When someone is considered competent by others, do you think their job is done? Of course not. Competence, authority, power, or strength is something that must be cultivated for life. If you want to improve your competence, at least you must be able to act and behave like a competent and influential person. For one thing, you may need to win the hearts of those closest to you before trying to influence others.
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Part 1 of 2: Building a Competent Person
Step 1. Find the right role
In fact, you can more easily build competence if you are in the right field or position. Therefore, do something that is comfortable for you, then try to enter that field and try to gain competence from there.
- In particular, position yourself in a role that you are comfortable with, even if the role is not directly related to the field you are pursuing. For example, you could first lead a church organization even though your real goal is to have more authority in the office.
- Positioning yourself as a powerful authority builds a more competent personality in you. That personality can later be applied in other areas of your life.
Step 2. Meditate to recall the power you once had
Chances are, you've felt powerful or competent in the past, even if it was less intense than the competence you're seeking now. When your self-confidence begins to waver, try to restore that past glory by meditating.
In fact, the moment you are remembering can overcome virtually all negative aspects of your life. For example, you can choose to remember academic accomplishments (such as graduating cum laude), or personal achievements (such as quitting smoking). Whatever moment you choose, try to focus on the "powerful and powerful" sensation that arises instead of the event that occurs
Step 3. Have proper posture
Although not always true, competent people tend to show expansive gestures. Such gestures will reinforce a person's confidence and make him appear more competent than the others around him.
- Expansive gestures include folding your arms in front of your chest, crossing your legs until your kneebones stand out, extending your legs beyond the corner of a chair, or putting your hands on your hips.
- On the other hand, don't make gestures that are narrow and limited, such as folding your legs under a chair, shrugging your shoulders, or placing your hands on either side of your body.
Step 4. Be competent before becoming competent
Practice your courage and confidence until authority and power come naturally. Trust me, you're not going anywhere if you just wait and be passive.
Don't be afraid to make changes or take risks. Even if fear haunts you, at least don't show it! Remember, strength and competence is a cycle. If other people see you as competent, they will automatically treat you the way you should. As a result, it is possible that afterwards you will receive power like never before
Step 5. Pursue your goal
Understand your desires and work to make them come true without asking anyone else's approval. At the same time, never do something just because it's considered popular.
When you're trying to chase your dream, don't keep showing it off to other people. By doing so, you may sound like you are seeking the approval of others and as a result, will appear less competent
Step 6. Break some rules
Don't be afraid to think outside the box and break some rules or minor social conventions. Believe me, it takes a leap of faith to create extraordinary innovations! Moreover, only a competent person is capable of breaking the rules tactically and thoughtfully.
The key is to understand the rules that must be followed and are allowed to be broken. Because each event has a varying dynamic, there is no specific rule that you can learn from. However, in general, make sure you only break the rules when absolutely necessary. For example, you may modify rules or break rigid boundaries to improve a situation
Step 7. Be a responsible person
When things go wrong, don't be busy blaming yourself or others. Instead, focus on not repeating the same mistakes in the future and do your best to fix the mistakes that have already occurred.
Remember, failure happens to everyone, and a competent person isn't afraid to admit that fact. The key is to accept the error and act immediately to correct it. Instead of discussing who's at fault, demonstrate your competence by saying, "I'll get to it right away."
Step 8. Put your well-being first
In other words, never put your physical and mental health second. Believe me, you will not be able to provide maximum performance if your condition is not prime.
- Generally, maintaining physical health is not difficult. You just need to eat regularly, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep to ensure that your body is always functioning properly.
- However, it takes special tricks to maintain mental and emotional health. In general, make sure you always make time to relax and connect with what matters to you. That is, don't be so focused on the pursuit of competence and power that you don't have time to pamper yourself.
Part 2 of 2: Improving Social Skills
Step 1. Set expectations
Instead of waiting for someone else, make your own decisions! Get rid of all doubts and understand all your needs and wants. Only by doing so can you control the pattern of each interaction that occurs.
Instead of asking someone else's permission to do something, define your plan without asking anyone for confirmation. Although the results are no different, setting expectations independently will give you a higher and more powerful position in the interaction process
Step 2. Treat others professionally
Respect others so that others can do the same to you. Remember, other people's time is no less valuable than yours. Show that you understand that!
Stick to the rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. If you don't like waiting for other people to be unclear or feel annoyed that you don't hear someone say “thank you” after receiving your help, don't do the same! If you find it difficult to respect such a person, it is likely that others will have a hard time respecting you if you receive the same treatment
Step 3. Make sure everyone receives the required information
Remember, good communication skills must be owned by a competent person. Therefore, try to put yourself in the shoes of others. Surely you don't want to be ignored in ignorance, do you? In other words, provide all the information you would want to know if you were in their shoes.
For example, if you're looking for information for someone and promise to deliver the results by Tuesday afternoon, contact that person before the deadline. Even if you don't have an answer at that point, keep in touch to show that you haven't forgotten the assignment and are still trying to find the answer
Step 4. Communicate clearly
Remember, good communication will not leave too much room for misunderstanding. When explaining something, at least try to communicate it in a simple, clear, and not confusing way. Make sure all information has been understood by the other person before the communication process ends.
- A detailed communication process is required to avoid conflicts and/or misunderstandings. In other words, both the communicant and the communicator must have the same perspective! Even though there will be problems later, at least clear communication can reduce the potential for conflict to increase because there are parties who claim to "know nothing" about the current situation.
- In business, recording every trace of communication in written form is very important, especially since various details generally need to be referred to at a later date.
Step 5. Anticipate needs and demands
Don't wait for orders to do or get things done! If you are able to anticipate future needs and/or demands before their urgency increases, your capabilities in the eyes of others will increase rapidly.
- However, of course there are times when you have to wait for instructions before acting. For example, if you have a new job, it will likely take some time and a process to get used to before acting or making decisions on your own.
- The most important thing you should avoid is making other people ask for the same thing over and over again. No matter how good the outcome, the person already feels frustrated at having to remind you so many times.
Step 6. Get involved with other people
Who says people who always look busy and have a hard time focusing look competent? Therefore, try to always focus on the person you are talking to, whoever it is, and make sure that your attention is not diverted to other things.
- In particular, don't be too busy checking text messages, phone calls, and emails when you're talking to someone else. Although technology greatly facilitates the process of long-distance communication and certainly has a positive impact, try not to be too dependent on it.
- When dealing with other people, give a complete response, both mentally and emotionally. That's why you need to learn to focus your mind on the other person and listen to them sincerely.
Step 7. Establish good cooperation with others
Remember, people who are reluctant to work with you will likely not want to work for you either. Therefore, learn to accept other people's ideas and opinions, and be willing to accept new knowledge from them. When conflicts arise, try to deal with them fairly and wisely instead of just getting angry without any basis.
Instead of focusing solely on the mistakes they made, try to help them work through them. In line with this concept, if someone points out your mistakes, accept the criticism and work on improving yourself afterwards
Step 8. Build relationships effectively
Even though you have to have a good reputation in the eyes of everyone, you actually need to focus more on building good relationships with people who are also competent.
This means that you must actively look for people who have power and competence. Remember, establishing relationships with the right people will make it easier for you to step on the right track
Step 9. Get angry at the right time
You will agree that there is no point in running away from problems because conflict is an unavoidable obstacle in every relationship. Therefore, try to deal with things calmly and rationally, but don't be afraid to express anger if absolutely necessary. To be a competent person, venting true anger is much better than harboring disappointment or sadness.
There will always be a time to understand and forgive. This means that people around you won't notice their mistake if you continue to be sorry and apologetic. Remember, expressing anger is different from not being forgiving. In other words, of course you still have to forgive the other person at the right time. But first, show that you are not someone to be intimidated by
Step 10. Don't be afraid to have enemies
Although you actually have to establish good relationships with everyone, understand that at the same time, you can't please everyone. So don't be afraid to go against the grain if you feel right, even if it means you have to be hated. Trust me, trying to live up to the expectations of others will only weaken your competence and independence.
