4 Ways to Set Personal Limits

2024 Author: Jason Gerald | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-19 22:11

Personal boundaries are the space between you and other people. Think of it like a fence or gate. As the gatekeeper, you decide how close other people are allowed to approach, either physically or emotionally. With personal boundaries, you ask the other person to prove that he or she can be trusted before entering your life.

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Method 1 of 4: Understanding Healthy Personal Boundaries

Step 1. Understand the purpose of healthy personal boundaries

Healthy personal boundaries are meant to protect you so that you can live in such a way for your own good. Usually people set personal boundaries based on what they have learned from various relationships in their lives, maybe relationships with parents, siblings, friends, or partners.

Step 2. Compare healthy and unhealthy personal boundaries

Before setting personal boundaries, try to understand the following examples of unhealthy personal boundaries:

Dependence so always have to be with a partner.
Manipulating partners.
Unable to make friends with other people.
Relying on alcohol and drugs for the sake of comfort in the relationship.
I don't want the relationship to change at all.
Jealousy or lack of commitment.

Step 3. Recognize what emotional boundaries are

Within healthy emotional limits, you can voice your wants and desires. Emotional boundaries separate your feelings from those of others. These boundaries protect your self-image and include: beliefs, behaviors, choices, sense of responsibility, and the ability to get along with other people. Examples of healthy emotional boundaries:

Your own health and well-being is very important. Don't be forced to ignore your own needs.
You deserve respect.
Don't let yourself be manipulated or forced to do something against your will, even if you are cornered with guilt.
Don't let other people yell at you, make you feel worthless, or insult you.
Don't blame other people for things that are your responsibility, and conversely don't let people blame you for things that are not your responsibility.
Keep your feelings separate from those of others, even though you may empathize with someone you love.
Convey your will with confidence and at the same time try to cooperate whenever possible. In this way, mutual respect will be created.

Step 4. Set physical limits for the body

One aspect of physical boundaries is the distance between you and other people. People who are close friends or have family relationships can be closer to the physical boundaries when interacting.

If there are people who violate physical limits, it will definitely be felt. It felt awkward and unnatural.
If you're in a relationship, make sure you're comfortable when it comes to physically expressing yourself to your partner. Talk about what makes you feel safe and loved.
People from Northern Europe and North America tend to have fairly large personal boundaries.
Whereas people from the Middle East, South America, and Southern Europe are much closer to personal boundaries, so touch is very common.
There are eastern cultures that consider touching or patting the back taboo and offensive.

Step 5. Know the physical boundaries for your property as well

Physical boundaries are often equated with personal space. This private space also includes your property, such as a house, bedroom, belongings, car, and more. You have the right to set limits on others so that your privacy and property rights are respected.

Searching other people's belongings without permission is a violation of physical boundaries. Even if your reasons are really concerned about the person's safety or because you suspect a problem, a healthy and respectful way is to talk to the person first. Make sure the person understands that you are entering their personal boundaries, but not because of intentionally insulting behavior

Step 6. Set emotional boundaries to strengthen the existence of identity

If you can learn to be a gatekeeper of your own emotional limits, you can gain a better understanding of yourself. For example:

You will have an understanding of self-image that is independent of others.
You will realize that you have the ability to choose the course of your feelings and be able to deal with them.
You can keep an eye on how much personal stuff you share so you can respect yourself more.
You will be able to say "no" when you need to be firm and follow your conscience.

Method 2 of 4: Setting Healthy Boundaries

Step 1. Set limits

First you need to realize the importance of setting (or clarifying) personal boundaries. Personal boundaries are a form of love and respect for oneself and others and are not rooted in fear or rejection. This limit can free you from the bad habit of wanting to please others just to feel loved and accepted.

For example, a roommate always borrows a car but never fills up gas or changes gas money. Of course you can't keep paying the gas money

Step 2. Clarify personal boundaries

Think about what you want to achieve with this constraint. It's a good idea to think about this for each type of boundary (physical and emotional) and for different contexts (at home, at work, when with friends, and so on).

For example, maybe you can decide to prevent others from using you, wasting your time, or infringing on your personal space.
For example, you want to ask your roommate to join you in paying the gas money if he or she borrows your car.

Step 3. State the limit

Bring those boundaries to the people in your life so they understand your needs and expectations.

For example, calmly and politely tell your roommate that you would like him or her to share the gas money with you. Otherwise, it's best if he doesn't borrow your car again.
For example, if you have a friend who is used to coming without telling you beforehand and this bothers you, tell him that before coming he should call first. Setting boundaries also means that when there's an incident (for example, someone borrows your stuff without asking), you need to confront the person and tell them that what they're doing is unacceptable. Say it calmly and politely. Tell your roommate that he or she should ask permission before borrowing your car.

Step 4. Keep those boundaries

This part is quite difficult for many people. You're not only directing others to respect your boundaries, you're also training yourself to have them.

For example, if your roommate forgets to change gas money, remind him gently but firmly.
You may also forget or neglect, but remember: this is a process. Reinforce your resolve and keep those personal boundaries.
People may initially be reluctant to comply with your personal boundaries, but if that person truly respects you, he or she will be willing to adapt.
Remember, you are not trying to change other people or control them. Your focus is on how you are treated. Communicate this through words and behavior. For example, the friend still came without notification. To keep those boundaries you might say, "Sorry to bother coming, but I'm currently working on something and can't host guests. I hope you'll call before you come." This polite strategy can strengthen personal boundaries so that your personal time and space are respected.

Step 5. Be candid

Being clear, concise, clear, and concise is a decent way to convey your personal boundaries. And conversely, the way that is convoluted, full of complaints, and at length will actually mess up your message. Here's an example of a clear delivery:

You: “Nick, we've been playing games for hours. I'm tired and want to sleep now."
Nick: “Oh! It's Friday night. Let's go see a movie or order a pizza."
You: “Sorry, Nick. You just go home. I'm going to bed now."

Step 6. Take care of yourself

One of the biggest obstacles to setting personal boundaries is worrying that we will come off as rude or selfish. Put yourself first by recognizing and respecting your feelings. This doesn't mean you don't care about other people's feelings. The reason you take care of yourself is so that you can take care of others too.

Allow yourself to acknowledge and respect your personal boundaries as necessary so that you can be more useful.
When you set personal boundaries, other people can choose to respect them or not. If others prefer to overstep your personal boundaries, you can defend them by asserting yourself.

Step 7. Keep negative people out of your life

You have the right to keep negative people out of your life, namely people who want to manipulate and hurt you. Setting personal boundaries takes time, but you can do it if you have people who support and respect you and your choices.

Don't let anxiety or feelings of inferiority make you neglect yourself.
You are not responsible for other people's reactions when maintaining healthy personal boundaries.

Step 8. Start easy

Starting from a limit that is easy to set as you get used to it. Choose something that is most understandable to others.

For example, you have a friend who has a bad habit of standing too close or glancing at you when you read an email. This is a perfect example to practice setting personal space.
As you set clear and healthy personal boundaries, they will become easier to maintain in the future. At the same time, you will feel more confident and the quality of your personal relationships will improve.

Step 9. Be patient in building relationships

Setting personal boundaries is a good step in fostering healthy relationships. Deep friendships take time and cannot be forced by breaking personal boundaries or sharing your life more than reasonable.

You'll still feel connected to others even if you set personal boundaries. At the same time, you can also respect yourself, your personal time, and your own needs without being overly influenced by others.
You should be free to associate with other people too. In a healthy relationship, you don't need to ask permission to do anything. If your boyfriend is jealous because you're hanging out with other people, try talking about it so you can set limits on your activities.

Method 3 of 4: Setting Personal Boundaries in the Work Environment

Step 1. Convey personal boundaries to colleagues

Often people are too permissive if there are no personal boundaries or if they don't keep them. Make sure all colleagues understand your personal boundaries by communicating them clearly.

For example, sometimes there are colleagues who assume you can reply to emails (emails) at any time. If you only want to reply to work-related emails during work time, this is necessary. If a colleague says, "I'll email the draft tonight," you can reply, "I'll see your draft at work tomorrow morning."

Step 2. Ask for help if necessary

If your workload is too much, ask your boss to assign someone to help. You can also suggest ways to rearrange your workload so that you can meet urgent obligations and prioritize other tasks.

Step 3. Set appropriate personal boundaries between individuals

It is very important to set certain boundaries so that the work environment remains professional and productive. Companies may have policies that set personal boundaries, especially regarding mutual respect between colleagues, use of technology, and more.

If you are in a management position, you can develop this policy so that there are appropriate personal boundaries

Step 4. Create structure in work routines

Set limits on activity time by structuring a daily schedule. Prepare an agenda for each meeting so that the discussions at the meeting will be productive for everyone. If you're spending too much time answering emails, try limiting yourself to viewing your emails to 15 minutes and a few times each day.

Step 5. Strategize how you will respond to boundary violations

Surely one day there will be people who violate the boundaries you set. Think about your response. It's okay to make exceptions every now and then, but remember that inconsistent boundaries will be underappreciated.

Method 4 of 4: Stopping a Manipulative or Hurting Relationship

Step 1. Recognize manipulative and hurtful behavior

There are relationships that need more than just boundaries, that is, they are manipulative and hurtful. Here are some examples of such behavior:

Physical violence: This includes hitting, slapping, and other physical violence.
Threats of violence: According to the Northwestern University Women's Center, "a good relationship does not contain threats."
Vandalism of Property: This behavior is intended to intimidate people and may be a prelude to physical violence.
Use violence in an argument: Someone may try to physically restrain you or get in the way to prevent you from retreating to safety.
Jealousy: People who are jealous can always ask and monitor all the activities of their partner.
Controlling behavior: Some people can interfere so much with your movements that they control all aspects of your appearance and activities. This controlling behavior is also clearly seen when the person interrogates his partner about where he goes, what he does, with whom, and why he is late.
Urge commitment: The potentially abusive person may also urge you to commit to a relationship quickly, even though there hasn't been enough time to develop feelings and the desire to commit.
Isolation: This includes any attempt to limit your contact with friends and family.
Being rude to pets or children: An abusive person can use this method to force you to do what he or she wants regardless of the feelings or pain for your pet or child.

Step 2. End such a relationship

If you notice manipulative or hurtful behavior in your relationship, it probably means you're past the point where it's okay to talk about it. Even if you set good boundaries, a person's abusive behavior is unlikely to be cured with just one conversation. If you can safely end the relationship, do so immediately.

Step 3. Set up a support system

If you feel threatened to end the relationship, set up a support system that includes people who can keep you safe. Maybe you can involve trusted friends or family.

Create a password or code that people in your support system can understand if you need immediate help. This may be difficult to do if the abusive partner controls your life tightly and never lets you off the hook.
Use the telephone or the internet to contact the outside world. Make sure your password is secure so that the confidentiality of communications is guaranteed.
Provide a list or memorize telephone numbers of places or people to call for help.
Find out which Hospital is closest to the emergency room or the nearest place that can help in case you are physically injured.

Step 4. Make an escape plan and get ready for immediate action

Think of a route to safety. You should be prepared to leave most items such as clothes and possessions behind. Bring only what is needed.

Step 5. Secure phone and computer settings

Make sure your phone and computer are secure so the molester can't track your location.

Step 6. Find out where the nearest safe place is

Try to find out if in your city there is an institution that can protect victims of domestic violence or the like or at least where is the location of the police station so you can ask for protection. Even better if the place can maintain the confidentiality of identity.