundry or cleaning his dirty dishes. However, try not to do all of the tasks right away as this could interfere with his recovery process and make him feel pitied (negatively). Everyone needs to feel capable of taking care of themselves, even when they need help doing so.
Step 5. Help him make a plan to get up
When he seems ready, ask what his plans are. Don't be surprised if he doesn't already know the plan or doesn't feel comfortable discussing it. Give him directions he can follow while offering him help. When making recommendations, try to listen more than talk, and only offer suggestions that can be done or executed.
- The advice you give should be based on what he has to say.
- As a first step, you can ask who or what they feel can help.
- Stay alert for signs of worsening emotional distress.
- If you feel that he needs professional help, encourage him to seek it. Be prepared to assist him by preparing the contact information of the relevant parties and organizations.
Method 3 of 3: Calming a Sad or Disappointed Stranger
Step 1. Review the situation in which you approached someone
If you don't know what makes someone angry, upset, or sad, first make sure that no one is in danger, then try to calm them down. The best way to get the information you need is to ask what happened. But beforehand, review the situation to make sure you can approach it safely.
As a first step, observe the environment around you. Is there anyone else around who might know what's going on or can help? Is there any danger going on around?
Step 2. Offer to help
Approach him and let him know you want to help. If you don't know him, introduce yourself by saying, for example, “Hi. I _ and I want to help you.” If he doesn't say anything, continue by asking if you can stay with him and stay with him. While sitting down, you might say, for example, "If you don't mind, I'd like to stay with you for a bit."
- If your knowledge of your field/career can reassure strangers (eg if you are a teacher, doctor, or firefighter), you can also mention that.
- Don't give assurances that are too general. Even if you're encouraged to say, for example, "Everything will be fine," that statement overrides his current feelings. Such remarks may also discourage him from accepting consolation.
Step 3. Ask what you can do to help
It is important for you to know what happened. Ask simple, straightforward questions, and try to figure out what's going on. Specific things to know include signs a person is experiencing more than just emotional distress, as well as what they need. Realize that you may not be able to solve the problem. However, focus on calming him down and making sure he can get further help if needed.
- Speak calmly, slowly, and gently. Don't whisper or shout.
- Be prepared to back down if he sees you as a threat or is aggressive. If any of these situations occur, make sure the authorities arrive quickly, but stay a safe distance from them.
Step 4. Listen, listen, and listen to the story
To be able to listen carefully to someone, especially someone who is sad or disappointed, requires patience and care. Maintaining eye contact may not be the right move as he can feel vulnerable or shy. Sit quietly with him (ideally, beside him). Make sure you show calm body language and don't move too much.
- When he's talking, give nonverbal encouragement by nodding his head and making affirmative sounds that show you're listening.
- Don't argue with what he says. He may say things that are unreasonable or even insensitive.
- Keep in mind that your goal is to entertain him, and not discuss. Also, keep in mind that his mind may be flooded with various emotions.
Step 5. Stay calm
A person who feels heavy emotional distress/suffering usually experiences changes in his body's chemical balance that prompt him to fight or flee. In addition to feelings of deep sadness, he may also feel restless, irritable, and confused. He also has trouble listening and concentrating, and may not be able to follow what you are saying. Nonetheless, focus on reflecting a sense of security and establishing a calm environment for him.
If he insists on taking drastic or unnatural actions, don't argue with him. Instead, offer alternative steps or try to distract him from actions that could be dangerous
Step 6. Use humor carefully
While they can help a person cope with the situation at hand, humor and cheerfulness may not be the right things to show when someone is feeling very depressed or suffering. Let him make his own decisions or steps. If he cracks jokes about the witty “side effects” of what happened to him, laugh along with him.
Humor is useful, especially in serious situations because a moment of "rest" from heavy thoughts can help a person feel calmer. Make sure you know for sure that he appreciates humor before you try to lighten the mood
Step 7. Stay with him until he calms down
As long as he isn't injured or in any other risk, he may need to calm down. For example, if a person hears shocking news or witnesses a traumatic event, he or she will feel deeply devastated, but not in a medical danger. In a situation like this, ambulance assistance is not needed and can actually put additional pressure on him. Keep providing emotional support for him and wait until he can talk to you or someone else about what needs to be done.
