Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling like you had no reason to get ready and face the day? Emptiness is felt by everyone, and that feeling is not easy to avoid. Constant or frequent emptiness is a symptom of another condition, such as depression, and you should seek help from a licensed mental health professional if you feel empty very often. There are several things you can do to fight emptiness, for example by journaling, trying new things, and making new friends. Read this article further if you want to learn how to stop feeling empty.
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Method 1 of 4: Filling Life with Love
Step 1. Spend time with people who love you, such as your family or a group of friends you trust
Spending time with people who truly understand and love you for who you are is a cure for emptiness. Focus on forming and strengthening relationships with these people. You can find meaning in simple things, such as spending time with loved ones and people who enjoy being with you. Spending time with friends and family can also reduce stress and deepen feelings in the relationship.
Reduce the time you spend with people who are harmful to you, even if they don't mean to. If you have to spend time with someone who hurts your self-esteem or makes you feel weak, make sure that you limit your time with that person
Step 2. Make new friends, or start a romance
The pleasure that comes from meeting someone who fits and allowing the relationship to grow in unexpected ways is a powerful remedy for emptiness. A new friend or someone you have a crush on can help you add new experiences, and also show that you are an interesting and fun person. Suddenly, you'll feel that the world has so much to explore, unlike what you previously thought. Making new friends can also make you feel more purposeful in life, and also realize that you are a part of someone else's life.
- Sometimes, making new friends and meeting people is a difficult thing to do, especially for people who are no longer in school. Joining a club, taking a class, or spending time at your favorite places are all great ways to meet new people.
- Try to be more generous with your time, and say "yes" when you're invited to do something. If you feel you don't have enough time for a new relationship, the relationship will not grow.
Step 3. Try to keep animals as your friends
Research shows that owning a pet can make life feel fuller and more meaningful. People who keep animals are less depressed and may also have a positive impact. By raising animals that depend on you, life may also feel more meaningful. Consider adopting a cat or dog from a nearby shelter to reduce your void.
Step 4. Show good behavior to others
Doing good in any form can make you feel like you have more meaning in your life by focusing your attention on other people. Find small ways to show kindness to others. Good deeds done will make others feel comfortable, and you will feel satisfied.
For example, you can give compliments to strangers, such as "I love your clothes! Your clothes are so pretty." Find ways to show kindness in any situation. Even something as simple as smiling or nodding to others as you go about your day can make you feel happy and satisfied
Method 2 of 4: Understanding Why You Feel Empty
Step 1. Talk to a trusted friend about how you feel
Holding on to feelings for a long period of time is a bad thing. Sometimes, simply by talking about the things you are feeling, you can eliminate or reduce the discomfort. Talk to someone who cares and understands you, or at least, someone who believes in you; it can make a big difference.
Step 2. Start by keeping a journal to monitor your thoughts and feelings
Keeping a journal can help you understand feelings or emptiness better, and it's also great for stress relief. To start taking notes, choose a comfortable place, and make a plan to write for about 20 minutes each day. You can start by writing down your feelings or thoughts, or you can use some questions about the causes of your feelings. Some questions that can be used, for example:
- Since when did you become aware of the emptiness you feel? How long have you felt that emptiness? How deep is your sense of emptiness?
- What emotions do you feel when you feel empty?
- Do you tend to feel empty at certain times or in certain places? What do you notice about the environment when you feel empty?
- What kind of thoughts do you get when you feel empty?
Step 3. Find the symptoms of depression
Depression affects everyone differently, but uncomfortable feelings and moods, produced by feelings of emptiness or meaninglessness, are the most common symptoms. Depression may come on gradually, for example for a moment you feel fine, then feel very bad for weeks, or even months, or it may start to become a normal part of your feeling. Depression is also very common; approximately 6.7% of adults in the United States suffer from a high-grade depressive disorder. Women are 70% more likely to experience depression than men. If you're feeling depressed, you're not alone. Get treatment from a doctor or mental health professional if you experience any of the following symptoms:
- Constant feelings of sadness, anxiety, or "empty"
- Feeling hopeless and pessimistic
- Feeling guilty, worthless, or powerless
- Unusual feelings of irritability or restlessness
- Changes in mood or behavior
- Loss of interest in things you used to like
- Feel tired
- Changes in sleeping habits
- Changes in weight
- Thoughts of harming yourself or others
- Pain that does not improve with treatment
Step 4. Think about whether you are missing something or someone
Loss is also a common cause of feeling empty. Although the feelings of deep sorrow resulting from the death of a loved one are the most common, they can also be caused by a variety of similar events, such as the death of a pet, loss of a job, dealing with a time when children move from home, becoming aware of deteriorating health, or other significant changes in life. Feelings of loss and grief can cause a variety of other emotions, including sadness and emptiness, and they can also affect other parts of your life, such as your appetite, concentration, and habits. If you are dealing with a loss or change that may be the cause of your grief or emptiness, consider sharing your feelings with someone you trust, such as a friend or lover. You may also be able to improve your feelings by seeing a counselor who is trained in dealing with the effects of loss.
Although people generally believe that suffering consists of "five stages", this is actually a misconception. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's "five stages" -- rejection, anger, offer, depression, and acceptance -- are about her death in 1969. However, Kübler-Ross uses these stages to describe how a person feels about his or her own death.; it is not a scientific standard for all grief. You may experience all, some, or none of these stages, and that's not a problem -- your grief is unique, and everyone grieves in a different way
Step 5. Find out if cravings for certain things also play a role in your emptiness
Using certain substances is also a common cause of emptiness. Substances such as alcohol, illegal drugs, and prescription drugs used in the wrong way can also cause physical dependence. It can have a serious effect on your mood, thoughts, and behavior. Often, people use these substances because they feel that there is a "hole" in their life, and they can fill it. If you find yourself having problems with substance use, you're not alone: in 2012, approximately 7.2% of the United States population was diagnosed with an alcohol use disorder (AUD). Many others suffer from substance abuse, and some of these include marijuana, stimulants such as cocaine or methamphetamine, hallucinogens such as LSD, and opioids such as heroin. If you're worried about a possible problem with yourself, ask yourself a few questions. In recent years, have you:
- were in a situation where you used a substance in excess of the required dose?
- tried to stop using a substance and failed to do so?
- spend a lot of time using and trying to get a substance?
- feel like using a substance?
- have to use a substance in higher doses to get the results you feel the first time you use it?
- Feeling symptoms caused by stopping taking a substance, such as trouble sleeping, body shaking, skin that is wet and sticky, irritability, depression, anxiety, nausea, or sweating?
- feel that the substance consumed interferes with daily life or the process of fulfilling responsibilities?
- continue to use certain substances even though they cause problems for family or friends?
- stop participating in the things you used to love, so you can take a substance?
- use a substance in a hazardous situation, for example while driving or operating machinery?
- Addiction is a hereditary component. For example, siblings of people with alcohol abuse problems are more likely to have the same addiction problems, whether they know each other or not.
- If you're having trouble dealing with addiction to drugs and/or alcohol, you should talk to a therapist. Your addiction may need to be treated in order to stop feeling empty.
Step 6. Watch your behavior to see if you have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
People with BPD generally say that they feel empty. People with personality disorders usually experience unstable and persistent patterns of feelings and behavior that can lead to misery or social breakdown. People with BPD have difficulty regulating their thoughts and feelings. Such people tend to act rashly and also cannot control impulses well. Such people's relationships with other people tend to be unstable. Approximately 1.6% of adults in the United States are diagnosed with BPD each year. BPD can be handled effectively with the help of professionals. If you experience one or more of the following signs of BPD, you should consult a mental health professional:
- You try hard not to be left out, either in real life or through imagination. You tend to believe that you will be abandoned or separated from loved ones. You will react negatively, such as being very angry or scared, even if the breakup is only temporary (eg your partner goes to work). You are afraid of being left alone.
- You see your partner as perfect, then view them as bad. People who suffer from BPD usually start a relationship by seeing their partner as a perfect or ideal figure. After a while, you'll start to think that he doesn't care enough about you or put in enough effort in the relationship. Usually, relationships tend to be unstable.
- You are unable to identify yourself in a stable way. People with BPD usually have difficulty feeling things in a stable manner, recognizing self-identity, and understanding self-image.
- You are very rash or impulsive. This is especially important if you are endangering yourself. You may do things recklessly, such as drunk driving, gambling, abusing certain substances, or engaging in risky sexual activities.
- You often think about hurting yourself and threaten to kill yourself. You may injure yourself by cutting, scratching, or burning parts of yourself. Or it could be that you threaten to hurt yourself to get someone else's attention.
- You often experience extreme mood swings. In such cases, the mood will change frequently, and it is usually intense, such as a change from joy to despair.
- You may feel a chronic sense of emptiness. You may often feel empty and bored, or feel as though you need to do something.
- You may have difficulty controlling your anger. There are many things that can trigger your anger, and you respond with anger that involves bitterness, sarcasm, or verbal outbursts. You tend to get angry if you feel that someone doesn't care about you.
- Sometimes you feel paranoid about other people, or feel that the environment around you is not "real."
Step 7. Try meditating to explore your empty feelings
Meditation can help you approach feelings of emptiness and begin to understand them better. Research shows that 30 minutes of meditation every day can help change behavior and brain function. To start meditation, sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. Use some of the questions below to help you develop an understanding of the emptiness you feel through meditation.
- Be aware of what you are feeling. Do you feel emptiness or lack, such as a lack of self-worth, clarity, understanding, or a lack of peace or love? Accept the emptiness you have now.
- Be aware of the way you feel emptiness. Where in your body do you feel emptiness? How much space is used by the void?
- Think about the void. Does emptiness carry memories from the past? What emotions are brought up when you feel emptiness?
Step 8. Seek help from a licensed mental health professional
Talking to a therapist about how you're feeling can help you understand and deal with these empty feelings. Feelings of emptiness can indicate that you are depressed or experiencing other problems within yourself. Especially if you show signs of depression, substance abuse, or BPD, you should seek the help of a mental health professional.
- Treatment of depression is usually two-pronged, namely using psychotherapy, and if needed, supplemented with prescribed drugs, such as SSRIs (Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro) or SNRIs (Effexor, Cymbalta). Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and interpersonal therapy (IPT) are effective in treating depression. CBT teaches how to recognize and reduce negative thought patterns that are not beneficial, as well as how to learn productive and beneficial ways of thinking. IPT focuses on helping you to repair relationships that may be the source of your problems.
- There are different types of psychotherapy that can help with grief, although complex grief treatment (CGT) will have the maximum effect for people who have been grieving for a long time.
- Treatment for alcohol and other substance abuse often focuses on individual and group counseling, but may also involve medication if needed. CBT is commonly used to treat alcohol abuse.
- The treatment for BPD is psychotherapy using Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). DBT focuses on learning how to recognize and regulate one's emotions, tolerate stress, maintain mindfulness, and interact with others in healthy and productive ways. You will learn how to deal with your emotions, as well as the social skills of interacting with other people.
Method 3 of 4: Finding Meaning in Daily Life
Step 1. Practice mindfulness
In terms of mindfulness, you must engage awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judging yourself. Research shows some significant benefits that mindfulness brings, and some of them are reductions in stress and anxiety problems. By practicing mindfulness, you can also improve your brain's response to stressors, and also make you feel more connected to others. Learning how to be more aware of your thoughts and feelings, as well as learning how to accept them without judging your thoughts or yourself, can make you feel more at peace, empathetic, and fulfilled. You can practice self-awareness at home, through meditation, or by taking special classes. Here are some exercises you can do to get started:
- Look, recognize and touch 5 different objects, then pay attention to the color, texture, temperature, and weight of each.
- See, taste, and smell food at dinner or meet a fragrant flower, then pay attention to the color, texture, taste, or smell of the object.
- Close your eyes and listen to different sounds. Pay attention to the tempo, intensity, and volume of the sound.
- Meditation that involves mindfulness has been shown to be very helpful. The Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA provides several meditation guides in MP3 format.
Step 2. Do something new
If you feel empty every day, it may be because you are stuck in a certain routine. What routines and patterns bore you? Find ways to incorporate new energy into your life. Changing your routine or finding 30 minutes each day to try something new can help fill in the gaps.
- For example, if waking up and going to school or work every day is something that makes you feel bad, find ways to change the situation to make it more pleasant. Start a new extracurricular activity to get yourself interested in going to school, or try volunteering to help with a new project at work.
- Try to do something a little outside your comfort zone. Developing yourself in a new area will give you something interesting to think about, and it can also help you build confidence.
- Even small changes can make a big difference. You can do this by trying dishes that are new to you, commuting to work by bicycle instead of a motorized vehicle, or starting to do yoga in the morning before going to school.
- Changing the personal environment can also help. Replace the drab curtains on your bed with brighter curtains, change the wall paint color, tidy up a messy room, and try to add some interesting art.
Step 3. Pursue goals and interests that are important to you
To feel that life has meaning, you must work towards the goals and interests that are important to you. Don't let other people control your goals or interests. If you're not pursuing goals and interests that are important to you, you may have to adjust your efforts so you can be sure that you're on the right track to feeling good.
- If you're still in school, determine if you're really learning what you want, or if what you're learning is what your parents wanted.
- Other external pressures can also have a negative effect on the decisions made. Determine if what you're doing is really what you want, or whether you're doing something that impresses other people.
- If you believe that there are pressures or people that keep you from setting your own life path, you must take steps to change the situation. As you gain more control over things, you may find that the emptiness is lessening.
Step 4. Find meaning in your everyday life
When life is boring, taking the time to find beauty and meaning in the things encountered in everyday life can help. What makes you feel alive and happy? When you find something that makes you feel better, you have to make it a consistent part of your life. Here are some examples of ways to make life more meaningful:
- Try to be grateful. Taking a little time each day to think about the things you are grateful for and why can make life more meaningful. You can say or write gratitude to confirm it. For example, you could say or write "I'm so grateful that the sun rose today; it looks beautiful!" or "I'm so grateful for a family who cares so much about me; they make me feel very special."
- Don't stay away from your favorite foods. If you like chocolate, eat it in moderation! You don't have to overdo it, but allow yourself to enjoy it a little each day.
- Get out and get some fresh air. Research shows that spending time outside makes people feel more alive and energized. Spend a little time outside each day, whether it's raining or sunny. Focus on breathing fresh air, and try to pay more attention to the natural world.
- Take time to enrich and comfort your world. Turn things that seem trivial into positive rituals. Sit down and read the newspaper while you drink coffee or tea in the morning, instead of rushing out of the house. Try to soak in hot water for a fairly long duration on the weekends, instead of taking a shower as usual.
- Make the home environment comfortable. Fold washed clothes neatly before storing them. Clean the utensils used at dinner before going to bed. Make the bed in the morning. Let the air flow in the house by opening the windows and letting the sunlight in and the wind blowing in. Do not neglect the task of cleaning the room. Maybe you feel like you don't have the time to do it, or maybe you feel like it's not important, but if your home feels fresh and clean, your daily life will be easier.
Step 5. Take good care of yourself
Exercising, eating healthy foods, resting, and getting relaxation are important components of a meaningful life. By taking good care of yourself, you are signaling to your mind that you need more attention and that your life has value. Make sure that you spend enough time meeting some basic needs in terms of exercise, eating, sleeping, and relaxation.
- Try to exercise for 30 minutes every day.
- Follow a balanced diet, consisting of whole foods such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean protein.
- Get 8 hours of sleep every night.
- Set aside 15 minutes each day to practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.
Method 4 of 4: Recognizing Your Values
Step 1. Know your values
Reminding yourself of what is valuable to you as well as what you are worth can help you feel content and not empty. Self-worth, or core beliefs about life, are usually based on experiences in life, and not everyone may take the time to think about them consciously. To discover your worth, you must take time to reflect. Recognize your self-worth by writing down answers to the following questions:
- Write down the two people you admire the most. What qualities do you admire in them, and why?
- If your house caught fire, and you could only save 3 things, what would you choose, and why?
- What topics or events excite you? What are some of those topics that are important to you? What is the reason?
- Identify times when you felt fulfilled and lived a meaningful life. What makes a time in your life feel satisfying? Why?
Step 2. Identify the qualities that match your self-worth
After finishing answering all the questions above, try to find out about the qualities of yourself that match your self-worth. In other words, reread your answer, and determine the quality that best fits your self-worth.
For example, if you choose to bring your favorite books, family heirlooms, and gifts from your best friend to the fire, you could say that the values that are important to you are intelligence, loyalty, and friendship. Because of this, it may show your qualities, which are smart, loyal, and a good friend
Step 3. Think about activities that can support your self-worth
After you determine your values and qualities, you can begin to determine activities that can make you feel not empty. Make a list of activities to do, and choose at least one to include in your life.
- For example, if a "community" is of value to you, you could offer to volunteer to help monitor your neighborhood, teach a school, or work in a soup kitchen. If you think of "belief" as a self-worth, you can do things to involve belief in more things in your life, such as taking certain mission trips or visiting churches, temples, mosques, or other places of worship more regularly.
- By living your life in parallel with your values (which means the choices you make and your life aligns with your values), you will feel more meaningful and happier.
Tips
- Fill your life with love and laughter. Gather family members around you, if your family environment is good and familiar. If not, avoid the abnormal place and find a supportive and positive friend.
- Try to get involved in something. Lack of passion, interest, and time-consuming things is what causes depression, and can lead to a never-ending cycle of self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, and melancholy.
- Try a new hobby. Try something completely new. And try something that doesn't even sound too cool or comfortable to you. Try to do it regularly.
