3 Ways to Open Up About Your Self-injurious Tendency

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3 Ways to Open Up About Your Self-injurious Tendency
3 Ways to Open Up About Your Self-injurious Tendency

Video: 3 Ways to Open Up About Your Self-injurious Tendency

Video: 3 Ways to Open Up About Your Self-injurious Tendency
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Telling someone about your self-injurious behavior can be intimidating, but it's also an act of courage that you can be proud of. You may not get the reaction you want right away, but talking about your tendency to self-harm is still an important step in recovery. It will be easier to share feelings and problems if you think about them beforehand.

Step

Method 1 of 2: Choosing the Right People

Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 1
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 1

Step 1. Think back to those who have always been by your side during difficult times

Consider telling people who have been helping and supporting you.

  • A friend who may have been by your side before, may not be near you right now. Sometimes, a friend will be surprised and not respond in the way you expected.
  • Be aware that even if he or she has been by your side in the past, your friend may not respond immediately as you would expect because he or she is still surprised.
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 2
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 2

Step 2. Choose someone you trust

This is the most important factor. You need to feel very comfortable with this person and know that he or she will always be by your side, and that he or she is talkable and trustworthy.

However, stay alert. Just because your friend kept your secret in the past doesn't mean he will keep it now. People are often afraid to hear of friends putting themselves in danger and telling other people about this problem because they want to help you

Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 3
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 3

Step 3. Think about your goals when telling this person

If you just want to get things out of the way ("talk"), you may need to choose a trusted friend. If you think you need medical help, you can choose to tell a doctor first. Thinking about what you expect from this conversation can help you choose the people you want to talk to.

  • For teens, telling someone more mature and trustworthy before telling friends may be worth considering. Try telling your parents, school counselor, or teacher. This way, you will get the support you need before telling your friends.
  • If you have already started a certain therapeutic process, let your therapist know beforehand. He can work with you to find the best way to tell friends and family. However, if you are not currently in therapy, now is the time to seek help as the best way is to go through this process with an expert who is experienced in dealing with cases of self-harm.
  • You may be struggling with faith issues, so it's also a good idea to talk to a religious leader.
  • Before telling your doctor, think about the services that can help you so you can decide if you're ready for it. These services include reference group therapy, personal counseling, home nurse visits, or medical treatment for depression or anxiety.
  • If activities at school are affected, you can choose a school counselor or a teacher.
  • If you are a minor, and you notify a teacher or school staff, you need to know that it is the person's obligation to report any self-harm. You can ask him in advance about the regulations on the obligation to disclose your personal information.

Method 2 of 2: Choosing the Right Time, Place and Way

Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 4
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 4

Step 1. Practice in front of a mirror

Telling someone about self-harm is difficult and can frighten you. Practicing pronouncing parts of the conversation can help you get your message across better when telling other people. In addition, this exercise makes you confident and feel capable.

Practicing at home can also help you organize these parts of the conversation in mind, especially about what to say and your response to possible reactions. Think about your friend's possible reaction and think about how you might respond to that reaction

Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 5
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 5

Step 2. Tell him personally

One-on-one conversations are always more difficult but allow you to get things straight. After all, serious emotional issues deserve the one-on-one attention you need. The hugs and tears that ensued can heal your heart.

  • Telling someone one-on-one can strengthen you.
  • The immediate reaction may not be what you expected, so be prepared for angry, sad, and surprised reactions.
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 6
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 6

Step 3. Choose a place that is convenient for you

Telling someone privately is a serious matter and you deserve a comfortable and private place to talk about it.

Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 7
Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 7

Step 4. Write a letter or email (email). This method will allow the person you're telling to read shocking news without the need to respond right away, and sometimes that delay is just what he and you need. You can also say what needs to be said exactly and the way you want to say it, without any distractions. This method can also give the reader time to process the information.

Be sure to follow up on letters or emails by calling or having a one-on-one conversation because after reading your letter he may be worried. Waiting for you to contact him can make him anxious. End the letter with a plan to contact them within two days or ask the person to reply to your letter when he or she feels ready to talk

Step 5.

  • Call someone.

    Telling a friend or trusted person on the phone is real talk even if you don't see the reaction on the person's face.

    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 8
    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 8
    • You will not benefit from nonverbal communication by means of this telephone, so remember to avoid misunderstandings.
    • If you tell someone who lives far away from you, they will feel powerless to help you. Try giving him advice so he can help from afar.
    • Calling emergency help is a surefire way to start telling someone. This way, you gain the strength, courage and confidence to tell someone you know next.

  • Show your wounds to someone you trust. If you can't find the right words to start a conversation, just point out what you've been doing to overcome this struggle, to smoothen the conversation.

    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 9
    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 9

    Try to help him focus directly on the meaning behind this behavior, rather than focusing on the wound

  • Write, draw, or paint all of these. Expressing your feelings in a creative way not only helps you express yourself and find relief, but it also expresses how you feel to others.

    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 10
    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 10

  • Don't tell someone when you're angry. Said, "You're the one who caused me to hurt myself!" can take the focus off the help you need and get the person to stand up for themselves. The result is only debate, and the important direction of the conversation comes to a halt.

    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 11
    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 11

    While your emotions may be rooted in your relationship problems, it's always your choice whether or not to act self-harm. So blaming someone in anger won't help either of you

  • Be prepared to receive questions. The person you tell will naturally ask you a lot of questions. Be sure to choose a long or free time so you can have a long talk with him.

    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 12
    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 12
    • If he asks a question you're not ready to answer, just say it. Don't feel pressured to have to answer all the questions right away.
    • Questions that may arise, for example, are: why did you do it; do you also want to kill yourself; how can i help you; is there anything I can do to help you; and why don't you just stop that behavior.

  • Have a conversation without consuming alcohol. Drinking alcohol is tempting, because it seems to build the courage for you to speak your mind. However, alcohol increases emotional responses and imbalances that will make the situation difficult even before the conversation begins.

    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 13
    Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 13

    • Telling Someone

    1. Talk about why you are acting in self-harm. Self-harm isn't the problem, it's the emotion behind the behavior that needs to be addressed. Getting to the root cause of the behavior will help you and your friend move forward.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 14
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 14

      Be as open as possible about how you feel and why you hurt yourself. Increasing understanding will give you the support you need

    2. Don't share photos or images that are too detailed. You want him to understand the situation you're in, not afraid or unwilling to listen because it's hard to accept.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 15
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 15

      You will need to tell a doctor or therapist about your self-harm in more detail. These experts need detailed information in order to better help you deal with it

    3. Tell him why you want to tell him this. Some people admit that self-harm is done because they feel lonely and isolated. They don't want to go through that feeling alone again. Some people fear that their self-harm will get worse and feel that they need help. Telling your friend why you're talking about it now will help her understand how you feel.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 16
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 16
      • Maybe the reason is that the holidays are just around the corner or you want to get close to someone, but you're afraid that other people will find your wounds in those times together.
      • It's also possible that someone already knows about it and is threatening to tell your parents, so you want to tell your parents first.
      • Perhaps you didn't tell him beforehand because you were afraid of being ridiculed or that the only way to deal with this emotional struggle you had was to stop.

    4. Show that you accept yourself. This will make it easier for your friend to accept the situation, if he sees that you are aware of the self-harm in your life, why you did it, and why you told him.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 17
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 17

      Don't apologize. You're not telling him to disappoint him, and you're not doing yourself a disservice to let him down either

    5. Be prepared for shock, anger, and sadness reactions. When you talk to someone about self-harm, their immediate reaction may be anger, surprise, fear, shame, guilt, or sadness. Remember, all of these reactions come because he cares about you.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 18
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 18
      • The first reaction is not always an indication of what kind of support the person will provide. Your friend's initial reaction may not be good but it's not because of you. This is simply her ability to cope with situations and emotions.
      • Understand that this person you trust will need time to digest this information.

    6. Understand that you will be asked to stop. Your friend will ask you to stop putting yourself in danger, which is his way of protecting and caring for you. He may feel like he's doing the right thing by asking you to stop hurting yourself.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 19
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 19
      • He may threaten not to want to be friends with you anymore, or say he doesn't want to talk to you anymore, until you stop. Your friend may also end the friendship or make fun of you.
      • Let him know that all his threats are not doing you any good and are actually depressing you. Ask him to show support by being by your side to get through this process.
      • Explain to a friend or family member that this is not an overnight process, but rather that you need time to experience healing and work through it. Therefore, you need his support in going through this process. Remind him that just as he is trying to understand your current situation, you are also trying to understand yourself.
      • If you are seeing a doctor or therapist, share this with your friends. This can reassure him that you are undergoing treatment.

    7. Be aware that misunderstandings can arise. Your friend may immediately assume that you're suicidal, endangering others, just looking for attention, or you can just quit if you feel like it.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 20
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 20
      • Your friends may also think that your self-harm or harm is part of the trend.
      • Be patient and understand your friend's confusion. Share information with him so he understands.
      • Explain that self-harm is not the same as suicide, but that it is a mechanism or way of dealing with the problem.
      • Tell him that you are not trying to get attention. In fact, most people choose to hide this struggle for a long time before finally deciding to talk about it.

    8. Keep leading the conversation. If your friend yells at or threatens you, politely say that yelling and threats won't help you. This is the problem you are experiencing, and you will deal with it as best you can. Leave the conversation if necessary.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 21
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 21

    9. Keep talking about yourself. Depending on who you're talking to, the other person may react differently. Your parents may think it's their fault, while your friend may feel guilty that she never noticed this in you.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 22
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 22
      • Know that it will be difficult for him to hear this information, but gently remind him that you just need to let your feelings out at this point.
      • Let him know that you are talking to him because you trust him, not blame him.

    10. Give him the information he needs to know. Prepare information from the internet or books to share with the friends you are talking to. He may be afraid he won't understand, so you need to provide a way to help him understand how he can help you.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 23
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 23

    11. Tell him how he can help you. If you want another coping strategy, ask him to do it. If you just want him to sit with you and be with you when you want to put yourself in danger, just say so. Tell him also if you want to be accompanied to the doctor.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 24
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 24

    12. Face your friend's feelings after the conversation is over. Be proud of your strength and courage in expressing this. Give yourself time to think about it.

      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 25
      Tell Someone You Self Harm Step 25
      • You may feel relieved and happier now that you have revealed your secret. This feeling of relief may prompt you to talk further about this self-harm, perhaps with a counselor or doctor. You don't always have to be in a good mood when you talk about it, but it's an important step towards healing.
      • You may be angry and disappointed if your friend doesn't react as expected. If your friend reacts casually, remember that this is a reflection of their emotional problems and their ability to deal with them. If your friend responds badly and it's having a negative impact on you, it can push you back and make your self-harm behavior worse. Instead, remember that your friend has just received some shocking news and she needs time to adjust. People usually tend to regret their first reaction to shocking news.
      • Now is the time to seek expert help, if you haven't already. Telling this to someone close to you is a good first step, but you have a lot of emotional issues to talk about and need to get through. It is best to disclose it to someone who is experienced and specially trained in this field.

      Warning

      • While self-harm is not an indication of suicidal behavior, if you are feeling suicidal or you are really serious about endangering yourself, immediately call the emergency telephone number in your location. In Indonesia, you can contact the special service that handles suicide prevention or self-harm at 021-500454, 021-7256526, 021-7257826, and 021-7221810.
      • Self-harm is more dangerous than you think, and can lead to more serious problems or even death.
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