The turning of the wheel of life is a cycle that you cannot escape. Sometimes life doesn't seem to be on your side and problems don't get bored. But remember, no matter how heavy the problem that befalls you, don't forget to stay grateful and love yourself. Loving yourself when you're in trouble isn't difficult if you understand the strategy: get rid of distracting thoughts and build love, care, and respect for yourself.
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Method 1 of 3: Building Self-Awareness
Step 1. Imagine if your friend had a similar problem
How did you react? What kind of words would you say to him? What would you do to reduce his worries? Don't stop there. In order not to forget, write the following picture of your reaction on a piece of paper. Some questions that can guide you in practicing self-awareness are:
- What would you say to your friends who are having a similar problem? How do you treat them?
- How do you tend to treat yourself? How is it different from how you treat them?
- How do they react when they are treated the way you would treat yourself?
- How would you feel if you treated yourself the way you would treat them?
Step 2. Create a 'self-care script'
When going through a difficult time, reread the sentences you wrote in the script; this will prevent you from lamenting yourself too much. Self-care scripts can help you better understand your feelings and treat yourself better when problems come your way.
- For example, try writing this sentence in your script: “The problem I'm having right now is very serious. But I know, no human being is free from problems and suffering. Whatever I'm feeling right now is only temporary and can definitely be handled."
- Change the sentences in the script whenever you want or read them out whenever you feel like criticizing yourself.
Step 3. Write a letter to yourself
Another way to build self-awareness is to write a letter to yourself. Make it look as if the letter was written by a friend who truly loves you. You can imagine a person who really exists in your daily life or make it up.
Begin your letter with something like, “For (your name), I have heard about (your problem) and am sorry to hear about it. You should know that I care about you…” Continue your letter in whatever sentence you want. Remember, always write positive sentences throughout the letter
Step 4. Provide physical comfort for yourself; this will help your body and mind to stay relaxed when problems come your way
This is why the people closest to you often hug, hug, or pat you on the shoulder when you are having problems. So what if they are not there when they are needed? Don't worry, you can still provide that comfort for yourself; Hug yourself, tap your shoulder, or stroke your chest until your body and mind relax.
Try placing your palms on your chest or hugging yourself
Step 5. Learn to meditate
Once you get used to it, self-criticism is a natural reaction that comes automatically and is hard to get rid of. Meditation is the process of exploring the mind; By meditating, instead of criticizing yourself and letting problems take control, you will learn to understand and work through them.
- It takes time and a long process of practice to be able to meditate properly and correctly. It's best to take a meditation class or learn from a professional who is willing to help you.
- If you don't have time to take special classes outside the home, try accessing the following links to meditation guides:
Method 2 of 3: Letting Go of Self-Hate
Step 1. Understand, opinions are often not directly proportional to the facts
Whatever you feel could be just an opinion, not a fact. Therefore, do not immediately believe anything you tell yourself.
To change negative thought patterns, try the “3M” cognitive behavioral therapy technique, which is being aware, checking, and changing. Realize when you start to think negatively about yourself, check to see if what you think is true, and change that thought pattern to a more positive one
Step 2. Avoid people who are a negative influence
Associating with people who judge, harass, or mock you will only make it harder for you to love yourself. If there are people like this in your life, it's best to start pulling away from them.
- Withdrawing completely from others is not an easy job for most people. Therefore, there is no need to rush into it. For example, if the person is your best friend, start by reducing the frequency of communication. Gradually, continue to reduce the intensity of the meet. Once the distance starts to build, if necessary you can remove them from the virtual world.
- Breaking up with someone who is a bad influence is not always easy. But if you manage to do it, believe me, your life will feel much better after that.
Step 3. Avoid negative situations and environments
Negative situations and environments can encourage you to behave badly, think negatively, and even hate yourself. Avoid negative stimuli and focus on improving yourself.
Step 4. Don't bemoan the things you can't change
For example, you can't control the weather, so why get angry about it? There are many things you cannot control in your life (past decisions, for example). Focus ONLY on the things you can control and stop bemoaning the things you can't control.
Step 5. Stop thinking you're not good enough, not smart enough, and so on
Humans never feel enough, that's human. But you need to understand that perfection is something that is impossible for anyone to achieve. To be imperfect is human; love yourself for who you are and appreciate all your accomplishments.
Method 3 of 3: Building Love for Yourself
Step 1. Focus on the things you can change
If you don't like the way you look or the way you dress, think about what you can do to change it. Ask yourself these questions:
- Can I reach my ideal weight?
- Can I dye my hair?
- Can I wear contact lenses/change my eye color?
- Can I change the way I dress?
- Can I take certain classes to learn new things?
Step 2. Write down the things you like about yourself
This strategy will help you to focus more. Try to write down things that are physical and psychological, starting with small things that can motivate you, such as:
- I like the color of my eyes.
- I like the way I laugh.
- I enjoy my job.
- I like my work ethic.
Step 3. Be grateful
Writing down the things you are grateful for can also help you build a love for yourself and the things around you. You can write things like:
- I am grateful for the family who love me so much.
- I appreciate my dog.
- I am grateful for where I live.
- I'm grateful for today's weather.
Step 4. Talk to people you care about
If you're having trouble writing it down, try talking to people you care about and care about. Chances are they will provide a different perspective that can help you. Try asking things like:
- "What do you think is my strength?"
- “What are you grateful for in life?” (The answer might give you some ideas)
- “[Your brother's name] Do you think I'm good at [x]?”
Step 5. Practice self-affirmation every day
Scientifically, self-affirmations have been shown to be able to instill positive perceptions in people about themselves. In addition, self-affirmation has also been shown to improve mood and reduce stress. To practice self-affirmation, do these things regularly:
- Every morning, right after waking up, stand in front of the mirror.
- Look into your eyes and say a 'mantra' that can build positive thoughts such as, "Today, I'm going to say 'yes' to more things."
- Repeat the mantra three to five times to help solidify the idea in your mind.
- You can change your affirmations daily, or stay focused on the one thing you really want to change.
Step 6. Exercise
Exercising regularly can have a positive impact, both physically and psychologically. The 'exercise effect' is a scientific phenomenon when a person feels better after a workout.
Doing sports that you enjoy can also improve your mood. For example, try taking an afternoon walk around the city park near where you live. While walking, you can breathe fresh air, burn calories, contemplate, and enjoy the stunning evening view
Step 7. Improve your diet
Just like exercising, eating a healthy diet also has a positive impact on your psychological health.
Increase protein intake (such as fish, meat, and beans) and reduce carbohydrate intake (such as white bread, sugar, and sweets)
Step 8. Improve your sleep pattern
Getting enough sleep can improve your metabolism, and refresh your mind and body when you wake up. The recommended sleep time is different for each age range:
- School age: 9-11 hours every night.
- Teenagers: 8-10 hours every night.
- Early adulthood (young adult): 7-9 hours every night.
- Adult age: 7-9 hours every night.
- Elderly: 6-8 hours every night.
